by Janzen, Tara
Nikki’s shock hit an all-time high when she realized exactly what he was doing. Josh, her Josh, was touching her as a lover, not as a friend. His mouth moved over hers and into hers repeatedly, drowning her surprise with a greater need. Of their own accord, her hands slid up his chest to grasp his shoulders. More than anything they’d shared, she wanted this kiss to remember him by, and in a hundred small ways, she told him so. She touched her tongue to his and felt his heavy sigh consume her. She pressed her hips closer, and his arms encircled her with steely strength, flexing to hold her completely. All of her thoughts, all of her senses, coalesced into one burning ambition: to touch and taste and feel Josh’s body, to understand the mystery of his mouth and the way he kissed, deep and long and fully. His teeth grazed her lower lip, and pleasure rained down her body. He sucked her tongue into his mouth, and the pleasure rose again, more powerful than before. She was dying and living, and coming apart at the seams.
Josh felt her small gasps echo in his mouth, felt the rise and fall of her breasts against his chest, and he marveled at the artless ease of her response. Nikki in love was sweet, warm, wild. The night stretched out before him with a wealth of possibilities. He would love her until she’d have no other. He’d teach her about herself in a thousand new ways, and he would teach her about him, slowly and carefully. The kiss was only a beginning, but one he never wanted to end. Her tongue tasted his lips, his mouth, and honed his arousal to a fine edge. He wanted all of her.
Groaning, he let his hand slide under her T-shirt and up around to stroke her breast. Nikki felt the heat of his palm, the gentle kneading of his fingers, and suddenly she understood what he wanted. Much more than a kiss, nothing less than everything.
A moment of panic, mixed with acute shyness, suspended her exploration of his mouth.
“Don’t stop, Nikki.” He breathed the words against her lips, feeling her hesitation. He rubbed his nose down the side of hers. “You’re so beautiful in my hand. So warm, so full, and so mine.” His husky voice strummed across her emotions, filling her with exquisite yearnings.
“I don’t want to stop,” she said quietly, the fall of her hair hiding her blush from him. “I don’t understand, Josh. One minute you want to send me away, and the next—” Her voice softened to a whisper. “I don’t know how to do this, Josh.”
Only Nikki, he thought with gentle understanding, only Nikki would make such a confession. With his free hand, he lifted her chin, then let his gaze roam over the flushed beauty of her face.
“We’re right together. We always have been.” Using every advantage he had, he brushed his thumb over the peak of her breast and watched with pleasure as her eyes darkened with the sweetness of passion. “You must know that, Nikki.”
“We’ve never been like this before,” she said breathlessly, barely managing to keep her gaze focused on him. The sensations he sent spiraling through her body were so powerful, so new.
“We should have been, a long time ago,” he said, refusing to lose her now. Physically and emotionally, he’d already started making love to her. “I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve lain awake in the room next to yours and thought of nothing but touching you here.” With his index finger, he traced the valley between her breasts.
“Oh, Josh. You don’t know what you’re doing to me.” She felt weak and dangerously out of control.
“Yes, I do,” he murmured. “You’re doing the same thing to me. What you’re feeling, I feel. What you want, I want. To touch and kiss and hold you naked against me until I can’t even think for needing to be inside you.”
The boldness of his confession singed her cheeks with embarrassment and the rest of her body with an answering need. She saw the truth of his desire in the lines of strain around his mouth. She felt it in the tense hardness of his body. She knew it in her heart.
“Why now?” she asked.
A shadow fell over his youthful face, softening the harsh angles with tender longing. “Because we’re both hurting, Nikki. Because you’re leaving me.” His gaze was languid with the heat arcing between their bodies. “Because I love you.”
She knew that, too. How could she not have known? Her love for him was so alive it colored all her days. It grew with every beat of her heart. They were so good together, how could he not love her the same way?
“Don’t make me go,” she whispered. Don’t make me leave you behind, where everything we’ve shared will fade into memories.
“I won’t forget you, Nikki. I promise. I’ll come for you when I can.”
