by Karen King
‘It’s not me and you! It’s Paige and Ian. It’s a newspaper column, not a diary,’ she retorted. Her head was thudding and she really wanted to get out of there. Why didn’t he dump her and get it over with?
‘This has to stop when we get married, Cassandra. I’m not having our personal life being turned into fodder for your newspaper column.’
WHAAT? He still wanted them to get married? She hadn’t expected that. She gaped at him, stunned.
‘I want you to quit your job. I earn enough to support both of us, so there is no financial need for you to work. You can perhaps do voluntary work like Mother, if looking after my needs doesn’t sufficiently fill your days. Mother will advise you but you’ll have to do some serious grovelling before she’ll forgive you, I can tell you that.’
He was deadly serious, Cassie thought incredulously. He really believed that he had the right to order her to give up her job, to grovel to her mother. Who the hell did he think he was?
‘I’m not marrying you, Timothy. I’m sorry, I can’t. The wedding is off.’ She tried to keep her voice steady. He looked so angry; she didn’t want to inflame the situation. She just wanted to pack her things and get out of the flat as quickly as she could.
Timothy slammed his glass down on the table and sprung to his feet, his face red. ‘What do you mean? You can’t call off the wedding. Everything’s booked. I refuse to let you humiliate me in such a way.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to hurt you or humiliate you, but I can’t marry you. I don’t love you, Timothy, and I don’t think you love me either. Do you?’
‘Love!’ He scoffed. ‘We’re not a pair of silly teenagers. We care for each other, respect each other. We make a good team.’ He glowered at her. ‘Are you doing this because I’ve dared to complain about your articles? Do you expect me not to be angry at them? Any man would react the same way.’
‘It’s nothing to do with that. I was going to call off the wedding anyway.’ Her words spilled out. ‘Meeting Jared again made me realise that you and I don’t love each other. Not in the way I want to be loved, and to love back. And care, respect, it’s not enough for me. I want to be loved, cherished. I want to feel like I’m important.’
‘You sound like a character in a slushy romance novel,’ he scoffed. A frown crossed his forehead and his eyes bulged. ‘You’re not still in love with this Jared, are you?’
She avoided his gaze, not daring to answer. She had never seen Timothy like this before.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, you’re acting like a lovesick teenager.’ He threw back his head and laughed scornfully. ‘Have your fling with your precious photographer if you want. There’s no need to cancel our wedding because of a silly infatuation.’
She stared at him in disbelief. Was he really saying that he didn’t care if she had an affair with Jared? That he still wanted to marry her? ‘You want me to have an affair …?’ she stuttered.
‘I haven’t asked you to be faithful, have I? An affair or two doesn’t matter, providing we’re both discreet. Marriage is more than that. It’s a commitment to each other, a promise to remain together, to build a home, raise our children. To keep the family unit intact no matter what.’
Providing we’re both discreet. ‘You weren’t intending to be faithful to me? You were planning on having an affair?’ she whispered.
‘Don’t be so dramatic, Cassandra. These things happen. We’re adults.’
‘Are you seeing someone now?’ she demanded. She saw his cheek twitch. ‘You are, aren’t you?’
He looked at her wordlessly.
‘Tell me the truth!’ She screamed out the words. How dare he have a go at her over at her article when he was cheating on her? Was it someone at work? A client? She could barely take this in.
‘It’s nothing serious, it doesn’t alter our relationship. Felicity and I go back a long way. Andrew knows about us, he doesn’t mind.’
Felicity. His business partner. Bile rose in her throat and for a panicky moment she thought she was going to be sick. She clutched her stomach and took a deep breath. All this time she’d been living with Timothy, planning their wedding, he and Felicity had been sleeping together.
‘You’re having an affair with Felicity and you expect me to marry you?’ She was shaking as she reached out and put her hand on the table for support. ‘Are you for real?’
