by Frankie Love
Thank God, I got here when I did.
The police have the attacker in handcuffs, and I’m sitting on the back of an ambulance getting my bruised and bloody knuckles bandaged up. When the EMT finishes, I walk over to Mia and wrap an arm around her as she finishes giving her report. Then I give mine, hating the words I’m forced to use. Had forced her to the ground. A gun on her neck. Hands on her skin.
“It’s okay, Mia,” I repeat, over and over, as I hold onto her tightly.
“You sure you’ll be able to get her home okay?” an officer asks. “We can escort you.”
“It’s alright. Ford is with me now,” Mia says, speaking up. “He knows where I live.” She looks up at me and I see what she’s thinking. She feels safe with me.
My chest expands at the thought, though fuck, I hate that she had to go through so much to acknowledge that.
“The city of New York is grateful you were there at the right time, Mr. Thatcher.” He pauses. “Again.”
“I’m glad too.”
“We will follow up with you if you need to testify, Mia,” the officer says. “But you can rest assured this man will be held accountable for what he put you through tonight.”
She nods, After the cops are gone, we walk back to the hotel. I keep my arm around her shoulder even though my hand is fucking bloody and aching. She’s still shivering, so damn shaken up. And the truth is, so am I.
We walk in silence. Everything went so bad, so fast, and I know we’re both reeling with the roller coaster of emotions that we went through over the last hour.
If I had lost her…
When we arrive at the Mid-Manhattan Hotel, I feel a moment of panic, scared at the idea of her being anywhere without me. Truth is, I hate the thought of her being in her apartment alone right now. I know she is in such a fucking fragile place.
She knows it too because when we enter the lobby, empty and settled in for the night, she looks up at me, her eyes so wounded, so damn raw.
“Don’t leave me tonight,” she whispers. “I know you don’t owe me anything and I’m the one who pushed you away, but I just …”
“I know,” I tell her, running a hand over her loose hair, wishing like hell I had the right to draw her close to me the way I want. The way my body needs.
But Mia has made up her mind, told me what she wants. The fact I was there tonight and able to save her, was a coincidence. Or, maybe it was fate. Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that Mia told me no. I’ll respect her wishes.
But damn, it’s fucking hard.
I hold her soft hand, knowing I won’t let go until she asks me to. She doesn’t. She just holds onto me, as if for dear life.
We walk down the stairs to her apartment in silence. I’m thinking about all the things she needs: a warm shower, a glass of wine, and a warm bed. Netflix perhaps, to keep her mind off how terribly wrong the night went.
But when she opens the door, there’s a cacophony of loud music and a food fight. Matty and Tallie are running around the room with Tallie’s two best friends, everyone carrying boxes of cereal, and screeching in laughter.
“Hey, big sis,” Tahlia shouts over the club music that is pumping through the room at a volume that makes me feel a hell of a lot older than I am. “Don’t be mad!”
Matty is jumping on the couch and pelting Jaimie and Karis with Cheerios.
“Shit,” Mia mutters under her breath. “I can’t do this, Ford.”
I nod, knowing this is the last place she wants to be. “I got this,” I say, squeezing her hand. She slips out of the apartment and stands in the hall, eyes closed, and making a concentrated effort to take big, deep breaths.
“Hey, Tallie,” I say, calling her over. She does a few dance moves as she heads over to the front door, in a fancy dress but her hair is a wild mess.
What’s up?” Tallie asks with a grin, popping a handful of Kix into the air and trying to catch them. She misses every corn popped ball of sugar.
“Your sister isn’t feeling well. Something is bothering her stomach. Bad Chinese food, I think. I’m gonna let her sleep in my room tonight, okay?”
“Oh,” she asks, cocking her head to the side. “You sure?”
“Yes, she needs to rest and doesn’t want to kill the party. Just, be safe. No one is drinking, are they?”
Tallie looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Are you kidding? Do you know my sister? She’d kill me.” She scrunches up her face. “Hey, where’d she go?”
“She just left, already went up to my room. Can you make sure Matty is in bed at some point, and you know right where I am if you need anything at all.”
“I’m seventeen, Ford. I’m not a child. I got this.”
She ushers me out the door and resumes the food fight. I could tell straight away it was harmless fun, and it really goes to show Mia’s mother was top-notch. She raised good kids, that’s for damn sure.
I walk up the stairs to the first floor where my room is located, thinking I sure gave my parents a harder time than Mia, Matty, and Tallie combined. Wild child barely skims the surface of the hell I raised and what I put them through. I know I have a lot of work to do with that relationship.
They called a few days ago, and I invited them to the unveiling next week. The conversation was tense, but they were so damn happy to hear from me.
I wanted to tell Mia right away, let her know that her conversation with me forged a new way forward with my family, but I wanted to give her space. The last thing she needs is someone else putting demands on her.
But as we walk into my hotel room, all I want is to give her the goddamn world. Swallowing hard, I push my desire away. It’s not what she needs right now. Right now, she needs to feel safe and secure.
“Can I get a shower running for you?” I ask.
