As quickly as we’d found ourselves in the woods, we were out again, emerging from the trail and back into the playground.
“Want to go back to my house and watch a movie?” he asked as we headed back to the car. I nodded and took his hand. Everything was right. It was back to the way it used to be and for the first time in months, I was truly happy.
Two
“So,” Erica said as we stood behind the register, “how’s Caleb?” She was raising her eyebrows up and down and folding her arms, waiting to hear the juicy details of our first night back together.
“He’s good,” I said, smiling, but offering up no other details. This only irked her more and she glared at me.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?”
“There’s nothing more to tell,” I told her as I wiped up a coffee stain on the counter.
“Then what’s that stupid grin for?” she asked and I laughed.
“Can’t I just be happy?” I said, reaching for the glass of water I kept behind the counter and taking a sip.
“No. That kind of smile only comes after a recent orgasm. It’s called afterglow…although I didn’t think afterglow could last this long,” she said and I nearly spit the water out. I was able to control myself though and swallowed hard before gasping in my cousin’s direction.
“Seriously, Erica?” I whispered. “Keep your voice down!”
“Then you don’t deny it?” She was raising her eyebrows again and when I didn’t answer right away, she just nodded with a satisfied grin.
“Are you really that surprised? We haven’t seen each other since January. It’s now June.”
“No, I’m not surprised. I just don’t know why you have to be so shy about it though. You’re twenty-one-years-old for crap’s sake. Embrace your sexuality and be glad you’ve got a piece of ass like Caleb’s to screw for the next two months.”
I stared at my cousin, red faced and horrified at her crudity, but I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped my mouth before turning and walking away from her to check on a customer. Erica and I couldn’t have been more different. I was quiet and more reserved while she was anything but. She’d been wild ever since she was a kid and that hadn’t changed as she grew up, but I loved my cousin, who was also my best friend.
“Hey, Caroline,” she said a few minutes later when I was bussing a table. I looked up with my arm full of dishes. “Your phone’s ringing.”
“Thanks,” I told her, dropping the dishes in the sink and then making my way to my purse that was under the counter. I pulled out my phone and saw a missed call from Caleb. I stepped into the back to return it.
“Hey,” I said, feeling the smile curl up on my face when I heard his voice, thinking back to the night before in the park. “I saw that you called.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I wanted to know if I could see you tonight?”
“Of course,” I said quickly, hoping we might have a repeat of the night before.
“When do you get off work?”
“Half hour.”
“Can I come by your house?” he asked.
“Why don’t I come by and get you? We can grab something to eat. Maybe drive into Burlington or something,” I said since I’d spent the last six hours in one of the two restaurants in town.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds good,” he said.
“I’ll see you soon then,” I told him.
“Okay. See you soon,” he said and then the line went quiet. I put my phone back in my purse and Erica was quick to give me the look.
“Everything alright?” she asked and I nodded.
“He just wants to meet up after work.”
“You mean he wants a repeat of last night.”
“Give it a rest, Erica.” I shoved her and she just laughed, turning away from me and going to check on a table. I sighed and went about checking the register and tidying up until the clock hit five. I hung my apron up and then grabbed my purse along with some of the chocolate chip cookies Caleb liked in the box we kept by the register. After a kiss for my grandmother and a glare for my cousin, I walked out to the car and drove to Caleb’s.
I rang the doorbell and a few moments later, he answered.
“Hey,” I said as I stepped inside.
He closed the door and I noticed how quiet the house was.
“How was work?” he asked.
“Tolerable. Glad to be done though,” I said, looking around. “Where is everyone? I still haven’t had a chance to say hi to your parents or sisters.”
“They’re actually at Alannah’s softball game,” he said, referring to his youngest sister.
“Why didn’t you go?”
“I wanted to see you,” he said and I felt a smile forming on my lips as I thought about having the entire house to ourselves for a little while.
“Here,” I said, holding out the baggie of cookies I’d brought him. “I brought you some of the chocolate chip cookies you like so much.”
He took the bag and looked down at them before giving me a little smile.
“Thanks,” he said and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. He was quieter than I expected and as I thought back on it now, he’d been the same way last night, except, of course, when he had me pinned against a tree.
“Do you want to head out to dinner?” I asked him, but he shook his head.
“I…I actually need to talk to you, Care,” he said and I didn’t like the way he was looking at me.
“Uh…yeah. Sure,” I said and he took me by the arm, leading me into the empty living room. Caleb’s house was beautiful. His parents were both realtors and did well for themselves all across the Adirondacks and the Green Mountains.
We sat down on the leather couch and he flicked off the Red Sox game he’d been watching on the oversized TV above the stone fireplace.
“Caroline,” he began and then adjusted himself on the couch so he was facing me. I could feel myself getting uncomfortable by the tone and tenor of his voice and the look on his face. Something was wrong.
