by Leah Atwood
“As if that’s the biggest problem I’m facing right now.” We stared at one another for a long moment and then I picked up the spoon. “For the record, I’m not wallowing.” Scooting the bowl closer, I took a sip. Oh, it tasted rich and scrumptious as it slid down my throat. Thankfully, it was still warm.
“We know,” Nick said. “You’re not the type to wallow.”
“Neither will you see me gnashing my teeth and wailing. Totally not my style.”
“Here. Have a bite of my grilled chicken.” Maura pushed her bowl closer to me. “I love the seasoning Charlotte adds to the Caesar salad.”
Obliging Maura, I stabbed a forkful of chicken and put it in my mouth while I pondered Nick’s statement. I chewed the chicken, but it hardly registered on my taste buds. “What type am I, exactly?”
“For one thing, you’re incredibly strong,” Maura said.
“I’m not so sure about that.” I frowned.
“At least you’re getting a little sleep. That’s something.” Not that Nick would lie, but I’m well aware I have circles beneath my eyes and my skin is even paler than usual.
“Ellie, no one can tell you how you’re supposed to act or what to say,” Maura said. “We just have to take this thing one step at a time.”
“Right.” Nick nodded. “You’re not alone. We’re right beside you.”
“Thanks. He’s your brother, and forgive me for sounding selfish in my…not wallowing.” I felt the need to divert the focus of our current conversation. “In other news from the morning, I was followed by a reporter and his cameraman. All the way from the house to Nelson’s.”
Both Nick and Maura sat up straighter at that comment.
“We’ve had a few calls at the house. Did he approach you?” Nick said, assuming his lawyer tone. In a strange way, I found it rather amusing.
“Yes.” I took another slow sip of the soup. “He asked me some pointed questions before I escaped into the flower shop. I doubt I gave him anything worthy of a television spot.”
“You’re a celebrity now. I suppose it comes with the territory.”
My frown deepened at Maura’s observation. “I sure hope not. That’s the last thing I need now—to share my angst with the public watching.”
“I imagine your story with Ryan has captured the imagination of everyone.”
I stared at Nick and returned my spoon to my bowl, my stomach suddenly sour. “I should think they’d come to your family first before they’d come looking for me. Explain your reasoning.”
“Why come to us when they’ve got a potentially huge human interest story hanging in the balance?” Nick said. “Think about it, Ellie. It has all the makings of the kind of sentimental story people love, especially at this time of the year. Emotions are high, and people are home decorating the tree, making cookies, listening to the news...”
“Right.” Maura’s eyes lit. “Not to be insensitive, Ellie, but I doubt the reporters are going to go away anytime soon. I’m not saying to embrace them, but you might have to lay low if you don’t want to subject yourself to the intrusion.” She nodded to Nick. “We’ll be by your side as much as possible to provide a buffer zone.”
Nick nodded his affirmation of Maura’s words. “Of course we will.”
I relaxed a bit. “I appreciate that. Thank you.”
Seemingly undaunted, Maura continued. “The thing is, your story with Ryan has the childhood friendship that turned into love. Then you have the military man and separated sweetheart angle, the longing, the romance, the anticipation of the wedding, the—”
“The will he or won’t he come home element? Come on, we all know it’s true,” I said when both Nick and Maura said nothing for a long moment. “Admit it. That’s the real draw here, isn’t it? My story with Ryan has all the makings of a happily-ever-after love story or a tragedy. A tragic love story that is.” My lower lip trembled. “Star-crossed lovers without actually being lovers”—I wiped my eyes—“in the physical sense.”
A tear escaped, and I wiped it with the back of my hand. As I looked over the lunch crowd with tear-blurred eyes, I tried to block out the expressions of pity on the faces of the other patrons. I know most of them. A few people have come to our table to tell me how sorry they are and to say they’re praying for Ryan. Others simply give me “the look.” I can’t blame them, really. What can you say when something like this happens? It’s awkward and uncomfortable.
