by John Herbert
“It’s okay with me. It’s your party.”
I gave a little sarcastic snort into the receiver. “Thanks, Mom. Look, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”
“All right. But will you give what I said some thought?”
“No, Mom, I won’t. Nancy’s coming to Jennie’s party. Period.”
I waited for a response. None came.
“Say hello to Pop for me, will you?”
“I will. And I still love you.”
Another snort, meant to convey amusement more than anything else. “I’m glad to hear that. I love you too. Good night.”
I stood next to the wall phone in the kitchen, turning over in my mind what my mother had said, wondering if I had laid the groundwork for some sort of disaster on Jennie’s birthday.
I asked myself, What am I supposed to do? Tell Nancy she can’t come because we think Maureen Reilly might get upset after all? I stared at the floor. I can’t do that.
I looked up at the ceiling. At the same time, if Mom’s right and Maureen does get upset, she could ruin the whole party—which would hurt Jennie.
I rubbed my eyes with both hands, frustrated, angry. Jesus Christ! Why does everything have to be so goddamned complicated?
But in an instant the confusion disappeared, replaced with resolve.
“It’s not complicated,” I said out loud to myself, in complete denial of the reality facing me. “Nancy’s coming to the party because she belongs there, and Maureen will understand that. That’s all there is to it.”
Happily confident that all was now under control, I turned off the lights in the kitchen and went to bed.
Eighty-Six
August 3rd was a typical August day for Long Island, hot and humid but thankfully sunny. I left the office at two forty-five so I’d have time to change clothes and set up the grill and lawn chairs before anyone arrived for Jennie’s party. But when I pulled into the driveway around three-fifteen, I saw that Maureen and Erin Reilly had already arrived. Erin was watching Jennie chase a butterfly across the backyard lawn, and Maureen was sitting on one of the picnic table benches with John on her lap. I parked in front of the garage and got out of the car.
“Hi. How are you?” I said as I walked across the lawn toward Maureen.
“We’re fine,” Maureen replied curtly.
“I didn’t expect to see you guys here so early.”
“Kathleen wanted to beat the rush hour traffic, so we left Bergenfield around noon and got here a little after one-thirty.”
“Well, that’s great. And how are you doing, sweetheart?” I said, calling to Jennie.
“I’m fine, Daddy,” Jennie replied as she ran to give me a hug. “Today’s my birthday.”
“I know, and in a little while we’re going to have a party just for you. With hamburgers and hot dogs and birthday cake and presents and all sorts of stuff.”
Jennie hugged me tightly for a few seconds and then stood back, her hands clasped tightly in front of her, beaming with anticipation.
“But first,” I said, “Daddy’s got to get out of his suit and into some shorts. Then he’s got to set up the grill and some chairs so people will have a place to sit. So you play here with Grandma and Aunt Erin while I go inside and change. All right?”
Jennie nodded and ran across the lawn to Erin.
“And how are you doing, little guy?” I asked, tickling John under his chin.
“He’s doing fine,” Maureen answered while John squirmed on her lap, trying to grab her glasses. “Aren’t you, fella?”
My son’s attention for the moment on a pair of eyeglasses and not on his father, I stood up and started to walk back to the car. “I’ll see you in a few minutes, Maureen,” I said over my shoulder. “I’ve got to get out of this suit before I melt.”
I took my briefcase out of the car and went into the kitchen through the back door. As usual, Loretta was standing at the kitchen sink as I came in, washing what I assumed to be the lunch dishes. She turned toward me on hearing the screen door open.
“Hello, Mr. Herbert. How was your day?”
“It was good, Loretta, but short. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why it was good.” I put my briefcase down by the pantry doors and picked up the mail on the end of the kitchen counter. “Where’s Kathleen?” I asked, focusing on a handwritten envelope without a return address but postmarked in Richmond, Virginia.
“Miss Reilly?” Loretta said.
“Yes. The other daughter.”
“Oh, she already left, Mr. Herbert. Some time ago.”
“She what?” I forgot about the envelope from Virginia.
“She left, Mr. Herbert. She went home. Over an hour ago.”
“Why? I thought she was coming to Jennie’s party.”
Loretta turned back to the dishes in the sink, visibly upset.
“Am I missing something, Loretta? Wasn’t she supposed to come to Jennie’s party?”
Loretta continued to wash the dishes for another moment or two. Then she put down the dishrag, wiped her hands on her apron and turned toward me. “Yes, she was, Mr. Herbert,” Loretta replied.
“So why isn’t she here? Why has she gone home?”
“She went home right after I told her Nancy was coming to Jennie’s party, Mr. Herbert. She didn’t say anything to me. She just went outside and talked to Mrs. Reilly for a minute. Then she brought Mrs. Reilly’s suitcase inside, got into her car and drove off.”
I stood in the pantry hall, the mail still in my hand, and looked outside, through the screen door, first at Maureen and then at Erin and Jennie, who were hovering over something in one of the flower beds.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Herbert. I didn’t mean to make any trouble for you or for Jennie or for Nancy. Miss Reilly just asked me who was coming to Jennie’s party, and I told her.”
I turned away from the scene in the backyard and faced Loretta.
