‘Anything else?’
‘Would any of the spirits go spy on Cain and Morrigan for us?’
Shelley frowned. ‘I don’t know. I’ve never asked one to do that before. I don’t know if they can. Or would.’
‘Worth asking, though.’
‘Okay.’
The lift bumped to a halt and the door opened.
She became aware of Adam’s presence before she saw him standing outside the hospital room at the end of the hall.
She followed the others down the hallway towards him, feeling like a marionette, controlled by something outside herself.
‘Can I have a word with Shelley alone for a moment?’
Shelley looked at Bron, willing her to say no, but instead her friend nodded. ‘We’ll be inside,’ she said and then disappeared with River through the door.
The click as it closed made her jump. She was alone with Adam. His presence was a stroke down her back, making her skin prickle with awareness. She had to stop herself from visibly shivering, but the tight coil low in her stomach—there since their last kiss—kicked up a notch. It was like a livewire had traced along her spine, sparking out through every nerve and synapse, making her even more aware of everything around her, particularly the Were standing in front of her.
The night before, the dream she had every night of them kissing in the dam had changed. Rather than ending in the banshee scream, their kissing had continued. They’d fallen onto the embankment, her arms and legs wound around him, skin gliding against skin, while he pounded his thick length into her until she screamed a different scream into the night sky. And then as she’d looked up at him, his kiss fresh on her lips, his body still warm and pulsing in hers, her power had flared out again. She tried to hold it in, but it was too much. It had blasted out of her and he had taken it in. Taken more and more, even when she screamed at him to stop. He’d simply smiled and said, ‘For you,’ and she’d had to watch as her amethyst fire burned through him, turning him into ash.
She’d awoken screaming and he’d been there, wanting to know what was wrong, not believing her when she’d said it was the banshee pushing inside her mind and it had frightened her. She’d yelled at him to leave her alone, and he had, even though the request obviously hurt him. He’d done it for her, because she’d asked, because it would make her feel better.
And it had. With him not there, she’d been able to pretend the nightmare had been nothing but her fears, not a premonition. But now, looking at him, she wasn’t so sure. She shoved her hands under her armpits.
‘Are you okay, Kitten?’ he asked. ‘Adeline behaved herself?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t look fine. She didn’t try anything, did she?’
‘She couldn’t. Not with my new shields. I only have to lower the outer layer or two to converse with the spirits, so the inner ones are still there to protect me from them pushing too far or trying to take me over.’
‘But it still takes something from you. I can see it in you. I felt it.’
Oh, Goddess! He could feel her like she could feel him? This was insane. Kissing him had just made it worse for both of them. She had to stop it from progressing further. The trouble was, she no longer knew how to do that.
He stepped closer to her. She put her hand out, fist against his stomach, stopping him. Her fingers tingled. ‘Don’t.’
‘Don’t what?’
‘Don’t suggest what you’re going to suggest.’
‘What am I going to suggest?’ He shifted against her, and almost as if it was beyond her will to control it, her fingers splayed out on his shirt, the coldness of touching him nothing to the heated fire building inside her at the feel of him, of the hard muscles of his abdomen, outlined by her power, making him feel more real than before.
She swallowed, willed herself to pull her hand away. Failed. Failed to even lift her gaze from the vision of her fingers flexing against his shirt, against him. ‘You’re going to suggest I let you help me. Let you give me some of your power, your strength, to help me control my shields. The answer is no.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s dangerous for you to do that. I thought I made it clear last night.’
‘Nope. Not good enough. I don’t believe that claptrap about Tricksters having magical powers tied to our life force.’
Her gaze jerked to his, held. ‘It’s in the diaries.’
‘Maybe, but it wasn’t talking about me. It was talking about Were centuries ago who were still getting over the influence of the Darkness and being a part of the pact with the covens. None of that has any relevance to who I am now. I can’t be that weak.’
‘It’s not weakness.’
‘Yes, it is. You think I’m too weak to be able to help you.’
‘I don’t. It’s … it’s … You were fading. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Twice now. Proof that what the diaries say is true.’
‘It’s not proof.’
She was so frustrated with his pigheadedness that she almost stamped her foot on the floor. ‘How can you argue that?’
‘Because if I was so weak, if I would fade away to nothingness for doing something so small as to make others feel better, then why would the Goddess have singled me out as being useful to her? Why would she tell me that I am different? That I’m what they’ve been waiting for—integral to their plans?’ He put his hand over hers. ‘I might have believed this last year, but I’ve learned a lot about myself in the time since I met you. Do I have doubts? Of course I do. But then I think about you, about how strong you are, how intelligent, how you’ve told me over and over that I am essential to the pack. And do you know what has come of your belief in me?’
‘What?’ she asked, her voice shaky.
‘I believe in me. So, if you don’t think I am strong and useful, that you’ve just been stroking my ego, just tell me.’
‘No. That’s not what this is.’
His fingers clenched against hers. ‘Then why? Why are you so against letting me help you when you know that I can?’
‘I …’
‘It’s because you’re afraid. Of us. Of this.’
