“No,” I said quietly. “I don’t love him anymore. I just want to know how he could hurt me like that.” There was a burning lump in my throat now as I thought about the betrayal. “I…I just feel like it was my fault in a way…like I could’ve done more and maybe I would’ve been enough.”
Adam turned his body so we were facing each other and I felt his hand on my arm. It was so warm and soft and the closer he got to me, the better he smelled. I closed my eyes a moment, telling myself to stop letting myself think of Adam this way.
“Caroline.” His voice was deep and soft, forcing me to open my eyes to find him in front of me, looking at me in the kind, sweet way that reminded me so much of when we were younger, of when life was simpler. “Everything about you is enough. Everything,” he said, stressing the word softly. “If Caleb didn’t realize what he had, he will soon and he’s going to regret ever thinking you weren’t enough for him or ever letting you go.”
“Thank you for being so nice to me, Adam…for trying to make me feel better,” I said softly, looking down at the ground where I was tracing circles with the toe of my boot in the grass, but then I felt his fingertip under my chin, forcing me to look up again and right into his eyes.
“I’m not trying to be nice. I’m telling the truth,” he said seriously. “You’re special, Caroline. I’ve always thought that.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just continued to look at him. He was too easy to look at and my heart started pounding in my chest. What the hell was going on with Adam and me? Was he simply looking out for me in the protective way he always had or was it more? I didn’t know what to make of it because as he stood in front of me, my body pressed against the old wood of the carriage house, all I could focus on was his lips and wondering what they’d feel like on mine. I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t look anymore. Adam couldn’t know what I was thinking. This was Adam DeLain for God’s sake. Adam DeLain who used to tease me until I cried, not the man before me with a face that belonged on billboards and a body any woman would do anything to touch just one time. No. It was just my raging hormones and messed up emotions causing the lines to blur between reality and delusions.
“Thank you, Adam,” I said softly, not knowing what else to say to him and it grew quiet for a few moments.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked and I nodded.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” I said, trying to convince myself.
“And just so you know, in regards to the freak you met tonight,” he began, one side of his mouth curling up into a smile, “most of us aren’t like that. Don’t judge us by one of our worst specimens,” he said, but then the smile faded and he looked at me seriously again. “You’re worth so much more than what he wanted from you tonight, remember that.”
I felt a lump in my throat at his words, but I nodded, doing my best to smile at him to let him know I appreciated them.
“I’ll try and remember,” I said softly and then he pulled me to him, wrapping his strong arms around me. I’d never felt so safe as I did at that moment and I didn’t want him to let me go, but eventually he did.
“I should probably get back,” he said quietly and I nodded. “Your brother’s going to think I was abducted by aliens or something since I was just coming out to my truck to get my phone when I saw you pull up,” he said with a quiet laugh.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I should probably get inside and go to bed, but not before a good bleach rinse to the eyes so I can try and unsee what I saw tonight.” I laughed gently and he did too.
“For your sake, I hope it works,” he said with a smile and we started walking back towards the house.
We were quiet as we walked and then we stopped when we reached the porch steps. I climbed to the top and looked down at Adam who was waiting for me to get safely inside.
“Thanks for talking to me tonight,” I said gratefully.
“I hope it helped.”
“It did. Really. So much,” I told him and he smiled at me.
“Good night, Caroline.”
“Good night, Adam,” I said and then smiled to him once more before turning and walking inside.
I stood by the window so he couldn’t see me, but I watched him walk back to the stable house, remembering his kind words to me tonight and missing him more with each step he took.
Nine
“What do you mean he was naked?”
I swear I was in a flashback of my conversation the night before with Adam. What was so difficult to understand about the word naked?
“He was naked, Erica! Nude!”
“No!” She shook her head vehemently in disbelief. “No. Not Dr. Dylan.”
“Yes, Dr. Dylan. He’s a complete weirdo, Erica! How the hell could you have set me up with someone like that?”
“Wait,” she said, sticking her hand on her hip so the opposite side jutted out. “How much had you guys had to drink?”
“We were not drunk! I had a glass of wine at dinner and a sip before the encounter.”
“The encounter?” she said, rolling her eyes. “Seriously, Caroline?”
“What else do you want me to say?”
“I just can’t believe this. He seems so normal at the office. Why the hell would he do something like this? Are you sure you hadn’t agreed to pool sex?”
“C’mon, Erica!” I nudged her this time as I laughed. “Now you’re just being ridiculous. I didn’t agree to anything! We simply kissed and then I excused myself to the bathroom and when I returned, I was greeted by a completely naked man and his penis.”
“What’d it look like? Was it big? Hairy? Circumcised?” she asked quietly with a grin on her face.
“I don’t know!” I exclaimed and I saw our grandmother’s head turn in our direction.
It was my day off, but I knew Erica was grabbing a morning shift on her day off from the optometrist’s office. It was the perfect time to confront her, but now that the conversation was going the way it was, I was beginning to wonder if I should’ve waited.