“I know that, Loretta. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just answered a question. But Kathleen’s obviously making a statement about Nancy.”
I wondered what I should do, but I couldn’t think of anything.
“Well…so be it,” I said finally, as much to myself as to Loretta. “If Kathleen doesn’t want to be in the same room with Nancy, she doesn’t have to be. She can stay away forever as far as I’m concerned.”
“Yes, Mr. Herbert,” Loretta quietly agreed.
I picked up my briefcase and tried to smile at her. “Loretta, we have a little girl out there who’s really looking forward to her fourth birthday party, and I don’t know about you, but I’ll be damned if anyone’s going to get in the way of that. What do you say?”
“Yes, Mr. Herbert,” Loretta replied, nodding in dutiful agreement.
“Great. I’ll see you in a few minutes after I change my clothes. And Loretta?”
“Yes, Mr. Herbert?”
“Forget about Kathleen. It doesn’t matter because she doesn’t matter.”
I went out into the front hall and started to go upstairs to change.
Maybe Mom was right, I thought as I climbed the stairs. Maybe Nancy’s being here is going to be too much for some people to take.
I reached the top of the stairs and crossed the hall to my bedroom.
“Tough shit,” I said out loud as I opened the bedroom door. “Tough shit.”
Eighty-Seven
When I went back outside after changing my clothes, I found Erin and Jennie sitting at the picnic table with Maureen and John, Jennie feverishly coloring in one of her coloring books, John still happily camped on Maureen’s lap. I walked past them on my way to get the grill and considered bringing up Kathleen’s departure, but decided that probably wasn’t very smart.
The grill hadn’t been used since last summer and was covered with grime, so I wiped it down with wet paper towels to restore it to a reasonable level of cleanliness. I then brought the lawn chairs and snack tables out from the garage. Like the grill, they hadn’t been used since last summer
and were dusty and full of cobwebs. Realizing they were beyond the reach of wet paper towels, I uncoiled the hose and proceeded to wash away a year’s worth of neglect, regretting that I hadn’t done all this over the weekend.
By the time I finished, it was almost five o’clock and time to pick up Nancy at the Huntington railroad station. She had said she was going to leave work early so she could catch the four-ten out of Penn Station, which got her into Huntington at five-sixteen, so I had just enough time to put away the hose, wash up and drive to the station. As I was coiling the hose, I wondered what, if anything, I should say to Maureen about where I was going. If I told her I was going to pick up Nancy, I left myself open to a response that might not be good for Jennie to hear. But if I said nothing, I could avoid that possibility, at least for now, and by the time I got back, my parents and the Claytons would be at the house, which hopefully would encourage Maureen to keep her opinions to herself. I decided to say nothing.
I went inside to wash my hands and face, then got into my car and began to back out of the driveway. As I pulled past the picnic table, Jennie looked up from her crayoning with a look of confusion and concern.
“Where are you going, Daddy?” she called out.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes, sweetheart.”
“But where are you going?” she pressed.
Suddenly I wondered what I’d been thinking. How could I have been so stupid as to think I could drive past Jennie without telling her where I was going? I was caught.
“I’m going to pick up Nancy, Jen. At the train station. I’ll be right back.”
Her curiosity satisfied, Jennie turned back to her coloring book. Maureen and Erin looked up at me, but neither of them made a comment. I closed the car window and continued to back down the driveway. I felt like maybe, just maybe, I had dodged a bullet.
I arrived at the station just as the eastbound five-sixteen was pulling in on the south track. I parked in a spot where Nancy could see my car, and within seconds of my arrival, hundreds of tired-looking men and women started to spill onto the north platform and into the parking area from the pedestrian bridge that crossed over the tracks. I saw Nancy standing on the curb at the base of the pedestrian bridge, looking out over the swarm of waiting cars. I gave the horn two quick toots to get her attention, and she turned in my direction, as did fifty or sixty other people. As soon as she saw me, she began to make her way over to the car. I met her at the passenger side, gave her a quick kiss and opened the door for her. She put a shopping bag on the floor behind her seat and got in.
“How are you?” I asked when I was back in the car.
“Hot.”
“No air conditioning on the train again?”
“No, there was air conditioning. Just too many people inside and too hot outside to make much of a difference.”
“I’m sorry. Other than that, how was your day?” I looked into my side view mirror and prepared to pull away from the curb.
“It was good. But can we sit here for a minute while I put on some fresh makeup and try to cool off?”
“Sure. Although you look pretty good to me. Hot and sticky maybe, but good.”
Nancy shot me a look as she pulled down the visor on her side and flipped up the mirror cover. “Is Jennie excited about her party?”
“She sure is.”
“Is everybody there already?”
“Not when I left. Just Maureen and Erin Reilly. My folks were supposed to come around five-fifteen, and Beth and Dave said they’d try to arrive by five-thirty.”
Nancy finished applying the last of her lipstick, rolled her lips together a few times and then blotted them on a piece of facial tissue. “Wasn’t Kathleen supposed to come too?” she asked.
I looked at Nancy for several seconds, weighing whether to tell her the truth or to make up some story to explain Kathleen’s absence. I decided to tell her the truth. I hadn’t lied to her yet in the eleven months we’d known one another, and I wasn’t about to start now.