Afraid? Of course she was afraid. Sharing power with him the night before had been one of the most intimate moments of her life. It was as if she’d been inside him, and he’d been inside her, sharing their essence, emotion, their hearts. How could she do that again? She was already having trouble keeping her distance. And she had to keep her distance, because it wasn’t only the diaries telling her it was dangerous—she was dangerous to him—but the banshee invading her dreams, showing her what would happen if she didn’t stop this thing between them, her aunt’s prophecy always clamouring in her mind. She wasn’t afraid of sharing her power with him, she was afraid of sharing other things and what that would ultimately take from him. She was afraid of him giving and her taking it all.
Her fingers flexed on him again, under his hand. Her gaze snapped down to it. His hand spread over the top of hers, bigger than hers, making her feel oh-so-feminine against his masculine strength. Heat rose through her as she realised how close her palm was to the jut of his penis she could see so clearly through his jeans. Her fingers moved lower.
He made a little noise in his throat, his breath playing in her hair. ‘Michelline. You’re killing me.’ She gasped, gaze meeting his, fire to fire. ‘I wish I could have taken you away and let that kiss last night lead us to where we both wanted it to go. I wish I could let you continue doing what you are doing right now, but very unfortunately, now is not the time.’ His lips jerked into a self-deprecating smile. ‘That seems to be our thing, doesn’t it? Our timing sucks.’
‘I don’t want that.’
His fingers curled over hers, stopping the movement she wasn’t even aware of. She’d been stroking back and forward with her fingers, scrunching his ghostly-soft t-shirt material up and stretching it back, making it play over the hard ridges of muscle in his stomach. ‘Don’t lie to yourself, Kitten. You can l
ie to me, but don’t lie to yourself.’
She jerked her hand away, breath hard and fast in her chest, heat rising to touch her cheeks, and stumbled a few steps away. ‘You’re a … a… not-shade spirit-thingy. Nothing could happen anyway.’
‘Hah! I told you that was a good description of what I am.’
‘Adam!’
He didn’t seem in the least repentant. Instead, he moved a little closer, his hands sliding up to her shoulders. ‘And in so far as nothing being able to happen anyway, are you sure about that? I can touch you. Kiss you. And right now, my cock is as hard as a pylon of concrete.’
Oh god! His words rocked through her, making the tight coil even tighter. If he continued, she’d come standing right there in front of him, and everyone else just out of sight patiently waiting for them behind the door would hear it. ‘You can’t say things like that, Adam. Not to me.’
‘Only to you.’
He was telling her no more than the truth as far as he saw it—she could see it clearly in his gaze. ‘I’m not worth it. I’m broken.’
He brushed a stray hank of hair back from her face. ‘You don’t see yourself clearly.’ He cupped her face. ‘Shelley, you are one of the strongest people I know. Your loyalty to those you love, the way you give yourself over and over again to them, to your job, to the pack, even when you don’t think you have it in you to give more, you somehow find a way. You think I give too much of myself, but I have nothing on you.’
‘I’m not loyal. I want to leave. Do you know that?’ She pulled out of his hold. ‘It’s my greatest wish at the moment. To turn my back and leave all of this magic and power and fighting evil to those who are far more able to deal with it and find myself some semblance of a normal life. I want that more than I’ve ever wanted anything and I’m willing to give up my work, my friends, my family, your pack, to get it. I’m not loyal or loving. I’m closed off and snappish. At heart, I’m a selfish bitch.’
He grabbed her hand, holding her, gentle but firm so that she couldn’t pull away again. ‘Sometimes you are a bitch. But sometimes I’m a bastard. We’re never only one thing. You’ve told me that over and over these last few months as we’ve been learning about my Trickster heritage.’
‘It’s not the same,’ she said, her breath a hitch in her throat, wanting to look away from his searing, knowing gaze. She felt stripped. Naked. As if he could see everything, past her skin to the person she was deep inside. The person she kept hidden from everyone, even herself. That lonely little girl who years ago curled up into a ball and cried into the darkness for the present she was forced to endure and the bleak future of insanity ahead. Her family revered her, but were afraid of her and wanted to use her. She couldn’t keep a friend. Strangers shied away from her as if they felt the terror of her like a prickly warning on their skin. She’d had nobody to love and trust, nobody who loved and trusted her, until Skye and Bron came into her life. They’d changed things so that she’d begun to think she could have a life if she shut everything she was down and shoved it into the deepest, darkest pit inside herself and never let it out.
Adam could see inside that pit. He’d always been able to. That’s what made her so prickly with him. Not because she was attracted to him—although that in itself would be enough. But because she knew he could see everything she never wanted to bring to light again and it made her afraid. So she pushed at him, shoving him away with her attitude and bitchiness. She’d said such horrible things to him. Had really never been nice. And yet he came back, time and time again. ‘Why? Why do you care?’ she choked out.