‘Do stop overreacting, Cassandra. I’m sure we can be adult about this. I admit that I’m annoyed and very disappointed with your behaviour and the things you’ve written in this column, but we can work through it.’ He was in control of himself again now, playing the part of the calm, reasonable lawyer. ‘There is absolutely no need to cancel the wedding; everything is organised. As for Felicity, she isn’t a threat to you. She and Andrew will never divorce and neither will we. You’ll be secure for life because I promise you, Campbells never divorce.’
Nausea swept over her again. ‘I’m not going to marry you, Timothy. Not ever.’
‘You’re making a rash decision in the heat of the moment. Think about it for a day or two, I’m sure you’ll change your mind.’ He pointed at the newspapers on the table. ‘I’m willing to forgive and forget, and you can see your precious photographer if you want. But I insist you quit your job when we get married. That is unconditional.’
His arrogance, his conceit, his cool assumption that he was such a good catch she couldn’t possibly want to walk away from him made her want to scream, throw things, wipe the smug smile off his face. She closed her eyes briefly, fighting down the anger. She didn’t want a scene. She just wanted to get her things and go. She never wanted to see Timothy again.
Calmer now, she looked him straight in the face. ‘Listen to me, Timothy. I am not marrying you. When I marry it will be because I love someone and they love me. I certainly won’t be marrying someone who is having an affair and wants me to do the same. Now, if you excuse me, I’ll pack a few things. I’ll collect everything else later once I’ve got myself settled.’
She held her head high as she walked past him into the bedroom. How could she have been so blind as to see what he was like? To think he was decent and honourable? Hurt and angry, she pulled some clothes out of her wardrobe and shoved them into her large red case, the one that matched the smaller one she’d left in the hall.
‘You can’t do this. Everything’s booked. What will everyone think?’ Timothy demanded. He stood in the doorway, blocking her exit. ‘You’re being hysterical. Just calm down and think about it for a while.’
‘I don’t care what anyone thinks.’ She zipped the case shut and wheeled it to the door, standing in front of him. ‘And I don’t need to think about it.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Will you please get out of my way?’
They held eye contact for what seemed an eternity. She saw the muscles in his jaw twitch and his eyes narrow. She hardly dared to breath, never mind move. Finally he stepped aside. She let out her breath in relief. ‘Very well, have your hissy fit but we both know you’ll be back.’
She marched towards the door, pulling her case behind her. She waited until she had opened the door and walked into the hall before she turned and said ‘No, I won’t.’
Thirty-one
Now what should she do, Cassie thought as she put her cases in the car. She felt too shaken up to drive but didn’t want to stay here when Timothy could come out of the flat any minute and see her. She got in, locked the doors, and sat for a few minutes composing herself, then phoned Sam. She was still at work so Cassie left a message telling her all about Timothy’s affair, and how the wedding was definitely off. Then she set off. Sam and Paul lived in the town, overlooking the river, so she decided to park the car and go for a walk to clear her head. Sam wouldn’t be home until about 5.30p.m. so she had a bit of time to kill.
Cassie walked along the river bank, her mind in turmoil. How had it come to this? She sat down on a bench and watched the ducks swimming in the water. They looked so peaceful, as if they didn’t have
a care in the world. She envied them and their simple, uncomplicated lives. Overnight, her life had been smashed once again and she had no idea which direction to turn. Tears filled her eyes and this time she let them flow, allowed them to roll silently down her cheeks as she gazed unseeingly at the river, her head full of her memories and shattered dreams.
‘Are you all right, lass?’
She gazed at the old man standing in front of her. A little Jack Russell was pulling at the lead he was holding, eager to run free.
‘Yes, thanks,’ she mumbled, pulling a tissue out of her pocket and dabbing at her eyes.
‘Whatever it is, lass, you’ll get over it. We always do,’ the man told her. ‘Either that or we learn to live with it.’ He patted her arm. ‘I feel for your sorrow and hope it doesn’t last long.’
‘Thank you.’ Her voice came out in almost a whisper. The man meant well, but she wished he would go and leave her alone with her thoughts. As if sensing her need he touched his cap in a gesture of farewell, then set off along the path, the little dog pulling at the lead and yapping as she raced ahead of him.
