by Kristy Marie
I quickly grab my shoes and my phone charger. I make my way out of my room as easily and quietly as I made my way in. I take a chance and look at his room door. It’s open. I go and take a look to make sure he’s in there. He usually shuts his door. Maybe something has happened to him.
When I get to his door, I see his bed is empty. So is the floor. So is the bathroom that is connected to his room. After that, I look everywhere. He isn’t in the house. It is unlike him to not be home.
I go to the kitchen and that is when I see it.
There is a glass on the counter with fresh ice in it. He was just here. Where could he be?
Chapter 7
Micah
But I’m a creep
I’m a widow
What the hell am I doing here
I don’t belong here
{‘Creep’ – Radiohead}
While the show on TV plays, I listen to Zant’s heart. The steady rhythm puts me at ease. It always has. He’s always my constant. He’s always there when I need… anything. It has always been Zant.
I know I love him and I know that he is my one. But, when will it be our time? I question that all the time but I never know the answer. I have a feeling that now is not the time. Now is too early for us. I do not want to get into a relationship, realize that we are better off as friends, and ruin our friendship. I rather not know if something more can happen than to risk that.
He knows that about me though. So, I stop worrying and just enjoy my moments with him.
Whatever they are to him – I am ok with not knowing right now.
What they are to me – they are my everything.
His heartbeat and warmth lull me to sleep. It has been a long day and right now the person that I worry about the most is right next to me. Sleep comes easily.
Tap. Tap.
I stir a little and open one eye. I heard a noise.
I hear the sound of something sliding.
I open my other eye. It’s dark in my room.
I heard another sound.
I don’t move.
I have an eerie feeling. Like I’m being watched. I could feel the hair standing up on my entire body.
The next sound I hear is the sound of feet hitting the floor. My blood runs cold. Someone is in my room with me and they came from the window.
I still don’t move.
They come closer to my bed. I can tell they are trying to be quiet but I don’t move. My mind races. Who could it be? Zant wouldn’t sneak into my room like this. He never has and he knew it would scare me.
I can feel them standing next to my bed. It is an overwhelming feeling. My body is ready for the flight or fight to kick it but, it’s also frozen. My heart is pounding and I can’t move. I don’t want to move.
The person then sits on my bed. They must think I’m asleep. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that I am dreaming and they will just go away. When a hand touches my arm, I know it’s not a dream.
“Hey Micah.” He whispers. I still don’t know who it is. The voice doesn’t belong to Zant or anyone else that I know.
“I don’t know why my son hasn’t touched you yet.” He is whispering still but I immediately know who it is.
“He’s such a pussy. He should have been tapping this all along.” I feel the bile rising in my throat.
“That’s ok. I’m going to take care of you.” He moves and lays down next to me. He starts to rub my arm. His hand slides up my arm and onto my breast. I have to feel dead to him. I’m not breathing. My heart is pounding though and I know he can hear it.
His hand slides down to my stomach. He keeps whispering.
“I’ve been watching you for years. You’re turning into a beautiful little thing.” His hand moves down to my thigh and he touches the inside. I fight to not move. I want him to think I’m asleep. But, how could you sleep through this torture?
“I’ve seen the way you have looked at me. You have kind eyes. Your pretty eyes are like a path to your soul.”
The bowel is rising higher. I want to scream and I’m gritting my teeth so hard that my head is starting to hurt.
His hand moves to the side of my underwear and I feel his finger touch my private part.
“I’m going to make you feel so good.”
Then my voice comes and I scream. He jerks his hand back and then slams it over my mouth. My body is tight but it won’t move. My eyes are open and I’m looking at his face. The only thing I can see are his eyes. They look to be glowing.
“Shut up!” He yells to me while trying to whisper. “You know you were liking my touch. You wanted me to touch you.”
He climbs on top of me then and I feel his weight on me. His other hand is trying to open his pants.
I start moving. I try kicking him and kneeing him. He’s too strong. He has my entire body pinned down. His hand is clamped hard over my mouth. I’m trying to breathe through my nose and my scream is muffled. My cheek is hurting from the amount of pressure his fingers have on my face.
The next thing I know, he is being yanked off of me and thrown to the floor. I hear yelling but I have no idea what happened. I sit up in my bed and quickly slide back to the wall and curl in on myself. My entire body is shaking.
My eyes focus and I see who came to my rescue. It’s my dad.
Roy is on the floor and my dad is on top of him pounding into his face with his fist. With all of the commotion, my mom has come to my room. After flipping the light on and assessing the situation, she immediately comes to me. Her eyes are as big as her face. She wraps her arms around me and covers me with her body. I think she is trying to shield me from what I know my dad is going to do to Roy.
My eyes are closed and my face is tucked into my mom’s neck. I don’t move. I hardly breath.
“Mr. Davis?” I hear the question in his tone and I look up.
Zant is standing outside of my window looking in. His gaze goes farther down and sees his dad. I see every ounce of blood drain from his face. “Roy?” He whispers.
