“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not here to get to the bottom of some conspiracy. Some things are better left unsaid. I’m here because that baby is going to need a dad. So I’m going to ask you once. Are you just covering for my sister, or do you care about her?”
“I’m not covering for anyone.”
“You didn’t answer the question.” He was plucking my nerves. What did this guy want from me?
“Just tell me why you’re here.”
“My sister has this problem with letting go of her ex. Yesterday she found out he’d tried to end his life, and I’ve got this feeling that she tried to contact him. I checked her phone last night and saw that she called North Carolina. I’m sure if I called the number, he’d answer. Now the way I see it you’ve got options. You can help me make sure she stays in Kentucky, or you can make sure that she’s never going to want to be with that common asshole again.”
“You seem to harbor some ill feelings toward this guy. She doesn’t talk much about him. Can you tell me what’s so bad?”
“He cheated on my sister for years. On one occasion she was assaulted because of him. God only knows what else he’s done to her, aside from lowering her self esteem and causing her to want to leave her home in hopes of getting away from him.”
The more he explained, the more I understood. In fact, it was all starting to make sense. “I appreciate that you want what’s best for your sister. I wouldn’t have stood up and taken responsibility if I didn’t expect to step in. Your sister means a lot to me, and I intend to do whatever it takes to prove that to her, and to the rest of the family.”
He stuck his hand out and did some kind of special handshake. I tried to go along with it, failing terribly. “I guess you’re not a douche after all then.”
“Thanks, I think.”
He started to leave and stepped back inside. “Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that if you hurt her, I’ll do the same to you. It’s not a threat. It’s a promise.”
“If I had a sister I’d do the same.” I waved when he walked away and closed the door when he disappeared into the darkness.
It was odd to me that he’d stopped by while the party was going on, and I couldn’t help but wonder what his sister was doing. Another thing that wouldn’t leave my mind was the fact that she’d contacted her ex. It made sense why she’d tried to push me away.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to convince her to be with me, because if I didn’t I’d surely lose her forever. She’d move right back to her old life, without a second thought. I had to figure out a way to convince her to stay. She needed a reason to want to be with me. I had to prove to her that I’d be a good father to her child, no matter what I had to do.
Chapter 26
Isabella
I can’t explain why it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me. Even though my family only knew half of the truth, it was still enough to keep me from worrying so much.
While everyone around me talked about the upcoming nuptials, I sat at a table with my mother, quietly wishing that Rusty was around. Then I thought about Tate, and what he must have been thinking when he attempted to end his life. If he’d known I was pregnant would that have saved him? Was it worth me telling him at all? Could someone like him even be saved?
Suddenly realizing that my mind was in a clusterfuck of emotional turmoil, I decided to ask the advice of the one woman that had been through it all before. “Mom, if you had the chance to do it all over again, would you have told the sperm donor that I was his child?”
She was most definitely caught off guard. “Why on earth are you askin’ me that? Do you regret tellin’ Rusty that he’s the father of your child? Is there somethin’ you want to tell me about him?”
I immediately shook my head to reassure her she was way off base. “Of course not. He’s a good man. I’m sure he’ll be a great dad. This pregnancy just has me thinkin’ about things. I just want to know if you regret tellin’ him. I mean, you would have ended up with Dad anyway. It’s a simple question.”
“Honey, I don’t know how to answer that. Your dad and I got together because of the shit that man put me through. Things could have ended up differently, and I’d never wish that. Our life is wonderful, and in some ways I’m glad that man didn’t want anything to do with us. So no, I don’t regret it. Although, I do sometimes regret the choice to sleep with him in the first place, but then I think about you and remember that even at the worst times somethin’ beautiful can happen.”
“I guess I understand. It’s just hard knowing that he didn’t want us. I don’t want that for my baby.”
“Of course you don’t. Honey, all of those crazy thoughts you’re havin’ is normal. Your hormones are going crazy inside of your body. They’re goin’ to affect your decision makin’.”
My mom and I both looked up when we saw Noah sitting down across from us. He folded his hands like he was waiting for his turn. My mom touched my arm. “We’ll finish this later.”
I leaned my chin on my fist and prepared to be reamed out, knowing he’d probably built up enough anger to fuel a locomotive. “Go ahead. Let me have it.”
I could tell he was uneasy. “Bells, I just want you to be happy.”
Though I’d always considered him predictable, this was definitely a new side of my cousin. “Come again?”
“You heard me. I mean, yeah, I’m pissed you snuck behind my back, but you didn’t give me much choice. It’s not like I can make the guy leave now. He’s got responsibilities. I’m just worried that he’s keepin’ somethin’ from all of us. I’m around him every day and never once has he talked about his past. Don’t you think that’s important?”
“I know him better than you, Noah. I can assure you that it’s not what you think. He’s a good man.” My defending Rusty was only making it difficult to stand by my idea of telling Tate. No matter what I did, I was pulled toward the idea of staying in Kentucky and letting Rusty raise my child as his own. I’d never met a more sincere man, who given up so much. He was so honorable, and I wanted to think that him stepping up was his way of saying that he wanted to commit. The only thing holding me back was the idea of never knowing if he was going to compare me to someone else. I knew it seemed petty, but I needed to be loved for who I was, because I knew if I wasn’t then my happiness wasn’t real. In a sense it would be fake. I couldn’t make a commitment with that on my conscience.
