“I don’t see anything useful here. It’s like this ghost cat is sharing video memories with Luna. And more cat sex than she’s ever thought about.” I was beginning to think that this was a wild goose chase. Luna pawed the air. I saw a flash of a very ornate wooden box. It looked quite a bit like a miniature treasure chest. “Wait! Can you rewind that or something?” The random pictures of a cat’s life kept going forward. “Please, ghost cat?”
“Let me give it a try.” Kelly raised her arms up. “Oh great spirit cat of the cat-astral plane, please rewind your feline porno to the treasure chest scene.” The video filled orb went into freeze frame mode and the images skipped back to the little box. It began to play again at a much slower speed. “It worked! I can’t believe it. Really, I was just joking around.”
The shoe box sized chest was closed and I recognized Hunter’s hands picking it up. He set it on a countertop and opened it. There were a few sheets of paper inside. He looked them over briefly and set them aside. “We have to find that box and those papers.” Luna became agitated and the orb jiggled frantically.
A ghostly image of a woman appeared behind the orb. Her expression was one of anger as she swatted at the orb until it broke into little pieces. The crystal shards clung in the atmosphere and then suddenly began to fall in slow motion. Just as it looked like they would hit the floor, they disappeared. Luna leapt into the air and landed right back into my tote bag. We all scooted back from the frightening apparition.
All except for Marie. She took a defiant stand and challenged the spirit. “Just so we’re clear. I’m not some amateur medium you can push around. And I’m sure as hell not one of those rookie witches you like to bully.” Marie produced a little black bottle from somewhere in the folds of her robe. She smashed the bottle on the floor, releasing a thick dark liquid. Out of the ooze, two spectral giants rose up. They immediately restrained the angry female ghost by seizing her on each side. “Now, tell me the location of the spirit you have taken!”
The ghost seemed to be trying to break free from her captors, but soon submitted to their power. It spoke, but the voice came from all around us. “Why would you want him? That two faced scum! His ghost is locked away.”
“Two faced scum? How can you call Hunter that? You don’t even know him.” I couldn’t let some ghost talk like that and get away with it.
“You’re right. I don’t know that name.”
“Then why the hell would you keep him prisoner? You must have the wrong guy! Can you show him to us?”
The ghost wriggled and broke free. She disappeared and then Marie’s two giant spirits faded away.
“Damn! Well, at least we know Hunter’s spirit is hidden here someplace. We’ll find it.” Marie looked weary, but she was far from ready to quit.
Lindsey spoke up. “I think we need to find that box. Didn’t it look like it was on a kitchen counter?”
“I was thinking the same thing. Let’s go look around.” Lindsey picked up a candle and we wandered off to find the kitchen.
Chapter Fifteen
Ghoul Scouts
“It seems to me the mean ghost really jumped to some unfounded conclusions about Hunter. She really thinks he is someone else. But who?” Lindsey asked.
“I have no idea. It was getting pretty intense there for a while.” I could make out the kitchen from the candlelight bouncing around in the dark house. “Over there! That’s the kitchen.”
“And here’s the box!” Lindsey found the exact ornate box we saw during the séance and just like the images we watched, a small pile of papers sat next to it. “I’ll just grab everything, we can sort this out with the others.”
“Hold on a second, Lindsey. Can you move your candle over here?” Lindsey came closer to me and reached up in order to illuminate the kitchen. There were several holes in the walls and a few floorboards pulled up. “Someone really ripped the walls up and some of the floorboards.”
“I’d say. It looks like they used a crowbar on some of these spots. It’s almost as if they were looking for something.”
When we returned to the rest of the group, we saw Millie and Marie still trying to conjure up some spirits. Everyone else sat around the candles talking about what they had witnessed.
“We’ve got it!” I announced. Marie and Millie joined us as I read over the papers. It was a last will and testament. What I read was something bizarre enough to have been in the odd news section of the paper. “Listen to this. It’s the last will and testament of someone named Philomena Schlitt. Let’s see here…” I flipped through it until I reached the meaty stuff. “Here, tell me this isn’t strange. She left her house and all of its contents to her cat, Little Schlitt.”
