Slowly, I got used to not knowing what Joey was doing when he was gone. I think it helped me not to worry if I didn’t know exactly where he was. I’d see things on the news, in other countries, things happening in regards to our military, and I’d always assure myself he wasn’t there. He wasn’t able to call every day, but did his best, and when my phone would ring, I’d get a charge of excitement every time.
Five years into living in North Carolina, and Annabelle was born. She looked nothing like Joey or me, with a shock of blond hair, and was the smallest of our babies. Joseph joked that finally, someone in his family looked like his Norwegian heritage. She earned the nickname Goldie, which is what we call her ninety-nine percent of the time. I felt like three children was good enough, but Joey wanted more, typical guy aiming for a boy.
Goldie was one and we were discussing baby number four, when something that would change our lives forever happened. America was attacked on our soil, and everyone was in shock. Not only devastated, but also angry. I knew this meant Joey was leaving, and I’d never seen him so upset about what was going on in the world as he was when we’d watch the news in the days following the attacks.
He kept mumbling that they knew something was going to happen, and I’d had a feeling he’d been in the Middle East on his last few trips. I don’t know why, but I just felt like he had. He was tan as hell, his beard was long, his hair grown out, and I don’t know if he was involved in trying to disguise himself as a local with the way his appearance had changed. These were all just my thoughts, and I never asked him, knowing he couldn’t tell me anyway.
He'd left on trips hundreds of times, but this was war, he was going to war. To a country I only knew about from reading geography books, to a place where people wanted to kill Americans. I’d never been so nervous about him leaving before, and we only had a few days to prepare. It felt like not enough time. There wasn’t enough time to get the girls used to the idea that daddy would be gone longer than usual, that we probably wouldn’t be able to talk to him as often. Not enough time for me to understand that I might not see him again. I didn’t want to think that way, but I needed to not be naïve about this.
His parents, Dornan, and Maven all came to us in the days leading up to his deployment. I loved having their support, but in a way it made me more nervous. Gwen was a ball of nerves, and crying just about every five minutes. The girls were confused about what was going on, and why everyone seemed sad and scared.
I did my best to reassure them, but kids know more than we think they do, they sense everything. Natasha’s five and even though young, she absolutely knows what’s going on. We’ve never kept anything from the kids, I mean, they know daddy’s in the military, and he protects us from bad guys. But I just felt like Natasha knew that war was serious, without her really knowing.
The fear and anxiety didn’t really hit me until the night before his deployment. We spent all day together, taking the kids to the zoo, making dinner together, and then watching a movie, while the girls all fell asleep on their daddy. I snuck away several times to have a cry in the bathroom. Joey’s always been my rock, no matter how independent I’ve become over the years, I’m able to carry on because I know Joey’s always coming back.
But I can’t help but let the idea of the girls never being able to play games with him flood my head. That I won’t hear his voice again, or feel his breath on my lips. The uncertainty as to how close to the action he was going to be, going to bed night after night without contact from him, not knowing if he was alive or not.
“I can’t wear this,” he says and I look over from the bed at him by the bathroom door. He’s holding out his wedding band, his eyes looking at it and not at me.
“Here,” I tell him, walking over as I unclasp the necklace he’d given me after Natasha was born.
It’s a simple silver chain with charms of the first initial of our daughters’ names. I hold out one end and he slips it down onto it, clinking against the other metal and I clasp it back onto my neck. I can see he’s having a hard time with this, maybe he’s scared too, or just sad. His hands take mine, intertwining our fingers, his eyes focusing on that now.
“Are you nervous?” I ask, looking down at our hands.
“No,” he tells me in a voice that’s confident, and puts me at ease.
I see on the news every day what’s been happening there, and I’d be a total idiot to not know how dangerous this is.
“I’ve been trained by the best, I have confidence in my captains and squad…I’m not scared.”
His eyes move to mine, and I see he means what he says.
“I just want to make sure you’ll be okay, alone, with the girls…it’s a long time.”
“Don’t worry about us. Everything here will be great, other than missing you like crazy,” I tell him.
His brows furrow and I can see there’s something he wants to say, I cup his face to bring his eyes to mine.
“What?” I ask.
“If…” he stops and swallows, his eyes darting down at the charms on my necklace. “If you can’t wait for me, and you find someone-”
“What the hell?” I stop him, my tone one of annoyance and shock.
“I just worry that since we won’t be able to talk every day, or-”
“Are you even being serious right now?”
“Beautiful,” he sighs.
“No!” I pull back and he takes my hands. “Joey, I can’t believe you would even think that lowly of me,” I reply with offense. “You think I want sex with some nobody just because I’d need it? It doesn’t work like that.”
“I’m sorry,” he says softly.
“Well, I hope you’re not telling me that so it’s some sort of free pass for you to be with someone because I will cut your dick off!” I say, pointing my index finger at him.
He shakes his head and pulls me against his chest. I know why he said this, I know deep down it’s a fear of his. I think it’s natural to think those things when you spend a large amount of time apart. It’s the same reason I let the Army wife put the idea into my head, the fear is always there.