A part of her died with his words. He didn’t understand, and she didn’t have the courage to explain. Although she would love him tonight, in the morning she would still leave him. Another love left her no choice.
How neatly the tables turned, she thought sadly, letting her gaze roam over his face. She soaked in every clean angle and tender plane, the high arch of his cheeks and the expressive curve of his lips. With the tips of her fingers, she stroked his hair, brushing it behind his ear, memorizing the silky texture, the ebony color, and the way it fell through her hand. Long after she left him, she’d remember how it felt to hold him as a woman. As she touched him, she watched his lids grow heavy, his thick lashes lower to rest on his cheeks. She loved him.
And Josh knew no one loved her more than he, not in this life, not tonight. He lowered his mouth to hers again, without any hesitation, without holding back. He plundered and tasted and teased until she was with him on every move, anticipating with him the sweet mysteries still to be explored. He felt her breath catch as he slipped her T-shirt off her shoulders, heard her low moan as he unbuttoned his shirt and gathered her close, bringing her breasts against the warmth of his chest.
His muscles tightened. His heart beat with even greater force. Nikki was his, and he gave free rein to the sweet ache growing in his loins, letting his feelings pour out of him.
Nikki arched against him. His body was satin-sheathed steel, hard muscle and sinew covered with warm, dark skin. He felt like heaven to touch. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders and felt his hands on the buckle of her belt. Never once did he stop kissing her.
Garment by garment, their clothing fell to the floor, his shirt following her T-shirt, his jeans following her shorts. Both belt buckles clattered against the wood planks in a muted counterpoint to their soft moans and sighs. When they were both stripped to their underwear, Josh felt a mental hesitation that in no way stopped him from sliding his hand beneath her panties. This was her first time, he reminded himself even as he caressed the silky skin below her waist. Her first time. The implications suddenly became clear, and just short of his destination, he retreated.
But he didn’t stop kissing her. His mouth devoured hers hungrily, priming her for the boldness of his next move. Holding the nape of her neck with his palm, he lifted her deeper into the kiss and slowly urged her hand down the front of his body. It was quite possible that his soon-to-be-lover had no idea what she was getting herself into.
Her fingers trailed delicately down his chest, his abdomen, and farther, until his breath caught in a groan.
“That’s what you do to me, Nicolita, what you’ve been doing to me for months.” He buried his face in the golden veil of her hair, reveling in her tentative exploration and the fireworks she set off with her touch. At her soft whisper in his ear, he chuckled, low and throatily. “Don’t worry. We’ll be a perfect fit. I promise.” With another bold move, he pushed her panties off her hips and down her legs, then began his own sweet exploration.
The heat and humidity of the night closed around them like a sultry cocoon as they stretched out on the bed, naked in each other’s arms. He used his hands and mouth a hundred different ways on her body, turning her into fire and flame, bringing her to the brink of release and easing her back down. He didn’t want her frightened by the intense emotions and sensations of a lover’s climax, but he definitely wanted her to climax. Her arousal was paramount in his mind, for some admittedly selfish reaso
ns. He wanted to feel her release wash over him. He wanted to love her and know she felt everything he felt. He wanted to share this night completely, to make her feel her body in all its exquisite perfection, to leave a brand upon her heart that no other could erase.
Nikki shimmered and arched under his sweet, relentless torture, loving him in return, learning how to make his pleasure last, how to draw her tongue across his mouth and her hands down his body until he had to make her stop.
“Please,” he begged, his fingers tightening around her wrists. “Give me a chance. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You had your chance a year ago, Rios,” she murmured close to his ear. She loved the feel of his body, slick and hot, over hers, and wanted him, as he’d promised, deep inside her. “You could have walked away.” The last was a bare whisper against his throat. She adjusted her hips, silently telling him of her readiness and the desperate need consuming her.
“Not then,” he said huskily. “And not now, but I’ve got to have some cooperation or I’m going to—”
“You’re not going to hurt me, Josh. Not now, not unless you stop.” She wrapped one silky leg around his hips, and instantly unraveled his last tenuous hold on control.
