She was surprised to see the reverend sitting on an overturned crate; his eyes closed in contemplation. Louisa thought of turning back, but he called out to her and waved a hand in invitation. Normally, she would have been annoyed, but today she actually welcomed the reverend’s company. He was the only passenger left, save for herself and Agnes, and Louisa hoped that in his capacity as a cleric, he might help her deal with the aftermath of the attack.
“Good morning, Reverend. I didn’t expect to see you up so early.” Louisa sat down next to him, keeping a proper distance, and folded her hands in her lap.
“I never got to sleep, Mistress Jamison. Like you, I haven’t been able to come to terms with what’s happened.” The reverend sighed and looked at Louisa. She could see the dark shadows under his eyes, the fatigue etched into his features. He looked tormented; and Louisa felt sorry for the man.
“Shall we pray together?” She never expected those words to leave her mouth, but she thought it was what the reverend needed, and was willing to do it for his sake. Truth be told, she didn’t mind the comfort of prayer at that very moment.
“Thank you, Mistress Jamison, but to tell you the truth, I’d rather talk, if you don’t object.”
Louisa nodded mutely, stunned by the reverend’s sudden need to treat her as a confidant. “Of course, Reverend.” She sat back quietly, letting him unburden himself. The reverend looked out over the deck, fixating on the seagull perched high up in the rigging.
“I wanted to be a clergyman ever since I was a little boy. Some boys dream of being great soldiers, and others long for a life at Court, but I always wanted to dedicate myself to God. My brothers laughed at me and called me a “weakling” when I didn’t want to join in their games and preferred to sit by myself, contemplating the miracles of our Lord’s creation. I never doubted my calling; never wavered. I know that some people don’t share my faith, or love our Lord Jesus as much as I do, but I’d always hoped that I could show them the way and lead them to the path of righteousness.” Louisa groaned inwardly, but remained silent and let the reverend speak.
“I can’t make sense of any of this, Mistress Jamison. For the first time in my life I am lost and confused, and can’t find the answers in the Bible. I watched countless men butchered in cold blood, but that’s not what undid me. It was the fate of the Collins family.
Men have died to protect their freedom and possessions from the beginning of time, but the kidnapping of two helpless women, and the suicide of that poor man, haunt me. Mr. Collins chose a path forbidden by the Church, knowing full well that his eternal soul would face damnation, rather than go on without his wife and daughter. To be perfectly honest, I don’t blame him in the least. I know that as a man of God I should condemn his act, but I simply can’t. I feel pity for him and want to beg God not to judge him too harshly.
Now, when I think of the women, is where my faith is tested even more severely. Our Lord is merciful and just. Why would he subject those two poor lambs to such an ordeal? The fate they face is worse than any death. They will be abused and humiliated at the hands of their heathen captors, and dwell in a hell on earth before they even meet their Maker. I can’t make sense of it. I simply can’t. Maybe I am not fit to be a religious leader. How can I preach the word of the Lord when I sit here questioning his judgment?”
Louisa reached out and took the reverend’s hand without thinking, surprised that he didn’t yank it away. She just held it for a moment, thinking of what to say. She had never been a very religious person, but she could understand his confusion and emotional turmoil. Most people in the future questioned the existence and ways of God early in their lives, but in this place and time, this would be considered heresy. People accepted God the way the accepted that the sun rose and set each day. For a man who’d been steadfast in his faith all his life, to doubt his beliefs at this stage would be earth-shattering.
“Reverend, we are not meant to understand the will of God, simply to follow it. It’s your duty as a clergyman to help what’s left of this crew to find solace, and accept the terrible loss we’ve all suffered. I’m tormented by thoughts of Mrs. Collins and Anne, but I hope that by some miracle, they won’t suffer too much at the hands of their captors. They are good, pious women, and the good Lord will protect them.”
