‘My loving Shelley is important to the success of your great scheme?’
‘Of course. Love is one of the most powerful things in the universe.’ She looked around her. ‘It is what created and held together all of this. It will be our saviour. It is ultimately what I have sacrificed everything for.’ Her voice choked up and she took in a deep, shaking breath. ‘We need to go. We have stayed too long and my bargain only gives us passage through here at certain times.’
‘Can the Darkness follow us here?’
‘Not here. It was banished from this place eons ago. But there are consequences for not following the rules of what has been bargained. We must go to the Goddess’ safe haven.’
‘Safe haven?’
‘Yes. It is where those of us who work with her stay when in need of hiding or rebuilding our strength for the fight ahead.’ She looked back over her shoulder, beckoning him to follow. ‘It is but a short journey, however, you must keep your wits about you and whatever you do, do not let go of me.’ She held her hand out.
He grasped her hand. Her fingers curled around his, strong and sure. ‘Hold tight. And do not look back.’ Then she stepped forward into the haze in front of them, tugging him to follow. Without a backwards glance, he followed her as she moved from the whorl of stars and into the violet mist beyond.
Chapter 18
‘I’m glad you came up here for the last few days. You needed to take a break from all that research,’ Skye said, pouring some more tea into her cup. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘Pot calling kettle, baby,’ Shelley snorted. ‘Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones and all that.’
‘You’re using mixed metaphors?’
‘Ha! I’m just living outside the square.’
‘Yeah, right. That’s my line. Besides, if a best friend can’t tell you that you look like shit, then I don’t know who can.’
Shelley’s brows rose. ‘Wow, I must look bad. You’re swearing.’
‘At least I didn’t say the C word.’
‘I would have fallen off my seat if you had.’
Skye laughed, but then the laughter died. ‘Seriously, Shelley, now we’ve got a moment alone, you can tell me, how are you?’
Shelley stared down at her tea, swirling the dregs in the mug. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Really?’
Shelley looked up at her friend. She knew Skye and Bron had been worried about her since she’d returned to Melbourne after she’d pushed Adam into the void or the veil or wherever it was he’d gone with Morghanna. They’d been texting and calling and Skyping her every day to check on her. It was one of the reasons she’d come up to the pack lands—to show them that she was fine. All recovered. Not even a scar left from her ordeal. She should have known that they weren’t simply worried about her physical wellbeing. She could see all the questions Skye had about Adam and that kiss and why and how she’d pushed him away in her friends’ eyes. But she didn’t want to talk about any of that. Didn’t know the answer to any of those questions. Didn’t even know the answers to the questions she was actually searching for. However, she knew it was useless to keep on pretending there was nothing wrong with her at all—Skye could teach classes in stubborn—so she sidestepped with, ‘Well … I’d be better if I could find something that was helpful.’
Skye tapped her fingers against her mug for a moment, her eyes narrowed, and Shelley was certain her friend wasn’t going to let her get away with such an obvious sidestep, but then she sighed, put her mug down with a click and said, ‘The diaries still not giving out the goods?’
Shelley almost sagged in relief, but knew Skye would jump all over that sign of emotional weakness, so she held her back ramrod straight and waved her hand. ‘Oh, they’re giving out lots of things, just nothing that will truly help us in finding a way to unspell the black magic keeping the wound alive in Adam’s chest. I thought maybe if I came up here and had another look at it, I’d see something I hadn’t seen before that might help.’ Not entirely a lie. She had to give herself points for that.
‘And have you?’
‘Have I what?’
‘Seen something in Adam you didn’t see before?’
Shelley rubbed her hand over her face to cover the impact of that question. Hell, her friend was a fiend when it came to pushing her to give up the goods. But although Skye was past mistress of avoidance techniques, Shelley was the reigning queen and she wasn’t about to let go of her crown. ‘Yes, actually.’ She almost laughed at the surprise on Skye’s face as she let those words hang in the air. Then she leaned forward, as if she was going to say something secret and personal, and whispered, ‘It’s not simply black magic. There’s a piece of the Darkness in him.’
