by Gini Koch
“Super-duper. Hang on just a mo, there, Mother. I have to say really nasty things about your creator and I don’t want you to take any of them personally.”
“I am not programmed to become offended,” Mother replied.
“Good to know and one small favor.”
“If she tells you that she can’t do something again, though, Kitty,” Tim said, “we need to panic.”
“Oh, I’m sure we aren’t dealing with a HAL.” Looked at Jeff’s confused expression. “From an old movie.”
“About a sentient spaceship computer that goes nuts,” Tito added. Jeff’s expression went from confused to concerned.
“Stop stressing the President out.”
“Since when do you refer to me as the President? Ever, but especially in situations like this?” Now Jeff looked slightly pissed. Well, it was probably better than worried.
Time to focus on the real matter at hand—I’d curse about Drax another time, preferably in person so I might be able to kick him, too. “Mother, can you confirm if we have anyone injured or, ah, worse on board?”
“We have no serious injuries and no deaths,” Mother said. “We do have minor injuries.”
“Where and who?” Tito asked, Doctor Voice on Full. Mother didn’t reply. Tito asked again. Mother again didn’t reply. Got the proverbial bad feeling.
“Um, Mother? Why aren’t you answering Tito, who happens to be the ship’s doctor?” I mean, he was here, on the ship, and he was an amazing doctor and the official White House Physician, so I chose to officially give him the title for the Distant Voyager because it might be the only thing going on that made sense.
“Because I am not programmed to respond to anyone but those in charge of Communications.”
“Mother, will you talk to me?” Tim asked. Nada. “Mother, this is Commander Timothy Crawford. I was trained for the Communications role. Will you communicate with me?” Crickets.
Heaved a sigh. “Mother, if I take off this headset and give it to someone else, will you communicate with them?”
“No,” she replied.
“Why not?” I asked. “Isn’t the headset the thing?”
“Not really. I will only deal with the one assigned to Communications. That is you, I heard the Commander assign you that role.”
“It’s worse,” Tim said. “We’re trapped in a deadly version of Galaxy Quest and you’ve got the ‘talk to the computer’ role, Kitty. Live it up.”
“I blame you—you put me in this position. Oh, and apparently you’re the Commander for the ship now, Tim. Sending that ‘live it up’ right back to you.”
“How does this find our daughter and ward?” Jeff asked, Commander of the Free World Voice on Full.
“We’re just verifying things, Jeff. Mother, if I ask you nicely to respond to the others, can you or will you?”
“I can and will not. I am programmed to only communicate with you.”
Considered this. There was no way Drax had programmed this into his ship. I’d been on the helicarrier a lot, and nothing like this had ever been an issue. Meaning there was an outside influence at work here.
Decided to go with the crazy again. “What did either Charlie or Ixtha do to you?”
“I am not programmed to say.”
“Uh huh. What about Drax? Will you talk to him?”
“I am not programmed to do that anymore.”
Tim groaned. “So much worse.”
“Look at it this way,” Tito said, “we get to assign the rest of the ‘crew’ as we find the right people.”
“Maybe. Mother, is Jeff, the man holding Charlie, the only one who can give the orders to fire the weapons?”
“Yes.”
“Thank God I used to command all of Centaurion Division,” Jeff muttered. “I’d say I can’t believe this, but I can.”
“Mother, can you tell me where we’re heading?”
“We are going to help.”
“Help who?”
“Ixtha.”
Thought fast. “Mother, I need to speak to the White House again, please.”
“Hold on.”
Waited. Heard a phone ring. “White House Comm—”
“Walter, yay again. Look, where are Francine and Craig?”
“Ah, they’re back in the White House, Chief First Lady. They weren’t on the Distant Voyager and your Secret Service detail hustled them into the Beast and had them come home.”
“Awesome and I love Evalyne and Phoebe. I probably love Joseph and Rob, too, since I’m sure they’re in on it.”
“In on what?” Walter asked in unison with the men with me.
“In on what I’m thinking. Jeff, I’m rolling a plan.”
“Oh. Good. Are you planning to let me know what it is?”
“Sure am. Walter, I need to talk to Marcia and my Mom, hopefully before they’ve talked to the press.”
“They have not talked to any media or press yet,” Walter confirmed. “Connecting you to the OSR now.”
“Great, Walt, stay on the line.”
“I will do. You’re on with the OSR.”
“Kitty? What’s up now?” Marcia asked.
“I have a plan for what to do.”
“Ah, we have a plan in place.”
“Does my mother think that plan will work?”
“You’re on speaker now. No, Angela isn’t thrilled with the plan.”
“Hi kitten, how are things?”
“The usual, Mom. I have a feeling we’re going to be gone longer than will be good for anyone. On the plus side, I think I have the fix.”
“We’re all waiting with breathless anticipation. You have me, the Secretary of Education, and the Joint Chiefs, only, in the room right now.”
“Great. So, from this moment forward, what’s going on is going to be of the highest security clearance—as in, I want no one other than the people in the OSR and Walter aware of what’s going on. Walt, who else in Centaurion Division knows what’s going on, besides you?”