“I think the Perchance to Dream aspect is another factor that could take this story even wider,” Nick said. “The charity will appeal to a lot of people. It could bring you some more publicity.”
“You and Ryan are very attractive, photogenic, and charismatic people. Together, you’re an adorable couple. No wonder the media is all over this.” Maura took another bite of her salad.
“It was only one guy following me. I hardly think this story is big enough to attract much more attention than here locally and in Cleveland.” I crossed my arms and sat back in the chair, silently counting to ten. I needed to be dignified and put on a brave face even though my heart was cracking. Not breaking, mind you.
Lord, keep me calm.
“Guaranteed the newspapers in Ohio will pick up the story. Maybe even across the country,” Nick said. “Anything’s possible, and it’s been a pretty slow news week otherwise.”
I looked from Maura to Nick and back again. “I can’t believe we’re sitting here discussing Ryan’s disappearance like this is some kind of public relations or marketing opportunity. I never wanted to be in the limelight, you know, and especially not for something like this.” More tears sprang into my eyes. “I wish Ryan were here. He’d know what to do. You don’t really think they’ll run that so-called interview on the evening news, do you?”
“I’m sure they will.” Nick leaned closer. “Do you remember which television station it was? Or what number was on the side of the camera?”
“No, but I’m sure Luther Nelson took note of it.”
“Then I’ll check with him,” Nick said.
Maura brightened, apparently unfazed by my chastising words. “Here’s an idea. How about we go over to the gym tonight? Physical exertion is always a good way to work out frustrations.”
“That always works for me,” Nick said. When he scrunched his napkin into the palm of his hand, that action reminded me of Ryan. At the moment, some random person could cough, and that would remind me of Ryan. It didn’t take much. Human beings reminded me of Ryan. Any human would do.
But they weren’t my Ryan, and they never would be Ryan. Only Ryan is Ryan. That statement might not be profound, but it was the truth.
I considered the idea of going to the gym. “Working out is a good idea. I think they’re closing an hour earlier these days, so we should get there no later than seven.”
“It’s a date then.” Maura sounded pleased. “Nick, you want to come?”
“I might be persuaded.” He gave me a pointed look. “If you eat some more soup.”
“Taskmaster.” But I picked up my spoon and did as he asked.
Chapter 23
~~♥~~
After two hours of the most strenuous workout of my life, I collapsed on my sofa later that evening. I propped my bare feet on the coffee table, and in so doing, violated my personal rule against committing such a heinous act. Glancing at the chipped polish on my toes, I remembered my long-standing appointment tomorrow morning for a full manicure and pedicure. I’m supposed to meet Kara and Staci at the salon promptly at 10 a.m.
“Here you go.” Maura handed me a bowl of microwave popcorn and then plopped down beside me. “This occasion definitely calls for decadent movie theater butter flavor.”
“Wonderful. Perfect for the pony show. Or the circus. Bring on the clowns.” I didn’t like the sarcasm in my tone, but I couldn’t help it. “I can’t believe all the people who left me voice mail messages about this two-minute segment on the news tonight.”
“How’d they know? Was it on the earlier
newscast?’
“Bingo. I’m not sure I can even watch it. After all”—I made air quotes with my fingers—“I was there. Not sure I want, or need, to go through it again.”
“Stop worrying. I’m sure you did great,” Maura said, patting my arm, an action that made me irrationally mad although she had the best of intentions. “You’re very good under pressure, Ellie. From what I’ve heard, you always have been.”
I snorted. “That’s what you think. You haven’t seen my hidden rubber room.”
Maura shook her head and gave me a quick hug.
“You can say that again.” Nick came into the room and took the armchair, Ryan’s favorite chair. “I heard those last comments. Maura’s right. You’re holding up great.”
I shot him a skeptical glance.
