“Well, I can’t believe you’re not even going to try to talk to her before she leaves.” Howie’s muttered comment shook Eli from his brooding.
He glared as Howie took a long draw from his beer. “Why would I want to do that? She lied to me. She could have come clean from day one and we wouldn’t be where we are now.” He was beginning to regret confiding in Howie about their breakup. He thought Howie would be on his side.
Instead, Howie had become Nell’s biggest advocate. Not even Gwen or Mark went to bat for her as strongly.
Howie shook his head and stared at his beer. “You just don’t get it, man. You can’t even begin to understand what it was like for kids like Nell and me back in high school. Always on the outside looking in. Being ignored and walked all over until one of you guys figured it would be fun to see us squirm. I always wondered what really went through your brains when you singled us out for your special brand of hell.”
Words stuck in Eli’s throat. He couldn’t get them out to defend himself because he knew damned well there was no defense for them. He had been a jackass of the worst kind back then. Howie was right. But that was then. Things were different. Yet even that line of defense seemed weak.
“I admit, your ex-wife was the worst of the lot, but buddy, you came damned close.”
“Then why are you sitting next to me, talking to me?”
Howie gave him a solid slap on the back. “Because we’ve both changed and we’ve seen each other go through the changes. Honestly, I think your changes were more profound than mine. I respect and admire how far you’ve come, Eli. I know you’re not that guy in high school anymore, just like I’m not the scrawny geek who couldn’t take two steps without tripping over my own feet.”
Eli nodded. The idea he’d changed more than Howie over the years was a little startling, but it was something that did his heart good. The more he thought of himself back in high school, the more he hated who he’d been. Every ounce of him.
“I still don’t get why she had to lie to me.” He wasn’t ready to give in, no matter how many truths Howie laid out for him. “She’s changed, too. She’s confident, sexy and beautiful. Why would she have to hide anything? You’d think she’d have been proud to rub it in my face, the transformation she’s gone through.”
“No way. Not when she believed you were the same old asshole you used to be. She figured you would look down on her the same way you did before. She doesn’t know you. There was no reason to think you were any different.”
Eli didn’t reply. Instead, he tried to understand Howie’s words. They made a lot of sense. Some of the anger inside simmered down a bit, but it didn’t go away. It wouldn’t be going away for a good long time.
“I can’t change things that happened. She couldn’t trust me. If she trusted me then she would’ve told me. I shouldn’t have had to find out from Shelly. I feel like a damned fool, Howie. And I don’t even know if what we shared was real or her just putting me in my place.”
Over the next week he thought he’d move past this, at least a little. After all, Nell hadn’t been a part of his life for more than a few weeks. Logically it shouldn’t take much longer than that to purge her completely, especially when he knew she was gone. He’d even taken a drive past the Goodwin house. Just to make sure. The place looked completely deserted.
For some reason he felt an emptiness, as cold and deep as a pit inside him where not long ago love and desire seemed solid and real.
Even Emma and Dylan missed Nell. When they visited, Emma spent most of her time in her room at her sewing machine or on the deck with a drawing pad, sketching out her own clothing designs. Whatever else, Nell stirred Emma’s passion for design. There was so much the girl could have learned from Nell, but now the chance was gone.
As for Dylan, he kept asking when Nell was coming back. Eli didn’t have the heart to tell him Nell wouldn’t be coming back. His boy was young. He’d get over this quickly and forget about Nell.
Eli didn’t think he would be so lucky.
At the end of the first week, on the night Nell was holding her fashion show in New York, he had to face Gwen at the booster club meeting for the Special Olympics softball team he coached. In fact, the way she approached him, determination in her eyes and a set jaw, there was no way to escape.
He prepared himself for an upbraiding, but instead got a sympathetic smile and hug from her. When she released him, her brows rose and her hands went to her belly.
“Whoa, little guy is playing soccer in there,” she explained with a laugh. The smile disappeared quickly, and the look in her eyes sobered. “I’m sorry about Nell. I told her to be up front with you. Well, I did after she already introduced herself as my friend.”
