I opened the door and ran out, Robert cursing the whole time. I felt awful, but I had to get out of there. I’d kneed a poor innocent man in the face and more than likely broken his nose all because I thought I was ready to do something reckless and stupid. As I rushed back to the club, I knew I wasn’t ready for reckless and stupid no matter how drunk I was.
~~~
“Where the hell have you been?” Erica cornered me almost as soon as I walked back into the club. “I’ve been looking all over for you, dammit!” She looked angry. I could see it in her eyes. “I called your damn cell phone at least a hundred times. I saw you making out with that bartender and then you just disappeared! Where the hell were you? I thought you’d been drugged and kidnapped!”
I knew Erica didn’t really think that. She was just being dramatic like she always was.
“I went back to his place.”
“What!” she exclaimed, her face curling up in confusion. “You went back to his place? What the hell, Caroline? You just met the guy and you went back to his place? What the hell is wrong with you?”
I knew I’d done something extremely careless if my cousin, the queen of crazy, was condemning my actions.
“He was hot,” I answered.
She took my face in her hands and then leaned in and sniffed me.
“You’re wasted! How many drinks have you had?” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Five, I think.”
“Shit, Caroline! I told you to come have a good time, not go home with the first guy you meet! He could’ve been a serial killer! What the hell?” She was shouting at me over the loud music. “Did you sleep with him?” she demanded and I shook my head vehemently. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! I would know if I had sex with someone!” I shouted back.
“Maybe not with how tanked you are,” she said.
“I’m not that drunk,” I said defensively and she crossed her arms.
“You sound exactly like someone who’s had too much to drink. You are wasted. You’re slurring your speech and you can hardly stand up,” she said, looking into my eyes, even though I knew she was exaggerating. “What happened then if you didn’t sleep with him?”
“We were going to…we were on his couch, he was about to…you know…” I said, pointing down, but was too shy to say it.
“He was going…” she exclaimed but I interrupted her.
“Almost!” I cried. “I knew I couldn’t do it though so I got up to leave and…and I kneed him in the nose. I think I might’ve broken it,” I winced and Erica just stood there, arms folded, mouth open in a perfect O, staring at me.
“You kicked him in the face?” she gasped.
“Yes! What the hell’s the matter with me? First the nudist and now I assault a guy I was seriously going to hook up with.”
“You’re a damn train wreck, Caroline!” Erica said, shaking her head at me.
“Fuck you, Erica!” I shouted, not quite sure where the anger was coming from, but I didn’t want to hear anymore of her crap. “I’m getting the hell out of here.” I started marching towards the door, but I felt her hand curl around my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
“Like hell you are! You are not driving. You can barely walk, let alone drive a car.” She grabbed for my purse, but I tugged it right back.
“Let go of my purse!” I shouted at her, but she pulled right back until I sighed, knowing she was right and relinquishing it. I knew I couldn’t drive. I knew I was drunker than I’d ever been, but I just wanted to get out of there. I couldn’t face Robert if he came back inside.
“And how many drinks have you had?” I demanded from my cousin.
“Too many to drive as well. Neither of us is getting behind the wheel.”
“Then how do you propose we get home, Einstein?” I spat at her.
“I’m not going home yet. I’m having a good time. I’m not the one who broke someone’s nose, so I suggest you find a way home, but it’s not going to be with your car.”
Our eyes locked. We were in a stand-off. We just stared at each other for another few moments before yanking the purse out of Erica’s hands and reaching in for my cell phone. I looked down at it, but my eyes were having trouble focusing on the screen. There were two of everything. I felt Erica grab it away from me.
“You’re so drunk, you can’t even see the numbers on your phone,” Erica mumbled as she started doing something on my phone and then holding it to her ear. She tapped her foot for a few moments until whoever she’d called picked up. “Sawyer,” she said and I rolled my eyes. She’d called my brother of all people. “You need to come pick up your sister. She’s completely wasted and can’t drive home.” There was a pause while she listened. “Why can’t I drive her? Because I’m drunk too.” It grew quiet again and it was my turn to tap my foot this time. “Fine. I’ll make sure she drinks nothing but water until you get here.”
She hung up the phone and put it back in my purse.
“You didn’t have to call Sawyer.”
“Who else should I have called?”
“I don’t know, but not him. He’s going to kill me.”
“Whatever,” she said, dragging me over to the bar. “One bottle of water, the largest you’ve got, please,” she said to the bartender. He handed me a liter of Poland Springs and Erica paid him and dragged me to an empty booth. “Now you stay here until Sawyer gets here. Don’t move!”
“I’m not a two-year-old,” I scoffed, but she ignored me.
“I mean it, Caroline. Your ass stays here!”
I saluted her sarcastically and opened my water, taking a long swig while she walked away.
It felt like I sat there for hours, drinking the water and trying not to fall asleep. I kept my back to the door, praying Robert wouldn’t come back. I couldn’t face him. I could never step foot in this place again. Erica kept coming to check on me, not saying anything, but making sure I hadn’t decided a DUI would be my first reckless and stupid thing to do. I didn’t want to see my brother though. Sawyer, just as Adam, still saw me as a child and was going to scold me as such.
