She still had, however, the problem with Sheila or, rather, her view of Sheila’s behavior. The pain was like a low-level but insistent background noise, and she slid in and out of regret for leaving Sheila in such a dramatic, final manner. Sheila was never going to be wholeheartedly behind her; her conflict of interest would make that impossible. Sheila also would never show the depths of emotion most people would succumb to. Tony ruefully concluded that one thing she’d come to love most about her girlfriend was part of the reason they weren’t together. She couldn’t expect Sheila to be other than who she was. Tony was certain Sheila cared about her and probably knew Tony was right, but Sheila couldn’t change what was going on any more than Tony could, and Tony vaguely felt she’d been unfair and possibly way too impetuous to insist Sheila not get in touch with her. They were practically living together, even if it wasn’t official, and they were supposedly in love, and they hadn’t talked or broken up officially. It just…was. Tony wasn’t sure she was finished yet, only that she wanted to be finished and move on.
She pounded her kitchen table. She had committed the cardinal sin of leaving a job before she had obtained a new one. She’d walked away from her lover with whom she was about to move in. In an extremely short time, she could no longer afford the apartment she was living in because she had no income. She had to talk to her father and get his help.
Gordon called her a couple of days later, terrified. “Tony, I think we’re in trouble. I got a letter from a lawyer. Someone named Blevins. I—”
“Wait a sec, Blevins? I know that name.” Tony remembered that Erica had brought this guy to the staff meeting and introduced him.
“And what did the letter say?” she asked.
“That I’d violated my NDA and they were going to sue me. I can’t afford a bleepin’ lawyer.” He was near tears, and Tony was suddenly scared for herself on top of feeling bad for Gordon. So much for his optimism that he could handle whatever came his way.
“There must be something you can do,” Tony said.
“I’ll ask Avery about it. I’ll call you. But be careful. They might be following him. Or you.”
* * *
Tony had moved back in with her dad. It wasn’t ideal, but for the time being it was for the best. She was looking for a new job and wondering what to do about Sheila and their shattered relationship. She’d talked to her dad, but although he was sympathetic, he’d only listened without offering any suggestions. He wasn’t too positive about her talking to a reporter either, but he agreed it would at least move things forward.
She met Tomas Avery at a place in the Richmond near her childhood home. She told him it was safer than meeting in Palo Alto, and he agreed.
An unassuming fellow in a sport coat, he wore old-fashioned horn-rimmed glasses. But when Tony sat across from him and really made eye contact, his gaze was level, direct. He asked great questions and was clearly self-assured and experienced.
“They have tried to shut me down, but the Post has lawyers as good or better than that dude Blevins. They tried to play hardball with us, but it won’t work.”
“Blevins sent a threatening letter to Gordon.”
“I heard. He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I can understand.”
“You’re going to keep my name out your article, right?”
“Yes. We’ve agreed, and I’ll honor that deal. But I think I’m being tailed, and most likely by people GHS hired.”
“Tailed?” Tony choked out the word.
“Yes. I want to be totally up front with you. And you may still end up hearing from the GHS lawyers. Are you still up for this?”
Tony didn’t answer right away. Telling the reporter her story warred with her fear at the consequences.
He added, “You may want to hire a lawyer who knows whistleblower law.”
“A lawyer?” Tony stuttered.
“Yes. I’m truly sorry, but these people do not play nice. I’ve already lost Gordon, but he did spend some time talking to me. I’d be grateful if you could help. I’ve interviewed a ton of people and am publishing as soon as I can, but I still need some more details on the laboratory operations. Can you help?”
“I want to, but I need to think about it—twenty-four hours?”
“That’s okay.”
Tony told her dad what she was considering.
“I don’t have money for a lawyer, honey. Unless I take out a loan. Can Sheila possibly help?”
Tony slumped in her chair, defeated and having no idea what to do.
“Sheila didn’t want me to talk to the reporter. That’s why I’m here. We had…an argument.” And I stormed out of her car telling her not to call me.
Joe drummed his fingers on the table, then paused. “I can see why, but from what you say, this reporter is going to write an article with or without your help.”
“Yes, but my information would be huge. And I want him to get what I know out there.”
“You ought to talk to Sheila,” he said.
Yes, that was true, but how could she talk to Sheila after what she’d done? And if she did, how would that solve anything? Sheila wasn’t prepared to help her. Sheila cared about GHS’s bottom line. She’d made that clear. She thought what Tony was doing was wrong. No. She wasn’t going to ask Sheila for help.
* * *
Weeks went by, and nothing happened with GHS, that Sheila was aware of. That was good. Erica continued to regularly appear in the media, bright-eyed and full of solemn pronouncements about her “mission.”
But there was still no word from Tony. Sheila wanted desperately to call her, but Tony had been clear about what she didn’t want. Sheila had no reason to think she’d changed her mind. That would be out of character. Sheila didn’t even know where she was living or if she was still at GHS. She had disappeared, and Sheila couldn’t say that Tony was entirely unjustified in wanting to not be found.