Eli shrugged. “Not your fault.” He couldn’t blame her for holding Nell’s secret. She was a loyal sister.
Gwen bit her lower lip. “I told her you two would be good together. If she’d been up front with you, that is. I had no idea what it was like for her in school but I told her you’d changed. She believed it but knew there was no way she could admit her secret. What a mess.”
Eli stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, what a mess.”
Gwen put a hand on his arm. “For what it’s worth, in the end she wasn’t faking what she felt. I know how crazy she was for you. I never saw her like that in her entire life. She was even considering moving her operations here. Of course, it wouldn’t have worked out, not with this lie over her head.”
“It’s water under the bridge,” he replied tiredly. What was the use in thinking or dwelling over it? Nell was gone and she wouldn’t be back. That was probably for the best. How in the world could he make her happy up in the sticks after an exciting life in New York? The slow pace of Harper’s Grove would’ve sent her running back to the bright lights and excitement of the city.
Gwen suddenly grimaced and she rubbed at her belly. “Damn,” she ground out through her clenched jaw. “That hurt.”
His preoccupation with his broken love life pushed to the background, Eli put his arm around the pregnant woman. “You okay? Come on, sit down.”
He helped her walk to a chair, her back hunched and her arm cradled around her stomach. “Crap, I’m not ready for this.”
He held onto her and gently lowered her into a chair. Several people in the room took notice and started to gather around. Eli knelt in front of her. “Are you in labor?”
Gwen winced and nodded. “But this doesn’t feel right at all.”
Nell sat back in her chair and held her flute of champagne up. Jill, Tanya and Sam lifted theirs too, along with Chuck, who preferred his mug of beer. Austin, the owner of the club who hosted the show, raised a glass of ice water.
“To a fantastic evening,” Nell said, full of smug confidence. In fact everything about the night had been perfection, from each outfit that came down the runway, to the amazing models who showed them off to their best, to the receptive audience who raved about her work. And most of all, the look on Javier’s face. The bastard! Looking so cool and comfortable, his eyes hidden behind ridiculously arrogant sunglasses, his young wife, Milla, draped on his arm like an adoring pet.
She’d personally greeted them both and showed them to their seats, offering them a glass of champagne. Javier had been scathingly condescending. If she hadn’t known about his crimes, she may not have recognized his smug little smirk at the corner of those thin lips, or the way he patted her hand.
You think you’ve won, you jerk? You’ve got another think coming.
When she could, she watched him closely throughout the entire show. Watched with overwhelming satisfaction as he dragged off his sunglasses when her second design came down the runway. His eyes narrowed and those thin lips seemed to disappear as he clenched his jaw.
All Nell could do was grin.
“My God, I swear I saw steam shooting out of his ears,” Jill commented. “I’ve never seen anyone look so pissed yet so polite at the same time.”
Nell lau
ghed again and took a sip of the cool golden liquid in the glass. “I would have loved to be inside his head.” She clinked her glass against Jill’s.
“Oh, wait, here he comes.” Jill nodded toward the front of the club where there were still a number of patrons and guests mulling around.
Nell stood and met her ex with a brilliant smile. She noted that Mina wasn’t at his side.
“So, what did you think?”
Javier nodded shortly. “You are a shining star,” he replied and took her by the shoulders, kissing each cheek as if he felt a great fondness for her. It was all Nell could do not to pull away in disgust.
“Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. It’s a shame, you know, that you threw me over. So many of my designs could translate beautifully for your slimmer models, wouldn’t you say?”
He nodded, his dark eyes hardening. Still, he looked cool and beyond reproach.
“We both could have benefited,” she added. “Oh well, can’t go back, can we? I think I’m in a perfect place now. I was forced to let a bad apple, Adrianna, go. Seems she was helping a competitor to my designs. It’s a shame such slime exists in the industry.” She smiled at him again. “But at least I know it won’t happen again. Right?”