“With all this water you’re forcing me to drink, I have to pee. Do you trust me to pee, dear cousin?” I asked Erica when she came over to me again.
“Just go,” she snipped and I made my way to the bathroom.
I found a stall and when I was done, I washed my hands, looking in the mirror as I did so. The water must be doing something. I wasn’t seeing double anymore and that had to be a good sign. I finished drying my hands and headed back to the booth that had been my prison for the last hour. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Adam standing there waiting for me. He had his hat pulled low over his eyes in an obvious attempt not to be recognized. I thought he was safe here though. It was dark and crowded. Adam DeLain could blend in here.
He peered at me from under the brim of his hat and a moment later, I started walking again, stopping a few feet in front of him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“Sawyer called. Said you needed a ride.”
“Why isn’t he here?”
“He was at Lindsey’s and the battery or something died in his car, so he called me to come get you.”
I looked away from Adam then and to Erica who was eyeing me from off in the distance, still making herself cozy with the frat boy. I wasn’t sure how she was going to get home, but it wasn’t my concern anymore.
“Let’s go then,” I said quietly, turning my attention back to Adam.
I followed him out of the club and down the street to where his monstrosity of a truck was parked. I saw the lights blink and I heard it beep when he unlocked it. He followed me to the passenger door and held it open for me as I climbed inside. He shut the door and I buckled my seatbelt. He was beside me a moment later, buckling his own seatbelt, starting the truck and backing out.
“Are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes when we were on the highway heading back to the farm.
“I’m
fine,” I said flatly, keeping my eyes on the road. He must’ve known I didn’t want to talk to him because he reached over and turned on the radio. The music poured through the cab and we didn’t say a word to each other the entire drive back from Burlington.
He eased the truck to a stop in front of the house when we got home. Sawyer’s SUV was still gone and both the main house and the stable house were dark. He undid his seatbelt quickly and was out of the truck before I’d undone mine. I grabbed my purse and reached for the handle to open the door, but before I could, he’d already done it. He was standing there, holding his hand out to me.
“I don’t need your help,” I said quietly, stepping out of the truck, but missing the running board and sliding clumsily down instead. His hands were on my waist instantly, steadying me as I tried to collect myself.
“I think you might,” he said, but I quickly wiggled out of his arms. “How much did you drink tonight?”
I straightened myself up and glared at him.
“That’s none of your business, Adam.”
“You’re having a hard time walking,” he stated, but I just ignored him and started for the porch steps. He was beside me a moment later, resting his hand on my back as I walked to the front door. I reached for my keys, fumbling around in my purse until I found them. I was having a hard time inserting it into the lock with my shaky hands and Adam took them from me, opening the door easily. I stepped inside, turning on the family room light. I noticed Adam had followed me inside.
“I’m fine, Adam. You can go now,” I said to him, but he didn’t move. “I said you can go.”
“I just want to make sure you’re settled before I leave.”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” I sneered at him.
“Would you please just go upstairs and get ready for bed so I know you’re okay before I head back to the stable house?”
I ignored his request to head upstairs, instead walking into the kitchen for a glass of water. I’d thought I’d had my fill at the club, but I was craving it again and so I filled a glass and took a long drink.
“Is this something you do frequently?” he asked.
“What?”
“Get wasted like this,” he said and I sighed, reaching for a hairclip in my bag. I was getting hot. I knew it was from the alcohol and I twisted my hair into a knot so it was off my neck.
“I already told you what I do isn’t any concern of yours, Adam, so just go back to the stable house. I’ll be fine.” I took another drink, but he came closer to me, and I noticed he was staring at my neck. “Why are you staring at me?” I asked and he raised his arm, his finger resting on a spot at the base of my neck.
“Hickeys are a little juvenile, don’t you think?” he asked.
“What?” I asked and then went to the mirror in the bathroom down the hall. Sure enough, there was a red bruise on the base of my neck. I walked back into the kitchen, making sure to keep my shirt pulled high enough to cover the mark.
“This isn’t like you, Caroline,” he said.
“How would you know? You don’t me!” My voice was bitter and he looked at the ground for a moment before bringing his eyes back up.
“I know you well enough to know this whole thing isn’t you. The drinking. The hooking up. It’s not the Caroline Hale I know.”
“The Caroline Hale you know is the sixteen-year-old girl you left behind just like the rest of your friends in this town when you decided you were too important to be bothered with us anymore. You know nothing about me now. Absolutely nothing.” My voice was calm, but I could hear it quivering and I could see the pain my words had caused Adam.
“That’s what you may think,” he said after a few moments of tense silence, “but that girl back then was sweet and thoughtful and kind and I don’t think she’s really changed all that much, so when I say this whole charade isn’t you, I’m probably right.”
There wasn’t any smugness about him, but he was confident and I looked down at the carpet, picking nervously at my fingernails as I thought about what he’d just said to me.
“Please tell me you didn’t do anything stupid tonight, Caroline,” he said softly, coming closer to me, taking the steps cautiously. I could feel my heartbeat growing louder the closer he got to me and when he stopped only a couple of feet away from me, I could smell that scent that was distinctly him.
