Saving Micah

by Kristy Marie

  “You should only be sorry two of those three things. One wasn’t even close to being your fault.” She tells me in a whisper. I know that she needs to whisper so she doesn’t cry. She hasn’t changed much.

  “I agree and I know that.” My teeth hurt from gritting them. Being here is bringing back all the memories that I was running from.

  I am staying though. I’m facing this. If she wants to know what happened, I am going to tell her. She deserves it. I take a dive and tell her “ask me anything. What do you want to know?”

  She takes a deep breath and says exactly what I knew she was going to say. “I want to know what happened that night.” It’s time to rip the band aid off.

  “Alright. I’ll tell you. But tell me if I need to stop. Ok?” She nods in understanding.

  “After your dad pushed Roy out the window of your room, we drug him to my backyard. He was talking and mumbling things that did and didn’t make sense.” I pause and swallow. I look at her once more. I need to see that she is fine before I continue because I can’t look at her while I tell her this story. It’s too much. “Anyway, I don’t want to tell you all he said but I have to for you to understand what happened.” I take another deep breath and continue. “He kept saying that he had been watching you and that you wanted him.” I hear her breath catch in her throat. I hurry to tell her what I know. “I know you didn’t want him Micah. I know he freaked you out. Just listen to me.” I squeeze her hand and she lets her breath out. “He was saying vile things like that and he said something about watching you since you were five. Your dad was dragging him toward the back yard and I, at some point, grabbed a shovel that was leaning against the house.” I hate to tell her this part but I can’t avoid it. “Your dad kept pulling him and he lost his footing…” I go on autopilot as I tell her the rest as it plays out in my head like it is happening all over again.

  Roy trips and lands on his knees. “Get up you bastard.” Mr. Davis was yelling at him. He was so mad. Instead of getting up, Roy turned and looked at me.

  “You’re a pussy, boy. You weren’t going to touch her and she was all but begging you to. I was about to make her feel so good. Then she would have never even looked at you again.” With that, I couldn’t take any more of his filth. I swung the shovel without thinking about it. It smacked him in the side of the face and he slammed onto the ground. He turned to look at me again. He smiled and I could see the blood on his teeth. “Pussy.” I swung again and the back of the shovel connected with his face. I didn’t stop. I hit him again. Mr. Davis grabbed my arm at that point and stopped me from hitting him one more time.

  “Stop, Zant. You don’t want to do this.” Mr. Davis says this but oh how I really want to do this. He pulls the shovel from my hands and throws it on the ground. He kneels next to Roy and looks at him. He puts his fingers on his neck to check his pulse. I guess he didn’t feel much because he puts his ear down to Roy’s mouth for a few seconds. He looks back at me, shakes his head, and says, “he’s gone.”

  With those two words my world spun. I was relieved and shocked at the same time. Mr. Davis got up and grabbed me. “Zant, we are about to do something that is completely not right but it is the only choice we have, ok.” I don’t speak, I just nod to him. He isn’t asking. He’s telling me something. I don’t look at Roy. I keep looking at Mr. Davis.

  Mr. Davis grabs the shovel and one of Roy’s feet. “Come on, Z. Grab his other foot, we need to drag him further back here.” I pick up the other foot and help drag Roy to the back of our small backyard.

  Mr. Davis starts to dig into the ground. Once what we are doing settles into my mind, I hit my knees and violently start shaking. “I didn’t mean to kill him. I didn’t mean to hit him that hard. I just wanted him to shut up.” I’m not about to cry over what I did or that loser that was my dad but, I’m in shock and I really didn’t mean to kill him.

  His last word to me keeps running through my mind and my ears are buzzing. Finally, I hear Mr. Davis saying my name.

  “Zant. Boy, listen to me. This is not your fault. It was an accident. Do you hear me? Don’t check out on me kid. You just saved Micah’s life.” I look up into his fierce eyes and I know that he is telling me the truth. He has always been there for me. He has always been my rock and he would do anything for me. Even this.