She nods and I walk to the bathroom, turning on the faucet. My bandaged hand aches, having punched Mia’s attacker pretty fucking hard, and I should probably go grab some ice for my fist.
The hotel bathroom is well stocked, but I reach for a terrycloth robe and hang it on the back of the door. It’s a small space and steam is already beginning to rise. Mia steps in and I step aside, knowing there is hardly enough room for us both. It’s a boutique hotel, not the Ritz.
“I’ll give you privacy,” I say, moving toward the door, hating how much can change so quickly. Last week at this time, I was taking her in my arms, fucking her in my hot tub, looking up at the stars together, and believing in some sort of magic.
Now? Now I am just hoping this beautiful woman doesn’t fall apart. Because I don’t think I could resist fighting for a chance to catch her.
She reaches for my arm, stopping me before I can leave through the door. “Thank you, Ford. For saving me.”
My face falls as I watch her crumble in on herself. Her shoulders shake, and I wrap her tightly in my arms. “Mia, I’m so glad nothing happened to you. You’re okay though. You’re safe here. Standing on your own two feet.”
“I’d fall if you weren’t here to hold me,” she sobs.
“Then thank God, I am, right?”
“It all happened so fast.”
“I know. One second, I was getting Chinese food and being a sap, thinking about all the… about you. And the next thing I know, you were screaming for help.” I exhale. “It fucking scared me, Mia. The idea of something… of anything ever happening to you.”
She looks up at me, her hands pressed against my chest. “You were getting Chinese food?”
“I’m a fucking wreck without you, getting all nostalgic and shit.”
“I was getting Chinese too.” She smiles through her tears. “We’re a real mess, aren’t we?”
I pull her to me again, kissing the top of her head, ever so lightly. “At least we’re in one piece, right.”
“Yeah,” she sniffles. “At least.”
I leave her to shower and try to focus on the facts, instead of letting my emotions run away with me.
She told me no once, and
after the way she’s been so violated tonight, I’d never consider asking her for another chance… but my heart? It fucking pounds for her. As I leave the room to get ice, I’m thinking how all week I’ve worked tirelessly on the sculpture. It’s basically done, I just feel like it’s missing something. I just don’t know what that is yet.
Later, she crawls into my bed, rosy cheeks, wet hair, nice and clean. Wearing nothing but a tee-shirt of mine, she looks so hot, and I offer to sleep on the floor.
But she shakes her head. “Just stay with me, Ford, for tonight.”
And so, I slip into bed beside the woman I have fallen so damn hard for and turn off the lights. I can practically hear her heart beating, and I force myself to control my breathing. In the dark and quiet room, I hope to God Mia can rest.
“I always thought Manhattan was a cocoon, keeping me safe,” she whispers. Our heads are on the pillows, our bodies face to face. “And I know muggings happen everywhere, so I don’t blame it on this place—but earlier today I was thinking how I never take risks. Never take chances. I play it so damn safe, Ford.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“I didn’t think so, but maybe I was wrong. You know how I love butterflies? I’ve spent my life waiting to fly, but I don’t think I’ve actually wanted to break out of the cocoon.”
My heart thrums, and in her confession, I find a sliver of hope.
Mia may not be ready for forever, but maybe she is opening her wings, slowly but surely. Maybe she’s getting ready to break free.
I just hope she doesn’t want to fly even further away from me.
32
Ford
“Thank you,” she says, standing at my hotel room door the next morning. “For everything. You were my rock last night, Ford.”
I shrug, hating that she’s going so soon, but knowing I had the entire night with her by my side and that makes me feel pretty damn lucky. “Hope I don’t have to rescue you again anytime soon.”
“You know what I was saying last night, about cocoons and flying and all that?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe I was just delirious. Truth is, I love this city, Ford. And one bad night isn’t going to ruin that for me.”
I frown. “Of course not.”
“What are you thinking?” she asks.
“I don’t think you wanting to spread your wings is synonymous with turning your back on the city you love.”
“I know. But, like, if I said I wanted something else… isn’t that saying this isn’t good enough?”
I see how she is wrestling with her emotions and it draws me to her. Not so I can fix everything, but because she’s asking for my opinion because she trusts me.
“I think you can love something and still let go.”
She bites her bottom lip, and I love that Mia never takes anything lightly—this is her life and it matters to her. She doesn’t make decisions flippantly; she understands that choices have consequences and when she stepped up to the plate for her brother and sister, she put their lives before her own.
Damn, I’m getting fucking emotional, standing here thinking about it.
“I got a job,” she says softly. “At Uptown Suites.”
My eyes widen in surprise. “Why don’t you sound happy?”
“I am. I mean, I’m grateful.”
“But?”
She shakes her head. “It’s stupid.”
“Try me.”
“Short term it’s great, but I’ve been thinking. Maybe I don’t want to keep doing this job forever.”
“What do you want?”
She snorts. “I have no freaking clue.” She exhales. “I know, it’s all so silly. You have your big reveal next week, and—”
“Mia,” I say. “It’s not silly. It’s your life. I know you never intended to be doing this gig full time but if you hadn’t worked for Mr. Roller this year, you’d never have known it wasn’t the best fit.”
“Silver lining?”
