‘I could be wrong. It could be something else,’ Jason said. ‘I mean, even now, I can’t feel anything definitive.’
‘But why else would his wolf be so distressed over her being hurt and unconscious?’ River asked.
Jason shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t know. I’ve never come across anything like this.’
Bron huffed out a little laugh and pointed at Shelley. ‘The irony is, the only person who might know can’t tell us.’
‘She probably wouldn’t tell us if she did know,’ Skye said.
Bron nodded. ‘That too. But I don’t think she’d acknowledge it even if she did feel it.’
‘And if she won’t acknowledge it,’ Skye said, a deep line creasing her brow, ‘the mating can’t truly come into being, can it?’
‘No.’ Jason looked back at Adam. ‘They’ll both suffer and there’s nothing we can do about it.’
‘But surely, when she wakes, that will help. His wolf will stop howling?’
‘I don’t know.’ He rubbed his brow. ‘I just don’t know. Skye, are you okay?’
‘Just a little nauseous,’ she said, then made a dash for the sink.
‘I’m not cleaning that up,’ a husky voice said from behind them. They all jumped and turned to see Shelley trying to push herself to a sitting position in the bed. ‘Crap, that hurts!’
‘Shelley!’ Bron leapt towards her. ‘Careful. Your wounds are only just healed. I haven’t had a chance to do a second healing. Roll over and I’ll start now.’
Shelley gripped her friend’s hand in hers. ‘Don’t tire yourself further. I know what you must have done already. My back was bad and I …’ Her eyes flared wide. ‘My shields!’
‘It’s okay. Skye and I’ve put something in place until you’ve had a chance to rebuild yours.’
‘You did what?’ She looked over at Skye who was standing heaving into the sink on the other side of the room, Jason holding her hair and stroking her back. ‘I don’t think you should do that again if it that’s the result.’
Skye lifted her head. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.’ She wiped her mouth with the towel Jason handed her and sipped at the glass of water he passed her. ‘But is the shield okay? The spirits aren’t bothering you, are they?’
Shelley looked around. ‘Actually, no. There’s none here to bother me. Aside from Adeline that is.’ She gestured to the woman standing in the corner. ‘And the Macbeth trio over there.’ The three witches looked insulted, and turning as one in a swish of gowns, they disappeared through the wall. Shelley would have chuckled at their dramatic departure, but the howl in her head that had woken her pulled at her, driving out all other thoughts. She gritted her teeth and swung her feet over the edge of the bed, frowning as she saw bare legs and a hospital gown. ‘You undressed me? How long have I been out?’
‘Slightly more than twenty-four hours. But you need more rest, and another healing.’ Bron tried to stop her from standing, but Shelley pushed forward and stood, wincing again as her muscles pulled tightly, like she’d exercised too hard.
‘You did a good enough job. It’s not me you need to be worried about. It’s Adam. And his wolf.’
Skye gasped. ‘You heard us?’
Shelley tipped up her chin. She didn’t want to answer. It was too painful to consider whether what they were saying about Adam and her was true. But she couldn’t ignore the fact that his wolf was in pain and that, if they were right, she might be the only one who could soothe him. ‘I guess there’s only one way of finding out the truth.’
She began to walk stiffly over to Adam’s body. Jason and River were suddenly at her side, helping her. She was aware of a draft on her back—bloody hospital gowns!—but she couldn’t think about her modesty right now. The wolf’s howling was awful. It had been a constant gnawing at the back of her mind, a tug of pain in her chest. She’d tried to ignore it, to sink back into the blissful, pain-free slumber where she could dream of being with Adam without any of the complications of real life, but the howl wasn’t something she could ignore.
River pulled a chair for her to sit in when she reached the side of Adam’s bed, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she leaned against the bed and put her hand on Adam’s chest near the horrible black wound so near his heart. ‘Shh,’ she whispered. ‘It’s okay. I’m here. I’m fine. I’m fine.’