“What is it, Caleb?” I asked as I brushed some hair off my forehead.
“I…I meant to talk to you last night when you came by, but…well, we got a little distracted.” A slight smirk curled up on his face and I found myself grinning back too, but it only lasted a second.
“What did you need to talk to me about?”
There was a long pause and then he breathed in and exhaled deeply as he fidgeted with his hands.
“About us,” he said, his voice low and deep. I looked up, expecting to see his brown eyes looking back at me, but they were still looking down and I felt my heart begin a nervous beat.
“What about us, Caleb?”
He paused again and I waited for what felt like forever until he spoke.
“I’m leaving next week.”
“What do you mean you’re leaving next week?” I asked nervously.
“I’m going to Mexico to study over the summer.”
“What?” I asked, my voice louder than I expected.
“The opportunity came up and I have to take it, Care. It’ll give me the opportunity to practice my Spanish in a way that’s just not possible here and it’ll give me an edge when I finally graduate,” he said and I knew what he was talking about. Caleb knew exactly what he wanted to do. He was majoring in business with the goal of getting his MBA. We both knew being bi-lingual would help him in the future. He’d studied Spanish in high school and college, but he’d never had the opportunity to fully immerse himself in the language. I could feel tears brimming at the backs of my eyes though, even though I knew this was good for him. He’d just gotten home though and now he was leaving again.
“How long will you be gone?” I asked softly.
“Till September when I head back to Chicago,” he answered and a heavy silence settled between us.
“You just got home though,” I whispered through the lump in my throat. “When will I get to see you again?”
&
nbsp; I looked up to meet his eyes and he only held my gaze for a second before looking away.
“Why do you have to make this so hard, Caroline?” he said softly, more to himself than to me as he looked at the floor and shook his head.
“What’re you talking about?”
He sighed loudly and then looked at me finally.
“I…I don’t even know how to say this. I thought I was ready. I thought I could say it last night,” he said, but his voice trailed off into nothing.
“Say what?” I asked as my heart beat faster and a sick feeling started to brew in my stomach.
“I…I love you, Caroline, but…” His voice tapered off again, but I kept my eyes locked on him, even though I knew something bad was about to happen. “I think we should…I think it’s time.”
“Time?” I asked quietly. “Time for what?”
“Dammit,” he sighed, resting his head in his hands for a second. “I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
“Just say it, Caleb,” I said, my voice starting to tremble now. I knew what he was trying to say, but I needed to hear it from his mouth.
“I think we should break up, Caroline,” he said softly, finally meeting my eyes and when he looked at me, I knew he was serious. My throat was burning and I didn’t know what to say. I just sat there, dumbfounded as the man I loved, the only man I’d ever loved, was breaking my heart.
“I don’t understand,” I finally whispered. “Last night…we…”
“I was going to tell you at the park last night, but then, well…”
“You decided to fuck me one last time?” I said, surprised at the harsh sarcasm in my voice and I could see the shock on Caleb’s face, even though I knew that was exactly what he’d done.
“Do you have to do this, Caroline?” He sounded bothered, but all I could focus on was the hurt consuming my chest.
“Do what? Tell you the truth?”
“I didn’t mean for last night to happen. I meant to tell you and get it over with.”
“Get it over with?” I spat at him. “Like ripping off a band-aid? We’ve been together for five years, Caleb! Five years! Breaking up with me was something you just wanted to get over with?”
“Calm down, Caroline,” he said sternly and I took a deep breath while trying to hold back the tears.
“If this is about Mexico, I don’t know what the problem is. We’ve spent the last three years apart. What difference does a couple of more months make?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound as desperate as I felt on the inside.
“It’s not just about Mexico,” he said and then looked away again. “It’s other things too. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”
“How long?” I asked.
“A few months,” he answered softly.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me if you were unhappy?”
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought maybe we could work it out, but distance sucks, Caroline, and it’s not coming to an end any time soon. I’m twenty-one-years-old and my girlfriend lives 1,500 miles away.” It grew quiet again as I thought about the nights ever since he’d left for Chicago. He’d come back on breaks, but overall, I knew it’d been a lonely existence. “I needed more than phone calls.”
I felt the pit growing wider in my stomach as my mind honed in on his last sentence and to one word in particular. Needed. He needed more than phone calls as if he’d already gotten more.
“Is there someone else, Caleb?” I asked, praying the answer would be no, because then at least I’d have my dignity still. I looked at him, waiting for him to do the same, but he couldn’t and I had my answer with his silence. “Is there someone else?” I repeated, trying to keep my voice under control. He finally looked up, meeting my eyes and he nodded. It was as if someone punched me in the stomach. My hand flew to my mouth as I tried to bite back the tears, but I blinked and they fell down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Caroline,” Caleb said softly.
“How long?” I managed to get out.
