“I’m sorry. Truth is, I don’t know anything about this stuff. But you should tell her who you really you are. Otherwise, you don’t have a hope in hell, brother.” Derek smiled as Kellie approached with a drinks tray.
“Bought you a whisky and a beer.” Kellie winked at Tanner and he nodded his thanks in return. “I was thinking, you and me, we should do something later this week. I got nights off.”
“Err, sure.” Tanner kicked himself as the words came out and tried to call Kellie back to tell her that he was busy on the ranch this week, but she’d already left.
“Smooth, brother,” quipped Derek.
“Shut it. She’ll forget,” Tanner replied, only half-believing it himself.
“I’d happily take that bullet for you,” Derek laughed loudly at his own joke.
“Really? Kellie?” Tanner raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, really. I haven’t got a hope in hell of meeting a mate. I got nothing waiting for me but lonely nights, empty sex, and emptier bottles. I’m not complaining, it’s just the truth of it. I could do worse than Kellie.” He downed his second whisky. “You might want to think about that before you freeze out that woman of yours.”
Derek stood up and left the table, slapping his brother on the back and slinging a leather jacket over his shoulder. Tanner watched him go.
13
Heather sat luxuriating in the warm breeze, watching a hawk swoop, dip, and soar across the sky as if putting on a performance for the diners. She was seated on the patio of The Rusty Parrot Lodge, Jackson Hole’s one and only four-star restaurant. The view was breathtakingly beautiful. The patio looked out onto the Grand Teton mountain range. The snowy peaks glittered in the sun, which was rapidly making its descent as the evening approached.
Tanner had gone to speak to the chef, an old friend of his. Heather was amazed how many people he knew in Jackson Hole. Everywhere they went, he was greeted enthusiastically. Many people went out of their way to show him fresh produce at the various market stands they’d passed or new stock at the hunting store; mothers wanted to show-off their babies and ask about Chloe. Tanner was patient and warm in every exchange, and Heather was pleasantly surprised to see him so relaxed and at ease.
When she’d woken up this morning, she’d come downstairs to discover a different man from the one she kissed last night. She’d been dreading seeing him again, so embarrassed about the kiss they’d shared and his swift exit from the house right after. She needn’t have worried. He had been making pancakes for her and Chloe when she saw him, and he treated her with warmth and grace. He’d asked her if she wanted to come and see the town with him. She’d hesitated, but ultimately agreed after Chloe had joined in and insisted that she went. It was only later, when Tanner had left the room and Josiah came in asking where Tanner was because they had a busy day ahead, that she realized that he was going out of his way to make her feel at home. Whatever she felt for him, and whatever he didn’t feel for her, she appreciated the sacrifice and happily climbed into his Chevy Silverado, ready to spend the day in his company.
“Okay, so, the chef’s doing something special for us, no idea what it’s going to be, but I know it’s going to be good,” Tanner smiled down at her and took his seat.
“Great. How do you know him?” Heather suddenly felt nervous. They had spent the entire day in each other’s company, but it had been full of sightseeing and activity. Now that it was just the two of them, Heather couldn’t help but notice, once again, his broad chest, thick, defined biceps, and how the t-shirt he wore stretched over them, accentuating them, and how attracted she was to him.
“Actually, he tried to teach me how to cook,” Tanner grinned, “Not that any of it stuck.”
“What? You had a chef teach you, and you still didn’t learn anything?” Heather had to laugh, “Okay, there’s really no help for you, Tanner Holt.”
The atmosphere changed as she finished her words. Tanner looked at her intently, his eyes soft on hers, and she felt her stomach flip over in response.
“I like the way my name sounds on your lips.” He leaned forward and with his thumb he gently skated her bottom lip. Slowly removing his hand, he leaned back in his chair again, watching her. Heather blushed and looked down at her napkin and cutlery, trying to hide the smile spreading across her face.
On sensing her obvious discomfort, Tanner changed tactics. “How do you like Jackson Hole so far?”
“I love it!” Heather exclaimed, “It’s so beautiful, so wild and peaceful all at the same time. You’re lucky to live here. Is it where you grew up?”
The spark that had been in Tanner’s eyes visibly dimmed, and there was a pause before he responded, “No. I grew up in Wilkes. my brother and I moved here a while ago.”
Heather was perceptive enough to realize that she should drop the subject, but she was amazed there had been no mention of a brother, especially considering his brother lived in Jackson Hole.
“Are you close with him, your brother?” she asked tentatively.
“Yeah, we’re close. I saw him last night.”
The night after they’d kissed. She’d wondered where he’d gone, but it certainly hadn’t been her place to ask.
“Oh.” She could feel herself reddening.
“He plays at a bar in town. He’s good. Talented guy,” Tanner tried to put her at ease. He knew family was going to come up; he just never felt prepared to talk too much about his.
“Does he get along with Chloe?” Heather asked, feeling that this would be more comfortable territory. She was right; Tanner perceptibly relaxed.
“Yeah, she loves him. He doesn’t come around to the house too often, but they get along great when he does.”