The howling stopped for a moment at her touch, but then it started up again, less painful, more a sad mournfulness, as if it was begging for forgiveness.
It pulled at her heart more than the other howling had. She began to stroke his hair back from his forehead, fingers gliding through the dark silk. ‘You couldn’t have done anything to stop the Darkness. It wasn’t your fault. You did all you could to keep Adam’s body safe, to help me make him go where he’s most needed. I felt your strength. You helped me. Stop beating yourself up. I don’t blame you. Nobody blames you. You’ll make me angry if you keep this up. You don’t want me being angry with you, do you?’ There was a whimper in her mind in answer. An image fluttered in her mind, of Adam’s black wolf rubbing up against her, bumping its head into her hand so that she’d stroke him from snout to neck, thumbs rubbing over his ears. She smiled at the image. ‘I want to see you too. But you can’t change. Not yet. It’s not safe for you or Adam’s human body. But I promise, I’m going to work on some way to bring Adam’s spirit back so that you can come out to play. I promise I’ll cuddle you then.’ Another image played through her mind of her lying down on the bed beside Adam’s body, hands stroking his hair back from his brow, stroking around the black mark on his chest.
The image caused her lungs to constrict, her heart aching with every beat. Longing threaded through her veins, her limbs, making her want to do nothing but lie down next to Adam, stretching her body against the long, muscled length of him, the scent of him surrounding her like an enticing spring breeze. She’d dreamed of being stretched against him, skin to skin, as his lips and hands roamed over her body making her gasp and cry out as her hands did the same to him. In those dreams, he hadn’t just been lying there, as still as death. He’d made her feel special, treasured; his every touch a benediction, a worship.
She couldn’t lie down next to him as he was with those images so piercingly tattooed on her mind’s eye. Especially now that his spirit was no longer there. It was more difficult to believe that she would be able to find a way of bringing Adam back to his body. Of bringing life and light and laughter to limbs that lay so motionless, to features that were unnaturally still.
She shook her head, easing away. ‘I can’t,’ she whispered. ‘Not now. I’ve got to go. Do research to make you both better. But I promise, when you are back together and can change, I’ll stroke your head as much as you want.’ The wolf whimpered. ‘Please. I just can’t do it now. I’m sorry.’ She trembled, waiting for a response, knowing that if the wolf began howling again, she would do as it asked, but that it would tear her heart apart to do it.
The image was withdrawn and the wolf inside her head snuffled against her, nudging at her in her mind before doing something that made her feel like her hand had been licked. She jerked her hand back. ‘What was that?’
‘What was what?’
‘I felt him nudge me and then lick my hand.’
‘He’s in your mind?’ Jason asked, the look he was giving her significantly hopeful.
‘Maybe. I don’t know.’ She withdrew her hands and stepped away from the bed. ‘I’m probably imagining it.’
‘I don’t think you were,’ Jason said. ‘Listen.’
She listened. ‘I can’t hear anything.’
‘Exactly. Adam’s wolf is silent.’
‘You did it,’ Skye said softly. ‘You know what this means.’
‘It doesn’t mean anything.’ She looked back at Adam’s body, guilt a heavy weight in her chest as she denied the bond. She couldn’t do it. Didn’t want it. Had never asked to be bonded in that way with anyone. Especially him. She’d already let things
go too far. Pain was already a live wire in her chest after forcing Adam to go with Morghanna. She couldn’t let it get any worse. She had to shut it off. Turn away. It might hurt a little now, but it would hurt a whole hell of a lot more later if she allowed herself to hope for more than she knew she could have. She looked at her friends, the hopeful expressions on their faces more than she could bear.
‘He’s settled now.’ She cleared her clogged throat, fingers winding together in front of her. ‘I’ve got to go. I need to build my shields back up. Then I need to get back to Melbourne. Get stuck back into the diaries. Maybe I can get the Macbeth trio to help me understand my power better, given that they, Morghanna and Arianrhod seem to think it’s so important. Of course, that’s if they’ll deign to talk to me again.’
