Her mouth opened. Closed. Opened. She could find no words. None at all. “We’re not… I mean… What are you talking about? You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re crazy. That is crazy.”
His fingers caressed her back and shivers traveled up and down her spine at his touch. “Maybe. But it’s what I feel.”
“We—no. Just no, Shane. I can’t fall in love in a matter of days, or even weeks. I don’t believe in love at first sight, or any such bullshit like soul mates and all that. If that were the case, it would have worked with Patrick. He’s far better suited to me than you are.”
“Agreed.” His tone was mild, completely unaffected by her rant, and he simply brushed her hair back off her forehead. She didn’t understand him at all. Now, however, it was in a completely different capacity, and one she had never pictured. She expected he would leave her bed and try to go sleep with Celia or… or well, whatever Shane did with Celia besides that. But she didn’t really know. Not at all. And for Shane to claim they were falling in love? No. No way. They were not in love. They were, hell. She had no words. None. None at all. But they were NOT falling in love.
“Then why are you saying such a thing?” she nearly snarled. It scared her. Her palms began sweating as her head grew dizzy.
“You asked. I don’t lie, Allison. I don’t pretend. Whatever I think or feel, I can admit to. I told you, I never lied to any of the women I slept with. I didn’t want to date any of them or be faithful to any of them. But I want to be faithful to you. Believe me, it’s as much a shock and surprise to me as, I clearly see, it is to you. But it doesn’t embarrass me. You don’t have to agree. You don’t have to say anything. You told me not to lie, and I’m not.”
Her mouth again dropped open. His voice was so gentle and kind, the polar opposite of how his brawn and intimidating male looks suggested. He was honest and open, never afraid to own who and what he was. She realized now that half of her attraction to him was his insistence on being his own man, and honoring who that was. No permission requested, and no shying away from all that he embodied. At all times, no matter what environment or crowd he was in, Shane Rydell remained completely true to himself. Allison found that sexy.
She admired his confidence and brash honesty, probably because she formed and conformed. She was appropriately discreet at all times, even if she felt like scratching someone’s eyes out, or crying her own eyes out. She knew how to pretend, and be professional as a good, law-abiding citizen and teacher. For years, she concealed her impulse to sit down and just cry without cessation. She valued her profession, and always remained in control of her emotions and her reactions and opinions of others. She could get along with almost anyone, even Shane when she first met him. But there was something compelling about Shane’s dramatic looks and personality. He actually portrayed what he thought and lived and felt. Everything Allison had no idea how to begin to do that.
Falling in love? Wanting to date only her? The odd concept nearly made her swoon and she simply wished she could sit down in the middle of the dance floor. How could those words be coming out of Shane’s mouth? This was never in the plans. No. Uh-huh. She didn’t want a relationship with any man from River’s End, and especially, not with a man like Shane.
But how could she turn away from him? His warm body was encircling her, and holding her up when for so long, she was cold, broken, and alone. It seemed like there was nothing and no one to hold her up or offer their support anymore. How could she reject all the light, heat, honesty and understanding that she found so reassuring in Shane’s arms?
She simply didn’t know and could not define what they were. But hearing his confirmation that he was not, in fact, sleeping with other women, made something swell and expand in her chest. She could not stand it if he ever left her house, crossed her lawn, and did the same thing with Celia. Not ever again. She felt like scratching Celia’s eyes out when she imagined her doing so in the past. Allison would wilt with humiliation and jealousy however, if he chose to do so now. After her.
Because Shane was right, and if Allison were completely honest, there was an instantaneous, deep, and implausible connection between them. It made no sense. It was wrong, but it was right. It was only for now. She had no other answers.
She let him sway against her and didn’t comment again on their status. They finished eating dinner and dessert, which he practically begged her to eat. Who didn’t love a man who encouraged you to have dessert?
He drove her straight to her house and got out to open her door for her. “You’re staying?”
“Not tonight,” he said softly. They stood at her front door and she frowned.
“But you’re driving my car.”
“It’s our first date; and I want you to remember it. The beginning, the middle and the end. I’ll bring your car back tomorrow.”
“Are you for real?”
He brought her body up against his as his head dipped down and his mouth met hers. He didn’t lift his face off hers until she melted and was practically wilting against him. “I’m for real.”
He smiled a small, secretive smile. Somehow, as her knees started shaking and she felt desperate for him to stay, she realized that was his point. His seduction. She was being wooed and seduced by the one man in River’s End everyone told her to stay away from. The one man to watch out for. Shane didn’t date. Shane just played around. Shane was a man-whore.
Shane was also the man who brought her heart back to life. Now, she felt a sharp hammering in her chest, when, for four years, it had lain limp and dead, just barely pumping her blood in sad, pathetic efforts.
Shane showed up the next morning in her car. He had a smile, and a bag of pastries and cups of coffee to eat breakfast with her. Allison was a little unprepared for the magnitude of her attraction and joy at seeing him. She could not wait for lunch and dragged him upstairs to finish what last night’s kiss had started.
She would not, however, even try to label it.
****
He felt her hands coming up behind him before resting on his shoulders and sliding down his back. Goosebumps broke out all over his skin. The warm water from the shower came down over him, but Allison’s hands felt like soft silk, gliding over his shoulders and back up towards his collarbone. There was something so soft and caring about her touch. It was healing almost. Whenever she touched him, he wanted to lean into it. Her hands drifted into his hair and pulled as she finger-combed through it. He tilted back into her touch and sighed at the little tugs on his scalp.