“What?” He gestured to the popcorn bowl and grabbed a handful when Maura passed it to him. “It’s true. Not many people would be as calm as you. Mom and Dad told me you’ve called them at least five or six times today. I know you ran over to see Cora Brown. You and Maura are helping to keep me calm. You’ve exhibited true grace under pressure. That’s a rare gift.”
“Maybe you should be the reporter since you seem to know what I’ve been doing all day.” I stared at Nick. “And are you on meds? In my entire life, I don’t think I’ve heard that much come out of your mouth in one sitting.”
He and Maura both grinned. “Stick around,” Nick said, popping more popcorn into his mouth. “I figure God’s got this one, Sass.”
“That does it.” I shifted my position. “You’re on meds. You’ve never ever called me Sass. That privilege is reserved for your little brother.”
“Duly noted. My apologies.”
“You’re fine.” I gave him a hint of a grin. It felt good.
“Nick, you’re right that God has this one,” I said. “I know He’s carrying me through this storm. I hope your high opinion of me still holds after you see this news segment, though. Human interest feature or whatever they’re calling it,” I groused. “Like I said, I never asked for this media thing, and I hope and pray this will be the end of it.”
I started to rise from the sofa, but Maura caught me by the arm and pulled me back down beside her. “Sit,” she ordered.
“This whole thing is so weird.” I popped a few kernels in my mouth just to have something to do. “I’m in limbo here days before my wedding. Our wedding,” I corrected. “Thanks for being here with me.” I glanced from Maura to Nick and then back again with tears in my eyes.
Nick got up from the armchair and came to sit on the other side of me. “We’re here for you, honey.”
“Don’t call me…honey,” I sputtered. “I mean, I like it, but”—I waved one hand in the air—“it gets me all emotional. More than I already am. I feel like a basket case, as it is.”
I sniffled and reached for my ever-present tissue tucked into the pocket of my workout pants. Opening out the tissue, I dabbed it beneath my eyes. “Mom offered to come and stay the night or to have me stay at the house. But I wanted to stay here. This is my home now.”
I glanced around the small living room. Photographs and a few paintings Ryan and I had picked out together leaned against one wall, ready to be hung. “I want Ryan to help choose where to hang the pictures. I want him to feel the awesome thread count on the sheets. I want to kiss him under the mistletoe.” I gestured to the evergreen hanging above the doorway to the kitchen.
On either side of me, my two best friends put their arms around me.
“We love you, Ellie.” Maura tightened her hold and gave me a quick hug.
“Always.” Nick kissed the top of my head.
“Wait, the news is starting,” Maura said. “Where’s that remote? I need to turn up the volume.”
“Got it.” Nick adjusted the sound and then took another handful of popcorn before putting the remote on the side table out of my reach. Whether that was intentional or not, I’d adopted a quiet resignation about the whole thing.
Feeling somewhat abandoned, I sniffled again and prepared to listen. Maura and Nick both kept one arm around me as the newscast began. “You’re holding hands behind me on the back of the sofa, aren’t you?”
“Well, yeah,” Nick admitted.
“For crying out loud.” I jumped off the sofa and moved to Ryan’s armchair. “It’s all yours. Move closer together, you two. I’m not your chaperone. I’m all for your relationship. You know that.” I laughed a little and wiped the tissue under my runny nose. Might as well stuff it in a nostril and leave it there. “Fair warning: if you don’t obey, I’m going to turn on some Barry White and make you slow dance.”
Maura laughed and Nick shook his head. If I wasn’t mistaken, I made the esteemed Nicolas Randall Sullivan, Esquire blush. That didn’t happen often.
“All right. If you insist,” Nick said. He moved closer to Maura, and she cast a wary glance in my direction.
“I’m done. It’s up to the two of you from this point on.” I popped more popcorn kernels in my mouth. “You kids have fun.” Apparently flippancy is my defense mechanism against breaking down in a crying fit.