Sheila was no longer sure she’d been right to tell Tony not to talk to the Washington Post reporter. That had been her automatic response. Even worse, she’d begun to suspect that all her responses to both the problems at GHS and Tony’s difficulties were oriented toward her business concerns and mastering her emotions via her Buddhist practice, not responding to what Tony needed or what would be good for the two of them. She’d essentially left Tony out of her thinking, and she’d been right to finally leave Sheila. It was a miracle Tony had stuck with her for as long as she did.
Sheila looked at the last text she’d received from Tony to let her know she was ready to be picked up from the train station for dinner. Sheila stared at her phone, wondering what would happen if she texted Tony? How would it be if she took the initiative? Just wanted to see if you were okay.
No, it was a bad idea to do something someone had expressly asked you not to. Sheila missed Tony so much she felt like she’d had her leg amputated, and she realized she was mired in grief. She was mourning the end of their relationship. At least she assumed it was over. Unless she received information that said otherwise, it was time for her to work through her grief and go on.
Maybe at some future point she could see Tony and tell her how deeply sorry she was for her failure to support her. She attended the anger workshop and was left with even more regret that she hadn’t recognized her own anger and instead had tried to suppress it.
* * *
Tony had emailed out a dozen résumés, hoping for a response from someone. She was sitting at her dad’s, wondering what to do with herself, when the mail arrived. She didn’t think she’d be getting any responses to her resume submissions via snail mail, but she shuffled through the mail anyhow.
It was such a nondescript envelope, legal letter size, white, with her name neatly typed on front with “care of” her father’s name and address. “Hand-delivered” was stamped at the bottom. But it provoked such fear in Tony she couldn’t move; she was frozen in place.
It had no return address, but Tony had a foreboding about who it might be from. Her curio
sity overcame her fear, and she tore the envelope open. A letterhead at the top contained a bunch of names, but the body of the letter gave her an instant upset stomach and tight band of headache in her forehead. She had to read it twice to be able to absorb everything.
They must have known she talked to Tomas Avery. They certainly must have followed him, as he had said, and observed her talking with him in the café on Thirty-sixth Avenue.
We have reason to believe you made false and defamatory statements about Global Health Solutions to others. You spoke in direct violation of your non-disclosure agreement. You must cease and desist immediately. We demand you appear at the offices of…for interview.
Tony sat on the couch, the letter in her hand. She hadn’t actually told Tomas Avery anything, but it didn’t matter. She was still in hot water. She shook, and it took several deep breaths to quell the nausea that threatened to send her running to the bathroom. Breathe. Think. She was clearly in deep trouble, and she needed help, probably of the legal variety. Her dad had made it plain he’d try to help her, but she didn’t want him to go into debt. She had some savings, but they were rapidly dwindling as she used them to partially support herself while she looked for work.
Sheila. No. Sheila would never want to give or lend her money for this purpose. Not after she’d pleaded with her not to do it and she’d gone ahead and gotten in touch with the reporter anyhow. She had basically left Sheila weeks before. As far as Tony was concerned, they weren’t together anymore.
She called Gordon, not knowing who else to talk to. “I’ve gotten a letter from Blevins.” She read it to him.
“That’s what mine said too. Avery told me to try to hang on, that they were bluffing because they can’t strong-arm me since I’m no longer an employee. Neither are you.”
“But what can they do?”
“I’m not sure. Do you think I ought to hire a lawyer anyhow? I’m scared.”
“I’m scared, too. Even if I think they can’t do anything to me legally, I don’t know what they will do. I told Avery I couldn’t talk to him, and he was disappointed, but he said he understood.”
Gordon was silent for a beat. “Maybe you ought to get a lawyer too, Tone. If they have a reporter followed and then have us followed, who knows what else they’ll do?”
Chapter Sixteen
Tony stared at Sheila’s number for a long time. It wasn’t just that she needed help. She realized she wanted to talk to Sheila, and she regretted cutting her off so abruptly. She tapped the number before she could think about it too much and not follow through. She recalled that this was exactly how she felt when they first began to date.
“Hello.” Sheila’s cool voice came over the Wi-Fi, sounding the same as it always did.
“Hi. This is Tony.” Of course, she knew who it was since she knew Tony’s number. Idiot.
“Yes. Hi. I’m glad you called.” She did sound pleased.
“You are?” This was good news.
“Well. Sure. You told me to not get in touch. I was hoping you’d call me. I respected your request. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t very much want to hear from you. I’m so relieved.”
“Yes, I did, and I’m sorry I said that. I was angry.”
“I was too. But I’m not now.”
“You?” Sheila? Angry? Holy shit.
“Yeah. Uh-huh. Me.” Sheila’s voice was steady.
“I have to talk to you about something. It’s kind of an emergency,” Tony said, desperately.
“Shall I come to the City or you come here?”
Tony thought about it. She was the supplicant. She ought to go to Sheila’s turf. “I’ll come over there. By train.”
“Of course. Tonight?”
“Yes. I think I’ll take the four o’clock Caltrain, if you can meet me—”
“Absolutely. Text me when you’re here.”
* * *
They sat in the Volt for a long time in the station parking lot. For one thing, Tony might merely need to turn around and get right back on the next train. If Sheila turned her down, that’s what she’d do.
