She held on tighter as he pumped into her once, twice, three more times, and then her release tumbled over her and she screamed. Adam cried out his own release, let go of her mouth, and bit down on her pulse point on her neck, the pleasure-pain of it driving her orgasm higher until it flowed over her, a tidal wave, tumbling and tossing her up and up and up until she thought the fall would kill her.
It didn’t. Something snapped tight inside her and she was pulled back to Adam. He caught her and held her close, as she knew he would, as he’d always done.
She came to, trembling and breathless, still curled around him and upright—she had no idea how he was holding them both up, as all her muscles had turned liquid—with his tongue caressing and licking the bite mark on her neck. He looked up at her, eyes gleaming golden honey, that beloved smile on his lips. ‘You are mine.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed, melting into him as he toppled backwards on the bed, taking her with him. She lay, sprawled on top of him; he was still hard inside her, larger than he should be given what they’d just done. She frowned. Bron and Skye had told her about this quirk of the Were’s sex life. It was part of mating. Why on earth would she include this in her dream? Maybe, deep down, she didn’t just want to share love with him, she wanted to be bonded to him in the most intimate way. With that thought came a wave of need, of want, that told her that was exactly what she wanted. She wanted to belong. Wanted a man who would love her and challenge her, who supported her and nurtured her and would always, always, be in her corner, no matter what.
Just like Adam. He already did all those things, had done so since she met him. He was her perfect man. Annoying Adam. The man she had been so afraid to get close to, the one who had refused to let her keep him at arm’s length, the man who knew the heart of her and saw past her bluster and snappy bitchiness to the soft, hurt little girl at her core.
‘What are you thinking?’
Her finger made lazy circles around his nipple. ‘I was thinking that I wish I truly could mate with you.’
‘You can. You are. All you’ve got to do is accept it and me.’
She smiled up at him, brushed the hair back from his forehead. ‘Of course you’d say that. You’re a dream.’
‘I’m not a dream.’
‘Of course you are. I would never have gone this far if you weren’t.’
His frown deepened as he looked into her eyes. Outside the dream, she would have avoided such a look; a look that pierced her to her soul, a look that demanded to be let in, to know her. But in the dream, she could meet it. She could be bold and true to who she wished she could be. She pressed her lips softly against his, her knuckles brushing up the side of his face, her fingers playing over the lines of his frown. ‘What’s wrong?’ she whispered.
‘You think this is a dream?’
‘Of course it’s a dream. What else would it be? You’re a spirit, Adam.’ She twined her fingers in his and brought them to her lips. ‘You wouldn’t feel this real if this wasn’t a dream.’
‘I wouldn’t feel this real if it was a dream.’ He tore his hand from hers and pushed back from her a little, although he was still joined with her. ‘It feels this real, Kitten, because I brought you to the place Morghanna brought me, and here my form is what I want it to be.’ He looked down at himself. ‘And given you channelled your power into me, it has made me able to make this even more real.’
He was shimmering with the purple of her power. A tingling raced through her, over her, making her shiver. ‘How?’
‘I was watching from the astral. You were so sad. Your astral soul left your body once you were asleep. I could feel it crying out for me. Morghanna had told me when I stepped into the astral I would know what to do and I did. I brought you here with me.’
‘You separated my spirit from my body?’
‘No. You were already in the astral—you were dreaming. You were falling, calling for me and I caught you and then we were here.’
‘So, these aren’t our real bodies?’
‘Not the ones that are back on earth, but they are real. Can’t you feel it?’
‘Oh, Adam.’ It shuddered out of her and she had to put a trembling hand to her mouth to stop more words from spilling out.
He touched her face. ‘We’ve just begun the mating.’
‘No. That’s not possible. We’re spirits.’
‘The bond isn’t simply made through our bodies, it encompasses our souls, our thoughts, our hearts, every fibre that makes us who we are, both physical and metaphysical. You are my mate. We have been bonding for some time, but tonight, sharing this here, it’s been strengthened.’