“If he’s such good man than why ain’t he here?”
I didn’t have a good answer for that. Clearly he’d gotten upset earlier at breakfast. He’d stayed away from me all day. It didn’t help that I’d pretty much told him we were nothing to each other right before that. “I’m sure he’s tryin’ to keep the peace for your benefit.”
“My beef with Rusty wouldn’t have ruined this party. I’m gettin’ hitched to the most beautiful woman, my family is here, and my cousin is havin’ a kid. We’ve got plenty of reasons to put our differences aside, don’t you think?”
While Noah waited for my response, I thought about how hurt he must have been finding out that I’d lived in the same house with him and not been able to confide my secret. We were supposed to be best friends, yet I’d hid something so important. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I get it. It hurts, but I get it. Hell, I threatened your boyfriend so many times that I’m surprised you two didn’t run off together. It’s obvious he cares about you, or else he would have given up a long time ago. I’m just glad this baby isn’t Tate’s. I fuckin’ hate that bastard. I wouldn’t be sittin’ here with you right now if he’d knocked you up. When you first made the announcement yesterday it’s all I could think about. I was doin’ the math in my head, trying to figure out when you were in North Carolina. Then Rusty stood up and put my mind at ease. Anyone is better than your ex.”
I felt sick to my stomach. Hearing Noah saying that put new perspective on my rationalizing to tell Tate the truth. I couldn’t lose Noah, and that’s ex
actly what would happen if the truth came out. I stood up, causing alarm to my cousin’s eyes. “I need to go.”
“Where?”
“I need to see Rusty. He should be here with all of us.”
He started to chuckle. “So you’re finally goin’ to admit that you’re a couple?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I think I am.”
Since the family was so big, it was easy to sneak away without being noticed. I didn’t know what I would say to him, and there was no excuse for my actions. I’d been a jerk to him so many times that I was having trouble counting. I was done fighting, and after I picked up my pace, I found myself almost running in the direction of his house. By the time I’d made it there I saw my brother walking out. What alarmed me was the way he looked at me as he approached.
“What are you doin’ here?”
“I needed to talk to your boyfriend.”
“About what?” I think I would have been okay if he’d threatened to hurt him if he hurt me, but something told me that wasn’t the reason.
“I think you know what, sis.”
“Please, Jax. Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” He took my chin and pulled it to look him in the eyes. “Tell everyone our secret?”
I couldn’t fight the burning in my throat or the stream of tears pouring out of my eyes. “I don’t have a secret,” I lied.
“Yeah, maybe if you keep telling yourself that you’ll start to believe it. You forget who picked you up that night, Bella. I did the math, and even though I know that guy in there cares for you, we both know he ain’t the father.”
I pulled away from his touch, refusing to look at him for another second. It wasn’t the fact that Jax had figured out my secret. It was that he’d talked to Rusty about it. It was also the fact that he’d forever hold that secret over my head. I’d feel guilty every time I held my baby and knew that I was lying to him or her. More than ever I wished I could talk to my dad about it. I wanted to know how he felt when he’d decided that he’d be my only father. I needed his advice, yet knew I couldn’t ask for it. “Please, Jax. Don’t tell anyone.”
“I’m not going to. Just be sure you can live with yourself. It’s one thing to not tell Tate, but one day that kid’s going to find out the truth. What do you think that will do to Rusty? You can’t let him fall in love with your kid if you’re still thinking about running back to Tate. Have you even considered what this will do to Dad?”
Hearing Tate’s name made my skin crawl. It was like he was demon I was trying to avoid. “Yes, I’ve thought about Dad. This is so messed up. What am I supposed to do? I didn’t ask Rusty to take responsibility.”
“You’re not telling anyone the truth. He can only protect you for so long. I just don’t want to see my niece or nephew resenting their parents because of a huge lie. Don’t you remember what you and Dad went through?”
“Of course I remember. How could you even ask me that?”
“I just think you should have thought about all of this before letting that man make sacrifices for you.”
I pointed at my brother. “Don’t you dare play the perfect card with me, Jax. You’ve got no room to judge my actions.”
He threw his arms in the air. “Whoa. Nobody said I was perfect. I’m just trying to look out for my sister. I don’t want you getting hurt, Bella. Can’t you see what this kind of secret could do?”
“Yes,” I wiped more tears away. “I know what I’m riskin’.”
He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “You’re my sister, my blood, and I love you. I know you regret that night, and I just don’t want it to haunt you for the rest of your life.”
I watched my brother walk away, while I tried my hardest to calm down. As much as I thought I’d made my mind up, I knew I was more confused than ever. Most importantly, I needed to know if Rusty would still want to help me if my family learned the truth.
I headed up the steps to his house prepared to find out.