“Maybe.”
“I chose the major because I understood the job. It was the safe route.”
“And you don’t want safe anymore?”
She blinks back tears. “I think maybe I’m just ready to break free, somehow. Some way.”
I push back my feelings of disappointment. She isn’t saying she wants a life with me, she’s saying she doesn’t want to be tied down.
“You know,” I say, taking a chance, “I’ve been living in fear too, Mia.”
She licks her lips, looking up at me. “You have?”
I run a hand over my beard. “Yeah, I’m living alone in a cabin in the woods. Isolation is just another kind of fear. Hiding away so I don’t get hurt again. Refusing to put myself out there, so I don’t lose what I care about. Who I care about.”
“Grief is more than seven stages.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to lose it on her, not after the night she’s had. “I’ll always miss Cedric. But I’m stronger than I was before.”
“Before what?” she asks, but she knows the answer.
“Before I met you, Mia.”
Her eyes completely well up with tears now and she covers her face, shaking her head. Point taken.
“I should go,” she says. “Matty will be wondering where I am.”
My jaw tenses. “Right. Well, if you need anything, anything at all—”
“I know.” She wipes her eyes and pulls her purse back onto her shoulder then she slips away.
I lean against the door once she’s gone, wishing for so damn much.
Mia. Me. A life together.
I thought for a moment there that she saw it too. Wanted it too.
But no. She wants to fly and fuck, she should. I just wish like hell I could be the man by her side while she learns how to soar.
33
Mia
It’s all I can do to get back to the apartment in one piece. The moment the door is locked behind me, I begin to sob into my hands. He said he loved me in Colorado and I didn’t accept it, but when he looked into my eyes this morning, I felt it.
Ford is a better man than anyone I’ve ever known. He may be flawed, but he is perfect for me in so many ways. Maybe not on paper, but he gets me. He sees me.
“What happened?” Tallie asks, rushing from her bedroom. “You’re freaking me out.”
I hiccup unable to stifle my cry, not even wanting to if I could. “He saved me, Tallie.”
I manage to get the whole horrible story out, and she covers her mouth in shock as I describe the attacker, the gun, the way Ford came to my rescue. The police and the arrest.
And how it could have ended so differently if Ford hadn’t been there.
“Oh, my God, Mia. When you came home last night, I thought you just wanted to sleep with him and didn’t want to tell me.”
I shake my head. “No. You guys were having such a good time and seeing Matty so happy was priceless. I knew my story would have totally ruined the night.”
“It wouldn’t have ruined anything. You’re my sister.” Tallie wipes away her eyes. “Oh, my God, if something more had happened…”
“I know.” I press my fingertips to my forehead. “And the worst part is, I think I ruined everything with Ford.”
“Not possible,” Tallie says.
“I walked away from him, twice. He would give me the world but…”
“But what?”
“I could never ask him to leave Colorado. His home there is magnificent. It’s his life’s work.”
“But he loves you.”
“I can’t ask someone to sacrifice their happiness for mine.”
Tallie walks into the kitchen to make coffee and I can’t believe my little sis is out of bed before six a.m. “You must really love me to get up so early.”
“Don’t be stupid. You were crying like a baby. It was scary. Thank God, Matty sleeps with a fan. It would have really freaked him out.”
I wipe the tears from my face, gathering my though
ts. Before I can say anything more, Tallie reaches in her bag and hands me a folder.
“What’s this?”
“It’s um. Well, remember that something I mentioned?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe the timing is off. But it might help you if you knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That I’m leaving.”
“Leaving what?”
“The country. Basically.”
“What are you talking about.”
“Just, look,” she says, shoving the folder at me.
I open a folder and see a brochure for a student abroad program for high school seniors. Located in Paris.
“I’ve been taking French for three years. And I qualified for a full scholarship, because of our, you know, financial situation.”
“How do they know about our financial situation?”
“I may have forged your signature and copied last year’s W-2s.”
“Tallie.” I press a hand to my chest, trying to process this all. Determined not to make it about me. “But you’re so young, you’ve never been abroad. Can’t this wait until college?”
Tallie bites her bottom lip, nodding. “It could. I could wait, but I don’t want to, Mia. Losing Mom changed all of us, you know, and for me, it showed me how precious life is.” She blinks, but the tears fall anyway. Mine fall too as I listen to my brave, beautiful sister lay it all out there. “I know I’m just seventeen, but there are no guarantees, Mia. And I don’t want to wait until it’s too late to live the life I’ve always dreamed of living.”
“And that life is in Paris?” My throat is dry as I try to process the thought of losing Tallie too.
She nods. “For now, yeah. I mean, look,” she says, opening up the brochure and showing me the gorgeous campus in the heart of the city.
“It looks incredible. And you still get credit to graduate?”
“Yeah, I mean, Karis and Jaimie are mad about me leaving for senior year,” she says smiling slightly. “But they know this where I belong. And we’re gonna launch our clothing line long distance.”
“You’ve got it all figured out.
“Not all of it. I can’t leave without knowing you are going to be okay. I know I’ve helped with Matty so much this year, and I obviously couldn’t if I…”