by B. L. Mooney
“I guess it’s to teach you self-control.” She turned in my arms and kissed me.
“That’s an impossible task.” I looked around the store. “How much do you think it would be to buy one of everything?”
She laughed and took the items she picked out up to the register. “We’ll come back and try other styles. Let’s just start with these.”
I stepped forward and handed my card to the cashier. Lindsey tried to stop me, but I turned and quieted her with a kiss. “I’m going to be the one to ruin them when I rip them off your sexy body, so I’ll pay for them.”
She blushed and smiled as the cashier chuckled at my threat of ripping her clothes off. It wasn’t really a threat. It was a promise.
Lindsey continued to smile as we walked out. I wanted to see her model our new purchases, but I wasn’t sure if I could stay off her long enough for her to try them on.
I looked at the baby store again as we walked by, and that time I smiled, looking in at the parents holding their children. I leaned in and kissed Lindsey’s cheek. She would be a remarkable mother. I hoped she was capable of teaching me how to be just as good of a dad.
When we reached the parking lot, Aaron turned to us as he walked backward to his car. “Are we heading straight back, or are there any more stops?”
We had taken two cars—one with Phil driving Lindsey and me and the other with Aaron. They said it was safer to have two different perspectives versus both of them in the same car. It made sense, but I drew the line when they wanted Lindsey and me to be separated.
Phil looked at us and shook his head. “We’ve been out here all day. We’re done.”
Lindsey nodded. “We can go home.”
I smiled at the thought of her considering it our home. Maybe I would take one step at a time and see if she even wanted to get back to her old apartment.
“Okay, I’ll see you back, but then I need to run a few errands before I come back.”
We got into the car, and my knee bounced in the backseat. Lindsey placed her hand on my thigh and looked at me. “Is something wrong? Are you feeling sick again?”
Phil looked at me in the rearview mirror. “Do not get sick in this car.”
“I’m not getting sick.” I turned to Lindsey. “We’ll talk about it at home.”
I concentrated on keeping my leg still the remainder of the ride home. It helped that she slid over and snuggled up to me. I wrapped my arm around her and held her close until he pulled into my driveway.
There were several bags to carry inside, but she didn’t go overboard as I thought she would’ve. It was mostly comfortable clothes she bought for lounging around the house. I had to admit, those were just as sexy to me as the lingerie she bought, and I’d enjoy taking each of them off her.
“What’s that smile about?” Lindsey was too acute to body language. It was going to get me into trouble one day.
“I was thinking how much money we could’ve saved you today if you just went without clothes.”
Phil had to ruin the moment when he closed the trunk. “Yeah, it would make my job more exciting if you did that.”
Lindsey laughed and pulled on my arm. I wanted to remind Phil what it was like to be a gentleman, but she was right to pull me back. “Come on. I have stuff to model for you.”
The late afternoon sun was shining on my face, so I rolled over and smiled when I felt Joseph’s naked body next to mine. I opened my eyes and watched him sleep. A lot had changed since I’d first stayed with him, but he wasn’t quite ready for things to move to the next step.
I noticed when we walked by any jewelry store that he tensed up, and I knew the burrito wasn’t his issue after that baby store. I shouldn’t have looked at it as long as I did. I’d never given it a second glance before and couldn’t have told you where it was located at the mall. However, once I spotted it a few stores down, I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
I couldn’t blame Joseph for being apprehensive about it all. He spent his entire life thinking he’d be alone, but since I’d been thrust into his life and into his bed, he was thinking about other options for his future. I was happy to wait for him, but I hoped the decision he made wouldn’t take too long.
I rolled onto my back and looked at the ceiling. I was two weeks late for my period and had asked Elizabeth to sneak in a couple of pregnancy tests. She wasn’t coming until the next day, but I was anxious.
I kept telling myself it was the stress I was under, but I needed to make sure. We stopped using condoms the first night he kissed me. I was on the pill, so I thought I was covered, but I’d heard things could happen, and the pill wasn’t foolproof.
I would’ve loved to have had Joseph’s children, but it was too soon. His life had taken a turn he had never expected, and I needed to be patient until he was ready to make those choices on his own.
He rolled onto his side and looked at me. “What are you thinking about?”
“I was just wondering how long your lazy butt was going to sleep?”
He rolled on top of me and put my arms above my head. “Why, did you have something in mind?”
I smiled and kissed him. “Not right now. You’ve worked me enough today. I need a break.”
“Okay, but we should get out of this bed then. There’s no telling what I’m going to do to you if we stay here.”
The words left my lips before I realized it. “I love you.” I’d told him before, but I told myself I was going to stop saying it so much. I guess I needed a reminder.
His smile faltered a little before he picked it back up and kissed me. He placed his forehead to mine as I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his back. I hated making him feel uncomfortable.
“I love you, too.”
I stopped stroking his back. “What?” I heard him, but I couldn’t believe it. It was low and barely a whisper, but it was there.
He lifted his head and looked at me. “I love you, Lindsey. I don’t want you to move back to your apartment. I want you to stay here with me.”