I bring my lips to his, kissing him hard as I back him against the wall. He grunts as he makes contact with it, then groans while sliding his fingers into my hair. Reaching down, I yank his shirt up and off him, pushing his shoulders back once his torso is bare. He gives me a look of surprise at my feistiness, and I shoot him a little smirk before attaching my lips to his again. Our tongues lash out and lap at one another’s, my fingers making quick work of his belt buckle and jeans.
When his belt and pants are loose, I push them down before moving back up to the elastic of his boxers. My fingertips curl inside the waistband as I kneel and pull them down as I position myself eye level with his cock, his sturdy, hard, thick cock. My hand curls around his warm shaft, finding the familiar veins and grooves beneath the skin. I inhale his scent there, instantly charging me up. I bite my lower lip and look up at him, he’s looking down, lips parted as he breathes quickly in anticipation. Licking my lips, I run the tip of my tongue along the slit in the center of the head.
“Mmmmm,” I purr, savoring his flavor.
“Katie,” he grunts as his rough hands slide on my face and hair.
Because I can barely wait any longer myself, it propels me to move. I take him into my mouth, my tongue curling around his dick as my lips seal around his base. I work him up with my mouth and my hand, feeling my own arousal dampening my panties. I pull back, looking up at him as I take my shirt and bra off, and he’s pulling me to my feet. Now my backs against the wall as he jerks my jeans and panties down. Instead of him kneeling, he pulls me by the hand towards the bed, turning me so my back hits the bed as I fall.
His hands push my legs up by the back of my thighs, and then his lips are on me. His hot breath, his warm wet tongue, his powerful lips, cover me and take me over. I bite the back of my hand to muffle my moans and whimpers, my chest heaving as my hips grind and gyrate against him. My othe
r hand is tightly curled in his hair and I look down to see him bent over the bed lapping at me, while his other hand moves fast along his cock.
“Joey, Joey,” I pant, urging him up with my hand and practically pulling his hair out.
With a growl, he places a knee on the bed as he rises up on his hands, looking down between my legs as he slides his cock inside me. I gasp and reach up to cup his face, bringing his eyes to mine. His hands curl into fists on either side of me, putting his other knee on the bed as he starts to fuck me. His biceps and forearms bulge with muscle and coursing veins, his abs and pecs contract and flex with every thrust and retreat, his hair flipping over his forehead. His eyes are all over me, watching my tits bounce, and I cup them to tease my nipples like he likes.
“Oh, beautiful,” he groans quietly.
We both know this is the last time we’ll be together like this for months, and I want to give him something he’ll remember while he’s gone. We get wild, a little dirty, and a lot hot. Giving myself some memories for the time he’s gone too.
“You know what?” he whispers to me as we lay in bed, our naked bodies tangled together.
“Hmm?”
“The moment I first laid eyes on you, at that house party…it was like I had no control over myself, my eyes just found you. Out of all the people there, they only saw you.”
I smile and look up at him, resting my chin on his pec.
“It’s still like that for me,” he adds with a whisper.
My eyes begin to tear up, so in an effort of self-preservation I rest my head back onto his chest.
“Don’t be scared, beautiful,” he tells me, running a hand through my hair.
“I’m not scared…I mean, I am, it’s just this is war. Before it was just jobs in my head, technical and non-threatening. But I can’t get my head around the danger you’re going into. I know you’re trained and smart, and good at your job, isn’t it normal for me to be scared?” I sigh. “Just come back to us.”
“Nothing will ever keep me from you, your parents didn’t stop me, you pretending you didn’t want me didn’t-”
“As if,” I laugh, looking up at him.
“It would take a lot more than a war across the world to keep me from you, Katie.”
Joey and I make love that night until we pass out, and it feels like only moments after closing my eyes that Joey’s alarm is going off.
With heavy hearts, we all head over to the base, which is packed with soldiers and families. It takes everything in me to keep it together as Joey hugs and kisses the girls in turn. As if they know I’m barely holding on, the older two smile and giggle as Joey tickles their cheeks with his beard. I hold onto Goldie, kissing her little cheeks for my own comfort as he says goodbye to his parents and best friends. When it’s my turn, Joey hugs us tightly, and only by sheer will am I able to let him go.
“I love you,” he tells me.
“Stay safe,” I say into his ear as I close my eyes and run my nose along his cheek.
“I will,” he says with a soft smile, letting go of my hand before pulling back and stepping away from us.
“Bye Daddy,” Natasha yells after him and he turns to wave.
We all stand there and watch his retreating back, Gwen and Maven wiping their cheeks as Joseph throws an arm over Gwen’s shoulder. I watch as Dornan says something to Maven as he too puts an arm around her back. While I hold onto my baby tightly, I watch Joey’s back like I won’t ever see him again.
Please keep him safe, I say silently to whatever has the power to do so.
Chapter 15
My mind won’t go to the place where Joey might be hurt or worse in action, I have to have faith in something good and positive, and be in the mindset that he will come back. For the first few weeks, I’m plagued with fear and anxiety. I try to keep the news off, for the girls’ sakes and mine. But sometimes I can’t help myself. When I lay in our bed at night. I flip the television on, and every news channel is bombarding me with what’s happening overseas. I read the number of casualties, wounded, the speculated plans of attack, and nothing more than nonsense for the most part.