“She was,” I said, “but she went home.”
“Went home? What for?”
I looked out the windshield at the cars leaving the station and at the ones arriving for the next train. “Kathleen asked Loretta who was coming to Jennie’s party. When Loretta told her you were coming, Kathleen went outside and talked to Maureen for a minute. Then she brought Maureen’s suitcase inside and went home.”
“Oh my God,” Nancy said. Now she too was looking straight ahead out the windshield. “I told you I shouldn’t have come,” she said. “I knew it was a bad idea when you invited me, and now look what’s happened. I don’t belong here, John. Not at your house. Not with the Reillys. Not now. Oh, shit!”
I reached across the seat and gently turned her face towards me. “First of all,” I said softly, “calm down.”
Nancy nodded in agreement at first, but then shook her head from side to side in exasperation and mild panic.
“Calm down,” I repeated.
Nancy inhaled, held her breath and then released it.
“And second,” I continued, “you belong here as much as anyone. You’ve seen how Jennie’s latched onto you the last few months. You know she’s becoming attached to you. She wants you here. Believe me. And I want you here. Nothing else matters, Nan. Nothing.”
“I’m scared, John. I was uncomfortable enough meeting Maureen Reilly for the first time without this happening. But now…” Her voice trailed off, and she turned away from me. “How am I supposed to meet this woman knowing her daughter refuses to be in the same room with me?”
“You just be you. That’s all you do. If Maureen Reilly has a problem with you, that’s too damn bad. The important thing is we’re together, and you’re here for Jennie’s party. I’ll be with you every second. I told you I’d protect you, and I will. I promise.”
Eighty-Eight
By the time Nancy and I arrived, my folks and the Claytons were already in the backyard with Maureen and Erin. My father had parked in the driveway, so instead of driving around the back of the house to the garage, I parked behind him. We got out of the car, and as Nancy tried to smooth out her skirt, I reached behind the passenger seat to retrieve her shopping bag, which contained Jennie’s present. When Nancy was satisfied that she was as wrinkle-free as she was going to be, I took her hand, and we walked down the driveway to the back yard.
As we came around the corner of the house, I saw my parents talking with Beth and Erin, Maureen in one of the lawn chairs with John, and Dave playing tag with Jennie.
My mother saw us first. “Here they are,” she called out to no one in particular and everyone in general. “We thought you two had gotten lost.”
“Nancy’s train was a few minutes late,” I lied.
“Hello, Nancy,” my mother said. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, Mrs. Herbert. And you?”
“Hi, Nan,” my father interrupted, extending his hand. “Good to see you.”
“Hello,” Beth chimed in cheerily before Nancy could respond.
“Hi, Beth. How are you?”
Now it was my turn to interrupt. “Nan, let me make a couple of introductions. This is Erin Reilly, Peg’s youngest sister.”
“Hi, Nancy,” Erin replied, extending her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Erin.”
“And this is Maureen Reilly,” I continued, gently pulling Nancy away from Erin and over to Maureen, “Peg’s mom.”
“Hello, Mrs. Reilly,” Nancy said, quite warmly, I thought.
“Hello,” Maureen responded flatly. She made eye contact with Nancy for a second or two and then turned her attention back to John, while Nancy and I stood awkwardly in front of her. “Forgive me for not getting up,” Maureen added finally, “but I have this big beautiful boy on my lap, don’t I, little fella?”
Nancy and I forced a smile and were about to turn away when Jennie came running across the lawn, arms spread to give Nancy a hug. “Nancy! Nancy! You
came to my party!”
“Hi, Jennie. How are you?” Nancy replied, getting down on one knee to receive her hug. “Happy birthday! Are you really four years old?”
“I am,” Jennie confirmed, disengaging from the hug and nodding seriously. “Did you bring me a present?”
“You know you’re not supposed to ask that, Jennie,” I reminded her.
“I sure did,” Nancy replied, ignoring my reprimand, “and I think you’re going to love it.”
“Can I open it now?”
“Well, maybe we should leave that up to Daddy.”
“Can I, Daddy? Please!”
“Nancy just got here, honey. Give her a chance to sit down and cool off. Then we’ll open presents, okay?”
Before Jennie could answer, Dave came from behind her, scooped her up in his arms, and in the midst of her squealing extended his hand to Nancy.
“Hi, Nan. Good to see you.”
“Hi, Dave. Good to see you too. Looks like you’ve got your hands full.”
“Only until I put this squealing piggy into a garbage can. Then I’m going to grab a drink.”
“No, Uncle Dave,” cried Jennie, now upside down and over his shoulder. “No! Put me down!”
“Hey, pal,” Dave said to me as he started to walk towards the garbage cans. “How’re you doing?”
“Doing okay, buddy, and I’ll join you in that drink after you get rid of your load there.”
With the introductions over and the potentially worst part of the evening behind us, Nancy and I went over to the picnic table to get something to drink. My father had already poured white wines for Beth and my mother and had just finished making a rum and Coke for Erin.
“Nancy, what can I get for you?” he asked as he handed Erin her drink.