Her car was in front of her house when I pulled up and the light was on in the in-law apartment above the garage. She’d lived up there ever since graduating and I had to admit I was jealous of her privacy. It was almost like she had her own place even though she still technically lived at home like me.
I knocked on the door, my DVD and snacks in hand and waited until it opened.
“Hey,” I said, holding up the DVD and snacks I’d brought. “I was hoping you’d accept this as a peace offering.”
“You think I’m mad at you?”
“Maybe not mad…” I said, my voice trailing off.
“I was never mad. Now get in here.” She reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me inside. “What do you have?” She took the DVD and looked down at it.
“Are you up for a movie?” I asked and she shrugged.
“Yeah. I haven’t seen this yet,” she said, walking over and putting it into the DVD player and we settled in on the couch.
“I just wanted to make sure we were okay after the night at the club. I was an ass.”
“Yes, you were,” she said, opening up a box of Milk Duds and putting too many in her mouth so that it was like she was talking to me with marbles in her mouth. “You’re always an ass when you drink.”
“Which is why I shouldn’t do it and don’t plan on doing it again,” I said, taking the box and pouring some candy for myself.
“It was actually kind of funny, seeing you like that. You’ve got some good stories now though and with the way things are going, they’ll keep coming the more you go out.”
“Dating sucks, Erica,” I said and she nodded.
“No shit,” she said and I started laughing.
“Why’d Caleb have to go and end up being a total douchebag?”
“Because that’s what men are.”
“Not all of them,” I said quickly.
“Ninety-nice percent of them are.”
“Do you really think that?” I asked, hoping she was just being overly dramatic.
“Hell yes, Caroline! For the past five years you’ve lived in this perfect bubble with that jackass while I was out there on the rough streets of Dating Land, and I’m sorry to tell you, they’re all dicks. I read somewhere that men think of sex like a thousand times a day. They’re consumed with it. They’re constantly on a mission and that mission is to get laid. That’s all they’re after.”
“I don’t believe that,” I said, getting some more Milk Duds.
“You can keep thinking that way, but it’s only going to make it harder for you to accept the truth. I mean, take, for example, your good friend Robert at the club. What did he want? Sex. That was it.”
“So did I,” I interrupted.
“No, you didn’t,” she scoffed.
“How do you know what I wanted?”
“Because you didn’t go through with it! If all you wanted to do was sleep with the guy, you would’ve, but you didn’t. You backed out, which was definitely the right thing to do, by the way, but I digress,” Erica said in one quick breath. “Anyway…if you’d just wanted a hook-up, you would’ve, but you’re not built like that, Caroline. You want it all. The romance. The passion. The fairytale.”
I thought about what my cousin was saying. She knew me better than I knew myself and as I thought about her words, I knew she was right.
“Is it so bad to want the fairytale?” I asked softly.
“No, I think we all want the fairytale,” she said, but then hesitated. “Fairytales aren’t real though, but, Care,” she said, resting her hand on my leg, “you think they are and all it’s going to do is break your heart. Look what Caleb did. You thought he was it. You gave him everything and he took your heart and shit on it. Do you really think he’s an exception? No, he’s not. You found him in the incubation phase. It just took him a little longer to grow into an asshole.”
I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I listened to her words. She was right. I did believe in love. I believed in having that one person who gets you like no one else; that one person who loves every last piece of you, flaws and all; that one person to spend your life with. And as I sat across from my cousin, I realized maybe my dreams were simply that: dreams and dreams rarely come true.
“So, what do you suggest I do then? Just give up?”
“I’m not saying that. I just want you to be prepared.”
“I’m fine. I survived Mr. Weiner and Busted Nose. I can handle anything,” I said and Erica burst out laughing.
“Baptism by fire, baby!”
I started laughing and then picked up the remote.
“Can we start the movie now?”
“Sure thing,” Erica said, standing up. “I’ll just go make the popcorn.”
She went into the kitchenette while I hit play. A few minutes later we were settling in with the movie and Erica turned to me.
“See, even the movie you brought over is a fairytale,” she said with a laugh when the romantic comedy began to play.
“What can I say? I’m hopeless.”
She tossed a piece of popcorn at me and I laughed, picking it up and throwing it back.
Thirteen
I was the first one in the barn the next morning. That never happened and as I got to work, I glanced over to the stable house. It was six-thirty and all was quiet. I hadn’t gotten home from Erica’s until after eleven o’clock and my brother’s SUV was still gone. I hadn’t waited for them to get home. I’d gone to bed, trying not to think about the fact they were still out. I’d woken up and peeked outside to see Sawyer’s SUV in its usual spot and I’d expected them to be outside when I got there, but I was wrong. I was also relieved because I didn’t know how I would feel when I saw Adam.
I worked quietly until a half an hour later when I heard footsteps along the barn floor. I turned to see Adam standing there. I was instantly nervous when I saw him. He looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess. He reached around and pulled an old ball cap from the back pocket of his faded jeans and put it on his head. I knew he’d just rolled out of bed and I had to look away. No one should look that good first thing in the morning.
