Shelley Lubben
TRUTH
BEHIND THE
FANTASY OF
PORN
THE GREATEST ILLUSION ON EARTH
TRUTH BEHIND THE FANTASY OF PORN
© 2010 published by Shelley Lubben Communications
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form except for brief quotations, without permission from the author.
For books and other teaching materials please contact:
Shelley Lubben
www.shelleylubben.com
Written by: Shelley Lubben
Cover design: Eric Ridolfi
Interior design: Shelley Lubben
Editor: Mike Valentino
ISBN 13 Digit 978-0-9831890-1-5
Library of Congress information available
Printed in the United States of America
Sources
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission.
Contents
ACT I
THE TRUTH ABOUT PORN
I
Under the Big Top
II
Send in the Clowns
ACT II
MEET THE VOICE: SHELLEY #1
III
Born to Be Bad
IV
Raising Hell
V
Hell of a Hooker
VI
Hell’s Getaway
VII
Dead Even
VIII
Psycho Stripper
IX
Death Defying
ACT III
MEET ROXY THE PORN STAR
X
Roxy’s Revenge
XI
Used and Abused
XII
Human Hell
XIII
Last Chance: Final Act
ACT IV
TWO WORLDS COLLIDE
XIV
Poof, He’s Here!
XV
Invaded by Love
XVI
Marrying Magdalene
XVII
You and What Army?
ACT V
MEET SHELLEY #2
XVIII
This is Only a Test
XIX
Special Military Delivery
XX
Mama’s Heart Trauma
XXI
Better Street
XXII
Don’t Let the D’s Stop You!
XXIII
Wake Up Call
ACT VI
MEET SHELLEY #3
XXIV
Building a Champion Mind
XXV
The Champion Life
XXVI
Journey to Paradise
XXVII
To Hell with Paradise
XXVIII
Tiffany’s Pain from Porn
XXIX
Journey into Hell
XXX
Circus Maximus Prophecy
Special Thanks
I would like to express my sincere thankfulness to some of the beautiful people who have helped me since my recovery began in 1995.
To Pastor Kevin Gerald who taught me wisdom and how to live the Champion Life.
To Pat and Argis Hulsey who mentored me in the ways of ministry and taught me: “Greater is He in you than he that is in the world.”
To Pink Cross Foundation team members who helped me build a beautiful legacy of love and compassion for the hurting.
To Roger my close colleague and a modern day William Wilberforce who is relentless in the cause of human rights.
To Judith Reisman who greatly inspired me by her boldness and unyielding determination to expose the sexual sabotage of our nation.
To Tiffany, Teresa and Abigail who are trophies of God’s Grace and sweet angels sent from above to bring healing and beauty into my life.
To Melanie, my best dearest friend and personal servant who ministers to me without fail in great love and humility.
To my beloved and truest friend, my husband Garrett, who rescued me out of the miry pit and led me into vast greatness. I love you Garrett with a fierce and passionate love.
Dedication
I would like to dedicate this book to the hundreds of women and men who died in the porn industry from AIDS, suicide, homicide and drug related deaths.
Your voices will be heard now.
A Word from Shelley
Anyone who would attempt to write a book about their horrific experience inside the illegally operating porn industry and years of sexual abuse from childhood to prostitution faces an awful task, and requires great love and understanding from the readers. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it took years of pain, preparation and prayer before I could do it. But by the grace of God Almighty, I wrote it and now I need you to read it. I need you to read about the exploitation and violence against women and men in the porn industry so you can begin to heal. I need you to earnestly understand that every time you click to view a porn site you are contributing to the destruction of valuable human lives. I need you to read this book through the very last word and then humbly lower your head before heaven and lament in tears until the only strength you have left is to stop viewing pornography.
This book was especially written for my precious friends still trapped inside the porn industry. I humbly request that you read this book and allow me to become your mirror of truth. My heart hurts deeply at the thought of the pain you will encounter as you turn the pages in this book and grasp the evil you are truly enslaved to. But I am confident that once you know the truth, the truth will set you free to throw off the shackles of shame and abuse and victoriously leap into the greatest life you’ve ever lived!
God bless you all and be free!
Admit One
act I
Truth Behind Porn
I
Admit One
Under the Big Top
Chapter One
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
- John 8:32
Sex-packed porn films featuring hot dirty blondes whose man-eating eyes say, “I want you,” are the greatest illusion on earth. Trust me, I know. I hustled for eight years in strip clubs and whorehouses, manhandling my way to the Big Top, where I was promised fame, fortune and glamour. I was 24 years old when I entered the world of porn.