My dad then picks Roy up and shoves him to the window. “Outside you stupid asshole. Get out of my house.” He’s shoving Roy through the window without much care what happens to him. I still see Zant, he backs up and right at that moment, he looks at me.
Our eyes clash. His are filled with horror and they must mirror mine. But, I feel nothing.
He reaches out to grab Roy’s arm and pull him through the window. Once Roy is out, Zant backs up and I can’t see him anymore. Dad climbs through the window after them.
He turns around and looks into my room at us. When his eyes land on me, I see them glass over with tears. He tries to speak and nothing comes out.
He clears his throat and tries again, “Lucy, close the window and put Micah in the shower. We will be back soon.”
With that, he turns around and all three men disappear. The only sound I hear are muffled words from Roy.
“Come on, honey. Let’s get you in a hot shower. You are going to need it.” Mom climbs off the bed and gently grabs my hand. I slowly move to the side of my bed and let my feet touch the floor.
I don’t trust my weight and I look to my mama. She must sense my hesitation because she puts her arm around my waist and helps me to my feet. My legs feel like jello but mama lets me rest most of my weight on her. We slowly move to my bathroom. She sits me on the toilet and turns the shower on. She lays a towel on the counter and then just looks at me.
Tears are in her eyes and I can tell that she is close to sobbing.
“Mama.” I say through a sob.
“Oh baby. You’re ok. You’re going to be ok. I’m right here. I’ll always be right here. Don’t you worry.” She speaks with a soothing tone that she was famous for every time I got hurt playing sports with the boys.
I would always be the one that got hurt. I would run inside screaming for my mama.
“Mama! Mama! Levi pushed me down and I skinned my knee.” Tears would be pouring down my face. She would gather me up in her arms a
nd sit me on the counter in the kitchen.
“Micah, you have to calm down. I can’t fix you up if you are crying so hard. Can you calm down for Mama?” I would always nod my head and choke back my tears.
“Now,” she’d say, “that is better. Now let me look at your knees.”
She would talk to me in her soothing voice and I truly believe that her voice did more healing for me than any ointment or bandage ever could.
She brings me back to the present with her soft voice. “Do you need any help with your clothes, honey? I can imagine that you want to do all of this yourself?” She has a questioning tone to her voice so I answer her with a slow nod. I can’t imagine someone touching me right now, not even my mama.
My body shakes with a silent sob and I quickly swallow it.
Mama moves around the bathroom and gathers a few things to put on the side of the tub for me.
“I’m going to let you shower alone Micah. I will be right outside. You are fine. You are safe.”
Safe.
That is the word that pierces my heart. Will I ever feel safe again?
Chapter 8
Zant
You’re not alone
Together we stand
I’ll be by your side
You know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold
{‘Keep Holding On’ -Avril Lavigne}
Where is he? He isn’t in his room. He isn’t in the living room, drooling all over himself, on the couch. His glass is on the counter with ice but no liquor in it. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that something isn’t right.
Is he hiding around the corner waiting to hit me again?
I look in all the corners without turning on the lights. I’m not going to let him see me if he is in the house.
I need to get back to Micah’s house.
Where ever he is, he can stay there. Maybe he’ll die.
Once a few years ago, I found him passed out in his own vomit near the back door.
I got home from school and heard nothing. The house was silent and very unnerving. Usually, he is on the couch, passed out, with the TV on high volume. This day, he was not doing that and I knew something was wrong. I went through the house and couldn’t find him. I was quiet and crept around like I wasn’t supposed to be in my own house.
Every day of my life is like that.
He yells at me and tells me I’m worthless more times in a day than most kids hear ‘I love you’ from their parents.
I looked in our bedrooms, the bathrooms, under the beds, in the closets, everywhere. He was nowhere to be found.
I finally wondered if he was out back doing something. It is the only place that I hadn’t checked.
When I got to the back door, he was on the floor. He was unconscious and vomit was everywhere. There was no way I could get him up and I had no idea if he was even alive.
I did the only thing I could do.
Roy has always told me not to call the police because they would take me away. No matter how much I hated him, I never wanted to leave my home or Micah.
I ran across my yard, yelling for Mr. Davis.
“Mr. Davis! Mr. Davis! Help!” I was running and looking everywhere outside. I didn’t find him until I barreled into his house through the back door. I didn’t even knock this time. The adrenaline masked all my common sense and manners. Sorry mama.
“What is it, son?” Mr. Davis caught me as I came into his kitchen. He grabbed me by the shoulders to slow me down.
“What’s got you running like a mad man?” He’s talking to me in a soothing voice to calm me down.
My breathing is heavy and I’m winded.
“Roy. It’s Roy. He’s passed out and throw up is everywhere. He may be dead.” I rush all the words out in one breath because that is all I had.
“Come on boy. Let’s go see.” Davis says as he leads me right back out the back door and across our yards. I take him through the front door since Roy is in front of the back.