“Good morning,” I said as I tended to one of the cows.
“Morning,” he answered, coming over next to me. “I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“I was beginning to think you two were dead,” I said with a laugh and I couldn’t help myself when I turned to face him, meeting his eyes, surprised at the fact it wasn’t nearly as awkward as I’d expected it to be after the way I’d reacted to Angie last night and the fact we’d barely said two words to each other recently.
“You mean Sawyer’s not up yet?” he asked and he looked surprised.
“No. Haven’t seen him,” I answered.
“Seriously?” he asked and I nodded. “That’s why I came rushing out here. I thought he was gonna kick my ass for sleeping in.” We hadn’t spoken this much since the night I told him I’d give him space, but he seemed talkative this morning and so I went with it.
“Well, now you can kick his ass,” I said and he laughed quietly. “Late night I take it?” I was shamelessly fishing for information, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Yeah. Didn’t get home till almost one,” he answered as he walked away and grabbed a broom.
“It must’ve gone well then,” I said, keeping my head down and focused on what I was doing. I didn’t want to see his face when he recounted the events of the night before.
“I guess so,” he answered.
“You had fun then? With Angie?” I asked softly.
“Yeah, it was alright,” he answered and I finally turned to him. He was looking down at the floor while he worked so I couldn’t see his face.
“What’d you do?” I continued. I don’t know why I kept prodding him for details, especially since I was afraid of what Adam would say. I knew nothing could ever come from whatever it was I was feeling for Adam, but I’d wondered about him and Angie al
l night though. I thought about what they might be doing and what he might be feeling for her. It was dumb and juvenile, but I couldn’t seem to reign control of my imagination.
“Went to the movies and then we went out for a drink,” he said, offering up little information.
“I hope you held your liquor better than I did,” I said and he laughed, finally looking at me.
“I had one beer. I was perfectly fine. Your brother on the other hand…” he said with a grin and I had to laugh this time.
“Sawyer? Straight and narrow Sawyer?”
“You two are very similar when you drink. It must run in the family.”
“I’m sorry,” I said with a laugh. “Two drunk Hales in a matter of days.”
“I can take it,” he said, smiling over at me.
“Maybe he’ll behave himself better on the next date.”
“There’s not going to be a next date,” he said and as much as I wanted to ask him why not, I didn’t. I simply nodded and then went back to work. “What about you? What’d you do last night?” he asked after a few moments.
“Just went to Erica’s. We watched a movie. She lectured me on the ways of men,” I said and Adam’s eyebrow raised in curiosity.
“I’m sure she had some interesting things to say.”
“Of course she did. It was Erica.”
“I hope you didn’t listen to anything she said though.”
“And why wouldn’t I? You hardly know Erica and you don’t know what she said.”
“I remember her. You two were always together and you and her couldn’t be any more different, so whatever she told you, take it with a grain of salt.”
“So, you aren’t in agreement with her that ninety-nine percent of men are douchebags who only want to get laid?” I said, surprised at the sass in my voice and Adam stopped what he was doing and leaned on his broom.
“No. I’m not in agreement with her. I’m actually offended by her insinuation.”
“Offended? You don’t get offended,” I shot back.
“Well, when someone lumps all men into one category, and an inaccurate one at that, I am offended.”
“So, sex isn’t constantly on your mind then?” I continued, thinking back to my conversation with Erica and I swear I saw him blush a little.
“I’m a man, Caroline, and like any man, I enjoy sex,” he said and I wondered if I imagined it when I saw his eyes travel over my body. “And yes, I think about it probably more than I should. I won’t deny that, but it’s not all I’m after.”
“I find that hard to believe. I mean, you are a baseball player, Adam.”
“I’m so much more than a baseball player, Caroline,” he said as the smile from our banter started to fade and his eyes locked with mine. His voice was deep and low and it caused my heart to pound. He was six feet away, but it felt as if he was right in front of me, so close that if I reached out, I could touch him. Maybe it was just my mind wanting to touch him or wanting him to touch me.
“Why didn’t you wake me the hell up?” Sawyer’s angry voice tore through the moment, cutting the invisible tie I had to Adam as I whipped around to see my brother walking quickly into the barn. He looked annoyed and disheveled. It was obvious he’d just rolled out of bed as Adam had. “It’s nearly eight o’clock!”
“Relax, man. It’s just after seven-thirty,” Adam said.
“Shut the hell up, Adam,” Sawyer snapped as he started getting to work, banging things around so it created a noisy echo.
“Calm down, Sawyer,” I interjected. “Everything’s under control. You woke up a little late. It’s no big deal.”
He turned and shot me a glare, but continued to work. I looked at Adam and he just grinned at me, rolling his eyes as he looked at my brother. I couldn’t help but laugh and Sawyer looked up from where he was hunched over.
“What the hell’s so funny?” he demanded.
“Nothing,” I said and he turned his head quickly back to what he was doing, but my eyes drifted over to Adam again. The left side of his mouth rose up into a sweet smile before he turned away and we all got back to work.
