by Tijan
We keep going, Tessa staying pressed against my side until she sees a graveyard and tombstones up ahead.
“Ooh. Let’s go read what’s on them,” she suggests, pulling away from me to step off the path.
“Go for it.”
I stuff my hands in my pockets and stay where I am.
When I hear a branch break, my head whips around and my muscles tighten. Eyes narrowed at the tree line, I stare into the darkness and watch for movement.
“Aw, these aren’t scary. Here lies Bea. A. Fraid. Lame! Luke, come look. Some of these are kind of funny.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I turn around and dig it out, saying, “Just read them to me,” as I swipe my thumb across the screen.
I look at the message from Ben.
Mia’s pregnant. We just found out today. She wanted to tell Tessa first, but I’m thinking hearing it from you might be better. Not sure how she’s gonna react.
The sound of Tessa’s soft laugh lifts my head, and the words pour out of my mouth before I have the chance to even think about what I’m saying, how I’m saying it, if I should be fucking saying it at all. They just come out.
Words that could kill her. I just say them.
“Mia’s pregnant.”
Tessa stands from the squatting position she was in and blinks at me. “What?” she asks, voice quiet.
My shoulders pull back.
That what isn’t because she didn’t hear me. I know she heard me.
That what is just another way of saying what the fuck?
Why them? Why not us?
“Your brother just texted me,” I tell her, stuffing my phone away without giving him a response. He knows what I’m dealing with. “They wanted you to know first. They just found out. Hey . . .”
Tessa starts shaking her head, her hand coming up to cover her mouth and her eyes lowering to the dirt. “I did it again,” she murmurs. “I can’t believe I did it again.”
I move closer, staring hard at her face and trying to see her better. “You did what again?”
What is she talking about?
“I felt . . . I don’t know, angry. I was angry at Mia. That’s the first thing I felt, Luke.” She looks at me then, and even though it’s dark and the light is shadowing her face, I know she has tears in her eyes. “The same thing happened when Beth told us on girls’ night that she was pregnant. I got pissed off. I got pissed off because she was pregnant and I wasn’t. How could I feel that? That’s so fucked up. And to Mia and Ben? God . . . what the fuck? Seriously? How could I feel that toward my best friend and my brother? What’s wrong with me?”
“Babe—”
“What’s wrong with me, Luke?” she repeats, her voice cracking. “I’m serious. There’s something wrong with me. I know there is. God . . . this shouldn’t be hard! Everyone else is getting pregnant. So why not us? I don’t get it! Is it something I did? Is it something I’m not doing? I know five months isn’t that long for some people, but I’m not some people. So what? What is it?” A sob catches in her throat. Her fists clench, shaking as she raises them next to her face.
Tessa looks ready to scream or cry or both.
I can’t breathe. Seeing her like this—it fucking kills me.
I move, needing to get to her. Needing to touch her somehow. But just as I’m about to reach out and pull her into my arms, Tessa rounds the tombstone she’s standing in front of to get back out onto the path and charges ahead.
“Let’s just go,” she says, staying just out of my reach, her feet hurrying her. “Let’s just keep going and get the fuck out of here. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t—” her voice cuts with a scream when a figure lunges out of the shadows, and Tessa reacts, no hesitation, throwing one helluva punch.
The figure hits the ground, groaning.
Lots of groaning.
Exactly the way he did the first time . . .
“Oh fuck,” I mumble, eyes wide and locked on the guy who is absolutely going to fucking sue us. No doubt about that now.
“Dude! Again?” he bellows.
Hands raised, I watch the clown slowly get to his feet and adjust his mask. “Wasn’t me. Swear to God. I was back there,” I say, looking over at Tessa and expecting her to confirm my innocence. “Babe?”
Tessa has her hand covering her mouth and her head lowered, keeping her face out of view.
My gut tightens. I feel nauseous and ready to knock this idiot out again just to get some fucking privacy with my woman, until Tessa’s soft, breathy laugh pushes out from between her fingers. Her shoulders begin to jerk.