‘But they’ll make you drop your shields again.’
‘I’m sure I can come to an understanding with them. I’m of no use to them if the spirits batter at me so much I fall unconscious or go insane.’ She grimaced. ‘It’s necessary if I’m to find something to help Adam. To help all of us against the Darkness, Cain and Morrigan.’ She backed away from the bed, away from her friends and their mates, with their hope and their expectations. ‘I’ll go find Gareth and see if he’ll come back with me. If there’s any change to Adam, give me a call. And if I find anything, I’ll let you know.’ She tried to smile, but her mouth was stiff and twitchy, so she stopped. She grabbed the door handle and pulled. ‘I’ll go now. I have to go.’
The door slammed closed behind her and she ran stiffly down the hall and into the lift, turning to punch the up button over and over until the doors shut and the lift jerked, taking her back to the surface, away from the others and Adam and his wolf and what had just happened down there. She shook her head, went to shove her hands into her pockets and realised she was only wearing the hospital gown.
‘Fuck.’ She’d have to get some clothes. Then she’d get out of here. The lift jerked again and she almost fell out the doors as they opened.
Gareth was standing there, expression serious, some of her clothes in his arms. She didn’t even bother thanking him or saying anything sarcastic about Were and their freaky communications, but just grabbed the clothes, went into one of the stalls, slammed the door shut and got dressed. There were no shoes, but she didn’t care. She had to get away from here. Away from the need simmering in the air, from the knowing that had begun deep inside her when she was talking with Adam’s wolf in her mind.
When she had dressed, she ran back out. Gareth was already waiting for her in one of the sedans outside. ‘Go. Just go,’ she said, slamming the door, hugging her arms to her. She was cold. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever feel truly warm again. Not that it mattered. All that mattered was getting back to Melbourne. Back to the diaries, where she could lose herself in research and not have to think about the burning ache pulsing in her heart.
Chapter 16
‘Are you feeling okay, my love?’
Morrigan glanced behind her. Cain stood in the doorway of the bathroom, arms crossed, possessive interest in his gaze.
Since that night weeks ago, when he’d changed and become her lover, he’d become stronger—and not just in power. He was no longer the student to her master.
She didn’t like it. Especially at the moment when she was so weak and he was practically glowing with power and good health. ‘I’m fine,’ she snarled. ‘Go away.’ That was all she managed before the nausea rose up, forcing her to turn back to the toilet. The heaves were violent and empty, nothing but caustic bile coming up and filling her mouth with bitterness. She was vaguely aware of Cain leaning over her, holding her hair back, a cold cloth on her neck. It was unusually caring and sweet, something a true lover would do.
She didn’t trust a moment of it.
Finally, the heaving stopped and she drooped onto the floor next to the toilet, hair sticking to her face and neck, her stomach and back aching.
‘Let’s get you cleaned up, my love.’
She couldn’t fight him as he lifted her up and helped her over to the basin. She had to lean against him, she was so weak, and put up with his ministrations as he washed her face and held a capful of mouthwash to her lips.
‘Spit. Now drink this.’
He held out a glass of water to her. She grabbed at it, thirst tearing at her throat, and gulped it down. The glass was pulled out of her hand. She glared at him.
‘Slowly, my love, or you’ll vomit this up too.’
‘Stop treating me like a baby,’ she said, voice hoarse and weak.
‘I’m not treating you like a baby. I’m treating you like my lover. Like the mother of my baby.’
His words were a punch, making her stumble back against the basin. ‘I’m not pregnant. It’s just a stomach bug.’
His smile was gentle and patient as he stroked her arm. ‘This is no bug. You know that’s true. That first night together gifted us more than the best orgasms of our lives.’ His hand moved down, his fingers reaching out to touch her stomach. ‘Our combined powers and the Darkness have gifted us a baby. A son to stand at our sides and help us to rule the world.’
His fingers splayed over her stomach, the look on his face so joyous it was frightening.