“A few months,” he said and I continued to look at him, trying to understand how he’d done this to me. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I fought it for as long as I could because I didn’t want to hurt you, but Jodi was just so different and…”
“You wanted something different?” I interrupted quietly.
“No. I didn’t set out to do that, but it just happened. I meant to tell you. I was going to call you and tell you it was over, but I couldn’t.”
“Does this Jodi know about me?” I asked and he nodded his head slowly. “And she was okay screwing another girl’s boyfriend?”
“Don’t make it sound so cheap,” he said defensively and I started to laugh.
“What else do you call it? How do you think Jodi would feel if she found out what we did last night? Do you think she’d be so keen on having sex with another girl’s boyfriend then?”
Caleb sighed and hung his head while I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
“And this is why I didn’t want to tell you,” he said.
“Why? Because I’d be pissed? Of course I’m going to be pissed! If it’d simply been because you wanted your space or that the distance was too much, I might not be this angry, but knowing for the last few months while I’ve been here waiting for you to come home, you’ve been with another girl. I…I don’t even know what to say.”
“You know this hasn’t been easy on either of us. We tried our best, but we’ve changed, Caroline. We’ve both changed and neither of us wanted to admit it. We’ve been together since we were kids. Did you really think we were going to make this work?”
His words hit me like a brick wall. The pain they caused felt so real.
“I did because I thought you believed in us too.”
It was quiet again for a few awkward moments.
“I’m sorry,” was all he said to me finally and I stood up from the couch, looking down at him.
“You’re pathetic, Caleb. If you weren’t in love with me anymore, you could’ve just told me, but this…what you did…it makes it a million times worse,” I said, looking right into his eyes. “We may have changed, but I always respected you and I never would’ve hurt you like this. Never.”
“I don’t know what else to say,” he said and it grew quiet again as I thought about what else I had to say to him, but there was nothing except one thing.
“You can go to hell, Caleb,” I said, trying to sound strong, but inside I was shaking.
I didn’t wait for anything else from him. I opened the front door and then slammed it behind me, making my way to my car and speeding back to my house, needing its solitude more than I ever had.
Three
I was numb on the drive home. I expected tears to come, but they didn’t. I was too angry. I had loved Caleb since I was sixteen. I thought he’d loved me too, but he didn’t. Not anymore.
I pulled up to the house and could see the lights on inside. I didn’t want to talk to my parents. I didn’t want them to know. I just wanted to be by myself and try and block out the images swirling in my head of Caleb and Jodi. I kept trying to imagine what she looked like. Was she a brunette? Red head? Blonde like me? Was she short or tall? Was she prettier than me? Was that why I wasn’t enough for him anymore?
As the thoughts raged, so did the sick feeling in my stomach. I’d never had my heart broken, but now I understood and I hated it.
I opened the door quietly, but it was no use. My mother and her supersonic hearing heard me when I walked in.
“Caroline, is that you?” she called from the living room.
“Yeah, Mom. I’m home,” I told her as I slipped off my shoes. She poked her head around the corner a second later.
“I thought you’d be out later.”
“I wasn’t feeling well so I decided to come home,” I lied.
“When did this start?”
“Just a little while ago,” I answered, which was the truth.
“Can I get
you something?” she asked me and I shook my head.
“I’m just going to go upstairs and rest,” I told her and she looked at me, her mouth turning down in concern before walking over and kissing me on the cheek.
“Let me know if you change your mind,” she told me and I nodded.
“I will. Thanks,” I said and then she turned back to the living room and I went upstairs.
I walked into my room and closed the door behind me, leaning against it for a moment as I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath. I don’t know how long it took me to open them again, but when I did, I wished I hadn’t. They focused right on the nightstand where I kept a picture of Caleb and I. There’d been one there shortly after we started dating, when I knew it wasn’t just a passing, inconsequential high school romance, but one that was going to last. The picture had morphed over time. I’d change it out every six months or so. The one I was looking at now was from Christmas. We’d gone for a weekend ski trip to Stowe. We were both in our ski suits, standing by the lodge against the snowy background. We looked happy, but as I looked at it now, I wondered if he had been or had the doubts already started to creep into his mind. I wondered if he knew Jodi then.
I pushed myself off the door and went to the picture. Part of me wanted to smash it to pieces and never look as his lying, cheating face again, but I didn’t. I stared down at it for another few seconds and then opened my dresser and hid it under a pile of t-shirts. I went to my bed then, plopping myself down on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling, wondering how I’d ended up here. I was twenty-one-years-old and I’d wasted the last five years with someone who turned out to be a person I didn’t even know. How could I have been so naïve? How could I have thought Caleb and I would be different than anyone else? How had I thought I could be enough for him?
I reached for my phone, staring at it for a few seconds. I thought I wanted to be alone, but now that I was, I didn’t. I pulled up Erica’s number, texting her quickly.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 2