‘Because, all that time you were fighting with me, you were also fighting for me. Trying to prove that I was more than the useless, shallow man I thought I was. That my existence is deep and meaningful. Now it’s my turn to fight for you. I want to help you in the same way you helped me. You think you’re closed off and selfish, but you are the opposite. You light up a room when you walk into it. You give and give and give. Your intelligence is a sparking flame. You’re like some Amazonian angel striding amongst us mere mortals.’
She snorted. ‘Sounds like you’ve been wearing your beer goggles too long.’
He chuckled. ‘No beer goggles. Just reality. Everyone can see it but you, and it destroys me to know that. But do you know what really destroys me?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think I want to know.’
He cupped her face in his big, cool hands. ‘What really destroys me every time I think about it is that despite the pain your power has caused you, you took on more to save your friend. You took on more to help our pack. You let Harrison and then Adeline take you over, even though it took something from you to do so, just because others wanted it. Because it would help them. You did this despite the impact on you physically or mentally. And you have stayed to help us over and over and you’re going to do it again, no matter how much it scares you to do it or how you long to go and lead a normal life, one free of magic. You might pretend that you’re okay about going in there and talking to the spirits, but I can see underneath the bravado even if the others can’t. I know it terrifies you. And yet you’re still going to do it. If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is.’
She swallowed hard, wanting to deny his words, but no words would come. Her throat was Sahara dry.
‘You say you’re going to go after all this, but I don’t think you will. I don’t think you could. You don’t have running away in you.’
‘You don’t know me.’
‘You’ve got that wrong. I think you don’t know you.’
‘Adam.’ She ground her fist against her chest, against the burning in her heart.
His thumbs brushed over her cheeks as he looked deep into her eyes, the cold of his touch shooting electric warmth through her body. Then, before she had time to take a breath and tell him to let her go, he bent forward and brushed his lips against hers in an achingly sweet kiss. She pressed up and into him, wanting more—she could give herself this, this one last time—but he kept it light and after a long, too-sweet moment that made tears sting and burn her eyes, he pulled away. His breath brushed over her face, cool and clean like a spring breeze in the forest. ‘God, Michelline. You undo me.’ He leaned his forehead against hers. ‘You completely undo me.’
She was rather undone herself, her legs shaking, her breath a shallow pant. ‘Adam.’
He brushed his lips against hers again, a little harder this time, but before she could open to the kiss, give herself up to it, he let go and stepped back. And even though her legs were shaking, she stood firm and didn’t reach for him again. ‘See. So strong,’ he said, smiling his knowing smile at her.
‘I’m still not letting you give me any of your power.’
‘Stubborn,’ said with an even wider smile and moved away so she could open the door.
‘Everything okay?’ Bron asked, bounding over to give Shelley a hug as she walked into the room.
Shelley hugged her friend briefly and then pulled back. ‘Everything’s fine. I just want to get this done.’ It wasn’t a lie. Adam was right about that. To protect her friends and their loved ones, Shelley would face death itself and shout ‘fuck off you bastard’ in its face. With that in mind, she dropped her outer shield and said, ‘Who’d like to answer some questions?’
Chapter 14
Spirits rushed at Shelley. Their cries, which would have normally been ear splitting, were a dull roar, like the ocean heard at a distance. Before they could get too close, they were stopped short, her shields doing what they were designed to do—allow her to talk to them without giving them power over her.
‘Impressive,’ Adam said from beside her.
She shot him a cocky look, suddenly feeling more in control than she’d felt in a long time.
He simply cocked a brow at her and waved her to continue.
Shelley turned back to the spirits, the confused expressions on their faces almost funny. ‘I need information and I’d like some help from you.’ Th
ey continued to stare at her but didn’t say anything. ‘Okay. Right. I want to know if anyone here knows anything about the spirit woman who appeared to Adam on the night he was struck with Warlock Lighting?’ Still nobody came forward. In fact, a few of them drifted away.
‘If anyone’s got some information to share, we’d be very grateful.’
More drifted away, some through the walls, others to stand behind a group of three women who were dressed in Jane Austen-era clothing. They were staring at her, gazes narrowed. ‘What about you?’ she asked, moving closer to them. ‘Do you know anything that might be helpful?’
They stared at her balefully, resentful. The blonde on the left looked as if she was about to say something, but the grey-haired one in the middle wrapped her long, thin fingers around blondie’s arm and pulled her back. ‘We mayn’t talk with one who does not come to us free and clear of that which rebuffs us.’
Shelley frowned. And then it dawned on her what the woman was talking about. They wanted her to lower her shields entirely. ‘I can’t do as you ask. I need my shields to protect me.’
‘You insult us all with your ignorance and fear. If you truly understood your power, you would know you do not need protection from us. It is we who need protection from you.’
‘I’ve never hurt any spirit, but I’ve been hurt by them.’
‘Only because you deny what you are. It is your hatred and fear that hurts you, not us.’
‘That’s not true.’ She waved her hand at the other spirits. ‘Didn’t you see what they just tried to do? If I didn’t have my shields up to protect myself from them, they would have overwhelmed me. I would have become insane long ago if I didn’t learn to shield myself from them all. They won’t leave me alone. Ever.’
Wolf Bound Page 17