“So, how pissed do you think he is at us?” Adam said a little while later. He’d sidled up beside me so quietly he’d startled me.
“He’s not pissed at us. He’s pissed at himself,” I said with a quiet laugh, hoping to avoid my brother’s glare again. “Perfect Sawyer doesn’t like it when he’s not perfect.”
“He’s always been that way though. I can’t tell you how many times my parents asked me why I couldn’t be more like Sawyer.”
“I’ll bet they regret their words now because I think you turned out alright,” I said and he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Just alright?”
“I can’t say much more than that. Your ego already barely fits in the barn as it is.”
“What?” he scoffed. “Are you getting paid for insulting me today?”
“Nah. I do it for free,” I said and I heard him start laughing as I walked over to the sink and started washing my hands.
“You make me laugh, Sweet Caroline.”
“I told you to stop calling me that,” I said and he just smiled.
“Never,” he answered and I laughed quietly, shaking my head, grateful that things seemed to be almost normal between us despite all the awkwardness lately. “What’re your plans for the rest of the day? Are you working at the restaurant?”
“Yeah. I’ve got to be there at ten, so I’ll finish up here and then go take my shower,” I said and he nodded. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but he didn’t. “What about you?” I asked him.
“Sawyer and I will be out here for a while because of our late start.”
“I guess that date last night wasn’t such a good idea after all,” I said with a quiet laugh, but when I turned to him, I could see he wasn’t smiling. His mouth was in a straight line and his eyes moved up slowly until they were meeting mine.
“It was never a good idea,” he said softly.
Our eyes remained locked and I could feel that pull to him. The same one we couldn’t seem to escape and when he took a step forward, I held my breath as I waited to see if that step would lead him closer to me. He took another step, but then he turned and started walking away. I kept my eyes on him, my heart pounding the whole time and then he stopped. He paused for a second, but then turned to me.
“Caroline, I’m sorry about last night,” he began. “I’m…I’m sorry about everything.”
Before I could say anything though, he turned away again, crossing the barn and eventually out to the pasture where Sawyer was. I stood there a moment, waiting for the beating of my heart to calm down. There was no middle ground when it came to Adam. Our banter was easy and fun, but it never stayed that way. There was always something deeper there. Something more. Something I knew we could never explore. And something that left an ache in my heart that took too long to go away when he’d leave. I told myself I couldn’t let Adam affect me like this, but as I stared at the spot he’d been standing in only moments before, I knew no matter how hard I tried to push him from my mind, he was always there.
Fourteen
I was grateful when my shift was over. It’d been surprisingly busy at the restaurant and I wanted to get off my feet. The sun started to set and the clouds rolled in as I drove home. When I pulled up to the house, the rain started. It was a light, but steady rain that would probably last the rest of the night, which was fine with me because I didn’t plan on doing anything other than take a shower and veg out on the couch.
I noticed Sawyer’s SUV was gone along with Adam’s truck. If I had to guess, I would say my brother was with Lindsey, but I didn’t know where Adam could be. Based on our conversation earlier, I didn’t think he was with Angie, but maybe that had changed.
I told myself it didn’t concern me and I trotted quickly up the porch steps. Even though I’d gone as quickly as I could to the front door, my shirt was still spotted with ra
in drops when I walked into the quiet house. I missed my parents, but since they’d left, I’d come to realize I liked coming home to the silence.
I set my purse down and went right to the shower, turning on the water until steam started to fill the bathroom. I wasn’t in long, just enough to wash my hair and clean the restaurant grime off my body. I changed into a pair of sweats and a tank top, leaving my hair to air dry before heading to the kitchen to see what I could scrounge up for dinner.
Even though Sawyer had invited Angie unexpectedly, there was still some leftover chicken parmesan. I pulled the Tupperware out of the fridge and was reaching for a plate to heat it up on when a knock echoed in the living room. I hesitated for a second, my eyes drifting to the front door, before I took the plate out and shut the cabinet.
When I opened the door, Adam stood there, holding a pizza box. The rain fell behind him and the sky was getting darker. He didn’t smile when he first saw me. He looked hesitant almost, but then a slow grin began to spread on his face.
“Have you eaten yet?” he asked as I rested my hand on the door.
“No. I was about to heat up some leftovers actually.”
“Good then,” he said, brushing by me as he entered the house without an invitation. “I was planning on eating this alone,” he said, gesturing towards the pizza, “but when I pulled up, I saw you were home and thought you might like some company for dinner.”
“Oh yeah? You thought I wanted your company?” I smirked at him and he gave me a cocky smile back before setting the pizza box on the coffee table.
“Of course you do. Everyone wants my company.”
“You come across as an arrogant ass sometimes, you know that?” I said, folding my arms.
“I’m well aware of that fact. Now,” he said, walking towards the kitchen, “what can I get you to drink?”
“Water’s fine,” I said and then he disappeared. I could hear him rifling through the cabinets, gathering plates and drinks. I was already sitting on the couch, opening the pizza box, when he walked in, setting the plates and water bottles on the table.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 14