‘Oh.’ Skye looked extremely disappointed.
‘You don’t seem surprised.’
‘By the black magic? No. Bron thought as much when she put the cuffs on him.’ She tipped her head to the side, her eyes blanking for a moment.
‘Skye?’
‘Sorry,’ she said, gaze snapping back to Shelley. ‘I just had a thought. Would the spell Bridgette used to expel the Darkness from the Were all those centuries ago work?’
‘I thought it might, except …’
‘Except what?’
‘If it were that simple, then Bron should have been able to oust it with her healing magic like she did when the Darkness was inside River.’ Shelley rubbed her forehead again. ‘I asked Bron about it, and she said I was right. What she’d done already should have gotten rid of the Darkness if it was in him like it had been in the Were and in River. But it’s not. It’s like it’s wielded to his cells and I can’t find a spell that would make it just let go.’ She rapped her knuckles against her temple. ‘It’s so frustrating.’
‘We’ll find a solution. We have to.’
‘Yes. We have to.’ Shelley stared stubbornly at Skye, saw it in her friend’s eyes when she realised Shelley wouldn’t be drawn in any other way except through a direct attack. She shook her head, but Skye smiled apologetically and said, ‘Shelley, it’s been three weeks since Adam went with Morghanna. I know you miss him. I know you regret pushing him away like that. You need to talk about it. It’s eating you up inside. Everyone can see it.’
‘They can?’ she said, horrified at the thought.
‘Well, maybe not everyone. But those of us who care about you can feel it through the pack bond.’
Shelley bit her lip against the rising tears. ‘It’s fine.’
‘Shelley.’
She looked at her friend’s face, the love and friendship in her eyes, and it broke her. Blinking rapidly, she stared down at her hands. ‘It’s just I’ve heard nothing. Found nothing. And time’s slipping away. I can feel it. Something horrible rising inside me.’
‘What kind of horrible?’
Images. Of death and destruction and hopelessness with the banshee hovering above all. But she couldn’t speak of those images that came to her in her nightmares and flashed in her mind with increasing intensity. To speak the words would be to make them real. Yet she couldn’t say nothing. Fingers tightening around her tea mug, she stared down at the cooling brown liquid. Adam. She had to concentrate on Adam. She looked up again, met her friend’s gaze. ‘Like if I don’t find something soon, he’s going to slip away and I’ll … we’ll lose him.’
‘You can’t think like that, Shelley. We’re going to do everything we can and we’re going to get Adam back.’
‘You don’t feel it then?’
‘Feel what?’
‘That we’re running out of time?’
Skye swallowed hard. ‘I do. But I try not to think about it, because if I do, it will overwhelm me. You can’t let it overwhelm you either.’
Shelley blinked hard. ‘I know. It’s just …’ She sniffed. ‘I just miss the stupid bastard.’ She scrubbed her hand over her face and laughed a little. ‘He manages to piss me off at least six times a day. I feel more alive, more aware of myself when Ada
m is around than I have ever felt in my life.’ She clapped her hand over her mouth. Oh shit. Had she just said that out loud?
‘You can’t cram those words back into your mouth now they’re spoken. And pretending you didn’t say it doesn’t make it less true. You love him.’
Shelley sucked in a breath, Skye’s words a punch to her chest. No. She didn’t love him. She couldn’t. ‘This isn’t about love.’
Skye smiled. ‘Of course it is. He’s the exact right man for you. You knew that the moment you met him—which is why you’ve always been so snappy with him.’
Shelley looked around, as if she were going to find some convincing argument to prove her friend wrong, but she knew it was useless. They’d seen the proof of it—her feelings for him and his for her when she’d settled his wolf all those weeks ago. ‘I don’t want to love him.’
‘I didn’t want to love Jason either, if you remember. But when I stopped fighting it, everything changed for the better and I’ve never regretted it.’
‘It’s not the same.’
‘It could be.’
‘No. It can’t. Adam and I can’t be together.’
