by Megan Green
“You might say you’re fine,” he says as he pushes me down onto the couch with yet another shove. “But I know better. You have all your shit together on the outside, but inside, you’re a broken mess.”
I raise my brow. “Jesus, B. When did you become Dr. Phil?”
“Bite me, butthead. Now, sit your ass down and talk to Uncle B.”
“Uncle B? This sounds like the start of a court case.”
“Yeah, that sounded better in my head. But shut the hell up and stop trying to change the subject. What the fuck happened between you and Avery, and how are you going to fix it?”
I scoff. “Who says I have to fix it? She’s the one who messed up. I’m just an innocent bystander in all this.”
“Because, dude, that’s what we do. We’re men. We take our women’s shit, we realize we’re better off not arguing and just admitting defeat, and then we fix it. Besides, I’m positive you’re not nearly as innocent in all this as you think.”
I hold up my hands. “I did nothing wrong here. I came home to surprise her, hopefully cheer us both up. And I found her with Miles.”
Brandon’s brows shoot up so far; I’m not entirely sure they’re still on his face. “You found her here, in bed, with him?”
“Well, no.”
“But you found them being intimate?”
I bring my hand up to the back of my neck, rubbing the stiff flesh there. “No. Well, he did kiss her.”
“And she kissed him back?”
I shake my head. “No. He did it without her consent.”
“I’m confused here. What exactly did you see?”
I let out a sigh. “I came home early to surprise her, as you know. Only, when I got here, she was nowhere to be found. I noticed the laptop was open, so I pulled up the browser and found a restaurant menu. I took a chance. I found her on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant with Miles. When she tried to leave, he spun her around and kissed her.”
Brandon blinks at me a few times, his face an unreadable mask of God knows what.
“What?” I finally say when it’s clear he’s not going to put me out of my misery.
“Let me get this straight. You came home, saw them at a restaurant, and then you saw her trying to leave, and he stopped her.”
“Pretty much,” I say, attempting to climb up off the couch, so I can get away from him. I’m done talking about this.
Brandon’s hand closes around my arm before I can get far though, his strength pulling me back down on my ass. “I’m not done yet. So, okay, they had dinner, and he kissed her, which you admit, she wasn’t a willing party to. So, why are you so pissed off?”
“Because,” I say, sounding every bit like the petulant child I’m probably acting like, “she didn’t tell me she was meeting him.”
He lets out a small laugh. “I don’t see why she’d want to keep that from you. It’s not like you’d overreact or anything.”
“Shut up, asshole. You don’t get it. She should’ve told me.”
“You’re right. She should have. But you can’t change the past, man. She made a mistake. Are you going to let one little mistake ruin your entire future?”
When he puts it like that…
Brandon continues, surprising me with the depth of his words, “She loves you, man. And you love her. Love doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s as simple as breathing, especially for people like the two of you. You didn’t just work well together; you flourished around each other. Whatever part of you that had been missing…she filled that. And you did the same for her. You weren’t two separate people making up a couple. You were two halves of the same whole. And, now that your whole has been recognized, you can’t go back to living just a half-life anymore. Your body won’t allow it.”
I think back over the last few days since Avery left and how much it’s felt like part of me is missing. Not just a part I want to have, but also a part that I enjoy. A part I need in order to keep living.
I’m not whole without Avery. And, if I’m not whole without her, that means there’s no way she can be whole without me.
We’re two pieces of the very same puzzle, and there’s only one way we can fit.
Together.
I lift my gaze up to Brandon’s, smiling when I see his shit-eating grin shining back at me. “Wow, B. That was almost…profound.”
He shrugs. “What can I say? I have my moments. Now, can you pull your head out of your ass and get your butt on a plane so that I can get back to my woman and our baby? Pregnancy hormones are some crazy shit, man, and I don’t want to miss a second of horny Liv.”
Aaand he’s back.
I laugh, standing up from the couch and reaching out a hand to pull him up alongside me.
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I say as I walk with him toward the door.
I pull it open, and he stops, giving me a quizzical expression.
“What’re you gonna do, C?”
I clap him on the shoulder. “I’m going to go get my future.”
Chapter 28
Avery
“What do you say we go for a walk?” my mother asks from the doorway to my bedroom. She leans against the frame, crossing her arms across her chest, as she watches me repack the small suitcase I brought back with me from Seattle.
The same suitcase I’d once packed in a hurry, desperate to get out of Stetson and away from my life. The same one I’d carried across Carter’s doorstep that first day I arrived in Seattle.
And the same one I’d tearfully tossed my belongings into only a few days ago, my heart breaking with each and every item that went inside.
The first time, this suitcase had been packed with anger and betrayal. The second, with sadness and regret.
And today…
Today, it’s getting packed with determination.
Carter might still need time. He might still need space. But I’ll be damned if I wait it out here, in Stetson. When he’s ready, I’m going to make sure I’m right there, able to get to him in minutes instead of hours.
