“I was willing to risk it because it was the best place to get away,” he said, but then hesitated. “I probably shouldn’t have even brought you up here. It’s a bitch getting down.”
“Then why did you?”
“To be alone after the interruptions at dinner. You can’t get much further away than this without driving to Canada,” he said, looking over to me. “Which we could do if you want. Got your passport on you?”
I just smiled and laughed.
“Let’s save Canada for another day, when we really need to get away,” I told him and I could see his silhouette nod.
“Good idea, but I think we’re safe. No one will find us up here,” he said and then sat down on the granite. He held up his hand to me, motioning for me to sit beside him. I took his hand and a moment later, we sat side by side, looking out into the sunset.
“It’s nice up here,” I said softly. “And the view is amazing. I’ve never quite seen our little corner of the world like this.”
“So, it was worth the work climbing up here then?”
“Yeah,” I said, scooting in closer to him. “We’re alone at least and that’s all that matters.”
“I hope you weren’t too bothered at dinner tonight,” he said after a few quiet moments. “I wish I could take you somewhere like a normal guy and not have to take time away from us.”
“You brought me here, didn’t you?” I said with a quiet laugh.
“I’ll just keep finding these hideaways then.”
He put his arm around me and pulled me close, kissing me gently on the temple.
“I’m not opposed to that or we could simply never leave the farm again.”
“Your parents will be home eventually. Our sanctuary will be gone then,” he said with a grin and I hated to think of it coming to an end. “We’ll have to find somewhere else to hideout.” I laughed softly for a moment, but then I felt my smile fade and I turned my head to look at Adam.
“We’re going to hideout forever then? Never tell anyone about us?”
I watched Adam’s smile disappear too.
“Of course not. We’ll have to say something eventually,” he said quietly, looking off into the distance again.
“When do you think we should tell him?” I asked and he turned back to me.
“I don’t know,” he answered.
“I’ve gotta tell you, Adam,” I said with a quiet laugh, “I’m afraid to tell him.”
He snickered too, shaking his head and then looking back at me, the humor making its way back into our conversation.
“Afraid’s an understatement. He’ll probably kick my ass.”
I laughed a little and then rested my head on his shoulder.
“Not if I explain it to him.”
“I don’t think it’ll matter what we say, Caroline. He won’t understand.”
“You really don’t think so?” I asked, my voice turning serious again. He placed both of his hands on my shoulders, turning me so I was facing him.
“Sawyer’s my best friend and I love him like my own brother. He’s a good man, Caroline. He does the right thing…always has. I’ve never been like him and he knows that. When your brother looks at me, he sees a man who does whatever the hell he wants and gets whatever the hell he wants. In his eyes, I’m not good enough for you.”
“Don’t say that,” I interrupted.
“You don’t know me the way Sawyer does. He’s seen me at my worst. You haven’t.”
“And what difference does that make? What could you have done that would make Sawyer think you’re not good enough for me?” I asked.
“You’ve seen the pictures. You’ve seen the women,” he said, meeting my eyes with a serious expression on his face, one that was timid and apologetic.
My mind drifted to the images I’d seen of him over the last couple of years and what I’d seen of Adam when he left Silver Falls. I didn’t like what they implied, but it was his past and he’d already told me how things changed for him once he made it to the Red Sox.
“So, you’ve been with a lot of women,” I said, trying to make it sound like I wasn’t bothered, even though he knew it didn’t sit well with me.
“Don’t pretend you’re okay with that.”
“We all have pasts, Adam.”
“You don’t,” he said and I looked away for a second, knowing he was right. Compared to him, I knew absolutely nothing. “You’ve only been with Caleb. You know what it’s like to put one person above anyone else,” he said and then paused briefly before continuing. “Did you know, Caroline, that I’ve never had a relationship longer than four months? I’m twenty-four-years-old and my longest relationship has been four months.”
“Why do you think that is?” I asked softly, almost afraid to hear his answer.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve never been in love,” he said, looking away again. “And that’s why your brother will never think I’m good enough for you.”
I reached for him, gently forcing him to look at me.
“My brother doesn’t decide who is good enough for me. I decide.”
“And you want this? You want to be with me?” he asked, meeting my eyes. I found it hard to believe that someone like him could ever have doubts about himself, but as I looked into his eyes, I could tell he did.
“Yes, Adam, I want this,” I said softly.
“Even when I go back to Boston? When I start playing again?” he asked and I could see the apprehension on his face as my thoughts from earlier at the restaurant started coming back to me. I didn’t want to think about the way it would be once we left the sanctuary of our little town, but I knew things would change. I knew it would be different; tonight had proven that.
“Tell me what’s really on your mind, Caroline,” he said in a gentle voice. “I know you’re not telling me everything.”
I couldn’t help but smile, looking away for a second while I pushed some hair behind my ear.
“How is it you can already read me so well?” I asked, bringing my eyes back to him.
“Because I’ve known you since you were a little girl. I know you better than you think I do.”
He leaned in, pressing his lips gently to mine for a moment before pulling away, leaving my heart a fluttering mess.