I smile.
Running a hand over my hair, I start laughing then too. I can’t help it.
“Oh. Nice. Real nice. You both are major assholes, you know that?” the clown asks. “Fuck you very much. My mom is going to freak out on me now. Two black eyes? We’re getting family pictures tomorrow!”
Tessa leans into me, laughing harder now. She lowers her hand from her mouth to grip the Henley thermal I’m wearing.
I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair, my entire body shaking against hers.
“I think it’d be best if you both just go.”
Not a bad idea.
“Babe?” I lean away to see her face.
This is her call.
Briefly meeting my eyes, Tessa nods and then looks at the clown. “We’re going. This place sucks balls,” she tells him before spinning around so I can lead her back the way we came.
“Sucks balls? You both just can’t handle it!”
“Go get some ice, junior!” I holler, causing Tessa to fall into a laughing fit again, her head hitting the side of my chest when I pull her closer and her arm circling my waist.
“Don’t make fun of me, guy! That’s so not cool!”
“Dumb fuckin’ idiot. I told you that kid was gonna end up getting punched a lot in his life,” I murmur against the top of Tessa’s head as we follow the path. We pass a group of teenage girls who look two seconds away from turning around and following us out. “Didn’t think it’d be my woman doing it though. That was fuckin’ hot, babe.”
Tessa remains quiet.
When I tilt my head down to look at her, I can see her eyes are lost in focus on the dirt. She’s not smiling anymore or laughing at what just happened.
She’s back inside her head again. Worrying. Wondering. Most likely thinking the worst about herself in terms of reacting the way she did and the shit we’re going through.
That’s just it though—we’re going through it. She’s not alone. And it’s my fault if she thinks she is. I should’ve made sure Tessa knew I was with her months ago when I first started seeing signs of concern. I should’ve brought it up, even if it did mean upsetting her even more.
When you pick at a wound, it bleeds. But we should’ve been talking about this.
Her question from minutes ago circles around in my head. I can still hear it. Only now, I’m wondering the same thing.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Babe.”
Tessa’s body stiffens at the sound of my voice. She blinks, sending a tear rolling down her cheek, and turns her face so it’s buried against my side and I can’t watch her break apart.
Regrets sits like a heavy weight pressing on my chest. It’s unforgiving.
Maybe it should be.
I didn’t say a fucking word to her, and I should’ve.
“Come here.” I stop walking then and bend down, slide one arm underneath Tessa’s knees, and pick her up so she’s cradled against my front. “I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much. Nothing’s changing that,” I tell her, needing her to know this in case she’s questioning it.
Tessa sniffles and lets me carry her the rest of the way. She doesn’t fight it. Her hand slides around my neck as she presses her face against the underside of my jaw. Her tears, wet and warm, soak into my skin.
“Shh,” I whisper against her hair.
We pass the freak with the bottle
. The zombies. The bodies wrapped and bleeding through the white sheets.
Nothing stops me. Nothing turns my head or pauses my steps. I’m focused on her and getting us out of here.
I don’t give a shit about any of this.
We get to the parking lot and reach my truck in the far back corner.
I manage to open the passenger side door without putting her down and climb in, keeping Tessa in my arms and sitting her on my lap. There’s no point separating and getting in on the driver’s side. I’m not going anywhere and risking a wreck, knowing full well where my attention is going to stay. And we sure as hell are not having this conversation without my hands on her. I’d go fucking crazy and cause a wreck myself just so I could pull her into my arms.
I close the door and slide Tessa’s legs closer to my hip so she’s facing me more, her weight sitting on my knees and her back against the dash. The silence in the truck is heavy around us and thick in the air. I can’t stand it.
And there’s not a damn thing she needs to say right now. This is all me.
“Good or bad, if this works out or if it doesn’t, tell me you know—I’m not going anywhere.” I pause, meeting her eyes when she lifts them off my shirt.
She blinks.