“No one, Chief First Lady. I haven’t actually had time to advise Dulce because they’re focused on coordinating crowd control at the site of the President’s speech, as well as going to provide protection for those alien races already being threatened by this situation.”
“Super. Walter, you’re going to keep it that way.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Mom, Marcia, those in the room, I want to hear the joyful chorus of the highest security clearance being confirmed and that you all swear that you’re not going to share this with anyone else at all, barring the people I’m going to tell you to bring in.”
Got the required responses. “Kitten, do you actually have a plan to share or are you just stalling until you come up with something?”
“That hurts, Mom, it really does. And yes, I have a plan. But before I share it, I’d like you to have the Secret Service bring the President and First Lady to join you.”
CHAPTER 13
THERE WAS SILENCE IN the room and in the command center.
“Oh!” Mom caught on first, not that this was a surprise. “I like it, but it might not work.”
“It will work because I’ll give you the party line as soon as the President and First Lady are with you. Be sure that you’re asking for them in that way.”
“Will do, kitten. Hold on, I’m contacting your Secret Service detail now.” Heard Mom asking things in a very careful way. Looked at what I was pretty sure was the asteroid belt while waiting. Mentally requested that the men with me could hear the call. Reactions said that they could. Then she was back. “The Secret Service was able to react quickly enough to get the President and First Lady off of the Distant Voyager. However, there’s an issue.”
“They couldn’t get the First Kids off, and that’s fine, Mom, because that’s al
l part of my ingenious plan to confuse the media.”
“You want Craig and Francine impersonating us?” Jeff asked, sounding shocked.
“It makes sense, Jeff,” Mom replied. “There’s less panic if we can produce ‘you and Kitty.’”
“Who will be distraught because their children are in the ship, and so will not be doing a lot of press, will be putting things on hold, and all that stalling jazz. During which time, the Secretary of Education will fill in as best she can, assisted by the Head of the Joint Chiefs.”
“I agree with this plan,” Uncle Mort said. “But it can’t hold for too long.”
“True enough, we just need it to hold for long enough.” However long that was going to be. “The King of Bahrain is going to be coming to see you really soon, I’d bet, so you may have to take him into the circle of trust.”
“Wasim is on the ship with you?” Mom asked.
“He is indeed. And, to my knowledge, everyone on board is fine. Potentially a bit banged up, but fine.” At least per Mother, and I was hoping she wasn’t a lying mother.
“We have no clear idea who’s on board and who isn’t,” Jeff pointed out. “And I don’t know that we’ll have time to do a headcount before we lose communications.”
“Kitty . . . where are my children?” Marcia asked, sounding worried. She had two younger boys, Mason and Maverick, and her youngest stepson, Clinton, who all lived with her. Clinton was nineteen and had been chaperoning his younger brothers. And Jamie liked all three Kramer kids a lot.
“Ah . . . Mother?” Really hoped the computer was listening in at this moment.
“Kitten, why are you referring to me formally all of a sudden?”
“Not you, Mom. The ship’s AI is named Mother.”
“Why?” Mom asked flatly.
“I am not laying claim to your child,” Mother said, showing that she was indeed linked in and eavesdropping. “All children and young adults on board are well and unharmed.”
Young adults. That boded. Unless she meant Lizzie and Wasim, only. Held out hope. “How many young adults, Mother?”
“A dozen.”
Hope snickered at my optimism as it was dashed. “Fan-freaking-tastic. Marcia, assume your kids are here with all the other kids who weren’t supposed to be on board. Please don’t panic about that. We’ll take care of them, I promise.”
“I know you will,” Marcia replied. “I just—I wish I’d kept them home now.”
“I feel you on all of that.”
“The President and First Lady have arrived,” Mom shared. “The heads of their Secret Service details are with them.”
“Meaning me, Phoebe, Joseph, and Rob,” Evalyne said. “Please tell me we did the right thing. And if we didn’t, the rest of your details don’t know—just the four of us were in on it, and it was my idea.”
“You did the right thing,” Jeff said, before I could. “And thank you for doing it without waiting for approval. And without telling the others, just in case.”
“I just tried to think of what Kitty would do,” Evalyne said, sounding relieved. “And the others agreed.”
“I’m flattered. You guys rock.”
“They do,” Jeff said. “Craig, Francine, are the two of you up to this?”
“Absolutely,” Craig said, sounding just like Jeff. “This is what we’ve trained for.”
“I agree,” Francine said, sounding just like me. “Fooling Cliff Goodman and the rest of his late and unlamented goon squad during Operation Immigration was just my test run. We’re good here.”
“I’m so proud I could cry.” I was. Francine was awesome at imitating me and Craig sounded more than ready. My prescience in getting all the troubadours working for us instead of shoving them to the side was, once again, proven to be awesome.
“Just give us our lives back once we get home,” Jeff said with a chuckle.
“Oh, we will,” Craig replied in his normal voice, as Francine snorted a laugh. “Pretending to be you is a lot more fun than having to be you twenty-four-seven. But we’ll manage and do you proud.”