‘You’ve begun to bond with him.’
Shelley shook her head, mouth a thin line. ‘It can’t go further.’
‘Why not? Why not let yourself be happy?’
Shelley’s eyes widened. ‘You don’t think I want to be happy? You don’t think I want love?’
‘I think you’re afraid of it because of what’s happened in the past, but you’ve no need to be. It’s more freeing than anything I’ve ever experienced. My love for Jason strengthens me in ways I never imagined.’
‘And I’m so thrilled that’s true for you and Bron and Eloise. But it’s not true for me. I can’t have what you have. Certainly not with Adam.’
‘Why not? He’s perfect for you.’
Shelley stared at her, blinking rapidly, chin wobbling, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps. He was perfect. Despite—or perhaps because of—all his annoying ways, he really was perfect for her, and she could never be with him. Not in the way she longed to be.
‘Oh goodness, Shelley. What did I say? What’s wrong?’ Skye pushed out of her chair and leapt across the coffee table to kneel beside her friend, her arms going around her. ‘I’m so sorry I upset you. Tell me, what’s wrong?’
How could she explain something that was so eternally painful? Something there was no shying away from, only enduring it. The diaries, her aunt, the banshee—all had made it perfectly clear that all she would ever bring to Adam was death in exchange for her love and there was no way she was going to do that. But how could she explain that to Skye? Her friend, who had once been a pessimist to match Shelley, was now the eternal optimist, always trying to find the bright side. Just like Bron. They’d think there was some way around hundreds of years of history and her aunt’s prophecy. They’d make her hope. She didn’t want to hope. Hope hurt. Especially given that even if the diaries were wrong about how Adam’s powers worked, how they were affected by the pact with the witches, even if her aunt was wrong, there was still the insanity so prevalent in her family. An insanity she had fought against for so many years, keeping it at bay through sheer stubborn will and a refusal to use her powers—the seat of her insanity. However, now that the banshee was inside her, she knew it was only a matter of time. Every time the banshee hummed inside her, every time it raised its voice into a wail, it pulled her closer to the edge. That edge was like something jagged in her mind, snagging her thoughts with increasing rapidity, spinning them around. She grasped for control, and so far she was managing to keep herself from falling over that precipice like her aunt, but it was a frayed tightrope she was balancing on, and very soon, it was going to snap and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Even if Adam wasn’t an empathic Trickster who would take the burden of that insanity from her until it killed him, she wouldn’t burden him with the inevitability of what would happen to her. She loved him too much to ever do that to him.
She could never, ever, explain that to the others, her friends who were in such perfect relationships that they thought everything could come right in the end. They simply wouldn’t understand.
She swiped at the tears on her face, sniffled, forced her lips to move. ‘It’s nothing. I’m just overtired, that’s all.’ She hiccoughed and rubbed her cheeks. ‘God, I hate crying.’
‘I know you do, Shells. Which is why I know this isn’t nothing. Please tell me what’s wrong. What did I say that upset you so much?’
The words trembled on Shelley’s lips. Despite what she’d just told herself, she wanted to tell someone the burden in her heart. Wanted someone else to know that despite how much love she felt for Adam it could never be, and why. She looked down at Skye and the thought died the death it deserved. She took in the beautiful blue of Skye’s eyes, swimming with worry, the deep circles under them, the paleness of her skin. Her friend was stressed enough already, what with helping the McClunes through the death of their Alpha and Cordy being in a coma. She was still trying to learn about her power and taking on the responsibilities of being mated to the Alpha of a strong pack. Not to mention trying to run her childcare business from afar and becoming a new mother to Tom, Jason and Adam’s nephew. She’d also been sick with some form of recurring stomach complaint for the last month that was most likely related to her already considerable stress and anxiety about everyone she loved. Shelley couldn’t add to that burden. She wouldn’t.
She reached down and touched Skye’s cheek. ‘I really am just overtired and being silly. When you said Adam is the perfect man for me, I just couldn’t help thinking that it’s typical that the perfect man for me is slowly dying and relying on me to help him to live and I can’t seem to do even that.’ Her voice broke, perfecting the lie, and she blinked rapidly. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. Simply a sleight of hand with a kernel of truth to divert her friend from the real, deeper truth.