Louisa hoped that the reverend couldn’t see through her falseness. She didn’t believe for a moment that the Collins women would be spared, but she couldn’t do anything to help them, so she had to help the reverend instead. She didn’t particularly like the man, but she could see that he was genuinely suffering, and wanted to do what she could.
“Are you saying that there was some divine purpose to this attack?” Reverend Blackley turned his gray gaze on Louisa, studying her as if he was seeing her for the first time.
“I am saying that I don’t know the will of God, and neither do you. We must accept what’s given to us, and allow our faith to help us overcome our grief and confusion. I look to you, Reverend, for guidance and comfort.” Louisa allowed her eyes to slide away from the reverends face, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze.
“I thank you, Mistress Jamison. I knew the good Lord wouldn’t let me doubt him. He has spoken through you, and I will redouble my efforts and lead this crew in spiritual healing. I must admit that I had my doubts about you, but I see now that you are a very pious woman indeed. I must return to my cabin at once and prepare a sermon on the power of faith. God bless you and keep you.” With that, the reverend rose from his perch and practically ran along the deck in the direction of the stairs leading down to the cabins.
“Glad I could help,” said Louisa to his retreating back and got up, turning her gaze to Gloria. “And what do you think?” She had about as much faith in God as she had in the carved woman in front of her, but she was glad that she’d been able to help the reverend. She had no idea where the words came from, but they seemed to offer him comfort. Luisa genuinely wished that she had some faith. At the moment, things seemed very bleak, and she would have liked to know the will of God, if he was up there somewhere.
Chapter 37
Valerie felt another contraction sink its teeth into her as she heard the commotion downstairs. She needed to know if the searchers had found Finn. She tried to rise, but Bridget stopped her. “I will go. Ye’re in no condition to be walking down the stairs.” She sprinted out the door and left Valerie alone with her pain. The contractions began shortly after her water broke, getting closer at an alarming rate. Valerie gritted her teeth, waiting for the pain to subside. This was her third labor, and still she couldn’t believe the severity of pain that her body could put her through. She tried to focus on what was happening downstairs, rather than allow her mind to roam free. She had spent the whole day worrying about Finn, but subconsciously she was also terrified for her baby.
She wasn’t due for another two months. She knew that plenty of premature babies survived, but the chances were diminished in the seventeenth century. What if the baby’s lungs weren’t developed, and it needed to be on a respirator? Valerie tried to push the frightening thoughts away. Bridget said that everything was going well and reassured her repeatedly. She didn’t know exactly how many weeks along she was, but she was closer to eight months, based on the date of her last period. The baby might be small, but it would be fully formed by now. Another contraction drove all thoughts from Valerie’s mind, making her ball her hands into fists and grind her teeth. Sweat broke out on her forehead, and her legs shook as the pain tore through her mercilessly, oblivious to her fears.
The door opened, and Alec walked in. He looked awful. His hair was all tangled with bits of leaves and twigs in it, his clothes filthy and damp. There were scratches on his face, and he looked near collapse. Valerie raised herself on her elbow. “Did you find him?”
Alec nodded before sinking into the chair vacated by Bridget. “He’s going to be all right. His leg is broken and needs a splint, but he is all right. He had a terrible fright.”
“I want to see him,” Valerie moaned.
“I’m afraid you are going to have to wait until you’ve delivered.”
“No. This might be my last chance to see my son. Please, Alec, bring him here.” Valerie gave him a stern look just as the next contraction took her breath away.
“Sweetheart, don’t talk like that. You’re not going to die. Bridget said everything is progressing normally.” He looked scared, so Valerie softened her tone.
“Nevertheless, I need to see him. Please.”
“All right. I will bring him to see you. He’s lying down on his bed, eating hot buns.” Alec got up, ready to go back down again.
“Alec, are you all right? You look dreadful.” The pain subsided, giving Valerie a momentary break.
“I just need to sleep for a day or two and I will be right as rain. I’m getting old, Val.” He gave her a searching look, trying to figure out if she was still angry.