I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Tell me I’ve done my fuckin’ job as your man, Tessa, and made sure you aren’t doubting that. ’Cause if I haven’t and that’s what’s got you stuck in your head thinkin’ the worst the way you’re doing right fuckin’ now, the way I’ve watched you do the past five months, my life might as well end right here, ’cause I don’t deserve shit. Not you. Not anything more than this. Nothing.”
“Luke,” she whispers, lips trembling as those damn tears well up in her eyes again.
“I’m a fuckin’ asshole,” I continue on. “I know what I am. I know what I’ve done and all the bad I got coming to me. I haven’t exactly been a model son. More times than I can count, I’ve been a worthless friend. I’m basically a prick to everyone. And landing you? Fuck, that was . . . I don’t know. Crazy fuckin’ luck, or maybe the universe cutting me a break for once in my goddamned life. I’ve been shit on a lot, but that doesn’t mean I’m worth dick. I know that. And the good you give me, babe? The good I feel every fuckin’ day knowing I’m attached to you is more good than I ever fuckin’ deserve to feel. I know it is. I’m not stupid. Honest to God, I basically walk around waiting for you to figure it out and question what the fuck you’re even doing with me. So you gotta know, Tessa, if this is it? If we can’t have a kid for whatever reason and it’s just me and you for the rest of our lives? I’m good. Babe, I am so fuckin’ good. I might not walk around grinning like a fuckin’ idiot every second of the day like Reed does, or get that stupid, fuckin’ dopey look on my face like Ben when he talks about Mia, but I’m right there. I’m just as fucked over you, and nothing’s ever changing that. Kid or no kid. Ask me.”
Tessa goes to wipe the tears from her cheeks but I do it for her, then keep my hands on either side of her face, pulling her in so our foreheads are touching.
“Ask me,” I say again, watching her mouth twitch. “I don’t need anything else. I swear to God, I don’t.”
“But you want kids,” she whispers.
“I want you. Everything else is just bonus.”
Tessa breathes deep, her hands sliding up my chest to my neck and holding there. “Mia thinks I’m stressing out too much, and that’s why I haven’t gotten pregnant yet.”
“She might be right.”
Makes sense. Not that I’m a fucking expert on it or anything, but I know what stress can do to a person. I know it can make you sick.
I watched it happen to my dad after my mom died.
“I don’t know,” Tessa says, moving her fingers back and forth on my neck. “I worry it isn’t. And I can’t get that worry out of my head. I want to give you this so bad, Luke, and I might not be able to. I don’t know if I can handle that.”
“So know I can handle it, and focus only on that,” I say, watching the way her lips press together. “I’m serious. If you think I haven’t thought about every fuckin’ way this could play out, Tessa, you’re wrong. I’m ready. If we can’t do this on our own and end up seeking help from some doctor, and still, nothing? I can handle it. If we look into adopting and that shit doesn’t pan out? Fine. I told you, I’ll be good no matter what happens.”
“Why wouldn’t adopting pan out for us?” she asks, sounding confused as she leans back to see me better.
My brows raise. “Don’t you gotta be interviewed for shit like that?”
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, babe, but we’re both assholes. It’s why we fuckin’ work. And I’m betting whoever is interviewing us is gonna figure that out real quick and shut that shit down, labeling us unsuitable or whatever the fuck. No way is anyone willingly giving us a kid once they meet us. I can’t act nice. And you basically hate everyone.”
A low, sweet laugh pushes past Tessa’s lips.
I drop my head against the seat, smiling for the first time in what feels like days, my limbs lighter now and that weight shifting off my chest. “So yeah, worst-case scenario, like I said, I’m good,” I tell her, dropping my hands to her hips. “Know that, and don’t ever forget it. I will always be good with just this. Okay?”
Her shoulders drop on an exhale, and she nods her head. “Okay.”
“Quit stressing.”
“Quit thinking you don’t deserve the world, Luke, because you do.”
I cock my head.
She cocks hers, brows lifting in challenge.
“Christ. Is this gonna be an argument?” I ask.
“No. Not unless you agree. You deserve my good. You always will, even when you’re being the world’s biggest prick, which is like, most weekdays and every major holiday.”