‘Oh, Shelley. I’m so sorry. It was thoughtless of me to put that burden on you as well. We all know you’re doing your best. Nobody, Adam especially, would ask more from you than that.’ Skye’s arms tightened around her.
‘I know,’ she said, hugging back. ‘But knowing it doesn’t stop me from wishing I was better at all this. That I knew more.’
Skye sat back. ‘You and me both. Although, I’m surprised to hear you say you want to learn more about your magic.’
‘Only insofar as it will help bring Adam back. And help to fight off whatever Morrigan and Cain are going to do next.’
‘Of course,’ Skye said, a little smile playing at the corner of her lips.
‘I mean it,’ Shelley said, not liking that smile at all.
‘I know you do.’
‘Skye.’
‘Shelley.’
They stared at each other for a long moment, but Shelley was the one to break the stare. She looked down at her tea again, lifted it to sip. ‘Yuck.’ She pulled a face. It was cold. She placed it down on the coffee table carefully, still not looking at Skye. ‘So, you haven’t told me if you’ve heard from Eloise, Iain and Patrick lately. Have they found anything?’
‘Nice change of topic, Shelley. But we’re not done with this one.’
‘Yes, we are.’ She squared her jaw, hands clenched in her lap. ‘Please, Skye. I know what you all think, but I can’t talk about this. Please don’t make me.’
There was a long pause. ‘Okay.’ Skye’s hands folded over hers, thumbs stoking, soothing. ‘But I’m here if you want to tell me anything. You know that, don’t you?’
Shelley’s gaze snapped to Skye’s. ‘I know.’
‘Good.’ She took a deep breath then, moving a little shakily, she stood, swayed.
Shelley grabbed her friend. ‘Skye? Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine. Just stood too quickly.’ She smiled up at Shelley. ‘I’ll be fine. Just let me sit.’
Shelley helped her sit in the chair she’d just vacated,
but when she went to check Skye’s pulse, Skye waved her away. ‘Don’t fuss. I get enough of that from Jason and Bron.’ She folded her hands in her lap. ‘Now, where were we? Ah, yes, you asked about Eloise.’
Shelley nodded.
‘So far, every lead they have leads them to another dead end. But Patrick is showing his worth and has always managed to track down another lead to follow.’
‘I hope they find something. For Eloise if for nothing else. It must be horrible for her.’
‘Yeah. But Iain says she’s holding on to hope and not getting despondent.’
‘Good. I’m glad she’s got him. And Patrick.’ Skye looked like she was about to say something but then swallowed hard and closed her eyes. A little frisson of worry skated up Shelley’s spine. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Still a little dizzy.’ She breathed in deep.
‘You’re dizzy again?’ Jason said as he walked into the room, heading straight for his mate. She opened her eyes, smiled, and then her eyes rolled up into her head and she fell forward off the chair.
‘Skye!’
Jason caught her before she hit the floor. ‘Skye. Skye.’ She didn’t respond.
‘Here, put her on the couch.’
Jason swept his mate up in his arms and placed her on the couch, hands grasping hers. Shelley checked her pulse and her breathing. ‘Her pulse is a little fast, but she’s breathing okay. I think she passed out.’ She glared at him. ‘Just how sick has she been?’
‘She’s been throwing up a little. Complaining of some tiredness. But that’s it.’ He met her gaze, his shadowed with fear. ‘She wouldn’t go and see a doctor. You know how she is.’
‘I know.’
‘What should we do?’
‘Let’s get her down to the hospital room. Bron’s down there. She can check her out.’
‘Good idea.’ He picked Skye up, her head lolling worryingly against his shoulder, and ran out of the room too fast for Shelley to keep up. He was waiting in the SUV for her when she ran out onto the patio. She ran down the front steps. ‘Put her in the back. I’ll sit with her while you drive.’
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