I put on a good show but I never liked performing tricks in the sex circus and preferred spending time with Jack Daniels rather than the male performers I was paid to fake it with. That’s right, none of us hot blondes enjoy making porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate spreading our legs for sexually diseased men. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much that I would hear them vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. I would find others outside, smoking endless chains of Marlboro Lights…
But the multi-billion dollar porn industry wants you to believe the fantasy that we porn actresses love sex. They want you to buy into the lie that we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. Creatively edited films and prettifi
ed packaging are designed to brainwash consumers into believing that the lust we portray on hot and bothered faces are part of the act. But the reality is women are in unspeakable pain from being slapped, bit, spit upon, kicked and called names like “filthy little whore” and “toilet cunt.”
While filming the movie “Rough Sex 2,” porn star Regan Starr described in horrific terms in an interview with Talk Magazine in February, 2001, “that while sex acts were performed on her, she was hit and choked until she couldn’t breathe. Other “actresses,” she said, “wept because they were hurting so badly.”1
Former porn star Jersey Jaxin also described the torment and abuse she experienced on the porn set. “Guys punching you in the face. You have semen all over your face, in your eyes. You get ripped. Your insides can come out of you. It’s never ending. You’re viewed as an object not as a human with a spirit. People don’t care. People do drugs because they can’t deal with the way they’re being treated.”2
There is a reason why drugs and alcohol are rampant in the porn industry. Becca Brat, who performed in over 200 movies, told me when she left porn in 2006, “I hung out with a lot of people in the adult industry, everybody from contract girls to gonzo actresses. Everybody had the same problems. Everybody is on drugs. It’s an empty lifestyle trying to fill up a void.”3
Male porn star Christian XXX also speaks openly about the widespread drug use. He wrote on his blog in January, 2008, “I have seen all manner of drugs on set, at parties, in cars, everywhere. If I had to guess, I would put marijuana use at 90 percent of all people involved in the industry (performers, directors, crew, agents, drivers, owners, office workers, etc.). I have been on a set where a girl has passed out DURING a sex scene with me (she was abusing oxycontin). Just recently a girl overdosed on GHB (a party drug that is a clear, odorless drug that doesn’t mix well with alcohol) on set. I have seen a girl win a prestigious AVN Award, not show up to accept the award, and then fall into the throes of drug use that caused her to lose at least 50 pounds and drop off the face of the earth.”4
In fact, porn can literally kill you. Since 2000, there have been at least 34 drug-related deaths among performers.5
Offered drinks like vodka and Percocet smoothies, women are numbed enough to endure rough sex acts through extreme humiliation. When alcohol isn’t enough and the pain spirals into addiction, porn stars are sent to local doctors in conspiracy with the porn industry to receive prescriptions for Vicodin, Xanax, Valium and other anti-anxiety drugs to help them cope with the trauma.
Former porn actress, Michelle Avanti remembers her first scene and how it led to prescription drug abuse. “I tried backing out and not do porn at all but a male performer said I couldn’t back out because I signed a contract. I was threatened that if I did not do the scene I would get sued for lots of money. I ended up taking shots of vodka to get me through it. As I did more and more scenes I abused prescription pills which were given to me anytime by several doctors in the San Fernando Valley. I was given Vicodin, Xanax, Norcos, Prozac and Zoloft. All I had to do was tell them what I needed and they would give me anything I want.”6
Think I’m exaggerating about the shady operations of the porn industry? Think again. Thanks to the Internet and shows like ABC’s 20/20, confessions of rape, drug abuse and violence are increasingly becoming more public. Porn star, Belladonna who told Diane Sawyer, “I always hated porn,” confessed how she went to a shoot, preparing for what she thought was a regular sex scene. Instead, the director asked her to do anal sex. According to the network she had just turned 18.
A few months (and several shoots) later, now a veteran porn actress, Belladonna showed up on another set. She was told that she would appear in a prison gang-rape scene, to be shared between twelve different men. Again, she tried to back out. Again, she was “convinced” to continue.7
But, you ask, don’t women make the choice to be in porn? Based on the sexual images we were spoon fed growing up from TV, magazines and the Internet, sure we do. Beginning in the 1970s when we learned skirt-chasing ways from our favorite stars like Doc in The Love Boat all the way to ABC’s Desperate Housewives, being the most popular show among children in 2005.8 Not to mention, “glamorous” images of porn stuffed down our throats. It’s hardly surprising America’s children, most having been well groomed in sexual immorality over 40 years, have ended up on MySpace or Facebook uploading sexy pictures of ourselves. Where else can a hyper sexualized kid get so much attention?