After my talk with my mother yesterday, I called Lexi, knowing there was a good chance she’d be with Liv since the Rampage was still on the road and I could talk to them both. When I asked if I could possibly crash with one of them until Carter was able to forgive me, they both were only too quick to agree.
It was decided I’d stay with Lexi and Ian, Liv traveling back and forth between Seattle and Maple Lake—the town she was from and where she managed a bookstore with her adoptive father figure—as often as she could while she was still able. Plus, something told me Brandon knowing I was back in Seattle would probably push things along faster than they should. He was nothing if not determined, especially when it came to his friend. Liv told me he’d been over to talk to Carter earlier that day, desperate for the two of us to kiss and make up. He wanted everything to be right in our little slice of the world.
And, while I would love for things to go back to normal between me and Carter, I also know this needs to happen on his terms. Brandon forcing things along at a breakneck pace would only cause problems in the future. I need to be certain Carter fully forgives me before we pick up where we left off.
My mother clears her throat from the doorway, pulling me out of my thoughts of Seattle and back to my childhood bedroom in Stetson. My eyes flick from the suitcase before me over to where she’s standing, a knowing expression on her face.
“Sorry, Mama. My mind must be somewhere else.”
Her eyes soften. “I’d say I know exactly where your mind is. But, before you follow it, what do you say you take a walk with your dear old mom?” she asks again.
I only have about an hour before I have to leave for the airport, but when I remind her of this, she just waves it away.
“It’ll just be a short one. I promise you’ll be back in time.”
I look back down at my bag, realizing pretty much everything is already packed. Besides, if all goes according to plan, my parents will be boxing and shipping out t
he rest of my things as soon as I’m settled. If I forget anything, it’ll only be a matter of time before I get it back.
Tossing the last pair of jeans inside, I zip the bag closed and turn to face my mother. “Okay, let’s go for a walk.”
She starts out slow, looping her arm through mine as we take in the picturesque fall landscape. My eyes scan the leaves that have already started to change, the trees around my childhood neighborhood a mix of fiery reds, oranges, and yellows.
Stetson might not look like much to most people, but there’s no denying its beauty once autumn arrives.
A brief pang of regret hits my stomach, realizing that I won’t be around to see the leaves change every year. I won’t be here to watch as the town sets out their pumpkins and fills the air with the scent of warm cider. I won’t be around to see the first blanket of snow, won’t get to witness the annual lighting of the town tree, won’t get to sing Christmas carols with my friends and neighbors as we sip hot chocolate.
I never envisioned myself living anywhere but Stetson. It’s always been my home.
But life has a way of changing things when you least expect them, spinning your entire world on its axis with a few small words.
My home is no longer in Stetson. Hell, it’s no longer a place at all.
My home is Carter.
As if reading my thoughts, my mom leans over and lays her head against my shoulder as we walk. “I’m going to miss you, Avie Bug. Things are going to be different without you here.”
I reach for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I know, Mama. I’m going to miss you, too. But I promise to visit as often as I can. And I’d love for you to come out to Seattle to see us. After…well, you know.”
She gives me a warm smile. “I’ll be there before you know it. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”
We continue to walk in silence a few minutes longer, and I’m just about to suggest we head back when Stetson Elementary School comes into view.
The sight of my old school—the place where I first met Carter—causes a knot the size of Texas to form in my throat. I pause, my breath catching as I take in the old brick facade. It looks exactly the same as it did all those years ago, the same red brick holding up even after a decade of wear and tear, the same marquee sign out front, the faded black letters advertising the school Halloween fair that’s going to be taking place every weekend in October.
It may look the same, but so much has changed since the last time I set foot on that playground. I went from playing pretend, marrying Carter a million different times in a million different ways, to actually getting engaged. I thought I’d finally found the fairy tale ending I’d been searching for, only to discover my fairy tale had been standing right in front of me from the very beginning.
My mother takes a few steps toward the school, tugging me along behind her. I dig my heels in, not sure my fragile heart can handle seeing more of the familiar place, not when so much of my life is still up in the air.
“Mama, I’m not sure—”
“Trust me, Avery. You need to see this before you leave.”
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth—not wanting to disrespect my mother’s wishes, but also not wanting to set foot on that playground again. I teeter back and forth for a few moments, but ultimately, my upbringing wins out, my feet moving forward to follow my mother, seemingly of their own accord.
My heart begins to race as we walk around the side of the school, the sight of the familiar pavilion I played under more times than I could possibly count causing a wave of emotion to wash over me.
So many memories. So many hours and days and years spent under that awning, Carter standing by my side through it all.
It doesn’t feel right, being here without him. I haven’t been back to this school without Carter since the day we moved on to junior high. This place is sacred. It might look like a normal school playground to anyone else, but to me, it’s where my whole life started.