“Good to hear. Now, most importantly, this needs to be something that isn’t shared with anyone at all. Walter and the people in the OSR right now are the only ones who can know the truth about where Kitty and I are. The rest of the world has to believe that we’re there, with you, in the White House—YatesCorp and the rest of our enemies, both business and political, in particular. Right now, before we’re out of communications range, I need everyone to confirm that they can do this, will do this, and will protect our country, our people, our planet, our solar system, and those who’ve come to us for protection to the utmost of their abilities.”
Jeff got a resounding chorus of consent. They all sounded far more excited and dedicated in how they agreed to his request than mine, too. Chose not to complain about a man coming along and saying the same thing the woman just had and getting a better response, though a part of me wanted to. In this case, it wasn’t a male-female thing—it was that Jeff was such a natural leader.
“Alpha Team is all on board,” Tim said, when the pledges of loyalty and secrecy were over. “And that means Centaurion Division is without normal leadership. That means William, as the Head of Security at Dulce, will be looking to the President and First Lady for direction, since he’s the former Head of Field and she’s the former Head of Airborne.”
“Walter, tell William that Jeff and I are just too damn distraught to take over. As the head of all Security, that puts William in charge, with you and Missy taking the main support roles.” Melissa Gunnels had been doing security in Sydney Base when I’d first met her, right after Operation Bizarro World, but she’d been moved into the Embassy once Jeff became President and Walter moved to the White House with us. She’d won that job by being the best, right after William and Walter, in terms of her security savvy and skills, so she was the natural choice to be one of the three in charge.
“I agree, but neither of them can know that we’re not there,” Jeff said. “Orders are for you to ensure that Centaurion Division keeps the peace, no matter what. It’s time to use our natural abilities to control the population where needed, because otherwise, the entire solar system could erupt.”
“But carefully,” Tim added. “We can’t afford to be seen as dictators.”
“Agreed, but I don’t know that we can affect memories and minds like we used to,” Walter said worriedly. “It doesn’t work as well now that everyone knows we’re here.”
“We don’t have to,” Jeff said firmly. “We just need to ensure that wars don’t get started, that people aren’t attacked, and that military and political coups don’t happen.”
“Particularly in America,” I added. “Walter, the Head Folks at Caliente Base have been having to function as separate but equal from the rest of Centaurion Division for quite a few years now. Coordinate with Viola, Carmine, and Romeo there if need be.”
“I agree, with all that Kitty just said,” Jeff said. “I’ve already given Marcia and the others a full rundown, they’ll know how to direct you as needed. But as with the others, the leaders at Caliente Base can’t know that it’s not really me and Kitty.”
“Yes, Mister President,” Walter said, sounding worried and unsure, but determined to do his best, which was pretty much Walter in a nutshell.
“Walt, you’ve never failed us yet and you won’t this time, either. You guys will figure it out. Ensure that any plans are run by the people in the OSR before they’re put into effect. As long as my mom approves it, you’re good to go.”
“Thanks, kitten. Jeff?”
“What Kitty said, all the way, Angela.”
“Thank you, Mister President.” Mom knew when to make it official. “Now, before we lose you, are you all really alright?” There was just a hint of worry in Mom’s voice, and that meant she was probably really worrie
d. Mom didn’t let anyone see her sweat.
“We are, Mom, I promise. You’ll have the toughest job—lying to Dad.”
She snorted. “Kitten, let’s be realistic—your father’s going to figure it out, regardless of the fact that I’m going to tell him he has to handle the animals since the kids aren’t here and ‘you and Jeff’ are sequestering. He’ll be very busy, but he’s too inquisitive to not guess and he’s trustworthy. We’re going to tell your father what’s going on and let him do his form of a cover-up, just like the rest of us. We’ll handle Alfred and Lucinda as needed but we’re not telling them anything because, as you’ve made so clear, they can’t lie.”
“Love where your head’s at, Mom. And I love you, and Uncle Mort, and everyone else, too.”
“We love you, too, all of you,” Mom said.
“Come home safely,” Marcia said. “All of you. Please.”
“We will,” Jeff said with complete confidence I was pretty sure that he, like the rest of us, didn’t feel.
“You guys hold down the fort and keep the home fires burning, and we’ll go wherever the ship’s taking us, hit reverse, and come on home as fast as we can.”
Would have said more, but Mother came on the line. “The call needs to end now. We’re about to enter warp.” And with that, she disconnected us from my mother, my uncle, my friends, and our tenuous connection with Earth.
CHAPTER 14
“WE CAN’T GO TO warp until we know that everyone on board is safe and uninjured,” I said as firmly as possible. “We need to get everyone safely strapped in so no one is harmed, Mother.”
“We are not going to warp until that has happened,” Mother confirmed. “However, it cannot happen while you are communicating with those on Earth. I was able to determine that your conversation was done and you were all just extending the conversation in good-byes. Therefore, I chose to end the conversation sooner as opposed to later.”
“Wow, she is just like a mother,” Tito said. “Mine had this attitude, too. I can remember my mother hanging up the phone on all of us when she thought we were talking too long.”
“My mother never did that,” Tim said. “Though there’s nothing wrong about it, Mother,” he added hastily.