“I didn’t exactly pay attention to the details,” I whispered quietly so no one else could hear. “I just saw a strange penis and I turned and high tailed it out of there.”
“Damn,” she pouted. “I’ve always wanted to know.”
“Then go on a date with him. I’m sure he’d be glad to introduce you to his little friend,” I grimaced and she started laughing.
“What the hell am I going to do tomorrow when he comes into the office?” she asked once her laughter had faded. “He’s going to know that you told me and it’s going to be completely awkward. I’m going to have to quit my job, you know, and it’s all your fault.”
“Why’s it my fault?”
“Because you obviously did something that made him think a total strip down was okay,” she said with a glare and I burst out laughing.
“Or maybe he’s just a freak!”
She sighed loudly and put her hand to her forehead.
“Shit,” she mumbled. “Tomorrow is going to be the worst.”
“Just act like I didn’t tell you. Just tell him I said we didn’t hit it off or something.”
“You know I can’t lie.”
“Then you’re going to have to think of something because Dr. Dylan is a grade A creep,” I said and we both started laughing.
“Hey,” she said when we stopped. “I’m sorry things went so badly last night, but I hope it doesn’t sour you entirely on trying the whole dating thing again.”
“I think I’m going to take a break for a little while and see what happens.”
“Don’t be like that, Caroline,” she sighed. “Seriously, what happened last night is truly unfortunate, but don’t give up putting yourself out there.”
“I’m not, but I’m not forcing anything and I don’t want you to set me up with anyone for a very, very long time,” I said with an emphasis on the very.
“How about we go out then? We’ll get some people together and we’ll go into Burlington and grab som
e drinks.”
“You want to go bar hopping?” I asked doubtfully.
“Yes, I do,” she said matter-of-factly with a coy grin on her face.
“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head.
“Just give it a chance.”
“You said the same thing to me about Dr. Dylan and look where it got me.” She just rolled her eyes and I started to laugh.
“I said I was sorry, now just shut up about it,” she said and I laughed quietly again. “But seriously, I’ll see who I can gather this weekend and we’ll go out, okay?”
“We’ll see. I’m not making any promises.”
“You’re coming,” she stated seriously. “Accept it and move on.”
“Whatever,” I said and she rolled her eyes again before brushing past me to tend to her tables.
I gave my grandmother a hug before heading out again. It was almost two o’clock when I got back to the house. After stopping by the restaurant, I’d driven into Burlington. After last night with Dr. Dylan, I needed some retail therapy. I deserved it after what I’d endured. I spent too much money on clothes I didn’t even need, but I had to admit, it felt good.
I parked my car and grabbed the bags from the trunk. I heard sounds coming from the barn. It must be my dad, Sawyer and Adam. They were probably finishing up for the day and I knew Dad was going over every last detail before he left on my parents’ upcoming trip.
I hadn’t seen any of them yet. I’d woken up late and skipped the morning milking. I knew it was probably intentional and not just the fact I’d slept later than usual. I hadn’t gone to say good morning because of the barrage of feelings that had bombarded me last night while talking to Adam. Avoiding him was probably best for now.
I went into the kitchen to see my mother inside folding laundry. She looked curiously at the bags in my hands.
“I take it you went shopping.”
“Yeah,” I answered.
“How’d your date go last night?”
“Fine,” I said. There was no way I was telling my mom what had happened.
“Are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t think so,” I answered and she knew to leave it at that. I decided to switch the subject to her. “Are you getting everything ready for your trip?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied with an excited grin. My parents never went on vacations, but they’d been planning this one for ages: a six-week educational trip touring England, Ireland and Scotland. It was hard to believe it was finally going to be happening and they’d be leaving in two days. “Your father is so worried the place is going to fall apart while we’re gone.”
“It’ll be fine. Sawyer’s got it covered and plus with Adam here, it’ll be even better.”
“I really hope you can help your brother out a little more while we’re gone,” she said and I felt my eyebrow raise.
“I do help, Mom. I have another job though.”
“I know, Caroline, but if you could give Sawyer a little more help, I know he’d appreciate it.”
“Is this because I skipped out on the morning milking?” I asked.
“No,” she said, but I knew she was lying. “I’m just making a statement.”
“I’ll help, so don’t worry, okay?”
“It’s just strange thinking we’ll be gone for six weeks.”
“Don’t give this place a second thought. You and dad never go anywhere. You deserve this. How much damage can we do in six weeks?” I said with a laugh and she smiled hesitantly.
“You’re right. Everything will be fine,” she said and I nodded.
“Yes, it will be. Now, I’m going to head upstairs and put this stuff away,” I said and then made my way to my room where I removed the tags from my new clothes and then laid down on my bed, scrolling through my phone because I had nothing better to do. I’m not sure how long I laid there, but I eventually got bored and went back downstairs where my mom was finishing up the load of clothes she’d been folding.