“I wish I had your confidence,” I said softly.
“Talk to me, Caroline,” he encouraged and I took a deep breath, not really knowing what to say to him.
“You’re right. I don’t know how things will be when you’re playing again…when you’re in Boston and not here anymore. I don’t know what that means for this thing between us. Things are different in Silver Falls…at the farm. It’s so simple there and you…you worry about how I’ll handle it when you’re back to playing, but I worry you might not feel the same way about me when you go back to Boston.” My voice was soft and I watched as his brow creased in concern. “I know you’ve been thinking about it too,” I concluded and he slowly nodded. “What have you been thinking about?” I asked him and he was quiet for a few moments as he looked down at our hands, tracing circles on mine with this fingertip.
“I worry that things will change…that you won’t want any part of that life. That you’ll realize I’m not worth it.”
Hearing those words broke my heart. How could he ever think he wasn’t worth it?
“Don’t say that, Adam,” I said, looking into his eyes and cupping his smooth cheek with my palm. “You are worth it.”
“You’ve only gotten a taste, Caroline. You have no idea what it’s going to be like once I’m back in the rotation. The constant scrutiny. The trolling. The comments. Every girl I’ve ever dated has been affected by it. They’re attacked just for being with me. I don’t want them to do that to you.”
“So…” I began hesitantly, trying to push back the stinging in my eyes, “when you go back, you…you don’t think this will work between us.”
“No,” he said quickly. “I’m not saying that, but I don’t want to delude
myself either. Unless you don’t want to try, and I wouldn’t blame you if you decided that’s what you want, but for me, Caroline,” he said softly, leaning in close to me, “it’s not what I want. Every morning since we’ve been together I wake up wondering how in the hell I got so lucky to have someone like you in my life. I know it hasn’t been that long, but…I…I feel so different about you than anyone else I’ve ever been with. I don’t quite understand it and I don’t know if I ever will. No one has ever made me feel like you do and I don’t want to give up when we’ve just started. I’m willing to give this thing between us a shot if you are…even when I go back to Boston.”
I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I could see the fear too.
“I’m not like the girls you’re used to though. You said so yourself. What if you get back to Boston and realize I’m not enough?”
“No, Caroline,” he said softly, turning his body to face mine and gently cupping my face in his hands. “You’re not like those women. You’re so much better. You doubt yourself and I can’t understand how you can. I’ve told you this before, but everything about you is enough, Caroline. Everything. And I plan to take as much of you as I can as long as you’ll let me.”
He pressed his lips to mine, so soft and sweet. I could feel the tears in my eyes as he kissed me, filling me with feelings I’d never quite felt before. I thought I’d felt it before, but until this moment, I knew I hadn’t. There was no doubt now that I was falling in love with Adam and I was terrified of this feeling ever going away.
Twenty
It was dark when we got back to the farm. The hike down had been worse than going up, but it had been worth it. We’d said things we’d needed to say; things we’d been avoiding, but now it was all out there on the table and we’d have to wait to see what happened.
Adam followed me up the porch once we got out of the truck. I was glad he hadn’t gone straight to the stable house. I wasn’t ready for the night to end and I knew he wasn’t either.
“You should come inside. We can watch a movie or something,” I said and I saw him smile.
“Sounds good. Mind if I go change first? Relaxing in jeans isn’t possible,” he said with a quiet laugh and I had to agree.
“Sure. Just come over when you’re ready,” I said and then he took my arm, pulling me to him and kissing me slowly before pulling away.
“Be right back,” he said softly and I just nodded since I couldn’t find my words.
I watched for a few moments as he trotted down the steps and made his way to the stable house. He’d left me breathless, but I was getting used to it. He had a habit of doing that to me.
I finally got myself together and walked into the dark house, flipping on the light and heading upstairs. If Adam was going to change, I was going to do the same. I slipped off my dress and leggings and replaced them with a pair of black yoga pants and a pink tank top, perfect for relaxing and watching a movie. I went to the bathroom then, running a comb through my hair and then brushing my teeth before making my way downstairs.
I had just turned on the TV when there was a light knock on the door. When I turned around, I saw Adam walking in.
“Hey,” he said and I smiled at him as I looked him over. He looked more like the Adam I was used to seeing around the farm in his navy-blue Nike shorts and gray t-shirt. He followed me into the kitchen where we grabbed some drinks and then headed back to the living room. Just as we were making ourselves comfortable on the couch, I heard my phone beep with a text message. I reached for it and saw a text from my brother. I quickly read through it and then looked over to Adam.
“It’s Sawyer. He’s checking in to make sure we got everything done today.”
“It’s ten o’clock at night. Why is he just now asking?” Adam said with a laugh.
“I don’t know, but I think we’ve done a pretty good job since Sawyer’s been away, wouldn’t you say?”
“A damn good job,” he said, grabbing the phone from me. He started typing with a smirk on his face and I leaned over his shoulder only to start laughing when I saw what he’d written.
EVERYTHING’S FINE. NOW I’M GOING TO MAKE OUT WITH ADAM SO STOP TEXTING ME.