I moved my arms up, wrapping them around his neck, and cried. I was so relieved that he was moving in the same direction I was. I’d dreamed of hearing those words for so long, but I wasn’t sure he’d be able to say them.
He held my face and wiped my cheeks. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. You should’ve heard me tell you how much I’d fallen in love with you the moment you said it to me, but I’m a coward.”
I kissed him to shut him up and to stop crying. The bedroom door opened, and Joseph and I looked to see who it was. Phil didn’t look pleased.
“I’m sorry to cut your fucking short, but I need you downstairs. Now.” He slammed the door on his way out.
Joseph looked at me. “Did it look like we were fucking? I move much better than that.”
I smiled and kissed him again. “We should get dressed and see what he needs.”
We stood to dress and couldn’t stop looking at each other. Nothing was going to wipe the smile off my face. Joseph asked me to move in with him. Well, he told me, but I’d still accept.
“Oh!” I laughed. “I didn’t answer your demand that I stay with you and give up my apartment.”
He pulled me close once I finished pulling my shirt over my head. “There’s no answer needed. I said I don’t want you to leave, so you’re not. Don’t make me strap you to the wall to keep you here.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad life, either.” I held his hand and walked downstairs with him. It was time to find out what was up Phil’s ass.
There were more police officers in the living room, all huddled and whispering. Phil was pacing and biting his fingernails. Whatever happened didn’t look good.
“What’s going on?” Joseph sensed the tension, too.
Phil looked at us, but kept pacing. “Aaron never showed up.”
I looked out the window as if Aaron’s car would pull up, and he would be mistaken. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know!”
Jo
seph took a step forward. “Calm down and tell us what’s happened.”
“He isn’t responding to texts or answering phone calls. We’ve checked the location of his cell phone, and it’s off.”
“Did you call Elizabeth?”
“She isn’t answering, either.”
I ran back upstairs and grabbed my phone. They had to be together trying to sneak in a little more alone time. They had to be. I wouldn’t let it be anything else. I had just dialed Elizabeth as Joseph and Phil entered the room.
“Come on, answer.” I paced the room just as Phil had done and stopped the second Elizabeth answered. She sounded out of breath.
“Hello.”
“Elizabeth, is everything okay?”
She took a few more deep breaths. “Yes, I just got out of the shower and heard the phone ringing. What’s up?”
“Is Aaron with you?”
“No, that would have made the shower even better.”
“Have you heard from him at all today?”
There was silence. Elizabeth was a smart woman. She was piecing together things weren’t okay. “I only spoke to him when he left this morning. Tell me what’s going on, Lindsey.”
“We can’t get in touch with him.”
It sounded as if she was rummaging through her dresser for clothes in the background. “How long?”
“We went to the mall—”
“You went out? Hang on.” She put the phone down for only a moment and picked it back up. I assumed she was putting her shirt on. “Why the fuck would you go out? You have a lunatic after you!”
“I couldn’t take being locked up in this house anymore. You don’t know what it’s like.”
Joseph stepped forward when I raised my voice. I felt guilty enough for putting them in that situation. I didn’t need her blame to make me feel worse.
“Of course, I don’t know what it’s like. My boyfriend is too busy protecting you for me to know what it’s like. But let me tell you, Lindsey, being required to stay in the house every minute of every day with the man of your dreams to do as you please whenever you want sounds like a really horrible way to live.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Is Phil with you?”
“Yes, do you want to talk to him?” I turned to Phil.
“No, I noticed the missed calls from him, but let him know I’m on my way over. I need him to find Aaron.” She hung up.
I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it as I lowered it to my side. I felt horrible. Everyone in my life was in danger, and my friend was in greater danger of losing the man she was falling in love with. “She’s on her way over.”
One of the officers who’d been staying watch at the house came into the room. “Phil, you’re needed downstairs.”
He nodded at the officer and looked back to me. “I’ll talk to Elizabeth when she gets here, but she sounded fine, right?”
“Yes, she’s pissed at me for leaving, but she doesn’t sound as if she’s heard anything. She was in the shower when you called.”
I sank down onto the bed and placed my head in my hands and started to cry. My selfish reasons put Aaron’s life in jeopardy. He could’ve been dead or was being tortured as we searched for him, and there was nothing I could do. I had to sit in the same four walls that I was struggling to sit in before that got us into this mess until we found out Aaron’s fate and ours. The wait was more torturous than anything else Austin could’ve done to me.
Joseph sat next to me, pulled me into his arms, and laid us down to hold me. He tried as best he could to comfort me, but there would be no comfort from the situation I put everyone in. I hoped they found Aaron in time before anything happened to him, but the sad fact was that something probably already had happened, and my mind was running through the scenarios I’d heard described several times before. I shivered.
I snuggled closer to Joseph’s chest to listen to his heartbeat. It was fast, but steady. He was worried for me. I could feel it in his arms as he held me close. I wasn’t worried about Austin getting to me. My fate had already been decided when he walked through my office door that first day many years ago. It was a matter of time before it caught up to me.