She flinched, but he didn’t remove his hand. ‘I’m not pregnant,’ she grated out between clenched teeth. ‘It’s impossible. The process of taking over a body renders it barren. Not even the Darkness can change that, otherwise it would have done so long ago. Black magic cannot create life. If you knew as much as you think you do, you’d know that.’
His gaze met hers, eyes shining. ‘Ah, but that was before Bronwyn did that remarkable healing at Yule and we were all caught up in the power of it. Things that had been damaged by magical means were healed that night. Your womb was one of those things.’
She gasped, her fingers clenching over her abdomen. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be true. She couldn’t have a life growing inside her. Could she?
As if in answer to her question, something fluttered against the skin of her belly. From the inside.
‘See.’ Cain moved closer, his fingers pressing more firmly against her stomach.
‘You felt that?’
He nodded. ‘He knows we’re here. His parents. Loving and accepting him. Don’t you, little one.’
She felt the flutter again. ‘It could be wind.’
His gaze burned into her, a distinct look of displeasure in his eyes. ‘You know it’s not. Stop denying what you know to be true.’
‘But … but … it’s too early.’ She looked down, both their fingers splayed over the slightly rounded mound of her stomach. ‘To feel anything, I mean. To know for certain.’
Cain dropped his hand and grabbed her chin, fingers pinching into her skin, making her look up at him. ‘He is the child of our power and the Darkness. This is not some normal pregnancy. He will grow faster, stronger, than any other child. He has to. He was created on Beltane, the day of light and so must be born on the opposite Quarter day, when the moon is at full potency.’
‘Samhain?’
‘Yes. The prophecy was about this, not about you taking over Skye’s grandmother’s body and trying to kill her and River last Samhain as a rebirth. That’s why you’ve failed. You had it wrong. We all had it wrong. This is the true beginning. The true rebirth of the Darkness into the world. He can only come through on the day when the veil between the worlds is thin. On the eve of Samhain, he will be able to enter our world truly whole through the birth of our baby.’
Morrigan shook her head, unable to believe him even though what he said made some kind of horrifying sense. ‘How do you know this?’
‘The Darkness told me.’
Anger flared inside her. ‘The Darkness wouldn’t tell you and not tell me. I am its conduit. You are a mere servant.’
‘I haven’t been a servant for a long time, as you would know if you truly watched and listened. I was never meant to be a servant to you or the Darkness or anyone else.
The prophecy wasn’t simply about Eloise, it was about me too. It was why you brought us both with you when you killed our family. I have my place, and this is it. The part of the Nexus’ power that’s within me allowed this to come to pass. As the father to the baby that will become the vessel for the Darkness to enter this world, I will help shape the future.’
She stared at him, nausea rising again, but not because of pregnancy hormones. ‘No human could survive the intrusion of the Darkness. Not fully. Certainly not a baby. It couldn’t even fully take over the Were for fear of destroying the vessels it wished to use, but had to break itself into small pieces to go inside them. It has never been able to be whole for as far back as it can remember. So, what you say can’t be true. It can’t be.’
As if to prove her wrong, the thing in her stomach lurched again. She clawed at her shirt, lifting it up to look. There, pushing out from her skin, the imprint of a tiny hand. ‘Oh god.’
‘You see,’ he said, crowing. ‘Our child is strong. It will grow fast in your womb and be ready to come into this world as the Darkness has promised.’ He grasped her hand, held it tight in his, a manic light in his eyes. ‘And you will stand by my side, mother of a dark god, and together we will rule this land for him.’
She stared at him, speechless for the first time in her very long life, her free hand pressed protectively over the new life in her womb.
‘Let’s seal this ultimate blessing of our partnership with a kiss.’
She almost reared away from him, but there was something in his face, his gaze, that shrieked of power and evil and a darkness that had nothing to do with their mutual master. That look made her shudder deep inside, a little tendril of fear uncurling and gripping her stomach, making her wary of him in a way she’d never been wary before. Something essential was missing at his core. Why had she never seen it before?
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