“Don’t you dare send that!” I exclaimed, grabbing for the phone, but he pulled it out of my reach.
“He’s gotta find out some time!” Adam laughed as his thumb hovered over the SEND button.
“Adam! Stop! Don’t even think about it!” I was trying not to laugh, but it was hard with the stupid grin on his face.
“I’m gonna do it, Caroline!” he threatened playfully, holding the phone up higher than I could reach. I was starting to panic now and I lunged at him, causing him to fall back onto the couch, as I landed on his chest, our faces only inches apart.
“You’d better not send that message, Adam!” His smirk only got bigger.
“Done,” he said calmly and I thought I might throw up when I realized my brother was about to get the message. Adam finally relinquished the phone and I sat up, my body straddling his, breathing a sigh of relief when I stared down at the screen.
EVERYTHING’S FINE.
That was all that had been written. He’d deleted everything else. I tossed the phone onto the carpet and then swatted him playfully on the arm.
“You’re an asshole, Adam DeLain,” I said, but when he grinned up at me, I couldn’t help but laugh too.
“You really think I’d do that to you?”
“I don’t know what you’re capable of,” I said and then he laughed, sitting up just enough to wrap his arms around my waist and pulling me back down so my breasts were pushed against the hard muscles of his chest and our lips were only inches apart.
“Then let me show you what I’m capable of, Sweet Caroline.”
The smirk was gone now and his voice was low and gravelly, causing my heart to beat faster in my chest. He pushed his mouth to mine, sliding his tongue in eagerly as he began kissing me deeply. His hands slid under my tank top, his skin warm against mine as I found my own hands moving over Adam’s body. His lips left mine and found my neck, his tongue moving slowly over my throat for a few moments until he was on my mouth again, moving his lips over mine with such urgency. Our breathing was heavy and I felt my hips start to move. I felt him hard against me through his gym shorts, pressing against me through the thin material of my yoga pants. Our hips began moving together and I closed my eyes. I could hear the quiet moans leaving my mouth each time he pressed against me. If it felt this good with our clothes on I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle the real thing.
“Caroline,” Adam whispered into my ear as he held me tightly, his hips starting to slow down.
“Don’t stop, Adam. Please don’t stop,” I pleaded quietly and then I felt his hips stop all together, sitting up so my legs wrapped around him and I was in his lap, my arms draped around his neck while his hands rested on my hips.
“What do you want from me, Caroline?” he asked quietly, locking his eyes on mine.
I knew what I wanted. He knew what I wanted. He just needed me to say it. I breathed in slowly as the beating of my heart overtook me.
“I want you, Adam,” I finally whispered.
His hands gripped my hips tighter and he breathed in deeply. I wondered if his heart was beating as fast as mine.
“Caroline,” he whispered. “Are you sure about this?”
I nodded, leaning in slowly until my lips were on his. I could feel the need in our kiss and when I pulled away, his eyes were closed. I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I was looking right at him when his eyes opened again so he’d know I was serious.
“I want this, Adam. I want you.”
My voice was low, but strong. He swallowed hard and then nodded, easing me off him. He stood up, towering above me before reaching down and scooping me up effortlessly in his arms.
Without any words, he carried me up the stairs. He stopped in front of my bedroom door and then pushed it open with his foot. It was dark inside
except for the light of the full moon that was spilling in through the window. He walked us into the room and shut the door behind us before walking to my bed and carefully setting me down. My head rested on the pillow and he started crawling towards me, grabbing his shirt by the collar and pulling it over his head until he was shirtless, hovering over me. My heart caught in my throat as I realized I’d never seen a more perfect man and I was burning to feel the rest of him.
He met my eyes and then started brushing the hair from my face.
“You’re so beautiful, Caroline,” he whispered and then kissed me softly. “And this is what you want?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. I’d never wanted anything more.
Once the words left my mouth I knew there was no turning back. I didn’t want to turn back. I wanted this. I wanted him. I closed my eyes as my body trembled beneath his touch. His fingers glided slowly over my skin and my heart pounded in my chest as he explored my body. Every bit of me was burning for him, but he took his time, touching me in a way that showed me how much he cared for me. When I opened my eyes and saw his face, I could see the pleasure he got from making me happy, but I was tired of just touching. I wanted him.
I reached for him, pulling him to me and kissing him deeply. His hand slid under my shirt as our mouths moved together, inching it up until it was gone. My bra was gone a second later too, followed by the rest of my clothes. Adam’s eyes moved slowly over body. I thought I’d be shy lying before him like this, but the way he was looking at me made me feel as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world.
He looked into my eyes and I could see the hunger in them. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. I reached for his shorts then and once they were off, I found myself captivated by him. I shouldn’t have been surprised that with his clothes off he was even more perfect.
My breath quickened as I felt the weight of him climbing on top of me and he gently settled in between my legs. My body was screaming for him as he stared down at me. Physically, he was an intimidating presence. Tall and muscular, but when he smiled at me, there was nothing intimidating about him. I loved the feeling of his body on mine, so strong and powerful. I felt safe like this with him, when it felt like we were the only people who existed in the world.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 19