Mr. Davis kneels next to Roy, making sure not to get himself in the throw up. He reaches out with his fingers and touches his neck to check his pulse. After a very long few seconds, he looks at me and gives me a nod, letting me know that my father is still alive. Mr. Davis then puts his legs on each side of Roy and grabs him under the arms. He lifts him and props him up against the wall by the back door.
I grab some paper towels and start to clean up the puke. It smells just like straight whiskey. He must have been hitting the bottle hard this time.
At that moment, I’m really glad he is passed out. My jaw hasn’t healed completely from the last time he drank so heavy he lost his mind and used me as a punching bag.
I’m also glad he isn’t dead. And that angers me.
Why am I glad that loser is still breathing the same air as me? The more I think about it, the angrier I become and I start slinging the paper towels in my hand across the floor. I can’t even see what I’m doing. All I see is red.
How did I get stuck with this idiot? Why did God put me here with this monster?
“Zant! Boy! Stop!” Mr. Davis is holding me by the shoulders and shaking me. I blink and everything around me suddenly comes into focus.
“Zant. Look at me. Look at me, boy.”
Mr. Davis still holds my shoulders but isn’t shaking me anymore. I look in his eyes and I see the understanding cross his face.
“Boy, God knows what He is doing. You must trust Him. You have to trust yourself. Everything has a purpose. You’ll see.”
That is what I remember from that day the most.
Those are the words that helped my resolve. Those words help me daily to deal with what my life is and it gives me hope for what it may be someday.
He’s nowhere in the house tonight. I let out a sigh of relief and grab my shoes that I need for church tomorrow.
I let myself out the front door and head to Micah’s house. As I step out of my yard and into hers, a chill runs up my spine.
Her bedroom window faces my house. She must be asleep, it is late and I put her to bed.
I continue into her yard toward the front of the house and then I hear it.
It was a scream and it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Every hair on my body stands up.
I shake my head and try to focus. Surely, I didn’t hear what I thought I heard. This is a quiet neighborhood for the most part. Aside from the times that Roy is yelling at me. Nothing ever happens in this neighborhood. We are two blocks from a church for crying out loud.
While stuff does happen in our little town, it never happens in our neighborhood.
But I know I heard a woman’s scream.
Then I hear a man yelling. It’s coming from between my house and Micah’s. I hurry toward her window. Something is pulling me to it. As I get closer, I hear a commotion in her room. Her curtains are sticking out of her window and when I look inside, I see Mr. Davis on top of someone on the floor. It’s dark inside at first. Then I see Mrs. Lucy enter the room and she flips the lights on.
When I look back at the floor, my breath catches in my throat and I can’t move.
What is Roy doing in Micah’s room?
Why is Mr. Davis pounding his face in with his fist?
What in the hell is going on here?
“Mr. Davis?” I speak the only words that will come out of my mouth. My brain is shut down. This looks like a nightmare and I can’t wake up. I don’t even know what is going on but, I know it isn’t anything good.
I look down at Roy and I feel the blood leave my face, “Roy?”
His face is covered in blood and his eyes look black already.
Mr. Davis picks him up and shoves him towards me, towards the window.
“Outside you stupid asshole. Get out of my house.” Mr. Davis keeps shoving him like he can just push him through the window without bending him or something.
Through all the craziness, I look towards the bed. I feel her eyes on me. When I look at her, my heart shatters.
My girl is completely white. Her rosiness is gone. Her eyes look hollow. It’s almost like her soul has left. My body begins to shake.
I grab hold of Roy and pull him through the window. He lands on the ground. Mr. Davis comes through the window and turns back to talk to the girls inside.
He grabs Roy’s other arm and we drag him towards the back yards.
Roy starts to mumble. I want an explanation. I want to know why my father was in Micah’s room. Why did Micah look like that? What happened?
“She wanted me. She’s always wanted me. I’ve been watching her since she was five years old. She …”
The more Roy mumbles and the more words he says, the more I understand and right then, my world goes black.
Chapter 9
Micah
Sun comes up and goes back down
Falling feels like flying,
Till you hit the ground
{‘Parachute’ -Chris Stapleton}
Two years later
We have officially made it to our Senior year. Graduation is right around the corner.
None of us can believe it.
It has been a long two years but, we’ve made it.
This week is our last Spring Break of high school. We don’t have that many plans but, we plan to go all out. The six of us are going to the beach to spend the week.
This is the first year that we are getting away - just us.
I can’t wait. I need to get away.
“Macy, are you ready? God, you don’t have to pack that much. We are just going for a week.” I’m talking through a door to this girl.
We are at her house because she ‘needed my help to pack’ but, she won’t let me in to her room to help.
I roll my eyes even though she can’t see me.
“I’m almost done.” She yells. “I only have a few more shirts to grab.”
I go to the living room to wait for her. Standing at the door is pointless. She isn’t going to let me in. She knows that I will just point out all the things she doesn’t need.