Kelly laughed and blurted out, “Little Schlitt? You’ve gotta be kidding me. Imagine what she would have named her children!”
“Anyway, she also left a sizeable collection of valuable jewelry. There’s a list of items attached. It’s insane! There are actually a few Fabergé brooches listed on here, among other things. Tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of jewelry. It says that Little Schlitt would remain in the home with all of this stuff. Some guy named Korben Hunter is assigned as the guardian for the cat. It says he is to be responsible for maintaining the home, feeding and caring for the cat. She signed this will in 1993.”
“Does it say what Korben Hunter gets out of taking care of the cat?” Brad asked.
I looked over the paper and did my best to make sense of the legal jargon. “I think he only got to live in the house and use a bank account for expenses. It doesn’t say how much is in that account.”
Randy rubbed his chin and was deep in thought. He jumped up and announced a theory. “I’ve got it. That woman, Philomena is the angry ghost. How much you want to bet that once she died, the guardian just took what he could and split? He probably abandoned the cat. The jewels alone would have been his motive.”
“Of course. It makes sense. And when Hunter came to check out this place after winning the bid, she thought he was Korben Hunter.” I noted.
Marie continued our speculation. “That also explains why she would follow Hunter right to your doorstep. When you conveniently knocked his ghost out, she snagged it. Then followed you, either for more revenge or to find out if you knew where her jewels ended up. Who’s to say she didn’t intend for you to blow Hunter away with your magic?”
“We need to get her spirit back here and explain that she has the wrong ghost. If I can just show her the real estate papers that Hunter had on him, I have them with me.” I was anxious to conjure up Philomena as soon as possible.
Kelly put her hands up. “Hold on everyone. These theories sound good and all, but there is one problem. Wouldn’t she recognize this Korben Hunter? I think she would have to know that Hunter is not her guy. We need to do some more research, because there is more to this.”
I shook my head and became a little agitated. “It doesn’t matter. We have to get ahold of her again. We don’t have time to start an investigation into the lives of Philomena and Little Schlitt. And we don’t have time to track down Korben Hunter. My Hunter needs to get back into his body before something bad happens.”
“That’s it. The goal is to restore Hunter as quickly as possible. I think I know how we can convince Philomena to work with us on this.” Marie gathered the candles and placed them back in the center of the room. “Lindsey, set that box in the center and, Leigh, hand me the will along with the papers from the sale of the house. Everyone get back into position and be prepared for the ghost.” Marie took out a small bag and sprinkled its grey powdery contents on the floor. She dangled her necklace of bone and shells. We were witnessing her perform one of her legendary Voodoo rituals as she attempted to recall the ghost of Philomena.
Marie didn’t disappoint us. Philomena’s ghost rushed into the room like a tempest. If she wanted to give us a scare, she did a damn good job of it with a terrifying display of otherworldly wrath. The splintered re
mains of Max’s treasured planchette spun around. I acted quickly to grab the papers that I had left on the floor.
Marie chuckled at the ghostly fury. “It seems that Philomena is more of a drama queen than you are Esmeralda.” Proving once again that she had no fear of ghosts, Marie scolded the spirit. “Settle down! We’ve found your will and we think we know what your problem is. You want to get your revenge on that Korbel Hunter dude. Well, I’m here to tell you that you have the wrong man locked up. His name is Hunter Kovacs and those are the papers that prove he just bought this house.”
Philomena’s disembodied voice boomed out her reply. “I see. Then you will have the spirit of Hunter Kovacs. You must bring his body here tomorrow night, then I will replace his spirit.” Philomena vanished immediately after she finished speaking.
“Now that wasn’t so hard. Was it?” Marie said to me and smiled.
“It almost seemed too easy. I’m not complaining, but I’ll save the high fiving and cheers for when I see Hunter back to normal.”