  I nod and get to my feet to help him. We dig a pretty big hole to put Roy in and finally roll him into it. We put the dirt back on top of him and pack it down tight.

  When we finish, Mr. Davis grabs me by the shoulders and says, “Zant. This did not happen. Are you listening?” I nod to him and he continues, “we are going to tell everyone that I whipped him up pretty good and he grabbed some stuff and left town. We are going to make it look like he just skipped out. Ok?” I nod again to him. What else am I supposed to do? I just killed my dad and buried him in my back yard.

  “Zant, you are not to tell Micah or any of the others what happened here tonight. You can tell them what Roy did to Micah. She will need all the help she can get but, do not breathe a word of what happened once I climbed out of that window. Do you hear me son?”

  “Yes sir.” I said.

  And that was the end of it. Mr. Davis and I were the only two people that knew what really happened to Roy. He took care of all the details and looked out for me until I turned 18 and graduated from high school.

  “So that is what happened. Your dad took care of everything and at the start of our Senior year, he noticed that I still wasn’t handling things well. I was going to church and I was asking for forgiveness but I couldn’t completely let things go. He suggested I move away for a while. Get out of my house. Get away from the darkness in that house. Get away from the dead body that was in the backyard that was a constant reminder of what I had done. What Roy had done.”

  I finally look up at Micah and I see the tears rolling down her beautiful face. “Say something Mi,” I whisper as she continues to stare at me.

  She finally controls her tears and touches my face. “I’m so sorry Zant. I’m sorry that you had to do that. I’m sorry that you did it. I’m sorry that you dealt with it all by yourself and you couldn’t tell me. I would have helped you.” She bows her head and starts sobbing. I climb onto the bed beside her.

  “Micah, I’m going to touch you.” I tell her before I put my arms around her so she doesn’t freak out on me. I want to hold her. I want to help her. I need to feel her in my arms to anchor myself. I rub my hand up and down her back. “It’s ok Micah. You’re ok. I’m right here.” I keep telling her this until her sobs stop and her breathing slows. After a good little while of us sitting like that, she looks up at me and kisses my cheek. I feel my heart skip a beat.

  She gives me a long look and then stands up from the bed. “Here is what we are going to do. Ok?”

  “Okaaaay.??” She grabs my hand again.

  “Stand up and let’s go.”

  “Um, it is the middle of the night. Where are we going?”

  “Don’t ask questions, just get up and follow me.” She’s throwing on her Chucks and making her way to the front door. As she grabs her keys I ask, “are you going somewhere? I can go home.”

  “No. You are coming with me. Come on,” she says over her shoulder.

  I follow her to her car. I’m so confused right now.

  I get in the passenger side as she climbs in the driver seat.

  “Buckle up,” she says.

  I buckle my seatbelt and just look at her. She hasn’t looked at me and my confusion keeps growing.

  She finally turns to look at me, “here is what we are going to do. I understand everything a little better. I can’t fix the past and neither can you. We can just move forward and that is what we are going to do. I know that you have your reasons for leaving me. I get it. I don’t understand because I was already hurting and waking up to that note instead of you, hurt in a whole different way that you will never understand.” I start to speak but she holds her hand up and I stop. “I won’t ex
plain it to you. You haven’t changed and I haven’t changed. Do you know what that means?” I shake my head ‘no’ at her because I want to hear what she is thinking. “It means we still know each other. Even after three long years, we know what each other need. You’re back. We are going to run into each other. We live in this small town. I missed you and I want you back. Can you be my friend again?”

  I was holding my breath. I think I may not have enough oxygen in my brain. “You want to be my friend?” I had to have misheard her. How could she even want to talk to me much less be my friend after what I just told her?