Tony told her what had happened, and Sheila listened without comment.
“I know this a big ask, considering how you feel about me talking to a reporter—who I didn’t say anything to, after all. I lost my nerve. But it didn’t matter. They’re still coming after me. I need to hire a lawyer and—”
“I’ll pay for it,” Sheila said. That was all. Only four words, and Tony relaxed. Sheila continued talking though. “I was wrong to not take you seriously. Very wrong. There are some other things you ought to know.”
A few weeks after the last board meeting and Sheila’s unhappy conversation with Roy, Gary came to her office.
“I’ve heard things about GHS,” he said. “But first I need to talk to you about Roy. He isn’t well, and he’s trying to hide it. He’s asleep a lot of the time. I’ve caught him. He’s forgetting things. We have to get him to quit Pacific Partners. He’s not able to handle working. He’s going to make a mistake, a big one, at some point.”
Sheila and Roy had kept away from one another since their last talk. This was no way to run a family relationship, let alone a venture-capital company, but Sheila hadn’t wanted to deal with the situation or with Roy. Yet she couldn’t avoid it any longer. She had to step in.
“I’ll talk to him. But tell me. What did you hear about GHS?”
“Well, for one thing, there’s a Stanford prof who knows Erica and who’s been telling a lot of Valley people that she, for one, didn’t think Erica had the faintest idea of what she was doing.”
“Who?” Gary told her it was someone who’d known Erica when she was at Stanford.
“What else?” Sheila asked.
“Oh, you know, it’s kind of hazy and non-specific. Like someone told someone else ‘there’s no there, there.’ That they haven’t got the technology they’ve been touting for the last few years. The rumor is that the Graff deal is messed up, and they may be about to sue her. But it’s all whispers. Erica is still on top, and no one wants to sound like ‘the sexist pig who can’t handle a woman being a celebrity’ CEO. But this prof, she’s something else. She’s the research person who turned Erica down when she asked for help. She tried to tell Erica she was on the wrong track, but Erica wouldn’t listen. Doesn’t that sound familiar? Geez, Sheila, think about it. As of right now Erica has literally nothing to show for all the money she’s gotten thrown at her. It sure makes me wonder.”
“Well. You’re not the only one. Hm. I’m going to tell you something, Gary. And it’s another example of how Roy is losing his grip, in my opinion.” Sheila told Gary the story of Tony and GHS and what Roy’s response had been.
“So, there is something to this. We ought to, one, stage an intervention with Roy. Two, we need to know more about what’s going with GHS. We may have to let the other partners know. But not until we have more facts, not just rumors.”
“I hear you. Let’s deal with Roy first.”
After she finished her story, Sheila said, “So I’ve broken your confidence. Twice. And I apologize for doing that, but I want you to know I’m sorry for doubting you. I want to help you deal with this situation, in whatever way I can, financially, emotionally. And Tony, love, I want us to be together. I want you to come live with me like we planned.”
Tony sat quietly for a few moments. Sheila was okay with silence, and she didn’t hurry as she gathered her thoughts.
“I’m glad you said something to your dad and Gary. I’m not at GHS anymore, and I’m tired of hiding. I’m sorry I walked out on you the way I did. I was totally stressed out by what was happening to me and so furious with you about how supportive you were not being, even though I understood intellectually where you were coming from.”
Sheila laughed a bit. “I was angry with you, too, for leaving me. Mostly I was mad at myself for having tunnel vision. Of all people who ought to know you knew what you were talking about, it ought to be me. I was focused on
GHS and what could happen if the publicity started to get bad, not on you.”
Sheila stopped for a moment and swallowed. “And I’ve gotten so used to controlling my emotions that I didn’t let you, of all people, see how I felt. You were right to leave when you weren’t getting what you needed from me. I’ve trained myself to take my emotions out of my work. Buddhism helps me do that. But I didn’t stop to think how that would look to you. I didn’t want to deal with the fact that I was angry with you for not listening to me and going ahead with your plan to talk to the Washington Post reporter. I was already ticked off that you made that anonymous complaint to those federal people. Then I went to a dharma talk about anger…and it became obvious what was going on with me. But it was too late, I thought, since you’d already left and told me to not contact you. I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to try to call you. I hoped you would come back.”
“Thanks for saying that.” Tony meant it. “Ironic, huh? I didn’t tell the reporter anything after all. But it didn’t matter. GHS is after me anyhow. It’s that guy Blevins.”
Sheila shook her head. “Yep. That guy, Erica’s attack dog. Let me look into hiring a lawyer. I’ll get a referral for someone who’s experienced in this type of law. If you decide you want to talk to the reporter again, it’s fine with me. It’s time for me and everyone else to stop pretending everything’s okay. It’s time for you to do what you and I both know is the right thing. I need to stop being an impediment. I’m behind you one hundred percent. I love you.”
As they embraced, an enormous sense of relief washed over Tony, and she started to cry. Sheila hugged her tighter and whispered, “It’s going to be all right. Don’t worry. We’ll deal with this together. Shh. It’s okay, sweetheart.”
After picking up some food, they went back to Sheila’s condo
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