I close my eyes on a heavy exhale, feeling Tessa’s lips press against mine.
“I want to give you that, Luke—all the good in the world. I want you to have it.”
Hands gripping her ass, I slide her closer and nip at her lip. “I do. I got it all.”
She growls, deep in her throat. “Quit being so fucking sweet. It confuses me.”
Jerking back, I meet her eyes, and with a raised brow, question, “Is telling you my dick needs to find its way in your mouth right fuckin’ now too sweet for you? ’Cause I can reword it.”
She smiles, wetting her lips. Her hands slip under my thermal and tug at my belt. “Nope. Total asshole move right there.”
“It’s all I know.”
“Lucky for you, it’s all I like.”
She slides off my lap and kneels on the floorboard between my knees.
I push my hands into her hair, head dropping back and mouth falling open when her hot tongue lashes against my skin.
“Fuck,” I groan.
She swallows me whole.
“Lucky for me” is right.
CJ
Elbows resting on the bar, I stare at the bottle of tequila on the shelf in front of me as Monster Mash plays through the speakers overhead.
“Jesus. Is this song on repeat or something?” Reed asks Beth when she emerges from the kitchen. “This is like, the seventh time I’ve heard it in the past hour.”
Beth stops in front of me and smiles, wearing her gumball machine costume.
It’s basically just a white shirt with colored circles drawn in a cluster over her stomach. It’s simple, especially considering the shit I see women wearing when I typically work Halloween night, but there’s no doubt about what she’s trying to pull off.
Looking to Reed when he stops at the stool next to where I’m standing and plants himself in it, Beth explains, “It was the only Halloween playlist I could find on Spotify. There aren’t that many songs on it. In fact, there aren’t a lot of Halloween songs in general. I was pretty limited.”
“Just hand Reed a mic. That’ll be terrifying enough,” I joke.
<
br /> Reed shoots me a glare. “I’ve been told my voice is fucking poetic. Don’t hate, Tully. Oh, wait. I get it.” He smirks then, slapping me on the shoulder. “You got a lot on your mind right now. On edge a little, are we? How are you not fucking drinking yet? Sweetheart, hook the man up.”
I shake my head.
He runs his mouth way too fucking much. I gotta remember that next time I feel like sharing shit.
“What do you want? Beer?” Beth asks me.
“Tequila.”
“Fuck yeah.” Reed rubs his hands together. “Line ’em up! I’m getting hammered.”
The door opens and catches my eye. I watch a group of people walk in, recognizing them from hanging around here now and again but not knowing them personally. So I don’t linger.
“What’s got you so fucking giddy?” I ask Reed, turning back around.
He opens his mouth to give me some obnoxious answer, I’m sure of it, but Danny’s voice cuts him off.
“Why the hell was there rope hanging from the ceiling in the storage room?” he asks, stopping behind the bar and looking to Beth. “Did Hattie put that in there? I didn’t see it yesterday.”
“Ah, Christ,” Reed grumbles under his breath.
“Um . . . I think that’s always been there,” Beth says, her eyes jumping from Danny to Reed and back again, voice an octave higher than it usually is. “Right? I’m sure I’ve seen it a million times. It’s always there. You just miss it when you go in.”
“I don’t think so,” Danny returns.
“Maybe a ghost put it there,” Reed throws out, clearing this throat when Danny cuts him a look.
“Oooh, yes!” Beth nearly drops the bottle of tequila when she jumps an inch off the ground. “I bet that’s what happened! This place is probably haunted. I’m sure we’ll be finding rope everywhere around here for weeks.”
“Yeah?” Reed asks, looking to Beth with his brows raised, like he actually believes this shit, or at least hopes it’s really happening.
What the fuck is going on?
Danny stares at Beth for another second before shaking his head. “Well, I left it there, for the ghost to get it.” He cuts his eyes to Reed. “And I’m expecting it to be handled before my mind goes to places I’d really prefer it didn’t. Am I being understood?”