But crooked pornographers have been lurking online for years searching out profiles and preying on unsuspecting sexualized females. Pretending to be teenage boys or male admirers posting flattering words like, “you’re the most beautiful girl” or “you’re so hot,” emotionally needy sexually aware teenage girls quickly fall into their trap. A few compliments later and a nice sized financial offer, we find ourselves standing in the middle of a porn agent’s office being talked out of “nude modeling” and into anal sex. “You’ll be the next hottest porn star if you do anal,” the porn agent promises as we’re handed a contract while a big chested blonde in the corner winks at us.
Within days we’re sent to the adult industry medical clinic to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. With open arms and warm smiles, we’re welcomed by caring medical staff with calm assurances that we’ll be “kept safe.”9 As we begin to feel better about everything we listen carefully to other porn stars who share their tips on how to make it big in porn land. “Just relax your throat and breathe through your nose. It’s really fun and easy once you get the hang of it.” There is never any proper education about STD’s other than a Porn 101 video, which they know none of us would ever watch. Deception is rife throughout the entire grooming process.
Some of us caught HIV as a result of that gross deception.10 Porn star, Darren James recalls his nightmare of testing positive for HIV in 2004, “It was like a hit in the gut,” James said. “Life was pretty much over.”11
Dr. Sharon Mitchell, “doctor” to the porn stars who walks around in a white lab coat and doesn’t have a medical degree, claims that among performers there is, “Less than 7% HIV, and 12-28% STDs. Herpes is always about 66%. Chlamydia and gonorrhea, however, along with hepatitis, seem to stick to everything from dildos to flat surfaces to hands, so, pardon my expression, but we are usually up to our asses in Chlamydia.”12
But the porn industry is up to its ass in a lot more than that according to the Los Angeles Department of Public Health. In September, 2009, LADPH published astounding reports of 2,396 cases of Chlamydia, 1,389 cases of gonorrhea, and five syphilis cases among porn performers. Between 2004 and 2008, repeat infections were reported for 25.5% of individuals. It was also reported that Chlamydia and gonorrhea prevalence in porn performers is ten times higher than that of Los Angeles County 20-24 year olds and five times higher that of one of Los Angeles County’s highest risk populations. To top that off, 25 cases of HIV were reported by the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM) since 2004. AIM is the adult industry medical clinic that offers testing services and limited medical care to porn stars. Due to the failure of talent testing clinics to routinely screen for rectal and oral infections, a sustained high level of prevalent disease persists among porn performers.13
In addition to being coerced, lied to and repeatedly exposed to non-curable life-threatening diseases, many women experience severe damage to internal body parts. Former porn star Kami Andrews confesses she loves the money and the glamour of porn but what she doesn’t like is not being able to “s--- right. You are constantly doing enemas and you’re fasting and you’re taking all these different pills, ex lax, and it screws up your internal system.”14
Screwed up intestinal tracts is only the beginning of extreme bodily damage caused by hardcore anal acts. Many women experience other medical maladies such as a prolapsed rectum, a horrific condition in which the walls of the rectum protrude through the anus and consequently become visible outside the body. Eventually the damage bec
omes permanent -- to the twisted delight of beastly pornographers who have crafted a way to turn this unspeakable condition into a “fetish.”
When porn stars call it a day and head home with bruised and bloodied bodies, some of us attempt to have normal healthy relationships but our suitcase pimp boyfriends become jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors or regress back to childhood and freeload off of 60 year old sugar daddies. I preferred sugar daddies because I desperately wanted the love and attention of my father. Jenna Jameson, Jill Kelly, Rita Faltoyano, and Tera Patrick preferred marrying within the porn industry and are all now victims of what Porn star Tera Patrick calls “the porn curse.” She states in her book about divorce, “I didn’t want to be another porn statistic.”15
Porn stars not only don’t make good wives but we miserably fail as mothers too. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high, and our four year olds are the ones picking our lifeless bodies up off the floor. When big dollar clients come over to be entertained by our tricks, we lock our children in their bedrooms and tell them to be quiet. I used to give my four-year old daughter a beeper and make her wait at the park until I was finished. For those of us who are married, Daddy doesn’t mind babysitting the kids while we’re at work being penetrated by several male performers. Of course not, our narcissistic porn husbands only care about the money.
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