Chapter 27
Rusty
This was the third time someone had knocked on my door, and I was starting to get annoyed. My issues with Isabella weren’t anyone’s business. Besides, she’d pretty much made it obvious that I was just some fuck buddy to her. It was more clear than ever after my talk with her brother.
I opened the door with a pissed off frown. My eyes adjusted, and I blinked twice to make sure that it was really her standing in front of me. Her makeup was running down her cheeks, and she was steadily sobbing. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her inside, then pulled her to my chest to comfort her. “What’s happened?”
“Don’t make me talk about it. Please, Rusty. Just hold me.”
There was no place else I wanted to be.
Unlike her last visit, I didn’t carry Isabella back to my room to make love. This time I picked her up and held her on the couch. She cried for along time, and then finally explained what had her so worked up.
I wasn’t trying to be insensitive. It was obvious she was struggling with what she wanted to do. The fact that she’d come to me again only validated that she trusted me. I appreciated that, but at the same time also knew she didn’t really have anyone else.
“Either way I go, someone gets hurt. Jax is right, Rusty. I’ve got to figure this out.”
“You need to stop thinking about everyone else. They’ll get over whatever has to happen. This decision is yours. If you want me I’m here, but if you want to be with your ex, than I think I deserve to know, because right now I kind of feel like there’s things you aren’t telling me.”
“I just explained everything.”
I shook my head and looked away from her. “Did you try to contact your ex-boyfriend? When your brothers told you about his accident did you attempt to call him?”
She looked down and sighed, appearing as if I’d caught her in a lie. I think before she answered I knew the truth. “Yes, I called him.”
“Does he know?” I could feel the burn of tears accumulating in my eyes, but refused to let them fall in front of her. If she was going to choose him, than this had to end. I wouldn’t be her consolation prize until her ex could come back in her life. If she thought she could come running to me to fix that problem she was very wrong.
“No. He doesn’t know. He hung up on me. The guy hates me for ruinin’ his life. I’m the last person he wants to talk to.”
“So you were planning on telling him?”
She refused to look me in the eyes.
When she didn’t answer, I yelled, “ANSWER ME. Were you going to tell him about the baby?”
“Yes.” She started sobbing again, but this time I couldn’t be her comfort. I was so distraught; so betrayed. Even though I didn’t have any kind of hold over her, I wanted to believe that she was mine; that she wouldn’t betray me after I’d stepped up and offered to help raise her child. Didn’t she understand that I wanted to be with her? Did she not know how much being a father meant to me? This wasn’t about my deceased wife, or even the child that I lost. This was about the life that I wanted us to have together. It was about being in love with her.
A few seconds is all it took for her to reached out for me. I pulled away and walked into the kitchen. Though I could see her, I knew I needed to be in another room. She sobbed more, while I stood there watching her, suffering from my own heartbreak. This wasn’t how I saw things going.
Isabella didn’t want me to be that baby’s father. She’d tried to tell me several times, but I kept pushing to be a part of her life. Her family would be leaving in a day, and at some point they’d find out that I was covering for her. I knew it wasn’t my problem, but it didn’t make it easier to take.
The fragile woman that I was crazy about was sitting on my couch crying, and I couldn’t bring myself to be near her. I grabbed my shoes and started putting them on. “What are you doin’?”
“I’m walking you back to the party so you can be with your family.”
“I came here to be with you, Rusty.�
��
“For what? Did you want to play head games with me again? Did you want me to take you in my room and fuck you so you could forget about him? I’m not your damn punching bag, Isabella. This hurts too much.”
“So you want me to leave?” Her question was obvious, so I guess she needed to hear me say the words.
“Yes. I need you to leave.”
She went running out the door. I finished tying my shoes and ran after her. It wasn’t hard to catch up, and to be honest I don’t think she could run full speed if she wanted to. While stopped at a tree I caught up to her and stood there waiting for her to breathe normally. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Rusty. I swear I didn’t mean it. None of this is about some hope of gettin’ back with Tate. You have to believe me.”
“Save it. The damage is done. Besides, this whole time you’ve been telling me that we couldn’t be together. It’s my fault for hanging on for so long. I get it. I’m older, with more baggage than anyone has to carry. You’re young and beautiful, with your whole life ahead of you. I don’t blame you for wanting more for yourself, but I can’t say I’m okay with losing hope that one day we could be something more.” I reached over and she let me touch her face. Her body began shaking when her arms wrapped around my back. I held her close to me as she bawled. It was practically impossible for me to be able to have her so close and picture watching her walking away. “This is killing me, Iz. Don’t you know how much I want to be with you and this baby? Haven’t I proven that?”
She lifted her head and nodded. “I want to be with you, too. That’s what I came to tell you. It’s not about Tate, or my family. I know you’re the right choice. I just didn’t want to string you along while I was tryin’ to figure it all out.”
I moved her hair off of her shoulders and kissed her forehead. “I don’t care if we fight, as long as it’s my bed you’re sleeping in at night. Being without you is pure hell. I don’t care what I’ve got to do to prove it. Just say you’ll give me a chance. Say you’re not running back to that guy. Please.”
Isabella Page 17