I had no reason to keep hope for Aaron because Austin was not known for mercy. Even though he would keep Aaron alive to torture him, it still wouldn’t be long enough for the police to find him. His death on my conscience would haunt me for the rest of my life—however long that would be. It was only a matter of time before I was next.
I’d moved to the numb phase where tears had stopped flowing, but so had the words. I’d stopped speaking and stopped listening. The only thing I could do was try to come up with my own plan to trade places with them. He wanted me. If it saved Aaron’s life, he could have me.
Joseph sat up when I got out of bed. He watched as I crossed the room, and when I didn’t head toward the bathroom, he got out of bed. “Are you hungry?”
I didn’t answer, but went downstairs to find Phil. I needed to do something. Innocent lives were at risk over my selfishness and tantrum about being locked up with the man of my dreams. I should’ve been grateful to have the time to get closer to Joseph, and I threw it away along with Aaron’s well-being.
He wasn’t in the living room, so I followed the hall to the kitchen and noticed them in the dining room on my way. I walked in and looked at Phil. They had a map set up on the table where their concentration had been focused. None of the officers saw me walk in, and if they did, they didn’t acknowledge it.
“Set up a trade.” All eyes looked to me, but Phil was the only one I wanted to see. “He’s going to call you, and when he does, set up a trade. I’m the one he wants, and if it will save Aaron’s life, I’ll trade places.”
“The hell you will.” Joseph was behind me and pissed. I didn’t need to turn to see that. It wasn’t his decision. I wasn’t going to beg him to let me go. He couldn’t stop me.
I kept my focus on Phil. “He has his token. He has his get out of jail free card. When he calls to cash it in, tell him I’ll be there.”
The words had just left my lips when I was flung over Joseph’s shoulder. I was kicking and screaming for him to let me down. He carried me upstairs, ignoring my demands to be let go. The door was kicked shut as he walked into his bedroom. I became more violent when he walked to his dresser and pulled out the straps he used to secure me to the wall.
Not having much sleep hadn’t weakened Lindsey’s physical abilities at all, but it did weaken her mental state of mind. There was no way in hell I would’ve allowed her to meet with that man. She needed to calm down and see reason. Her plan was not going to happen.
“Joseph, you’d better put me down and let me go if you ever want to see me again. I will get free and walk out your door if you tie me to that fucking wall.”
I looked at the straps in my hand and the wall I was facing and decided that it was better to have lost her by protecting her than to lose her to a killer. I took a step forward.
“I’m serious, Joseph. I love you, but I will never forgive you for this.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I love you, Lindsey, and I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.”
“Joseph!”
I set her down and pinned her against the wall with my body, taking her hands as soon as she was off my shoulder. She freed one of her hands and slapped me. It stunned me, but further proved she wasn’t thinking rationally.
I took the hand I still had and secured it to the sconce, stepping back just a little to try to get the other hand that she was still using to hit me. I was too concentrated on her hand to notice the knee she brought up. I fell to the floor.
The door opened, and Lindsey yelled through her tears. “Get me down from here.”
Phil walked inside, looked at me, looked at Lindsey, and shook his head. “I should arrest you both.”
Unable to stand, I stayed on the floor watching as he untied Lindsey’s arm. I closed my eyes and rolled
over, trying to breathe through the pain. The physical pain would go away, but the pain of losing Lindsey never would.
“You two need to get your shit together. I have a lead, and you both are staying here while I check it out. Understood?”
I heard their footsteps as they both walked out and left me lying on the floor. It took a few minutes, but I sat up and took a deep breath. I needed to get back downstairs and see what was going on. I needed to see where Lindsey was.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her sitting on the sofa. I watched her as I came down the stairs and noticed her shoulders shaking. She reached out for another tissue, and I closed my eyes. I hated seeing her heartbroken.
I looked around and noticed only one officer in the front entryway. “Larry, there’s just one of you?”
“No, Toby’s out back.”
I nodded and walked over to the sofa with Lindsey. I sat next to her, putting my arm around her. She slapped it away and stood, pointing her finger in my face. “Don’t.” I reached out, and she slapped me again. “Don’t touch me.”
“Lindsey, I’m sorry. I wanted to keep you safe.”
“You wanted to control me.” She sat in the chair across from me. “You don’t control me, Joseph.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“I don’t need your protection!”
We both looked toward the door when we heard the knock. She stood and pointed at me to keep seated when I started to stand. I knew Larry would answer the door, but it still made me nervous to know who it could’ve been.
I listened to Larry’s footsteps on the front entryway. I heard the bolt lock slide to open, and then I heard Elizabeth’s voice. “I’m so sorry.”
I stood and ran to the front door when there was a struggle and screams from Lindsey and Elizabeth. I rounded the corner just as Larry’s body slid down the wall with a knife in his chest. Austin pointed the gun he took from Larry toward me and fired. Lindsey screamed, but I felt nothing. I heard a noise behind me and turned to see Toby lying on the floor. I turned back to Austin and watched him pick up a bag behind him.