Time passed unnoticed as she sat deep in thought. She realised now that her feelings for Timothy came nowhere near the depth of love she had felt for Jared. Still felt for him. She should never have settled for second best by agreeing to marry Timothy. She should have waited until she met someone she loved as deeply as she had Jared.
Maybe that’s exactly what she didn’t want to do, she acknowledged. Perhaps subconsciously she didn’t want to risk being destroyed again, so had played it safe. It wasn’t a deliberate choice. When she’d started dating Timothy she had no idea it would lead to their marriage. She’d agreed to move in with him when he asked because she enjoyed being with him and felt safe with him; marrying him had never entered her mind. If she was honest with herself, she had only accepted his proposal because it had been so public; she felt that she couldn’t humiliate him by refusing. Then Sylvia pushed them to book Hollington Castle and that was it, the wedding ball was rolling and there was nothing Cassie could do to stop it.
The fact that she wasn’t heartbroken at Timothy’s betrayal proved that she didn’t love him. She was hurt and angry, yes, but not devastated like she’d been with Jared. Her whole world hadn’t fallen apart.
She should be glad that she’d met Jared again, actually, otherwise she’d have sleep-walked into an unhappy marriage and wouldn’t have found out about Timothy’s affair with Felicity until it was too late. They would never have been happy and with his insistence that the Campbells never divorced, Timothy would have made it difficult for her to get out of the marriage – especially if they’d had children. She shivered, wrapping her hands around her upper arms. She’d had a lucky escape.
A yap and sloppy wet lick on her right hand brought her back to the present. Startled, she looked down to see the little Jack Russell wagging his tail eagerly at her. He nudged her hand again and licked it, obviously wanting her to make a fuss of him.
‘Hello, boy.’ She stroked his head gently. ‘Had a nice walk, have you?’
‘Still here, lass?’ The kindly man asked. ‘Feeling any better?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, I am, thank you.’ She tickled the little dog under his chin then glanced at her watch. Goodness, it was almost five. Sam would be home soon. She stood up, swinging the strap of her handbag over her shoulder. ‘I’d better be going.’
‘Bye, lass. And remember, it’ll all work out. This time next year whatever’s upset you will be nothing but a bad memory.’
The man was right. She would get over this. She nodded and turned back along the river bank. As she reached the car park she saw Sam’s car pull in. Sam gave her a cheery wave and parked in her allocated space. Cassie walked over to her.
‘Have you been here long?’ Sam asked as she got out.
‘A while, I’ve been for a walk along the river bank.’
‘Are you OK, hun? The sleaze. I never thought he was good enough for you.’ Sam gave her a big hug.
‘I’m fine. Well, I’m not but I will be. I guess I’ve had a lucky escape.’ Her voice sounded shaky to her own ears.
‘You definitely have.’ Sam gave her shoulders a comforting squeeze then pressed the remote key to lock the car. ‘Come on, let’s get you inside. Have you got anything with you?’
‘A couple of cases. I didn’t want to spend too long packing, I wanted to get out of there before it blew up. I’ve never seen Timothy so angry. I’ll collect my other stuff later when I’ve sorted out a flat.’
‘Timothy was angry!’ Sam spluttered. ‘He’s been cheating on you with Felicity and he’s angry?’ She shook her head. ‘That man is unbelievable.’
‘He’s angry about the stuff that I put in my column and because I’ve cancelled the wedding.’ Why did her voice sound so strange? Flat and emotionless, when inside she wanted to scream. To rage. To roar.
As soon as they got in, Sam opened a bottle of wine and poured them a glass each. ‘Here, drink this then you can tell me all about it.’
It took another glass of wine before Cassie started talking. She told her about Jared being in France, how he’d said he still loved her, how she’d realised she loved him too so had decided she was going to call off the wedding …’
‘You and Jared are getting back together?’ Sam squealed.
Cassie shook her head. ‘No, of course not. It would never work.’