“Alec, I don’t believe what Charles said. I never did.”
“It’s not true, Valerie. I swear to you on everything that’s holy, that I never touched the girl. Never. I don’t know who killed her, if anyone at all, but I will find out. Just not today.” Alec kissed her tenderly on the forehead and left the room.
Chapter 38
Kit looked around his new home. He’d moved into the captain’s cabin a few days ago, and was still getting used to his new accommodations. This cabin was a far cry from the berthing of the first mate. It was much larger, with an actual bed hung with crimson velvet curtains, and a trunk for his clothes. The windows spanned the entire width of the stern, making it appear light and spacious. The walnut desk, placed before the windows to capture the light, held a naval log, inkwell and several sharpened quills, as well as various nautical instruments. A bookshelf, containing texts on navigation, astronomy and geography, was built-in below the row of windows to maximize use of space. A round table in the center of the cabin, which was used only for dining and entertaining company, completed the decor. Every available surface gleamed with polish, painstakingly administered by the steward every day.
Kit finished shaving and tied his hair back with a thong. His company would be along shortly. He had invited Louisa to dine with him, and had to admit, he was a little nervous. His arm felt much better, thanks to her, so he had no trouble getting dressed. The table was set for two, and the steward would bring up the first course as soon as Louisa arrived. Kit wondered if she would bring her maid along as a chaperone. She did when she dined with Captain Fellowes, but he fervently hoped she would come alone.
He answered the knock himself, inviting Louisa into the cabin. She looked lovely, with her hair piled high on her head, and obviously recently washed. Kit could still smell the lavender soap she used and took a discreet whiff, enjoying the fragrance. He pulled out a chair, inviting her to sit down. Cook had promised some soup and roast fowl, which would be a welcome break from the salt pork and boiled potatoes everyone had been having for days. She deserved a decent meal and some good wine. Captain Fellowes made sure that his cabin was well stocked. Kit poured Louisa a glass of red and sat down across from her. They made small talk as the steward served the soup, waiting for him to depart.
“How is your arm, Christopher?” Louisa asked. He could see that she was feeling a trifle self-conscious under his intense gaze. She took a spoonful of soup and snuck a peek at him from under her lashes.
“I am much improved. Thank you. How is the soup?”
“Delicious.”
“You never gave me an answer.” She looked up, startled.
“How did you go from soup to marriage in three seconds?” she asked with a smile.
“I’m not one for wasting time. I hope to convince you to marry me between courses. We have about ten minutes until the next course comes.” He watched her blush, enjoying her reaction.
“Kit, we barely know each other.”
“A lot of marriages have been built on less. Why don’t you tell me about yourself? Where were you born?” The question seemed to fluster her further, and she looked away from him, focusing on the soup.
“Why don’t we start with you? Where were you born?”
“I was born in London in 1585. My father was a ship’s captain, and had sailed with Sir Francis Drake before taking command of his own ship. He fought against the Spanish Armada, and was awarded a title by Queen Elizabeth for his bravery.” Kit took a sip of wine and smiled at Louisa. “What else would you like to know, my sweet?”
“What about your mother? Do you have any siblings?”
“I have an older sister from my father’s first marriage. My father was nearly forty-five when I was born, and my mother nineteen. I am their only child.” She seemed to completely miss the bit about a title being bestowed on his father, and he was glad. He didn’t want her to think he was trying to impress her with his lineage. She obviously hadn’t heard of Lord Robert Sheridan.
“How did you meet your wife?” She must be concerned that I still love my wife, Kit thought. That’s why she’s reluctant to give me an answer.
“Helena was my mother’s second cousin. My mother took her in when her parents died. I suppose my mother was lonely with my father away at sea for at least six months out of the year. Helena was the daughter she never had. I went to sea when I was ten years old as a cabin boy. I sailed with my father, who tried very hard not to show me preferential treatment. Helena was always there when I came ashore.”
“Did your father succeed in not showing you favor?”