  “You crushed me when you left me Zant. But I’m not so broken that I can’t forgive you. What happened to Roy wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself. He deserved what happened to him and so much more. You weren’t ever given the good side of things when it came to that monster either. I’m not going to pretend that you are completely normal.” She is trying to not smile and my brain has completely shut down. “I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend. I’m asking you to be my friend. Let’s start slow and see what happens. Can you do that? Do you even want to do that?”

  The last question was in a whisper. The look in her beautiful blue eyes said she was starting to regret her question with my silence.

  I decide to just go for it. Staying away from her was going to be out of the cards. Look at me. I vowed to stay away from her when I came back and I’m sitting in her car right now.

  “Ok.” I tell her and she cranks the car.

  Chapter 25

  Micah

  There goes my hero

  Watch him as he goes

  There goes my hero

  He’s ordinary

  {‘My Hero’ – Foo Fighters}

  I’m grinning like a fool and singing at the top of my lungs along with Miley Cyrus.

  ‘I got my hands up, there’re playing my song / I know I’m gonna be okay / yeah, it’s a party in the U.S.A.’

  I can’t believe what happened that night. It changed our lives in ways that we never would have guessed. I can’t believe what actually happened to Roy but, I’m not going to pretend that I’m not ok with it. I’m glad he’s gone and I’m glad it went the way it did. I will never say that to Zant. He needs to move forward and not blame himself. Roy had it coming and in a twisted way, I’m glad Zant was the one to deliver the blow.

  I don’t agree with why he left. I never will. I needed him to help me through college. I needed him to hold my hand and walk me through life.

  But then again. I didn’t.

  Zant leaving me helped me in ways that he didn’t know they would. Or maybe he did.

  Zant leaving helped himself as well. While I don’t agree with why he left me. I do understand why he had to leave his house.

  I pulled out of my driveway and told him to grab the CD case. His eyes lit up as he understood what was going to happen.

  I let him pick first since I was driving.

  “Imagine” by John Lennon began to play and I glanced at him and smiled.

  After that song, we turned the radio down and began to talk. He told me about his time away. It didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it was going to. I learned a lot about him that I didn’t know. He told me about his time at the gym and how people helped him learn of an outlet to let his anger out. He told me about him finding a job as a mechanic at a shop that was ran by a man that reminded him of my dad.

  I told him about college. He said he wanted to attend college at some point to learn more about cars and engines and such. We didn’t talk about Roy. We didn’t talk about what happened. It was like we picked up where we left off without all the darkness and all the baggage.

  “I really missed you Mi. Please know that,” he said.

  I do know that. I know that his heart was in the right place. I know he needed to find himself.

  “I missed you too, Z. You leaving me and leaving here hurt me but, to be honest, it helped to.” He looks at me and smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes but I think it lifted a burden off him in some way.

  We continued to ride back roads and listen to music until the sun up. Then we went back to my apartment where we crashed until that afternoon. He slept on the couch while I slept in my room.

  I told him about my nightmares and how they came sometimes. He wanted to stay near me in case I had another one after everything he told me.

  I honestly don’t think I’ve slept better than I did that night.

  Epilogue

  Zant

  3 months later

  “Come on girls. We need to be out the door in two minutes.” I’m yelling at Micah, Kelly, and Macy while standing in the foyer to my house.

  We are going to eat and then to Club 3 tonight.

  They are currently in my guest bathroom getting ready. Levi and Chance are at the restaurant waiting on us.

  These girls… I swear.

  Micah and I have been taking things slow. She helped me move all my stuff into my house. She decorated and put some feminine touches to the place. It’s nice. It feels cozy. I’m secretly hoping that she was doing it for when she moves in one day. I’m not about to say anything about that out loud though. We are still in the friend zone and I am ok with keeping it there for a while longer. We need this friend time.

  It took a couple weeks for Kelly and Macy to forgive me. Micah and I still haven’t told them what happened to Roy. We decided to keep it to ourselves. Now instead of Mr. Davis and I being the only ones, Micah is in that group now. We are keeping it just between us three. She says that no one else needs to know. I agree with her.