“Stay tuned for our next story tonight,” the male anchor announced ten minutes into the newscast. “A bride-to-be in Cade’s Corner got the shock of her life a few days ago when word came from the U.S. Army that her fiancé is missing after the helicopter he was in with six other members of his team disappeared from radar while on a specialized mission in Afghanistan. That’s our next story after the commercial break. You won’t want to miss this one, folks. We’ll be back in two minutes.”
I groaned. “I felt sure they’d stick the segment at the end of the broadcast when a lot of people would have already gone to bed.”
“This is good,” Nick said. “The more people who know about your story, the more people you’ll have praying for you and Ryan.”
“That’s a very good point you make, Counselor. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
Another ten minutes later, I breathed a sigh of relief. The segment wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. I couldn’t care less how I looked or came across on camera (although I’d sounded surprisingly articulate and my cheeks were flushed from the cold so I didn’t have a horrible pallor). It was more the whole sensationalized aspect that bothered me considering the man I love is missing.
“Well, I guess that’s that,” I said. “I’m glad they mentioned Perchance to Dream, anyway. Ryan will be gratified when he hears his chopper’s disappearance has focused more attention on our project.”
“That’s the spirit!” Nick said. He rose from the sofa. “Well, I need to take off. I’m meeting the groomsmen tomorrow morning at the tux shop for the final fitting.”
“What about…” My voice trailed. I blinked away more tears. I’d somehow managed to avoid blubbering like an idiot this long, and I was determined not to do so now.
“Pastor Jon is the same size as Ryan and nearly the same height, give or take an inch. He can stand in, if needed, although I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” Nick grabbed his coat where he’d left it draped over a dining room chair. “Unless we hear otherwise, I say we keep doing everything as planned.”
“I agree.” I rose from the sofa and crossed the room. “Nick, you’re the best man Ryan could ever have. The best man we could ever have. The best brother. Just…thank you.” My voice broke, and I moved my arms around him. “I love you.”
“You’re going to get through this, Ellie.” I couldn’t miss how his strong voice wavered. “We’ll all keep praying, and you know where to reach me if you need me. Call anytime.”
“I will. Thanks again. Call if you hear anything at all. I doubt I’ll be sleeping.”
“You’ve got it. Promise.” Nick crossed the room and gave Maura a quick kiss on the cheek.
“If that quick peck was for my benefit, I can go into the kitchen so you can give each other a proper good night,” I suggested. “I won’t be offended, and I’d much rather you not hide your a
ffection.”
I headed into the kitchen. “Wait a second.” When I turned around, Maura was already in Nick’s arms. “You know what? I’ll be fine. Nick, take her home now. Please. That’s an order.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Maura said. “I’ll stay however long you need.”
“Yes, it’s what I want. Just don’t ask me again or I might cave.” I gave her a tremulous smile. “Not that you’re not a great support system, but I need to spend quality time with the Lord tonight. I feel as though I’ve neglected Him, and He’s the one I need to lean on the most right now.”
Five minutes later, after I’d given them repeated assurances that I’d be okay, Nick put his arm around Maura, and they departed. Shivering from the brisk night air, I quickly closed the front door and leaned against it.
The idea of my two closest friends falling in love gives me reassurance that life goes on. We all have our separate lives to live. Each person, each day, each special moment, should be treasured. Perhaps I’ve turned more philosophical because of recent events. I’ve known these things all along, but those truths suddenly resonate with much more poignancy.
And now, the man I love is missing, and I’m faced with the reality that I may never see him again this side of Heaven.
I shook my head to clear those thoughts and marched straight down the hall to the bedroom.
“Here I come, Lord. It’s time to pray.”
Chapter 24
~~♥~~
I picked up my well-worn Bible from the nightstand and crawled under the covers. I smiled as I ran my finger over the front, my embossed name now so faint I could barely see it anymore. This Bible, full of hope and promises from the Lord, is one of the most precious possessions I own.
My mind traveled back in time to that summer day when I’d been given this Bible. Ryan found me on our back patio, reading selections from the list for Honors English my senior year of high school.