“Stupid fucking missionary position,” Alander mutters during a midnight session. But for all his complaints, he doesn’t change it up. There are no restraints, no whips, no nipple clamps and fancy knots. It’s just me, Alander, the bed, the shower and my vibrator and good old-fashioned sexual positions.
It’s after our third shower and fourth (or is it fifth?) sexual act that I lie ensconced in Alander’s arms, waiting for sleep to claim me.
“Tessa?”
“Yes?” I’m surprised to hear his voice. I thought he was asleep.
“I want to thank you.”
Once again, Alander manages to surprises me. The very last thing I expect from him is gratitude. I place my hand over the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and say, “What do you have to be thankful for? I’m the one who should be thanking you.”
“True,” he says with a remnant of playfulness in his voice. However, his tone deepens, alerting me to the seriousness of what he is about to say. “But you have given me a great gift and I doubt you realize it.”
“What’s that?”
He absently plays with my hair before taking a deep breath and saying, “You have allowed me to find pleasure without pain.”
My dreamy caresses cease. I don’t know what to say to this. There is a silence that stretches between us and I sense Alander isn’t done, that there’s more he wants to tell, but when five minutes pass and he still doesn’t speak, I say, “Alander?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you need pain?”
He draws lazy circles on my shoulder. His voice has a far-off quality to it, as if he’s lost in memories. “My father was a philanderer,” he chuckles. “Like father like son, yes?”
I kiss his chest in reply.
“My mother? She was an alcoholic. Can’t really blame her. She was ignored by my father and cowed by my grandmother. Yes...” he lightly pinches me. “Domination runs in the family too.”
He shifts beneath me before continuing, “It was my grandmother who raised me. She was a good Orthodox woman, determined I should turn out better than my wicked father. So, she kept a rod in every room in order to keep me in line. If I slept too long...the rod. If I didn’t eat my vegetables...the rod. If I laughed too much, if I mouthed back...” He looks at me, not needing to finish.
I swallow through the lump forming in my throat.
“One day, she came into the toilet because I was taking too long. She caught me...sinning before the eyes of God.”
“Masturbating?” I suck in a breath at the vivid image of a young Alander being caught in the act by his heavy-handed grandmother.
“She punished me by making me finish while she whipped my backside with the rod. Her method worked, you know. For the longest time, I was terrified to touch myself. But...I was young and...male. Need arose...nearly every morning. When I tried to relieve myself, I couldn’t. Then, one day I tried to hurt myself to make the desire go away. It had the opposite effect. I finally managed an orgasm.”
“Oh, Alander.”
His grip tightens. “Don’t you dare pity me. I am who I am and I don’t apologize.” Gradually his grip loosens. “I’m only telling you so that you understand what you have done. Today is the first time I have been able to find pleasure without pain.” There is a hitch in his breathing. “Now do you understand why I thank you?”
I nod. I’m too busy trying to swallow to speak. So, I roll on top of him and show him what I think by kissing him.
“I love you, Tessa Savage,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I love you too,” I whisper.
***
When I wake up the next morning, the other side of the bed is empty. I notice something else strange and I don’t realize what it is until I look out the porthole. The Athina is docked. We’ve reached Athens. My Greek holiday has come to an end.
I stretch my stiff muscles and then pad awkwardly to the shower. Good lord, I’m sore! After showering and dressing, I go upstairs to find breakfast laid out on the upper deck. Alander is nowhere to be found.
With every sound, I turn, expecting to see him striding toward me. But he doesn’t appear and I finish my breakfast alone. Just as I swallow my last bit of coffee, I hear the door slide open behind me. It’s Takis, Alander’s bodyguard.
“Ms. Savage,” he says in a heavily accented voice. “Your bags are in the car to take you to the airport whenever you’re ready.”
“Excellent,” I smile. “Do you have a pen handy?”
He pats his inner pocket and withdraws a pen with the Papadakis logo on it. Using a linen napkin—it’s the only writing surface available at the moment—I jot a quick note.
Dearest Alander,
Last night you thanked me. Today I want to thank you...for reminding me who I am and for knowing what I needed (even though you were a bastard about it). If you ever need someone to keep you company on this ridiculous boat, let me know. I’ll be sure to make you wait longer than six months next time.
Love,
Tessa Savage
I fold up the napkin and pass it to Takis, instructing him to give it to Alander. I won’t see him before I leave. We’re back in Athens now and he is Alander Papadakis, the ruthless tycoon. He has an appearance to uphold. The mask he wears so well will be back in place and I prefer to remember him as he was yesterday. Thoughtful, playful, loving and vulnerable. Besides, we said everything we needed to say last night. We understand one another and there is comfort in that.
On the way to the airport, I use my mobile to book a flight that leaves for London in an hour. It’s cutting it close, but I’m going to leave everything but my toiletry bag behind so I won’t need to check any baggage. I’ll buy a new wardrobe when I arrive in London.