“Some of your brother’s undershirts got mixed in with your dad’s,” she said to me.
“That wasn’t by accident, Mom,” I told her. “You know he puts stuff in with your guys’ so you’ll wash it for him. I don’t know why you even bothered putting a washer and dryer in the stable house.”
“You make it sound like your brother is an inept child,” she said, but we both knew I’d only been teasing. “Anyway, can you walk them over to him?”
I thought about trying to make up an excuse as to why I couldn’t, but there wasn’t one and I took the shirts from her.
“Sure,” I said, turning and heading back outside. It was quiet in the barn and I made my way to the stable house. I knocked and then the door swung open. I was surprised to see it was Adam who was standing there.
“Is Sawyer here?” I asked and Adam shook his head.
“Negative.”
“Where is he?” His SUV was outside so I didn’t understand where he could be.
“Lindsey swung by to grab him for a late lunch.”
“I take it things are getting pretty serious with those two then,” I concluded and Adam nodded.
“I think so,” he agreed.
“Well, can I leave these with you?” I said, holding out the shirts. “Some of his laundry got mixed in with my parents’.”
“Sure,” he said, taking them and I noticed then his dark hair was damp and when I caught a hint of his body wash, I knew he’d just gotten out of the shower. Even if he hadn’t showered, something told me he’d still smell good even after handling cows all day. “How’re you doing, Caroline? After last night?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “It’s actually a very funny story, even though I don’t think Erica thought so.” I knew there was a smug grin on my face as I recalled the conversation with her earlier.
“It’s good to see the memory of last night is shlong gone today,” he said, stone faced, but I folded my arms and glared at him.
“Shlong gone? Really funny, Adam.”
“C’mon, Sweet Caroline. Don’t get teste with me now,” he said, smiling, obviously very proud of his pun.
“Teste? You should give up baseball and take up comedy,” I said sarcastically, even though I was trying not to laugh.
“You know those were funny,” he said, trying to bait me. “Admit it!”
I couldn’t resist and I finally laughed.
“Okay. Yes, those were funny,” I admitted and it grew quiet again for a few seconds before I gestured back to the house.
“I’m gonna head back now, but just make sure you get those to Sawyer.”
“Will do,” he said, but just as I went to turn, I heard him say my name. “Caroline.” I stopped and looked back at him. “I was thinking about heading out for a hike. Wanna come?”
I didn’t answer right away, but then when I met his eyes, I felt my head nod.
“Sure,” I answered as a smile spread on his face.
“Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?” he asked and I nodded.
“I’ll grab some water and snacks and meet you out here then.”
“Sounds good,” he said, holding my gaze for a second longer before closing the door.
I stood still for a moment, wondering what the hell I was doing, but then walked back to the house to get ready for my hike with Adam.
~~~
He was waiting for me when I walked outside. I had a backpack on that I’d filled with water bottles and a few light snacks. I told myself not to pay attention to how good he looked leaning against his truck in his jeans, and gray t-shirt with his UVM hat pulled down on his head.
I’d changed into jeans too, wanting to keep the bugs and poison ivy off me, and I’d pulled my hair up into a ponytail. As far as my shirt went, I decided on one I knew Adam would get a kick out of. He started laughing when he realized what shirt I was wearing.
“What the hell do you have on?”
“My mom got us each one for Christmas a couple of years ago. You lik
e it?” I asked with a cheesy grin and he rolled his eyes. It was a basic red t-shirt with RED SOX written across the front, but had DELAIN written on the back with 16 under it.
“Why are you wearing that?”
“It’s not every day you get to go on a hike with a celebrity. I thought it was appropriate. Perhaps you’ll even autograph it for me when we get back?” I teased him.
“You’re being ridiculous, Caroline.”
“C’mon! I could make some good money off an autographed Adam DeLain shirt. Help a struggling college student out,” I said.
“Let’s go,” he said, ignoring me, but I could see the grin still on his face as I walked beside him towards the woods.
Our farm was at the base of a mountain, more like a large hill actually, but it was in the middle of nowhere and led to some good walking trails, one even stopping at a waterfall. I hadn’t been there in a long time and I turned to Adam.
“Wanna head to Silver Falls?” I asked, referring to the waterfall our little town had been named after.
“Yeah. I haven’t been there since high school,” he said and we continued our walk.
It was quiet as we went except for the sounds of our feet scraping against the dirt. We were hidden from the summer sun by the canopy of trees that never seemed to end in Vermont. It was humid, but not unbearably so, and I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed being out here, away from everything.
“I’ve missed it out here,” he said after we’d been walking a while.
“Me too.” He turned to look at me.
“You don’t come out here anymore?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Not really.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. No reason really.”
“It’s nice out here,” he said as we neared the path that would lead us to the falls. “It’s quiet. I can actually think out here,” he continued, but then I heard him laugh quietly. “That’s not always a good thing though.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked him, but he didn’t answer. He just stopped and leaned down to look at a plant.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 8