Joey rarely calls, more due to terrible phone connections than anything else. When we do finally talk, he tells me how he tries to call every day, sitting on hold as he waits to be connected, sometimes for hours, and it’s rare when he actually can get through. Every day I feel like I’m just going through the motions. The girls take my mind off his absence a lot, but then it’s bittersweet that Joey’s missing so much of what they do day to day.
In our kitchen we have two clocks, our time and one with Joey’s time. The girls made a poster counting down the days until he returns that hangs on the wall below the clocks. Each girl has a folder beside it with drawings or Natasha writing what she did in school that day so when he gets home he can look through it all. Birthdays pass, anniversaries, but they’re just dates. And no matter how many days after Joey gets through to us, the girls light up all over again like it’s their actual birthday.
It’s Christmas, and I’m taking the girls to Plantain. My entire life with my parents, holidays and special occasions meant nothing. I never woke up on Christmas morning to presents or excitement, never even a special dinner. Not until I joined the Pedersen’s did I know the joy of that experience. We’ve spent every year with Joey’s family, and this year should be no different. I love giving my girls this memory, and I don’t want Joey’s absence to change that.
It takes us a few days to drive there, and the road trip itself is always one of chaos with children being trapped in a car together. Full of eye-spy, and singing along to eighties music, they enjoy the Go-Go’s and Bananarama the most. Needless to say that when we do arrive, I definitely need a break and a conversation with an adult.
After getting the girls settled, and Goldie down for a nap, Lily and Natasha start to make sugar cookies with Gwen so I head over to the auto body shop. I love that nothing ever changes in this town, it’s comforting and nostalgic. I see Maven’s bike parked near the garage and can’t stop smiling. She knows we’re coming for the holiday, but not the exact day, so I can’t wait to see her face.
I park and exit my car, the sun is warm and almost too much as it heats up the blacktop. There are a few guys standing outside the clubhouse, but I don’t want to draw attention to myself and ruin the surprise by yelling a hello. I approach the open garage doors and instantly see Smokey there, working under an open hood.
“Well hot damn, it’s little thing,” he says noticing me and standing straight, a huge grin spreading over his lips.
“Hi,” I smile back as we approach one another.
“Damn, long time no see, what’s up?” He wipes his hands with a cloth and I see another man stand up from where he was over his shoulder.
“Here for Christmas, how are you?” I ask as he finally feels his hands are clean enough to touch me.
He hugs me tightly and I smile at his affection. The night we talked at the MC party, was just the beginning of the friendship between us. I get a better look at his co-worker just then, a guy younger than me with longish hair and scruffy jaw. He’s very attractive and I watch as his gorgeous green eyes take me in as he smiles.
“How are Em and the kids?” I ask Smokey as I pull back and return my attention to him.
“Great, you need to come visit, bring the girls,” he replies.
After that chat we had at the party, Smokey was hell bent on getting that chick he was head over heels with in Vegas, and thought I’d be the best one to help him with that. Needless to say, before I had Natasha and Joey was at boot camp, I accompanied him on countless visits to win Em over. I don’t know if I did anything to help, but she obviously couldn’t deny the man anymore. They were back together and popping out babies in no time.
“For sure, let me know and we can all get together.”
“Who’s this?” gorgeous-green-eyes finally asks.
“None of your fucking business-” Smokey begins.
“Oh my God!”
I hear to my left and watch as Maven comes running towards me from the office entryway into the garage. I practically have to catch her so she doesn’t knock me on my butt.
“You brat, you didn’t tell me you were coming so soon!”
“I wanted to surprise you,” I laugh.
“Damn, now maybe kiss her a little.”
My head turns to see green-eyes with a wicked grin on his face.
“Get back to work, Drag,” Maven scoffs, taking my hand and yanking me toward her office.
“Later Katie,” Smokey says, and I wave at him over my shoulder.
“Jeez Maven, you’re about to pull my arm out of the socket,” I tell her as we walk into the entrance to the shop.
A really cute blond is sitting behind the desk, another new face. She sees us and instantly smiles, making her even more beautiful.
“Hi,” she says cheerfully.
“Hi, I’m Katie,” I smile back and force Maven to stop.
“Oh Katie, so nice to finally meet you, I’m Skye,” she says standing up from behind her massive desk to shake hands with me.
“Heard about me?” I ask, looking at Maven.
“All good of course,” Skye says sweetly.
“It’s only because I miss you so much,” Maven tells me. “Where are the girls?”
“With Gwen, you’ll have to come over later.”
The phone in Maven’s office begins to ring and she heads towards it.
“Nice meeting you,” Skye says.
“You too,” I reply and follow Maven into her closet of an office.
I sit down at one of the old chairs she has opposite of her desk, as she answers the phone and sits behind her desk. She talks business jargon and I glance around, smiling as I see photos of my daughters in frames on top of one of the filing cabinets. Then I see another of Maven, Dornan, and Joey when they were younger and I inhale deeply to stop the ache in my heart.
Take On Me: Plantain Series Book Three Page 16