Before I close my mobile, I realize I’ve got an unread email messages. My gut clenches because somehow I know who it’s from even before I open it.
Dear Tessa,
First of all, I have to thank you for aiding in the sale of the guesthouse. It’s all happened so quickly. I was just at the realtor’s office signing papers this morning...
I frown. The guesthouse is sold? Who bought it? I keep reading the message hoping to find the answer.
...and the possession date will be early July. As you are probably aware, the sale included all furnishings, so your paintings will remain in Molyvos, as you asked. I hope you will return to see them one day.
I am sorry you chose not to see me in Mytilini. I won’t lie. I was angry and I did some things I’m not proud of (late night texts among other things). Tessa, I know you think my feelings for you are mere infatuation. You believe I’m too young to know what love is. You’re wrong. Having sex with another woman only confirmed things. I know what love is and I know I love you. But I’m not under any illusions about us. I waited for you at the castle. I won’t wait for you anymore.
However, no matter what happens, you are and always will be my first love. I hope when you look at the stars, you’ll think of me and perhaps one day we’ll meet again.
Yours always,
Nicolai
The message blurs as big, salty tears fill my eyes.
Holy shit.
If I’d known taking a vacation would create such emotional upheaval in my life, I doubt I would have done it. I tell you, good old steady work is beginning to sound more and more appealing right now.
Before I have a chance to tuck my phone away, the device bings with another incoming message.
It’s Alander.
I put the phone down and reach beneath the seat. There’s something there. A small package. I pull it out and turn the small wrapped box over in my hands, completely perplexed.
I untie the ribbon and unwrap the paper. My heart is pounding as if I’m expecting a ring but of course it can’t be a ring, Alander is a
lready married and even if he wasn’t, he would never propose. Still, that’s how it feels.
My mobile bings. Another message from Alander. I don’t read it before slowly lifting the lid off the box.
Inside, on a small satin cushion, is a key. I pick it up and look at it closely. It’s ornate and old fashioned.
What the hell?
I rest the key on my lap and pick up my mobile. The message from Alander reads,
I turn off my phone.
Alander bought me a house. A fucking house.
I should be livid. I should be screaming. But I’m not. The guesthouse is mine. After seven years of nomadic life, I have a home.
Okay, it’s not a home, it’s a vacation home. There’s a difference, right?
Oh hell. I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is, after everything that’s happened this week, nothing has felt more right.
THE END
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Chapter Twenty-Three- Athens
There is only one true decision. The fact that I am so confused tells me I need a break from the men in my life. Seeing Nicolai again is out of the question. My feelings are too strong. Way too strong. I’ve realized something as I read the passages of the translated ancient text.
Nicolai wasn’t the only one to break my rules.
I broke them too.
Somewhere along the lines and in amongst our lessons, I’ve grown attached to Nicolai. Too attached. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. What I feel for Nicolai is akin to something I’ve only felt for one other man.
Chase.
But it’s no good. Alander’s right, I can’t be the woman Nicolai wants, it’s not in my nature. Spending any more time with him is tempting fate and I will end up making the same mistake I made with Chase. I will end up sabotaging another relationship and hurting someone I love.
So, as much as it pains me, I turn my phone off at five in the morning, pack my bags and call a cab to take me to the airport for my eight o’clock flight.
Yes, having dinner with Alander was a balm to my spirit, but I know spending three days with him on his yacht will be too much. I’m not in the mood for his brand of dominant lovemaking. I’m not in the mood for any sort of lovemaking. Being with Alander will not ease the pain over Nicolai, it will make it worse because it will remind me of what I gave up...am giving up.
I’m early to check in at my gate, but I don’t care. I sit at the small café and drink a coffee, but it only gives my over-tired body a case of the shakes. I try to read, but I can’t concentrate. I unzip my laptop and open some files in order to do some work. Focusing on the financials of the company I’m meeting with in London is dry but it accomplishes what I’ve set out to do, which is to take my mind off the fact that there are two men waiting for me...right now.
Actually, that’s not true. By now, Nicolai will know I’m not coming. It’s almost time to board the plane, which means it’s two and a half hours after our scheduled meeting time at the castle gates. Where is he now? What’s he doing? Is he thinking of me?
Shit!
I give my head a shake.
I have to stop thinking about Nicolai!
I shove my carry-on into the overhead compartment and sit down in my seat and close my eyes. After two days of next-to-no sleep, I’m so tired I feel light-headed and woozy. Maybe, maybe I’ll manage to sleep through the one hour flight. Then, when I get to Athens, I’m going to book the next flight to London. I thought I wanted to stay in Athens for a few days, but now I realize I need to get out of Greece and as far away from Greek men as possible.