Something flashed in her eyes—shock, panic. ‘No. No …’
‘What’s the matter?’
She shifted below him. ‘I need a moment. Can you give me a moment?’ She began to push at him. ‘I need a moment by myself. I need to think. I can’t think like this, with you here, all around me.’ She pushed harder, her hands slapping at him. ‘I need you to go. I need … I need …’
He caught her hands. ‘Shh. Shh. It’s okay, Kitten. It’s going to be okay.’
‘It’s not going to be okay. I thought this a dream. I would never … I can’t ever … We can’t mate.’
‘Of course we can. I know you were hurt in the past but …’
‘Do you think that’s what this is? Do you think I’d truly let something like that keep me from the man I love?’
‘Then what is it?’
‘I can’t believe this. I can’t believe after I’ve been so careful, it’s happened.’ Tears began to stream from her eyes. ‘Oh god, Adam. Oh god!’
She sounded as if she was going to die. Her tears were killing him. He swore and let go of one of her hands to brush the tears from her cheeks. ‘Don’t cry, Shelley. Please don’t cry. Being my mate can’t be that bad?’
‘It would be the best thing that ever happened to me, except …’ She reached up and touched his cheek, his lips. ‘I do love you. I want more than anything to be able to mate with you. But I can’t. I can’t.’ She began pushing at him again. ‘Please, I need you to move away. I just need to think. I need to think.’
She struggled against him, but he couldn’t move. Fuck. He wished he could give her what she needed at this moment—wished it with every part of him—but the mating had started and he was too large inside her to pull out. He could hurt her if he did. ‘I can’t right now. You know I can’t.’
Fear flared in her eyes. ‘I … I can still refuse you.’
He winced at the slashing pain of her words. ‘Yes. You can. But it will hurt both of us at this stage.’
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ Her lips trembled and more tears spilled from her eyes, wetting her hair splayed out on the pillow.
He swore again. It was killing him that his strong, sexy Kitten, was crying, was in pain, because of him. He cupped her head with both hands, swiping at the tears with his thumbs. ‘Then accept me. Accept this mating.’
‘I can’t. I can’t.’
‘Can’t or won’t?’
‘Can’t. It will kill you.’
‘What?’ He froze, stared down at her. ‘Mating with you couldn’t kill me. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.’
She squeezed her eyes shut. ‘No. It will destroy you. It’s in the diaries. In what my aunt prophesied to me. If I mate with you, I will end up killing you.’ Her hand trembled over her mouth.
‘That’s rubbish. You would never hurt me.’
‘I wouldn’t mean to. But it’s all tied into your Trickster empathy, how that power works, and what the pact did to it. I’m not the right mate for you. I’m not stable. And the moment the insanity begins to take me over, that will be the beginning of the end for you. You will give too much of yourself to save me, but the cost will be your life.’
‘That doesn’t make sense. That’s not what the mating bond is about. It’s about a sharing.’
‘Not for you. Not for us.’
�
�I could choose not to do it. I could choose not to give too much of myself.’
‘No you couldn’t. Don’t you understand? It’s hardwired into the Were DNA to do everything they can to save their mates, even at the expense of their own lives. The pact didn’t just make that a possibility, but a certainty in cases like ours.’ She laughed, the sound tinged with hysteria. ‘It helped everyone else, but it screwed us. It screwed us.’
He stared down at her, speechless.
‘Adam, please. Don’t look at me like that.’
‘I can’t help it. What you’re saying is insane.’
She laughed bitterly. ‘That’s because I am insane. And you can’t do anything to stop it. You shouldn’t be tied to it. And I won’t let you be. I won’t drag you down into the death and destruction that is my due.’
‘Don’t.’ He gripped her face tightly in his hands, forcing her to look up at him. ‘Don’t you ever say that is your due. Your due has nothing to do with death and destruction. That’s some stupid idiocy your family has made you believe and it’s patently untrue.’