“You are right, darling,” Javier agreed, though his voice was a little tight and his eyes darted away from hers.
Nell felt like laughing. He was starting to squirm, not something this man did on a regular basis. If anything, he was usually on the giving end of such discomfort.
“I’m glad you and Milla could make it. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rejoin my friends. Feel free to stay and enjoy the champagne and hors d'oeuvres.”
With that she turned her back on him, cutting off any further conversation.
By the time Nell made it back to her little apartment, it was nearly two in the morning. She was tired, but charged. Damn, life is good.
As soon as that thought escaped her mind, she reined it back. Not so good as it could be. Professionally, it was great. Tonight she’d made the connections she’d longed for. Inner Goddess Fashions was on the brink of greatness.
Personally, however, things sucked. She couldn’t get Eli off her mind for more than a few hours at a time. She supposed there’d come a time when she wouldn’t think of him at all, but she had a feeling that day was a long time coming.
More than once she’d kicked herself for not being honest with him to begin with. If she’d been truthful, and nothing happened between them, then her heart wouldn’t be broken right now. Or if she’d told him and things progressed the way they had, then maybe they could have some kind of life together.
Now she was alone, and brokenhearted. Nell closed her eyes and rubbed them. “Move forward. Deal with the pain,” she muttered aloud. It’s your fault anyway. Suck it up.
Throwing her pocketbook on the counter, she saw her answering machine blinking its red light. The last thing she wanted to do was listen, but the stupid, endlessly hopeful voice in her head told her it had to be Eli, forgiving her and begging her to come back. How could she not listen to the message?
The voice on the recording wasn’t Eli’s. It took several seconds to digest the words. “Nell, this is Lucy Demers, Mark’s mother. Honey, he asked me to call. Gwen is in the hospital, she went in about eight o’clock this evening. There were complications with the baby. I don’t know too much yet, but I think your sister would want you here, if you can get away. I’ll try to call you when I can. Or Mark will.”
Nell didn’t take the time to stop the recording. She grabbed her pocketbook and keys and ran for the door. Now completely awake, her brain raced at the same speed of her heart. What was going on? Eight o’clock? That meant Gwen had been in the hospital for six hours.
A million questions raged through her head as she headed out of the city, stopping only long enough to fill the tank of her Mustang. She pushed the speed limit and hoped she wouldn’t be caught, but she had to get back to Harper’s Grove as soon as she could. On an average day the drive would take nearly five hours, but tonight wasn’t average and she meant to cut that time by an hour if she could.
Several times along the way she tried to reach Mark’s cell with no luck. Of course, at the hospital his cell would be turned off.
“I’m coming, Gwen.” She tightened her hold on the steering wheel, pressing the gas pedal down further. Most of the ride was a straight shot and free of traffic, but once she reached New Hampshire the route became narrower and winding. Still, her Mustang hugged the curves well and she allowed herself to relax somewhat. Adrenaline kept her wide awake. If circumstances had been different she might even enjoy the ride. She opened her window and let chilly air rush in. Mist clung low to the pavement, adding to what could’ve been a beautiful night, if only she knew what was going on with Gwen.
Crossing over the Harper’s Grove town line brought Eli’s face to mind. No, she had no reason to bump into him while in town. Why should she? He wouldn’t be hanging around the hospital and she doubted he’d be knocking down her door if he knew she was back. She had to concentrate on her sister. Gwen, Mark, and their kids needed her. Now wasn’t time to be thinking of her own failed love life.
Morning light glowed weakly through the trees that bowed over the road overhead. She glanced at her cell phone. Just after six a.m. Not bad. Again, she considered calling Mark. Maybe they were home already. Maybe they just had a false alarm and forgot to call and let her know. With one hand, she typed out the numbers on the keypad.
Horror filled her when she glanced back to the road in front of her. Suddenly she wasn’t alone. Larger than she would have thought possible, the dark hulking mass of a moose stood directly in the middle of the pavement. She was going too fast to neatly maneuver around it and the animal seemed to be oblivious of the danger it was in.
