Steven opened the door to hear James talking on the phone.
"I'll be home in little bit, okay," Steven heard James say to someone on the phone. "Okay, I love you too, bye bye."
James hung up the phone and turned to go back into the restaurant, when he saw Steven right at the entrance.
"I'm so sorry about that," James said as he walked up and grabbed Steven's hand.
"Is everything okay?" Steven asked trying to ignore what he just heard. He was hoping it was just the wrong part of the conversation he had just caught, but he couldn't help but feel a knot in his stomach.
"Yeah, everything is okay. That was just my brother calling to check up on me, and see if he could come over. Look I really hate to cut the date short, but I really need to get home."
"Oh… okay then," Steven said as he nodded. Yet, he couldn't help but wonder if what James said was the truth or a lie. Though sweet and kind as James seemed to be, Steven didn't really know him that well. However, because the date had gone so well and they connected Steven tried to block what he had heard out of his mind. He hoped that he was just feeling that way because of first date jitters.
In the ride home Steven felt somewhat uncomfortable about what had happened earlier. He stared out the window looking at the cars and other things while James drove. Steven tried so hard to ignore what had happened earlier on, but he was having a hard time with it. He kept replaying the incident over and over again. He hated that he had grown so close to James so quickly because now he was vulnerable.
They arrived at Steven's home and James got out and walked him to his door. Steven took his keys and unlocked the door. As he went to open it, James moved in front of Steven and pushed the door closed. Steven was caught off guard, but he was quickly overtaken by the look that James was giving him.
"I had an amazing time with you," James said grabbing Steven's hands. "I hope you will let me see you again."
Steven stared at James and his eyes just seemed truthful. Maybe he was lying, but Steven would have to risk it. He felt something in his heart for James.
"I would love to see you again," Steven said forcing a smile. James pulled Steven closer to him by his hands and gently kissed his lips, a kiss so passionate yet gentle that it took Steven's breath away. His heart raced as he became lost in the sincerity of it. There was no longer any doubt in his mind. James was not a bad guy.
When their kiss ended, James wrapped his arms around Steven and just held him close. Steven felt safe and secure, as if he was bonded with James's muscular frame, and felt protected by his essence.
"Goodnight, sweet heart," James said kissing the top of Steven's head. When the hug ended, Steven felt refreshed and back to how he was feeling earlier.
"Goodnight," Steven said as he unlocked his door and walked inside.
Once inside Steven went straight to the window to see James. He looked outside to find James dancing his way to his car. James had as good a time with him as he had with James. It made Steven feel incredible to have a guy like that return his feelings.
After Steven took his clothes off and got ready for bed, he felt like something had been fulfilled. The feeling of something missing was gone. It was companionship. As he reflected on the new romance in his life, he got into his bed and went to sleep.
The next day Steven woke up with a cheerful disposition that even he wasn't used to. He walked outside to see it was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun shone so brightly and there was a fresh snap in the air. Steven thought it would be a good day to run some errands.
He would start by going grocery shopping. Steven pulled up to the store and made his way down the aisles with his buggy. There was a newness he felt in his life. He just felt happy for the first time in a long time and he enjoyed the feeling.
After about a half hour of shopping, Steven had grabbed everything he needed except for some coffee. As he made his way to the coffee aisle he was surprised to see who was there scanning a can of Folgers.
"James!" Steven called out as he rolled his buggy down the aisle.
"Hey there," James said putting down the coffee and went to hug Steven. "I didn't expect to see you here."
"It was just such a beautiful day, I felt like doing some things." They once again locked eyes as they looked at each other and people continued to browse through the aisles, only losing focus as someone reached between them to get some Maxwell House coffee.
"So," James said, coming back to reality. "I am planning on making dinner tonight, would you like to come over and share a meal with me?"
Steven smiled as he nodded. "I would love that."
"Okay then, be at this address at six." James pulled out a piece of paper and pen. When Steven got James's address and they bid good bye to each other, Steven walked away with an even happier feeling than he had earlier. Sunday was shaping up to be a great day.
Later that afternoon Steven was getting himself ready for dinner at James's house. He took a nice long bath and put on some of his nicest casual clothes and sprayed on some cologne. Although he knew it was just dinner, he felt like something could happen tonight. He wasn't in a rush for anything, but he just wanted to be prepared if anything was to happen. He wanted to look his best and impress James.
Steven arrived at James's house, and was amazed at how big and beautiful it was. It was a lovely three story white and black brick house with a matching garage that housed James’s BMW. It was in a very wealthy neighborhood; James had money by the looks of things.
Steven got out the car, and shook off the nerves as he walked to the door, and gave a knock. He heard the rustling from inside the house as James quickly made his way to the door.
James opened the door. "Hey, come on in," he said opening the door wider. "Dinner is almost ready."
Steven walked in to see that the house was amazing on the inside as well.
"You have a beautiful home," Steven said, making his way to the living room and sitting down.