Clenching the sheets in his hands, he covered her mouth with his own and tried to hold himself back. Instead he found himself slipping inside her, every moment becoming more urgent.
Nikki gasped, and felt the world open up like a flower’s petals rising to meet the sun. He filled her completely and still took her higher, beyond any realm of sensation she’d imagined. Each thrust of his body weakened her hold on reality. She held him tighter and tighter, reaching for an elusive pinnacle, a pinnacle he took her to when he slipped his hand between their bodies and touched her with a rhythmic, intimate caress. Then she was tumbling down in rippling waves of eternity, hearing her name whispered over and over in her ear. The end was sweet and long, lasting forever, tying her irrevocably to one man.
Spent, sated, and filled with wonder, Josh collapsed on top of her. Never, ever, would he let her go. He rubbed his face in the creamy valley of her breasts, kissing each in turn, worshiping the woman who had exploded all his myths of love, turning them into ashes compared to the reality of loving her. No matter what he’d said or done earlier, in the morning he knew he would be down on his knees with his heart in his hands, begging her to stay.
Nikki ran her fingers through the tangled strands of his hair, holding her tears inside. One taste of such magic would never be enough, not for a lifetime. No random chance had given her Joshua Rios. They were meant to be together.
“I love you, Josh.” The words were spoken softly to hide the catch in her throat.
He heard it anyway. He lifted his head and gently eased out of her body. “Don’t cry, Nikki, please.” He kissed her lips, her cheeks, her brow. “I love you. Don’t cry.” With consummate care, he reassured her of his love, his presence, his desire to hold her and always keep her safe.
But in the silent dark hours before dawn, after he’d loved her again and while he slept peacefully in her arms, she found the strength to slip away from his side.
Quietly she dressed and repacked her suitcase, picking her clothes up off the floor. Then, with only one longing, loving backward glance, she closed the door behind her—and locked it to keep him safe.
Five
Summer heat lay over San Simeon like a steaming blanket, smothering the normal hustle and bustle of the city night. Nikki sat at her desk in front of the open French doors leading to her apartment balcony. Humidity and her own sweat soaked her cotton T-shirt and shorts, but she barely noticed the oppressive weather. Her life had started to unravel seven hours ago, and she’d been running at breakneck speed ever since, trying to salvage the remnants.
Three years almost to the day, she thought. Please, Josh, remember. Please remember.
She typed frantically, pounding the keys of her small manual typewriter, hating herself for every subtly worded phrase designed to bring him back to her. She didn’t even know where he was. His own editor didn’t know. Still somewhere in South America, he’d guessed. Josh’s latest stories had come out of Colombia, but with the last one he’d requested a few weeks off. She only prayed that wherever he was, he was still reading the newspapers: His life, and her mother’s life, depended on it.
A dazzling array of candles flickered around her desk, dripping wax into their platters. Her computer sat uselessly on a file cabinet, a slave to the electricity San Simeon seemed incapable of providing in reliable quantities. The whole country was plunging into chaos again, but this time Nikki was determined not to go down with it.
A voice crackled on the phone tucked between her shoulder and ear. She immediately stopped typing and covered her other ear with her free hand.
“Hello? Hello?”
“Your call is . . .” The operator’s voice trailed off in static.
“Dammit,” she muttered.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Nikki?”
“David!” Nikki sighed with relief.
“Collect call from Nikki Kydd. Will you accept—”
“I accept!” David yelled into the phone.
“David, I’ve got the story of the century breaking here,” Nikki said in a rush. “Strictly front page, and a guaranteed twelve-hour lead on everybody else in this godforsaken country.”
“That’s what I pay you the big bucks for.”
Normally she would have taken the opportunity to try to wrangle a raise out of him, not that she’d get it. David had a line of bull a mile long about budget restrictions at the Washington Post. But the only thought on her mind was the deal Travinas had offered her.