Nell hit the brakes and turned the steering wheel sharply to the right. Squealing tires filled the night and the little car went into a spin. Her phone flew into the backseat with Nell thrown against the door. She held to the wheel with all her strength, but she couldn’t control the Mustang. Whether she hit the moose or something else, she didn’t know.
The last thing she heard, her own scream, joined with the sound of the tires and the crunch of metal. Pain, exquisite and all-encompassing, claimed her before blackness swallowed her whole.
Chapter 14
Eli could have left the hospital. There was no reason to be sitting here in the waiting room, but he couldn’t bring his legs to stand and walk. He buried his face in his hands as his mind conjured up the accident scene one more time. Car versus moose. Happened all the time and usually both would come up on the losing end. When he saw what remained of the little red Mustang, he knew the car took the brunt of the damage. Didn’t help that it went into a tree after taking out the moose.
He knew, even without seeing the New York plates on the car, who the driver was. Shock nearly left him frozen, followed by a roar of panic that took him like a storm. But then his training and level head rose through the fear. Even when he saw her in the twisted wreckage, he pushed back on the emotions that fought hard against his cool reserve. He wouldn’t do her any good otherwise.
But as soon as they transported her to the hospital, his emotions took over. Now, three hours later, he sat and waited for some kind of news. Since he wasn’t family he couldn’t go in there. Gwen and Mark, just one floor up in maternity, were dealing with their own issues. He hadn’t known whether to tell them, though he’d found Mark’s mother in the waiting room and filled her in.
God, how he hated waiting. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was her limp and broken body in the wrecked Mustang, unconscious and bloody. He’d thought for sure when he saw her she was dead already and his whole world caved in. This wasn’t fair; he loved her so damned much. It didn’t matter that she lied to him. Seeing her like this brought that fact home brutally. He needed her.
He’d only cried twice in his adult life, at the birth o
f each of his children, but now he felt tears burning in his eyes and let them fall.
Around ten o’clock, Howie and Paula came into the waiting room. Eli glanced up without a word. Both took a seat on each side of him. Paula put an arm around him. Some of her comfort reached him.
“Any word yet?” she asked softly.
Eli shook his head. “They won’t tell me much anyway, because I’m not family. Of course her family is upstairs dealing with their own troubles.”
“Dr. Covington is on duty. Maybe he’ll take some pity on you.”
Eli looked over at Howie. He’d been on the scene as well, and saw how bad off Nell had been. That concern reflected in his eyes.
“I can’t lose her, man. She’s got to be okay.”
“She’ll be fine,” Paula replied solidly. “And when you get to talk to her, you’re going to apologize for being such a jerk and I’m sure she’ll apologize for lying to you. Then the two of you can get on with your lives. Together.”
Eli chuckled humorlessly. Paula sounded so certain Nell would just naturally take him back, just like that. He didn’t have the same confidence, but right now the only thing that mattered was her waking up and being fine. Afterwards he’d cross any bridge when he came to it—as long as he hadn’t burned that bridge down.
“Why don’t you go get a coffee or something? You look like crap.” Howie wasn’t as kind as his wife.
Eli didn’t particularly want to leave, but stood anyway. “Maybe I’ll go upstairs and see how things are there. Let me know if something happens with Nell.”
Paula gave him a little push. “Go. And give Mark and Gwen our love, if you can.”
The moment he stepped out of the waiting room, Eli wanted to turn around and go back. He was certain the moment he was out of earshot, someone would be out with news. But when he hesitated and glanced back, Paula pointed toward the hallway. He gave her a half salute and continued down the hall to the stairs.
In maternity, he found Mark’s mother, Lucy, sitting, a Styrofoam cup of coffee in her hands. She looked as tired as he felt; pale and drawn, but with dark circles under her faded gray eyes. She smiled anyway when she saw Eli. A real smile.
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