New sights, a different climate, a new hotel...Maybe I’ll go shopping and get a whole new wardrobe. That should help me to get over the mess I’ve created here in the too-romantic Greek isles.
Thankfully, I doze off during the flight. It’s a fitful sleep, however, and I’m groggier than ever when we land in Athens. I miss my bag the first few times it passes me on the carousel but finally drag it off and make way to an agent to book my next flight.
Being back in the airport reminds me of Alander and I search the crowd as if I expect him to appear at any moment. But Alander’s not there. It’s ten o’clock now, he’s probably sailing out of Mytilini’s harbor this minute—without me.
I wonder if I’ll ever see Alander again.
I hope so.
But if I don’t, that’s okay too.
My phone’s been switched off for the duration of my flight, but while I wait for my next connection, I switch it back on so that I can make a hotel reservation in London. I’ve decided to splurge and stay at The Savoy; a one bedroom suite with a view of the Thames. That’s the advantage to not paying a mortgage, I have the sort of disposable income to pay for luxury suites when I choose to and a luxury suite at The Savoy, with butler service, is about as far removed from the Daphnis and Chloe Guesthouse as I can get.
As I expected, there are three unread messages in my mailbox. I ignore them and am about to turn my mobile off again when it rings.
Oh shit.
I check the caller I.D.
It’s not Alander. Neither is it Nicolai.
After the briefest hesitation, I answer.
“Hi, Tessa,” a familiar voice drawls.
“Hi, Chase.” I pause. “Thanks again for agreeing to buy the guesthouse.”
“The money was half yours.”
“No. I gave it to you, remember?”
“Whatever. It sounds wonderful. Off the beaten track. Everything I love in a vacation home.”
“It’s a good investment, too. Long term, though. You’ll want to hold onto this one for a while.”
“You know me, I like good investments and long-term has never scared me off.”
As usual, we are talking about more than just an investment property. And, as usual, I ignore his innuendo and pretend like we’re not really talking about our past relationship. “Well, I appreciate you buying the place without having seen it.”
“You like it.” I can picture his half-smile and shrug. “That’s all I need to know. We always shared a similar taste in property...among other things.”
“Yes.” I lick my lips. There’s silence that stretches across the airwaves. “Was there something you wanted to discuss? I understood the money transfer went through late yesterday.”
“I just...look, Tess, I want you to know that the guesthouse is yours to use. Whenever you want it. As far as I’m concerned, it belongs to us.”
“Chase—”
“Don’t argue. Besides, I know it’s special to you.”
“How do you know that?” I ask quietly.
“You would never have asked for my help if it wasn’t.”
Chase is right. It’s even more evidence that there is something desperately wrong with me, resulting in me making all of these emotional decisions and creating emotional ties and doing things out of character.
Time to change that. Time to go back to being the Tessa Savage I know and love; the one with no ties, no binds and no place to call home. It’s the Tessa who’s happiest.
“I appreciate the offer. But I’m closing that chapter in my life.”
“Which one?” Chase’s voice has dropped an octave.
“Chase...”
“I miss you, Tessa.”
“Don�
�t.”
“I’d love to see you again.”
Oh, this is a bad conversation to be having in my current state of emotional distress. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” I whisper.
“Why?”
“Because you make it hard to say no.”
“Good. I don’t want you to say no.”
“Things are over between us.”
“Are they?”
“Of course they are. You know that.”
“They don’t feel over. They feel unfinished.”
“The papers were signed seven years ago.”
“Yet I still think of you every day.”
This is not what I need. Not at all. My feelings for Chase are still so...complicated.
As are my feelings for Nicolai.
Maybe I should have gone with Alander. He’s the man I should be with, demanding things of me sexually without asking for any emotional commitment. He’s the one most similar to me.
I shut my eyes and rest my head in my hands. Quietly I say, “Look, I’ve got to go.”
He says something, words that take me back to our marriage, to my failure, to my unresolved feelings. I can’t listen to him anymore. With a shaking hand, I go to turn my mobile off but my finger slips and instead of hitting off, I hit my messages button.
The first is from Alander.
The message makes me smile because I can hear his demanding voice in my head. A smile is just what I need and I write a quick text to apologize.
The next is from him as well. There’s more profanity and I delete it before reading it all the way through. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that Alander will get over this.
I go to the third message. It’s sent via email and my pulse quickens. I place my hand against my chest to steady myself as I read.
Dear Tessa,
I just received word the sale of the guesthouse has been finalized. I don’t know how to thank you...for everything. The sale included all furnishings, so your paintings will remain in Molyvos, as you asked. If the new owner plans to continue renting the house, I hope you’ll return to see them again one day.
Seduction in the Sun: Adult Romance Box Set (9 Sizzling Tales with BBW, Billionaires, Bad Boys, and Alpha Males) Page 62