‘No. No. Don’t you see? It’s got nothing to do with my family’s beliefs. It has to do with everything I’ve learned about the banshee and the kind of medium I am from the diaries. It’s got to do with what I’ve heard spirits say to me all my life. It’s got to do with what my own power has shown me, what it does to me when it takes hold.’ She bit her lip, and took his hands in hers, pulling them away from her face. ‘I knocked you unconscious when I banshee wailed. I made your ears and nose bleed. I could have done a lot more damage, but the banshee in me wasn’t fully formed.’ She stared up at him, her expression grim, fearful. ‘It’s been getting stronger. It’s showing me more all the time, whispering in my mind, willing me to let her take over, to take care of everything so I don’t have to worry anymore. And at times, I am so tempted to let her, because it’s all so hard. But I don’t, because I do care about the pack and I love Skye and Bron and you. God, I love you.’
His fingers tightened on hers. ‘And I love you.’
She clung to his hand. ‘I know. I think I’ve always known. And I’ve been so frightened of it. I couldn’t figure out why, but I think it was because the banshee inside me was warning me even before it came to the fore. I didn’t want to encourage myself or you for fear of this moment coming to pass. I can’t let it happen. Do you understand, Adam? It’s not because I don’t want it—God knows, I want it with everything in me. I want to belong. I want to be tied to you in every possible way. And yet, I can’t let it go any further, because I won’t be the death of you.’ Tears streamed down her face and she made no effort to stop them. ‘I won’t kill you. I just won’t. And nothing you say or do will make me take that final step.’ Her voice broke and it killed him.
‘Fuck, Kitten. Don’t. Please, don’t.’ He gathered her in his arms, shifting their positions so she was on top, and held her as she sobbed into his neck, her tears like hot acid against his skin. ‘I won’t push you. We won’t go any further. I won’t ask you for the words. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I never wanted this.’
She lifted her head, her face ravaged by grief, eyes swollen with tears, but she still looked so beautiful to him.
‘I’m not sorry for making love to you tonight. I’ve wanted it for so long and I know it’s selfish of me to be glad we finally shared what’s between us, but I can’t be sorry to have experienced this. I’ll hold the feeling of this to me for the rest of my life.’
‘As will I. There will never be another for me, Kitten. You are it.’
‘I know.’ Her lips trembled again, but she pressed them together and held the tears back by sheer strength of will. ‘I am so sorry that’s true. I wish you could have the love you deserve.’
‘I have got the love I deserve.’ He brushed her hair back from her face in a caress that trembled with the strength of his feelings. ‘I hold your love to my heart. Even if we can never fully express our love, it’s still there and it’s precious. You are more than I could ever have wished for. Beautiful, strong, determined, intelligent and fiercely loyal and loving. Loving you is a gift I can never be sorry for. Nobody else could hold a candle to it.’
She pressed a wet kiss to his lips. ‘If this moment wasn’t so painful, that would be the most romantic and wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me.’
He chuckled as he kissed her, little sipping kisses. ‘That’s me. Wonderful and romantic.’
She pulled back from him and cupped his face. ‘You are, you know. Wonderful. I always knew it, even when I was pushing you away and being snarky.’
‘I loved you being snarky.’
Her lips curled. ‘You always saw it as a challenge, didn’t you?’
‘Sure did. The best challenge ever.’
The humour faded from her eyes as her gaze met his. ‘This isn’t a challenge,’ she whispered. ‘You do understand that, don’t you?’
‘I believe you. But that doesn’t mean I won’t hope that something will change. That we’ll find a way through.’
Her face twisted and the look in her eyes was such a mixture of sad and loving that it twisted his heart with hope and grief all at once. ‘I wish that was true, but I can’t let myself do the same. It hurts too much to hope.’
His fingers tangled in her golden hair. ‘I know, Kitten. Let me hope for the both of us, okay?’
‘I can’t ask you to change your nature any more than you can ask me to change mine.’