"Thank you, I do what I can." Steven and James gave each other a quick glance of affection as James walked back to the kitchen and continued to cook the meal. Steven looked around admiring the beauty of the house, and he couldn't help but be overtaken by the delicious scent of the meal that James was preparing.
"Wow, that smells so good," Steven said walking to the kitchen. "What are you making?"
James stirred the pot. "I am making some jambalaya. It was a recipe I learned from a friend when I stayed in New Orleans. It's just about done, I just need one more ingredient."
"What's that?" Steven asked looking at the pot.
James pinched Steven. "A pinch of sugar," he said and they laughed. James continued to stir the pot of jambalaya as it slowly simmered. Steven looked at James and leaned on his tiptoes and kissed him. James smiled at Steven as he wrapped his free hand around him and continued to stir the pot with the other.
After a nice dinner, and a full belly, Steven and James curled up on the couch and decided to watch a movie together. A horror flick, which James loved but Steven hated. He watched the movie with his hands on his face, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see James looking at him.
"I'll protect you," James said. He then put his arm around Steven pulling him closer to him on the couch.
The warmth of James's arms and the heat from his body did something to Steven. He looked at James watching the movie and he went in for another kiss. This kiss however, was different. It wasn't gentle nor sweet, but full of passion and lust. Steven could feel James's body quiver as their lips met.
Steven felt his body tense up as he continued to kiss James, his hand slowing sliding down James's chiseled frame. His other hand soon joined as he began to unbutton James' shirt, but as soon as one button came undone, James quickly pulled away.
"It's getting kind of late, I have to go to work in the morning," James said buttoning his shirt, turned the TV off and turned the light on.
"Oh." Steven looked around trying to figure out what just happ
ened. "I will just go then," he said getting up. James opened the door, and looked everywhere but at Steven's face.
Steven felt so much awkwardness as he got up and walked towards the door. He couldn't understand what had taken place, and he felt uneasy as he stepped out the door.
"Steven," James said as Steven walked outside.
"Yeah?"
"I'll call you tomorrow," James said closing the door.
Steven stood outside standing in the same spot looking at the closed door, wondering where he went wrong.
The next day at work, Steven was in a daze. It was Monday morning and the clinic was hectic but Steven was barely able to pay attention to anything but last night. The phone next to him rang and rang, but he was in such deep thought that he couldn't hear it. Continuing to reflect on last night he felt a nudge on the shoulder.
"Are you going to answer that?" Thomas asked as he nudged Steven.
"Oh. I guess I didn't hear it." Steven answered the phone but the person had already hung up.
"What is up with you today?" Thomas asked as he turned from his computer to face Steven. "You are like a million miles away."
Steven didn't really have anyone to talk to so he felt his coworker was the closest thing to a friend that he had. "You remember that tall beautiful man who you set me up with Friday?"
Thomas nodded. "Yeah, you mean Dr. Russell's brother?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, what about it, did the date go okay?"
"Actually it was amazing, so great that we had dinner at his house last night."
"Okay. So what is the problem?"
"Well after dinner we were watching a movie on the couch hugged up and I kissed him. But when it started to go a little further, he got very uncomfortable and asked me to leave."
"I see," Thomas said as he sat back in his chair. "You think there was a chance you were going too fast for him? I mean you did just meet Friday and had your first date on Saturday. Maybe he isn't ready to be that intimate right away."
Steven sighed as he put his hand on his cheek. "I guess. I mean I normally couldn't see myself moving that fast with a man either, but it's different with him. I feel like we truly connect on a whole different level. I thought he felt the same way."
"Maybe you should talk to him about it."
"I would, but then I also keep thinking about what happened at dinner as well."
Thomas looked at Steven, waiting for him to continue.
"At dinner, he had to go to use the phone. He told someone he loved him, and that he would be home soon. He said it was his brother and I believed him, but now, I just… I don't know. I feel so confused."
"Wow, that is a tough one, and unfortunately I don't know what to say. I think you should just talk to him and tell him how you feel."
A patient walked up to the counter and Thomas turned back towards the desk, leaving Steven to wander back into thought. Maybe he did in fact move too fast for James. Steven made a promise to himself that if he got another chance, he would take things a lot slower.
Later that afternoon Steven finally got off work. He drove home wondering if he would ever see James again. He thought about going to his house to apologize but he felt that would be too desperate and maybe James needed some time.
As Steven arrived home he was shocked to find James sitting on the front steps. James sat up and walked towards Steven as Steven got out of his car and tried to get his thoughts together.
"Steven," James said as he approached him.
"Yeah."
"Look, I wanted to call you all day, but I thought it would be better if I came to you in person. I just… got nervous."
"Really, why?" Steven asked with a wide eyed expression.
"There's something I need to tell you," James said as he grabbed Steven's hand.
"It's okay James. I know I was moving too fast for you." Steven said as he grabbed James' other hand. "We can take it slow. We don't have to do anything until you are ready."