“You mean you don’t want to hear about how I got the hickey or the fact that I went back to the guy’s place? The guy I just met tonight, by the way,” I said, purposefully adding that last dig.
“You went back to his place?” he asked and I could hear him becoming more agitated. He was trying to stay calm and level-headed the way he’d been acting since he picked me up, but I knew he was faltering.
“I did,” I said and I watched as his jaw clenched.
“Do you know how stupid that was, Caroline? Do you know what could’ve happened?” His voice was rising now. He was angry and I was getting a sick feeling of satisfaction watching him like that.
“Yes, I do know, which is why I left when things started going too far,” I answered and I could see the relief wash over his face. “See, Adam? I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.”
“I never said you couldn’t,” he stated.
“Maybe not, but I know that’s how you feel. When are you going to see that I’m not a kid anymore?”
I watched as his eyes moved over my body and then they stopped on mine.
“I see it, Caroline,” he answered softly and a heaviness fell between us for a few long seconds until I finally spoke again, the alcohol giving me the courage to address something I never would’ve otherwise.
“Then why haven’t you said barely more than two words to me since yesterday at Silver Falls?”
I could tell by the way he stiffened that my question was something he didn’t want to talk about, just like yesterday at the falls. He wanted to avoid it. He wanted to avoid me.
“Answer me, Adam!” I demanded. “I was there, you know. I was with you. I felt it and I know you felt it too.”
“Caroline,” he whispered, shaking his head and looking away. I stepped closer to him, the alcohol coursing through my veins continuing to embolden me.
“You were going to kiss me, Adam,” I said softly, reaching up and slowly tilting his chin up until his eyes were locked on mine. “You wanted to kiss me, Adam, and I wanted to kiss you.” My voice was even quieter now, but our eyes never left each other’s and I felt his hand on my arm then; the touch of his skin against mine was warm and safe. I inched myself even closer so my chest pressed against his. His breathing was picking up and I could feel his heart beat through his shirt. “But you didn’t. You just stopped. What did I do to make you pull away from me?”
He swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a moment and then slowly opening them back up to meet mine.
“Nothing, Caroline,” he whispered. “You didn’t do anything.”
“Then finish what we started yesterday,” I encouraged him softly, licking my lips.
“Caroline, I can’t,” he said quietly.
“Why?” It was a simple question that I knew had a complex answer.
“Please, Caroline,” he pleaded softly, stepping back from me so we were no longer touching and I missed the feeling of him so close. “Just go to bed so I know you’re okay and then I can go too.”
The quiet that settled in was heavy and the longer I stood there, the more hurt I felt. Why was he pushing me away?
“What’s the matter with me, Adam? Am I not good enough for you? Because I don’t look like those girls I’ve seen you with in pictures? Because I’m simply Sweet Caroline from Silver Falls?”
“No, Caroline. You know that’s not true.”
“Then why?” I demanded, closing the distance he’d created just moments ago. I placed my hands on his chest. Even through his shirt, I could feel how strong he was as I felt the solid muscles under my fingertips and then leaned in closer to him,
my eyes focusing on his mouth the whole time, needing to feel it on mine.
“Dammit, Caroline!” he exclaimed, taking my hands and pushing them off of his chest when I got too close and he stepped back. “You’re drunk and I’m not having this conversation with you when you’re like this. Now please, just go to bed.”
I felt my stare grow icy then. Even though I was drunk, just as he’d said, it didn’t soften the humiliation I felt at the fact I was throwing myself at him and he was still rejecting me.
“Fuck you, Adam!” I said, staring him right in the eyes, my voice deep and strong while trying to remain in control of my emotions. “You can take your fancy truck and your money and go back to your life in Boston where the world worships you. You don’t belong here anymore so why don’t you just leave? Get your stuff and don’t come back. We don’t need you here and we don’t want you here.”
Our eyes locked and I knew my words had cut through him. I didn’t care though. I was done with his mind games. He could take them back to the big city where they worked.
He walked past me, muttering, “Good night, Caroline,” as he brushed by, our arms grazing lightly as he headed for the front door. He opened it and was gone a second later. When the door shut, I felt my stomach start to churn and I raced to the bathroom, heaving into the toilet until there was nothing left in my stomach.
I sunk to the floor, holding my head in my hands. I was never going to drink again.
Eleven
My head was pounding when I woke up the next morning. I shouldn’t have drunk as much as I did and as I looked in the mirror, I knew I was going to regret it. There were deep purple bags under my eyes and my eyes were red. I reached for the medicine cabinet and took two Tylenol, but I doubted it was going to do anything for my head. Why I thought getting completely trashed was a good idea, I’d never know.
I’d wanted to escape myself for a night. To be reckless and stupid, as I’d put it, and I’d succeeded. I didn’t remember everything from the night before in crystal clear details, but most of it was clear enough to know I hadn’t used my best judgement. I thought about Robert and I wondered how he was. I still couldn’t believe I’d kicked the poor guy in the nose. I hoped he was alright, but I’d never know because I never planned to see him again.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 11