“Not even close. He was stern in front of the crew, but when we were alone together, he was very affectionate and fatherly. He always saved little treats for me and bought me presents when the ship came into foreign ports. It was a good life.” Kit still missed his father desperately. The old man suffered horribly for many months before he finally died, leaving a terrible hole in Kit’s heart.
“Is he still alive?” Louisa asked, as if reading his thoughts.
“He had a tumor in his stomach. It took its time killing him. He died when I was twenty-five.”
“I’m sorry. It sounds as if you two were close.” Her eyes suddenly filled with tears and Kit reached over and took her hand.
“I take it you lost your own parents.” She just nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek.
Kit let go of Louisa’s hand as the steward pushed open the door, balancing a heavy tray. The chicken smelled heavenly, making his mouth water. He waited for the steward to serve them and leave.
“So, have you made up your mind?” She looked up at him, a smile playing on her lips, and pushed away her plate. Louisa walked around the table and sat in Kit’s lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her lips came down on his, taking his breath away, as he pulled her closer, kissing her hard. Her mouth opened under his, her tongue sliding into his mouth, exploring him shamelessly. Kit felt himself grow hard against her thigh, and shifted a little to avoid shocking her, although at this point he wasn’t sure she’d be shocked. Louisa obviously knew what she was doing. She slid her hand downward and began to rub her palm against his cock, driving him mad with lust. Kit grabbed her wrist and broke the kiss. Louisa looked momentarily shocked as she looked into his eyes.
“Louisa, I can’t. You must see that.”
“See what?” She seemed genuinely confused as he shook his head in wonder.
“I don’t know what kind of men you’ve known, but I am an honorable man, and I will not lie with you without marrying you first.” Kit was confused by the shock on her face. What had he said that surprised her so? Most women longed for marriage, but Louisa seemed willing to take him to bed without accepting his proposal. She slid off his lap and went back to her seat, obviously perplexed by his reaction.
“Louisa, I don’t understand. Have I offended you in some way?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Sheridan. I think I’ll take my leave now.” Kit watched helplessly as Louisa walked out of the cabin.
Chapter 39
Louisa c
ouldn’t bear to go back to her stifling cabin, so she decided to take a walk on deck and prayed that she wouldn’t run into Reverend Blackley. Her cheeks burned with humiliation, as she willed herself not to cry. She wasn’t sure why she was so upset, but she felt as if Kit had just kicked her in the stomach. She had never been rejected by a man before and although his reasons were honorable, it still hurt her terribly. She’d been thinking with her twenty-first century brain, and she made a terrible mistake. She just wanted him to love her, to touch her. She couldn’t contemplate marriage without knowing what it would be like to kiss him and feel him.
She wouldn’t be contemplating marriage at all if she wasn’t so scared. She had always thought of herself as being strong, but at the moment she felt anything but. She had never truly been alone before she went back in time, and she desperately wanted to belong to someone, and have someone care of her. She had to admit that the idea of marrying Kit Sheridan gained appeal with every passing minute. He made her feel safe and protected. Nothing bad would happen to her as long as he was there, and the fear that constantly gnawed at her stomach was almost gone when she was with Kit.
Of course, there were also drawbacks to getting married. She was just trying to understand this world she landed in and she was terrified of doing something that would ruin everything. This wasn’t 2012. In 1620, her husband would become her lord and master, and would be able to control her in every way that mattered. She didn’t think Kit would be a dominating or cruel husband; she simply wasn’t ready to make that kind of commitment to him. She needed to find Valerie, first and foremost.
Louisa was shaking with frustrated desire as she stomped around the deck, trying to calm down. What had she done? What possessed her to act like that? Now he would think her a wanton hussy and treat her accordingly. She should have known better than trying to seduce a man like Kit. All he wanted was to give her his name and protection, and she threw it back in face and insulted his honor. What a fool! What would their relationship be like now?
A Leap of Faith (The Hands of Time: Book 2) Page 12