‘But you said he loved you and you loved him …’
‘He doesn’t really love me, seeing each other again stirred up old feelings in him. But it’s made me realise that I’ve never felt about Timothy like I did – still do – for Jared. It wasn’t fair to marry him when I didn’t love him. So I told him I was calling off the wedding.’ She chewed her lip. ‘That’s when I found out about Felicity.’ She told her how furious Timothy had been about her cancelling the wedding, how he’d said he didn’t mind her having an affair providing she was discreet, like he was. Sam listened in wide-eyed silence. When Cassie finally finished, Sam reached out and touched her hand.
‘Oh, Cass, how awful. You must be gutted. I’m so sorry.’
‘I am,’ Cassie acknowledged. She necked the rest of the wine in her glass. ‘Any chance of a refill?’
‘Sure, give me a sec.’ Sam disappeared into the kitchen with the empty glasses.
Cassie looked around the flat. It was a small, one-bedroom with a lounge diner. She would either have to bunk in with Sam or sleep on the sofa while Paul was away. It was really kind of Sam to put her up, but she knew she couldn’t stay her long. She had to sort something out.
What a mess. Tears filled her eyes and started to silently roll down her cheeks.
‘I was wondering when you were going to cry,’ Sam said, passing her a tissue and putting the two glasses of wine on the coffee table. She put her arms around Cassie’s shoulder and hugged her. ‘It’ll be OK,’ she murmured. ‘Everything will be OK.’
She remembered the old man’s words about how this time next year it would all be a bad memory. ‘I just don’t know where to go from here,’ she stuttered. ‘How do I put my life back together?’
‘You’ll do it. I’ll help you find a flat and you still have your job.’
‘You don’t understand.’ Cassie wiped her tears and took a big gulp. ‘It’s Jared. I still love him.’
‘Then why you don’t go back to him?’
‘What, and let him break my heart all over again? He’s still the same, obsessed with his photography. It’ll never work.’ Cassie dabbed furiously at the tears flowing down her cheeks.
‘Look, maybe you could just take it slowly, see how you both get on.’
‘No!’ The shout startled her. ‘I can’t risk it. He doesn’t love me. He thinks he does now he’s seen me again, but he hasn’t given a thought to me all these years. He’s just nostalgic about our past. As soon as he’s away he’ll forget about me again, and I can’t do it, Sam. I can’t let him destroy me again. I might not be
able to put myself together another time.’ As she said the words sobs wracked her body. Sam squeezed her shoulders and let her cry it out.
Thirty-two
‘The Campbell wedding’s off,’ Daniel announced, walking into Jared’s office without even knocking on the door.
Jared looked up from the photo he’d been editing of Savannah’s photoshoot in France. ‘Really? How do you know?’
‘The fiancée, she’s just phoned to cancel the photographs. What a bloody nuisance. That would have been a good earner – good publicity too.’ He plonked himself down on the chair opposite Jared.
Cassie had called the wedding off. Was it because of him? If so, why hadn’t she contacted him?
‘Bit of a shock, isn’t it?’ Daniel remarked. ‘Sylvia won’t take it too kindly. She won’t like her precious son being dumped.’
Jared was still trying to digest the news. At least it let him off the hook. He’d been trying to think of a way to tell Imogen and Daniel that he was backing out of photographing the wedding ever since he returned from France two days ago.
‘Jared.’ Daniel snapped his fingers in front of his eyes to attract his attention. ‘You look a bit stunned. Bit of a bummer, isn’t it? We’ve lost a tidy sum there. We’ll bill them a kill fee, of course, but it won’t be as much as we would have got. Will that scupper your trip? If you can postpone it for a couple of weeks we can get you more work.’
‘I might have to.’ He was too stunned to take it in. He was pretty sure Cassie had cancelled the wedding because of him. It was the only thing that made sense. When she hadn’t met him in reception that morning he’d resolved to walk out of her life and leave her to find what happiness she could. Now he didn’t know what to think.
‘Can I check my finances and let you know?’ he asked Daniel, willing him to go and leave him in peace so he could think.