"But, Steven I—"
"Shh," Steven whispered as he hugged James. "You don't have to explain anything to me." Steven kissed James on the cheek.
James was left speechless as he gave into the hug and kiss that Steven gave him.
Over the next few weeks, Steven and James grew closer as they saw each other more and more. They had crossed the line from casual dating and were now in a serious relationship. Yet, as much as Steven cared for James, he couldn’t shake the feeling that James was hiding something. There was a slight whisper in the back of his mind that kept telling him something wasn’t quite right and James wasn’t being open with him, but his feelings for James often made him overlook or even ignore the signs.
Steven remembered a time where he and James were spending the night together, and James had to go to the bathroom. Steven remembered hearing the phone vibrate on his counter, and even though he didn’t want to be nosey he could help but look at the message. It was from his brother saying "Did you tell him yet?" Steven felt so uneasy but he couldn’t bring up the message without letting James know that he went through his phone without his permission. And so Steven found himself between a rock and a hard place. If they couldn’t trust each other, they could not have a real relationship.
Then there was a time shortly after that where James cancelled on Steven's date because he said he was sick, so being the guy Steven was, he made him something to eat in case James was unable to cook. Steven packed up his goodies for James and arrived at James's house only to find a gorgeous guy at the front door with him. Steven walked up to them.
"Hi there." Steven said cautiously.
"Steven." James said, shocked. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to bring you some food and stuff to make you feel better." Steven said as he traded glances between James and the unknown man.
"Oh, well thank you so much." James said.
"Who is this?" Steven asked calmly, doing his best to seem friendly and not suspicious.
"This is my… friend Alex."
"Hello," Alex said with a wave.
"He was just visiting." James said.
"Yes, and I was just about to leave." Alex said as he took a step.
"No, don't let me scare you off." Steven replied as he patted Alex on the shoulder. "I just came to bring James here some food and that's all." Steven said as he placed the food in James's hands and walked away.
Steven ended up getting a call from James later but still felt deeply annoyed that James didn’t bother to mention what had happened earlier on, and Steven didn’t want to bring it up in fear of him looking like an untrusting boyfriend. Yet when Steven hung up with James, he couldn’t help but feel hopeless. He didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that something was odd about James, but Steven didn’t know what, and even so, it wasn’t just about his actions away from Steven but with him as well. Steven knew they would get intimate soon, but he never thought it would take as long as it was taking. It was like every time Steven would try to even get close to James, he would get pushed away. Like he was afraid of being intimate with him or something. Was he a virgin and afraid? Nah that couldn’t be it. Steven thought as he agonized over his relationship with James.
As time went on, Steven decided to let everything go thinking it was his mind running away with him. James was a sweet guy to him and gave him no hard evidence to hurt him, but even with Steven moving on from his trust issues with James, he still couldn’t get over the fact that he and James had not been intimate yet.
After a few nights of great dates Steven and James ended up at Steven's house for drinks again. It was like déjà vu because a horror flick was playing, drinks were on the table and Steven was in James's arms looking up at him as he thought about how much he cared for the man.
"James," Steven whispered as he reached his hand out to slowly turn James' face towards him.
"Yes," James said as his looked at Steven.
"I love you so much."
James picked up the remote and turne
d the movie off. "I love you too Steven."
Those words echoed through Steven's ears to his heart and he just couldn't deal anymore. He wanted to be intimate with James. Steven burned with lust and desire, wondering what James tasted like. He yearned with passion at the very thought of James and him connecting physically. He'd had enough. Steven just couldn't contain himself any longer.
Steven leaned over and gave James a sweet, gentle kiss as he caressed the side of his face. Before he could even realize what he was doing, he had leaned over and placed his body in James lap, kissing his lips, alternating from his lips to his cheek and neck and back again. Steven could feel the bulge growing in James's pants under him and it drove Steven insane.
He began to unbutton James's shirt as he kissed him, but James grabbed Steven's hands.
"Steven, I can't," James said as he tried to stop his shirt from being unbuttoned.
"Yes you can," Steven said as he broke his hands away and continued to undo James' shirt and began kissing his chest. James moaned in pleasure as Steven began to lick his nipples and Steven made his way to James' pants as he began to undo his belt.
Steven almost had James's pants undone when all of a sudden he felt James's hand abruptly back him off.
"I said I can't!" He pushed Steven to the side and stood up from off the couch.
"What is wrong with you?" Steven asked.
James began to button his shirt, and redo his belt. "No means no Steven."
Steven got off the couch and stood up. "I just don't get it! Why don't you want to be intimate with me?"
"Because… I just can't," James said as he looked away.
"That's not good enough for me anymore!" Tears began to flow down Steven's face. "I mean, is it me? Are you not attracted to me? Is it someone else?"
James shook his head. "No, Steven it's not any of those things."
"Then why?! Why James?! Why can't we make love to each other?!"
All I Desire is Steven Page 2