A waiter arrived with a bottle of red wine and proceeded to fill up their glasses. Heather was glad for the drink; her nerves weren’t receding in the slightest.
“What about her mom? Where is she, if you don’t mind me asking?” Heather took a fortifying sip of the wine.
“No, I don’t. Sadly, she passed away. Chloe never met her. She died in childbirth.”
“I’m so sorry, Tanner. That’s awful.” Heather felt a wave of compassion for the man. What a horrible thing to happen. It would explain why he’d never married. How could anyone ever recover from that kind of heartbreak? She could imagine the two of them, excited to start a family and making plans to raise their children in that beautiful ranch. It also explained his reluctance to let the kiss continue last night. It may have been years since she passed away, but some people never let go. Some people held on forever. Her own father had done the same thing, unable to find comfort in the arms of another woman after her mother died.
“Yeah, apparently, Chloe’s found it difficult without a mom.” He smiled at Heather, sharing the humor around her arrival. “What about you? What about your life in New York?”
Heather sighed and smiled at Tanner. She honestly didn’t know where to begin. None of it seemed to paint her in a particularly attractive light.
“Well, I was engaged to a man. My father’s business partner. The relationship ended when my father passed away a few months ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Tanner interjected.
“Thank you. I guess there’s nothing much to say, really. Before I met Bertram, my ex-fiancé, I’d wanted to open a patisserie, but Bertram really needed someone to support him—I suppose in the same way my mother supported my father. Anyway…” she paused, discomfort clearly showing in her face, “I was at a loose end, so in a moment of sheer insanity, I thought I’d try the mail order agency and see where life led me. And here I am.” Heather took a gulp of wine this time, she sounded pathetic even to her own ears. She couldn’t imagine what he thought of her. She smiled brightly, but when she met Tanner’s eyes, she just saw understanding, not pity.
“Sounds like you had to get back on your feet pretty quick. That must have been tough. You’re brave. It must have taken a lot of courage to get on that plane.” Tanner could se
e the hurt she was trying to hide, and his heart went out to her. It sounded like she’d given a lot to a man that had clearly been using her for the connections. Tanner hoped he never ran into the guy.
“Anyway, I’m glad I met you and Chloe. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you both.” Heather wanted to change the subject, and to her relief the food arrived. It smelled absolutely mouth-watering.
“Sweet pepper crab cakes, breast of pheasant, bison short ribs, and Wagyu beef,” announced the waiter, “The chef insisted you have a taste of the best dishes on the menu.” He smiled at the couple, “Enjoy. And please let me know if I can get you anything else.”
“My goodness.” Heather surveyed the table. The sweet aroma of roasted chestnuts, pine nuts, and various spices that flavored the meats filled her senses.
“I hope you’re hungry,” Tanner grinned at her, “I’m just warning you now that I’m violently opposed to women that don’t have an appetite, so don’t leave me hanging.”
Heather laughed out loud, “There’s no chance of that. This all looks absolutely amazing.”
Tanner raised a glass, “A toast. To you, Heather Ayer, thank you for coming to our home.” They clinked glasses, and Heather met Tanner’s eyes across the table. She suddenly decided to put her reservations about Tanner aside, he might not return her feelings of lust and desire, but he was a good and honest man. She could enjoy being in his company this evening and let her problems vanish off into the horizon. She’d be a fool not to enjoy being on a patio with a drop-dead gorgeous man, about to share a delicious meal.
14
They drove through the town in a comfortable silence. The sunset had disappeared, and the sky was awash in navy blue, the mountain pines appearing as black paper cut-out silhouettes. Heather had opened her window, and the sweet air filled the truck, making her feel drowsy and peaceful.
“Heather?” Tanner’s voice sounded strange. She glanced over at him, but he kept his eyes on the road. “I want you to stay.”
She didn’t respond. She didn’t really know what she wanted anymore. Her original ideas of being a companion to Tanner had started to seem unrealistic given her constant and unrelenting attraction to him. He also seemed to blow hot and cold, and she really didn’t understand the dynamics of their relationship anymore. Maybe she could stay a few weeks and help him out for a bit, and then go back and try to pick up the pieces of her life back in New York.
“I don’t know, Tanner. It’s been wonderful,” she hesitated, “but maybe it’s not the best idea.”
“I know our situation is unconventional, but I think we could make it work. If we both wanted it to.” Tanner kept his eyes on the road, not daring to look over at Heather. He knew there was a big chance that he could lose her, and that was unthinkable. He knew he’d given her the initial impression that he didn’t want her around and had spent the day and evening trying to subtly hint otherwise.
Heather looked over at him. Watching his profile in the dim light, she became aware of how manly and warm he seemed to her in that moment. And how much she longed to be curled up in his arms. Would it always be like this? Would she be happy to stay with him if she were to become a mother to Chloe but without having anything other than a professional and distant relationship with Tanner? The best she could hope for would be friendship, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that. What if another woman came into the picture?
“I don’t know, Tanner,” she repeated the words softly and with sorrow.
“I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay with me, with us. Not just for Chloe’s sake.” His jaw clenched; he couldn’t be too raw with his feelings. Not yet. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but the stakes were too high, and there was too much at risk if she rejected him completely.