Marie decided it was time to call it a night. “We should just take her word for it. She was probably watching and listening the whole time we were talking and realized she was wrong. She just didn’t want to admit it. Anyway, I have to get back to New Orleans. I’ll come back tomorrow night, and I’ll be with you when you zap Hunter over here. Thanks for coming everyone!” She whipped out her broom and quickly vanished.
Luna poked her head out of the purse and complained quite loudly. “You’re right, Luna, we’re going home now.”
Max, Millie, and Randy joined me. “Lindsey, do you want to walk with us?”
“Derek and I are going to get something to eat. I’ll stop by tomorrow, though.”
“What about you, Gertie?”
“Um, Brad is off until tomorrow night. So I’ll see you then.”
“Don’t even ask what we are going to be doing.” Esmeralda said as she smacked Luke’s ass. Kelly winked at me and gave Luke’s other ass cheek a squeeze. The leather clad ladies led Luke out like he was their little lamb. It didn’t take any extensive stretch of my imagination to know what those two had in mind.
“Well, it’s just us.” I shrugged to Max and Millie. “You guys can sleep in my bed by Hunter. I’m not going to be able to sleep much, so I’ll take my recliner. If you like, you can stay at my place tonight, Randy. The couch isn’t all that bad.” I was giving Randy a hint that I would really like someone to talk to. I still felt guilty about what happened to Hunter. Considering the situation, I felt a bit awkward discussing any of it with Max and Millie.
Chapter Sixteen
That Ghost is a Real Drag
Once I said goodnight to Hunter’s floating body, I left the bedroom so Max and Millie could spend some time with him. They were exhausted and ready to put my bed to good use. I was too worried to sleep. Randy was stretched out on the couch, but he was willing to stay awake and keep me company. “So, what do you make of Hunter’s parents, Leigh? They’re pretty trippy aren’t they?”
“That’s actually a very accurate way to describe them. They’re super nice, though. You know Hunter, he’s fun and all, but he has his head on straight. He really has it together. Well, maybe not at the moment, but you know what I’m saying. His sister is the same way. It makes you wonder how they turned out so different from their parents.”
“Maybe Max and Millie were just using reverse psychology. Who’s to say what they’re really like? They could be just as uptight as my parents, or your parents.”
“No, Max sells his own line of bongs and Millie is into some serious mysticism. Oh! I forgot to tell you that I had to go down to some Mayan ruins and pull them away from a crazy mushroom munching cult that was celebrating the lunar eclipse. Believe me, with Max and Millie you get what you see, because they don’t fake it for anyone.”
“Huh. I guess that’s a good thing because you can appreciate their honesty.”
“I meant to ask you something. Who’s taking care of the plantation? Gertie seemed like the place could never be left unattended. Yet, here you are and she’s with Brad.”
“Oh, yeah. Gertie isn’t too happy about it, but I left everything in the hands of the Sasquatches. I know we’ll have one hell of a mess to deal with when we get back, but I had no choice.” Randy seemed to get lost in his thoughts for a few minutes.
“You all right? If you’re tired, just go to sleep. I’ve got Luna to keep me company.”
“No. That’s not it. We were talking about how Hunter’s parents don’t fake who they really are. It made me realize something about the ghost of Philomena. I’m starting to doubt my theory. I was thinking about how Philomena got the names of Hunter and Korben confused. Kelly was right. She would have to know that she didn’t have Korben Hunter’s ghost locked away. There is no way she could have mixed that up.”
“Don’t say that, Randy. I’m counting on Philomena restoring Hunter tomorrow night.”
“Here’s another thing. According to her will, she left everything to her cat. She loves her cat. Why would she fly into a rage, pop her cat’s psychic bubble, and chase her cat away? The answer is she wouldn’t. No way. Philomena would have been holding her cat, cuddling it, petting it, or some shit.”
“So if that wasn’t Philomena, what other old woman’s ghost could it have been? And why would she pretend to be Philomena?”