A sudden burst of giggles pulls my eyes from the pavilion over to the swing set. A little blonde girl sits on one of the swings, a small, dark-haired boy standing behind her. Her laughter rings out as his hands move out in front of him, giving her a firm push as soon as her back comes within reach.
“Higher, Austin, higher!” she squeals, pumping her legs as fast as she can.
The little boy behind her—Austin, I presume—laughs along with her, the smile on his face so wide that I can see the missing tooth on the right side of his mouth.
Tears flood my eyes as I watch the pair, their happiness electric, their energy and free spirits contagious. They remind me so much of myself and Carter at that age, and I can’t help but smile as I watch them.
I wonder if she’ll be smarter than I was and realize that nobody will ever love her better than her best friend.
I wonder if he’ll always put her first, the way Carter always has for me.
I wonder if he’ll ever be brave enough to tell her how he feels.
I wonder if she’ll betray him the way I did Carter.
I shake off the thought, realizing I’m putting a lot more stock in a childhood friendship I know nothing about than I should. Chances are, these two won’t even talk in a year or two, their lives taking them in different directions. That’s the normal pattern of growing up. You grow up, and you grow apart from those once closest to you.
Since the very beginning, what Carter and I had was special, which only further reinforces my need to fix things. You don’t throw away a relationship like ours when things get hard. You fight tooth and nail to keep that person in your life, doing everything in your power to make things right.
Even if it means uprooting your entire life and moving to a new city.
I glance down at my watch, seeing that I’m going to cut it close if I don’t head out soon. My mother must notice the action because she curls her arm around my shoulders, hugging me into her.
With a jerk of her head toward the kids I was just watching, she speaks, “Reminds me of you and Carter at that age.” Her voice takes on a faraway quality, her tone thick with unshed tears.
I nod and look back over at the children, my own eyes once again welling with tears at the reminder of me and Carter in our youth.
“You should call him,” she continues, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone. “I know he wants to hear from you, Avery.”
I start to shake my head, my plan being to just show up and let him know I’m not going to go anywhere anytime soon. But watching these two kids, seeing them in such a similar situation as Carter and I have been in so many times over the years, has me desperate to hear his voice.
Even if it is only through his voice mail.
I grab the phone from my mom, grateful when she turns around and puts a little space between us. I love my mom, but there are some things you just need to do on your own.
With a deep breath, I pull up Carter’s number and hit Call. I expect him to send me straight to voice mail, so surprise floods through me when his deep voice comes over the line after only one ring.
“Hey, Smalls.”
The tears that have been threatening since the moment I set foot on the playground spill over like a tidal wave, relief coursing through my veins at just the mere sound of his voice.
“You answered,” I say stupidly, unable to think of a more coherent response in my stunned state.
I hear him chuckle softly. “Of course I did, Smalls. I told you I’d always answer when you called.”
The reminder of the night I hurt him sends a jolt of shame straight to my heart, but I tamp it down. He answered. He’s talking to me. I need to focus on the positive.
“I miss you,” I tell him, thinking the words don’t hold half the meaning I want to convey.
I miss Carter in the way I’d miss air if I were drowning, the way I’d miss food if I were starving.
“I miss you, too, Smalls. So much. My apartment just isn’t the same without you.”
I grin,
glad to hear our being apart hasn’t been easy for him either. Just then, the little girl on the swing shrieks out in delight, and I wince as the sound pierces my eardrum.
Carter laughs. “Where are you?”
I bury my face in my free hand, feeling a slight sense of embarrassment to tell him that I’m sitting at the playground of our old school. But I do exactly that and prepare myself for the laugh that is sure to follow.
“Is that right?” he says instead, his tone holding a sort of mischievous delight at my words. “Was that a kid on the swings?”
I nod before realizing he can’t see me. “It was.”
“What are they doing now?”
My brows furrow at his odd question, not exactly sure why, after days apart, Carter is asking me about some kids on a playground instead of talking about us. I turn away from the playground, putting my back to it in hopes of having no further distractions.
“Listen, Carter—”
His deep voice cuts me off, “Avery, tell me what those kids are doing now.”
I shake my head. “I have no idea. I—”
“Turn and tell me what they’re doing.”
His insistence over these children infuriates me, especially when I only have a few minutes to talk if I’m going to make it back to the house and to the airport on time. But, considering I’m already trying to make up for hurting him, I can’t deny him a simple request such as this.
Even if it makes no damn sense whatsoever.
When I turn around, my eyes dart to the swings, only to find them empty. I scan the playground, trying to find the two kids who were here only moments ago, when my eyes fall on something else.
Just behind the swing set sits an old metal merry-go-round.
It’s even more run-down and rusted than the one I played on with Carter in Seattle, years of neglect and weather stripping nearly all the once-bright paint from its surface. And standing in the center of it is a man.