“I want you to take a very light hand on this, David,” she said, working to keep the desperation out of her voice. “Very light. Print it the way I give it to you and I promise to stay out of trouble for the rest of the year.” It was an easy promise to make. If her editor ever found out about the message she had hidden in the article, she’d lose her job and he would never have to worry about her again. Neither would any other editor working for a respectable newspaper in the States.
“You always ask for the moon, Nikki.” He sounded leery.
“This time I want the whole Milky Way, and you’ll be happy to give it to me. Listen to this.” She whipped the top sheet of paper off the pile next to her typewriter. “ ‘Intrigue and betrayal remain the watchwords of politics in San Simeon. In two surprise moves on Thursday, General Travinas followed in the footsteps of his predecessor, Enrico Aragon de Manuel, by imposing martial law and disbanding his own cabinet. Included in the purge was the minister of economic development, Carlos Delgado, a man many consider Travinas’s most dangerous opponent.’ ”
“It’s only Wednesday night,” David said.
“And we’ve got an exclusive.”
“Where did you get this story?”
“From Travinas. This afternoon.”
“How?”
“I sold my soul,” she answered truthfully. Travinas had given her no other choice. Her mother’s freedom for Joshua Rios, he’d said bluntly. Nikki didn’t know what in the hell Josh was up to, but he’d suddenly become the hottest commodity in San Simeon—if she could get him back in the country. “Come on, David. Get me a typist. Let’s go with this. Check my track record if you have trouble sleeping tonight. I’ve never been wrong. You know that.”
“I’d hate for this to be the first time.”
“It’s not,” she stated emphatically.
“Okay, Nikki. You sold me.”
“Thanks.”
Half an hour later Nikki hung up the phone and slumped over her typewriter, every muscle in her body aching with tension. There was no turning back now. She’d set the wheels in motion; she just prayed they wouldn’t go spinning out of control.
A deep sob caught in her throat. Damn Travinas, She’d never felt more manipulated in her life. She’d been sidestepping his deportation threats for so l
ong, she’d never considered the possibility that he might have a use for her. Well, he’d found two—emotional blackmail and betrayal of the best friend she’d ever had. He wanted Joshua Rios at any cost.
In his palatial office, he’d torn her values apart piece by piece, stealing every shred of her integrity and reducing her to a helpless mass of conflicting loyalties and loves. Her mother’s freedom, the remaining years of her life, in exchange for getting Josh back into San Simeon. She’d had a choice: accept Travinas’s proposal and pray she could come up with the right solutions at reckoning time, or play the saint and reject the offer out of hand.
Nikki knew she wasn’t a saint, but she’d always thought there were a few sacrosanct lines she would never cross. Then Travinas had shown her a photograph of her mother. One look had convinced her there was more at stake than a person’s freedom. The woman in the picture was near death, not only in spirit but in body as well. Empty eyes had stared back at Nikki from, a hollow, haggard face. Four years of imprisonment had changed Helen Cavazos from a pampered matron of society into an ancient, withered woman without hope. But the general had a much worse fate in mind for Josh; he’d sicced the mad dog Brazia on his trail.
Even in the relative safety of her apartment, the memory of Travinas’s words sent a shudder of fear through her body: “I will have Joshua Rios, Señorita Kydd, with or without your help. Brazia left for Colombia yesterday. Unfortunately, Rios had already disappeared. It could take Brazia weeks to track your friend down, and I don’t have weeks to wait. I have already made you a generous offer for your help, but if you need added incentive to overcome your naive aversion to betrayal, think of this—if Rios proves difficult or is reluctant to return, Brazia will kill him. I will lose some important information if he does, but I can still win the war. And winning, señorita, is the only thing that matters.”
“Damn him!” She brushed back frightened tears as she jerked open the top desk drawer and pulled out her address book. Travinas hadn’t wanted to give her the story, but she’d convinced him that the front page of the Post was the quickest, most reliable way of contacting Josh, and she’d known the general had something big planned. The whole country was growing restless, waiting for the ax to fall. Travinas’s final willingness to give her what she wanted had confirmed Josh’s unprecedented importance.