“I was sitting here and I remembered something else about her. If she was the queen of bling, why wasn’t she wearing any ghostly jewelry? And the fact that she collected Fabergé? That means she was no shlump. Yet, did you see how that ghost was dressed? Like she just grabbed the most mismatched dress and shoes possible. See what I’m getting at? That ghost wasn’t even a woman. I bet that was the ghost of Korben Hunter! In drag! And it was by far the most horrendous attempt at drag that I’ve seen in a long time.”
“I bet you’re right. Let’s look that name up.” We ran over to my laptop and searched for information on Korben Hunter. “There he is, Korben Hunter! He’s been dead for ten years already! It could have been his ghost. It all makes sense. Little Schlitt was trying to show us everything and Korben became enraged. He didn’t want us to know about the will. I bet he died looking for those precious jewels. I suppose it also explains why he took a crowbar to the kitchen. He had been ripping that place apart trying to find them. It still doesn’t explain Hunter’s condition or why he told us to wait another night.”
Randy was clearly thinking out loud. “Why would he tell you to come back? Answer—he was stalling. He only needed to keep Hunter’s ghost another night. Why? That’s the real question.”
“I don’t like where my mind is going with this, Randy. What if he only needed one more night until Hunter’s body was weak enough?” I had to catch my breath. This was bad. “Weak enough so Korben could possess Hunter’s body!”
“Then Korben Hunter would literally get a whole new lease on life. Hey, do you think he would still be a drag queen in Hunter’s body?”
“Shush, Randy. But he would legally own that house. I just realized something else! With Hunter’s healthy strong body, he could continue ripping it apart to get at the family jewels.”
“That’s what he said!” Randy snorted and when he was done laughing, he actually used his brain some more. “It all adds up. Korben must have Hunter’s ghost and Philomena’s ghost locked away somewhere in that place. But not Little Schlitt.” Randy pointed out.
“Then we only have that Little Schlitt to count on.” Queue the audible face-palm. “Yeah, I just said that. And Luna will have to be the one to communicate with it.”
Honestly, I couldn’t have picked a more incompetent pair if I tried. It’s nothing personal. After all, a cat’s unreliable nature is an empirical truth. Unlike we humans who fight to overcome our flaws, cats embrace their faults with open paws. They are fully aware of their capricious and undependable reputations and flaunt them with pride. Maybe it’s so they don’t get duped into performing hard labor for humanity
, like dogs have resigned themselves to. That sort of work is way beneath a cat’s condescending nature. God forbid you would have to depend on a seeing-eye cat to get you through the city. You may as well have an ambulance on standby. Thankfully, a cat would just cluck its tongue and turn up its nose at such a job.
“We need a plan, Leigh. Do we wait until tomorrow night? We know for sure the ghost will be there.”
“No. No way. We need the element of surprise. Besides, if we wait until tomorrow, it may be too late for Hunter. I think we ought to go back now. We have Luna, and Millie can act as a medium.”
Randy looked a little unsure. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We don’t really have a plan.”
“We just need Millie to distract the ghost long enough for Little Schlitt to rescue Hunter and Philomena’s ghosts. Luna is going to have to do the talking—er meowing to Little.”
“Great. Your cat doesn’t listen to you. How the hell are you going to explain this plan to Luna and make sure she understands it?”
“That’s the easiest part. I have my desk and I’ll just write it all down. She has a magical way all her own with the desk. I wish I could have used it to simply control Korben to give up the ghost—so to say. I really don’t think my magic works in the realm of the dearly departed. Even Marie had trouble trying to wrangle that ghost tonight.”
Luna seemed to know what we were talking about. She rubbed her soft fur against my leg as if to let me know that she fully agreed with me. As soon as I lifted myself from the chair, she leapt onto the desk. In a short time I had a quick couple of paragraphs that explained exactly what Luna needed to do.
Haunting Leigh: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 4) Page 9