  A few seconds later, all three girls come into the living room. “We are ready now.” Kelly says while doing a little twirl.

  I’m staring at Micah. She is wearing a little blue dress with nude heels. Man, she is a looker. I could stare at her forever. And one way or another, I will. She’s smiling and looking right back at me. I wonder if she is thinking the same thing. God, I hope so.

  “Ok chicks. Let’s go. I’ve been waiting too damn long.” I tell them as I open the front door for them and swing the keys around my index finger by the key chain.

  “You know beauty takes time Zant. Stop acting like you don’t take forever to get ready. We know you better than you think.” Macy says as she passes me on her way out and winks at me. I just smile back at her. There really isn’t any point in arguing with her. I like my bathroom time. What can I say?

  Micah is last and as she walks past me she lets her index finger slide across my abs without even looking at me. I don’t miss the cute little smirk on her face though.

  Oh tonight is going to be so much fun.

  We get to the restaurant a few minutes later.

  “What took y’all so long?” Chance says as we all sit down.

  “Girls.” I say under my breath to him. He chuckles and shakes his head.

  “We need to eat and go. I’m ready to show off my dance moves.” Levi says from a couple seats down from me.

  “What dance moves? You look like a seal on land out there on the dance floor.” Kelly quickly shoots back to him. His face scrunches up as everyone laughs at his expense.

  “Whatever woman.” Levi says as he gives her a nasty look.

  “What does everyone want to eat?” Micah says as she looks at her menu. “I agree with Levi a little. I’m ready to get to Club 3 and do some dancing.” She raises her eyes to me and gives me a look that I should be uncomfortable with. We are supposed to be staying in the friend zone. The looks and touches she keeps giving me is telling me that she is thinking we are definitely friendly.

  Once the waitress comes and gets our order, it isn’t long before our food comes and everyone gets full in record time.

  After paying and leaving the restaurant, we all cross the street to Club 3. Once inside, we find a booth and order our drinks.

  “We are going to make a few rounds, man.” Chance says as he and Levi get up from the booth with their drinks.

  “Us too.” Mac
y says as she and Kelly get up. “Kelly needs to go find Jake.” I give a look to Chance and his face has turned to stone.

  Kelly and Jake have been talking and dating for a few months and Chance doesn’t like it. It’s his own fault. He should have spoken up a long time ago. I give him a slight head shake and I can see him just grit his teeth.

  They all disappear leaving Micah and I alone at the table. “Well, do you need to escape and go find your own date for tonight?” I ask her as I gaze into her crystal blue eyes.

  She squints a little and says, “what are you talking about? I don’t have a date.” I give her a chuckle as she swats my arm.

  “What about you, hot shot? You got a hot date tonight with one of these half-dressed women?” She’s trying to give off a questioning look like she’s genuinely asking me. I laugh at her and poke her in the ribs. She knows better.

  “How about we dance?” I tell her as I rise from my seat and hold out my hand to her. She takes it and I lead her to the dance floor. I put my palms on her hips as she links her arms around my neck. I pull her in close so that only a small amount of air can get between us. If that. She lays her head on my shoulder and I kiss her head.

  We sway to the slow song the DJ is playing.

  She lifts her head so her mouth is next to my ear. “I’m really glad you came back to town Zant. I’m grateful to you for everything you have done for me. You have been my everything since I was four years old. I didn’t know it that far back but when I figured it out, it all made sense. You are my soulmate and I will love you forever.”

  She just poured her heart out to me. I felt it in every word she said to me. I squeeze her hips and tell her the only thing I can.

  “I love you baby. I always have and I always will.” That’s the first time I’ve told her that since being back but I’ve felt it every second.

  The song begins to go off and we pull apart. I look into her eyes and put my hand around the back of her neck. She slowly closes her eyes and tilts her head a little. My lips slowly dance over hers. I can feel her breath on them. A chill runs through my entire body.