“Why don’t you want me to leave?” Heather asked. She instantly regretted the question and hardly dared to breathe as she waited for his response.
Tanner had turned up the driveway to the ranch and was shifting gears to get the wheels through the soft ground, “Before I tell you that, there’s something I need to show you.”
Heather felt waves of crashing disappointment flow through her body. Of course, it wasn’t going to be the answer she wanted. Other than being perfect, pleasant, and polite today, he’d given no indication of stronger or romantic feelings toward her. Except for the kiss. Her body tingled at the memory. But that had clearly been a mistake. Clearly.
Tanner turned off the engine and jumped down from the driver’s seat. He crossed the front of the truck over to Heather’s side and opened the door for her, holding out his hand for her to take as she stepped down. As her small hand slid into his, she felt the warmth emanating from his body, smelled his musky male scent mixed with fresh soap.
“Will you come with me to the barn?” his lips were close enough to her face that they tickled her ears and sent a shiver running down her spine. She could only nod in return, hardly able to breathe with him in such close proximity, let alone speak.
She followed him in silence, staying close. The ranch was in complete darkness. Chloe and Josiah must have already gone to bed. She stumbled on a patch of uneven grass, and Tanner spun around and caught her.
“Sorry, I was going too fast. Are you okay?” She was pressed up against his torso, feeling his smooth hardness beneath his cotton t-shirt.
“I’m fine, thanks.” She removed herself slowly from his body. Trying to steady her breathing as they proceeded to walk to the barn side by side.
Tanner switched on the light and a solitary bulb flickered, casting a soft glow over the various pieces of farming machinery and neatly ordered tools. They stood in the center, directly beneath the light.
“There’s something I need to be honest about, if we’re going to make this work.” He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, messing it up. “I’m not exactly… normal,” he exhaled. Heather felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had absolutely no idea what he was trying to tell her, but judging by his anxious demeanor, it wasn’t good.
“Both my brother and I are the same. We… well… we change. No one knows other than us, not even Chloe. But I can’t seem to keep myself in check around you, and I want you to see me for who I really am.” Tanner wanted to explain more, about who she really was to him, but tonight would be shocking enough without her also thinking she was bound to him in anyway, or that she owed him anything. If she was disgusted, then they could go their separate ways, and that would be all there was to it.
“It’s okay, Tanner. Whatever it is, just tell me, I can deal.” Heather steeled herself. She could deal with whatever it was. She wanted to know everything about Tanner and his life before she could make a final decision about staying or leaving.
“Can you turn around?” Tanner asked, looking directly at her. His gaze was heated, and Heather felt a rush of lust run through her, mingling with the apprehension she was already feeling. She dutifully turned around, facing the wall of the barn.
She heard the sound of his shirt lightly hitting the floor, the zipper of his jeans being pulled down, and then the clunk of his belt as it landed on the wooden boards. What in the world was the man doing? Should she be frightened? It was so quiet she could hear their breathing, both of their bodies creating heavy, short breaths that betrayed their nerves.
Tanner closed his eyes, relaxing his body and letting the fluttering of energy that had formed in his abdomen grow. It spread like wildfire through his central nervous system, flares of heat zipping through his veins. His body started to change, his torso grew longer and wider, his solid muscle tearing and ripping to form something entirely different. His hands turned to claws, and he let himself fall forward to the natural all-fours position of his inner beast. He roared, an animalistic and raw sound that shuddered through him and punctured the quiet of the barn.
He could see Heather standing in front of him. She still had her face turned to the wall, but her whole body was trembling in fear. He
took a few steps forward, and nudged her with his nose at the small of her back. With agonizing slowness, she turned to face him. In her eyes, he read complete and utter disbelief as she took in his form.
“Tanner… what the…? Is that you?” she whispered, her voice barely audible. The trembling hadn’t ceased. Her heart was hammering in her rib cage so loudly they could both hear it. Tanner couldn’t say anything, so he just looked at her, trying to convey that he wasn’t a threat to her through his eyes.
“I can’t, I can’t believe… that I’m seeing this.” Heather felt shell-shocked. The complete unreality of the situation sent her head spinning, and she felt like she would faint. Instead, she tentatively reached out her hand. Part of her insisted she was going insane, and the other part wanted to reach out and stroke the luxurious fur surrounding his face. When her fingertips landed on his coarse fur, a shiver went through her body. He was so beautiful and wild. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him, marveling at the enormous, ferocious looking bear in front of her.
“You’re so beautiful, Tanner.” She ran a finger down his snout and then slowly moved alongside him, repeatedly stroking the fur down his back and then following down to his hind legs. In this light his fur was a dark, chocolate brown. Heather suspected that in daylight his coat would look exactly like his human hair would, flecked with light brown and gold.
As she became more comfortable with him, her caresses deepened, and she luxuriated in the feeling of him beneath her hands, fur gently tickling her lower forearm. Tanner started to emit a low-toned hum that shook his entire body, similar to that of a cat purring. Heather smiled to herself and continued to caress the beautiful beast.
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