‘No.’ He touched his forehead to hers. ‘We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?’
‘The worst ever.’
He kissed her nose and leaned back. ‘The best ever.’
He waited for the laugh he knew his words would bring and when the sound burbled out of her, he bent and drank it from her lips. Then he pulled out of her as the first part of the mating bond subsided.
‘You need to send me back.’
‘All you have to do is wish it and your astral self will leave here and return to your body.’
She stared up at him for an agonising moment, her fingers trailing over his cheek. ‘I’m sorry.’
Then she was gone. He’d never felt such an aching sense of loss in his life, then that loss turned to fury. ‘Morghanna! Where the fuck are you? What have you made me do?’
Chapter 21
The bed and the sky and the forest dell disappeared. Greyness enfolded him, tinged deepest amethyst from Shelley’s power sparking on his skin. The grey swirled and faded and he heard a gasp behind him. He swung around.
‘Morghanna.’ His growl resonated in the air and he took a step towards her. The surprise faded from her face and she backed away from him, hands held out.
‘Now, Adam. Wait. You have it all wrong.’
‘I don’t think I have. You pushed me to go to her and you must have known she couldn’t mate with me. That she believed it would mean my death. Is it true? Will she kill me?’
‘Perhaps.’ She blanched as his snarl ripped through the air between them. ‘It is the nature of the Trickster to take into themselves the sadness and pain and uncertainty of those around them and turn it into something stronger, better, happier. This was amplified when the pact was created, but unfortunately, that amplification meant they also could give too much of themselves to their mates, and if that mate was weak of mind, spirit or body, it became one-sided, rather than symbiotic and the Trickster died from the effect.’
‘Shelley isn’t weak.’ He took a step towards her, but this time she held her ground.
‘No. She is strong.’ Her clear violet gaze met his and made him stop. ‘As are you. Especially after the work we’ve done.’
He narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you telling me you think she won’t go insane? Or that if she does, I’ll be able to handle it?’
‘It does not matter what I or anyone else thinks. What matters is what you believe. You are a Trickster. What you believe, what you desire, holds a lot of sway with those you love and look after.’
> His anger hissed out of him as he stared at her. ‘That makes no sense. If that was true, those other Tricksters would not have died trying to help their mates.’
‘Those other Tricksters had not travelled between the veil. They were not the heart of the strongest pack there has been since Bridgette and myself wielded the spell of the pact and bound our people to yours. They did not have a coven made up of a triad of witches with the capability of becoming the triumvirate and the Nexus feeding power into them. They had not fought their own battle for the sanity of themselves and their pack as you fought when my curse began to pull your pack apart at the seams. And as I said before, they did not have your training. You are the strongest Trickster I have ever seen. The very fact that you would hurt Shelley by your death is the single thing that will keep you clinging to life. It is one of the reasons my Goddess is certain our plan will work. It is a virtual impossibility for you to be torn apart by Shelley’s insanity if she was to slide down that slope, because it is not in your nature to give in.’ She huffed out a laugh. ‘You are quite simply the stubbornest Were I have ever seen.’
‘You haven’t met my brother.’
She laughed briefly and then grabbed his wrist, holding him still. ‘Once this is over and you are back in your body, all you have to do is convince Shelley what she saw is not true for you, and you can become fully mated.’
‘You make that sound so simple.’
‘It will be, when the time comes.’ She let go of his wrist. ‘My Goddess does not wish you or your pack and coven anything but the joy and happiness of a future free of the Darkness. She wants your pack to become strong, to help build the Were and covens back to what they were always meant to be—a strength to help shape the world for the better. To help humans understand how to live in harmony with each other and with nature. That all can thrive if only they work together.’
‘Sounds like the words of an idealist. I’m not sure if that can ever happen in reality. Not with the world the way it is.’
‘Without the Darkness there making the evil take shape and form, you will have a chance to make it true.’
Wolf Bound Page 27