“I’ve never seen it out of the ponytail,” she said, muffling her words while kissing his back.
“And you…?”
Her hands traveled down to his waist and around his to his stomach. “Like everything else on you, it somehow fits.”
“Do you wish I looked different? More like Patrick?” He turned fully toward her then. She was naked too and her body looked beautiful. She had white, alabaster skin. Shane never knew what alabaster meant until he saw her smooth, pale skin. Her arms, hands, neck, ears, and face were covered in little, brown freckles that appeared to be sprayed wherever the sun touched her. He loved each one. Her breasts were huge, white globes that filled his hands. He had large hands to fill, and pretty much considered hers a perfect fit, maybe even made just for him. She was curvy and confident, yet had moments of self-consciousness, or shyness that made her all the more vulnerable, which endeared her even more to him. Like his opinion mattered so much to her.
“No. I don’t know how it happened, but it feels like we are just a match. Do you wish I looked different?”
“I think you’re beautiful. I never dreamed after meeting you at Charlie’s conference, you’d be standing in a shower naked against me. Thought about it a lot though…”
“You did? How? I mean, there was nothing like that between us.”
“These,” he said taking her small hand in his and kissing the ends of her fingernails. “These red, red fingernails that didn’t totally fit
the rest of you. I wondered why they were such a loud color when the rest you appeared so muted.”
She smiled. “Simple. To distract people’s eyes from all the freckles.”
“Seriously?” He tilted his head back in a laugh.
“So serious. They are all over my hands, but the red draws the eyes to my fingertips. I use my hands a lot to teach.”
“Among other things,” he mumbled, smiling when she pretended to elbow him in the side. “And I really like the red; oh, and these. I was sure, they were awesome and I was so right.” He tucked his hands under her bare breasts and lifted them up as he talked. He rubbed the ends before she tried to feign another swat at him again.
“You were thinking all that while I was trying to have a serious, grownup discussion about your nephew?”
“Uh-huh. I was. You gonna punish me for that, teacher? I had this little outfit in mind…”
“One you thought of then?”
“Yup.”
She rolled her eyes. “You are unbelievable.”
He took her hand in his and dropped it to his impressive package. “That is true.” He smiled wickedly while he said it. She rolled her eyes, but her hand stayed there as his other hand stayed on her breast.
She went quiet as he rubbed, and so did she. Finally she said, “What kind of little outfit?”
The grin that split his face was enough to crack it. He suddenly let go of her and wrapped her up in both his arms. With a screech, she grabbed his neck for support. He took her fully in his arms in a giant bear hug.
“A little, naughty, private school one. But on second thought, just how you are now? Perfection.” Instead of putting her against the shower stall and finishing what all the flirting and petting had started, he kept her tight in his embrace and stared down into her face. It felt like his heart might expand so much, it could explode in his chest. No one ever made him laugh so easily. Or filled him with so much joy. Or made him so happy. He held her as he dipped his lips on hers in a long, lingering kiss. He lifted his head and stared dreamily into her eyes. Letting her feet slide to the ground again, he said, “I love you, Allison.”
Her eyes grew huge and her mouth opened. Speechless again. He was really good at making her speechless.
“Shane… I… don’t know…” She fumbled and her skin started to flush. He shook his head and pressed his lips on hers.
“I told you I don’t pretend. I feel that way. You are not required to do anything with it.”
She took a deep breath and leaned her forehead against his. “I want to. I’m just… I’m so scared of everything. Of being hurt again. After doing all of this once and having it so epically crash and burn. And then, that voice in my head, as awful as this makes me, but that voices keeps saying: if I can’t make it work with Patrick, how can I make it work with anyone else? We were perfect for each other. The same type. The…”
His lips stopped her sentence when he kissed her and lifted himself off her, leaving her silent and dazed. “Allison,” he said, in an authoritative, yet gentle tone. He leaned his head down so she was looking him right in the eyes. “Just try to understand, this is a first for me. It’s overwhelming. I never even dated a woman. I never called one my girlfriend. I never even wanted to. I’ve never been faithful. But with you? It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world. I don’t have to try to be faithful, or commit… I just am. I don’t even notice another woman. And if I see an attractive one, I just think of all the ways she isn’t like you. I don’t know what that means. About Patrick. Or our futures. Or what makes things endure. I just know how I feel.”
“I feel overwhelmed too.”
He smiled and kissed her again. “Why did you sneak up behind me? My long, flowing hair? Want me to cut it?”
“No. I don’t want you to change a thing about you,” she said, kissing him right back. She let her hands drift downwards again to explore the part of him that was so different than any other man’s.
Chapter Fourteen
THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, AFTER school, Allison drove past the main house and down a long road that took her to a newly constructed house. It was much smaller than the main house, with an A-frame design. The huge windows overlooked the beach, the river and the valley, and had two ends flanking the A which led to more house. When she entered, she found an airy, open living area, kitchen, dining room and a loft above. Bedrooms were located in the wings of the house. It was bare still and needed more furniture and decorations, but the basic bones revealed a beautiful, spacious house.
When Shane came over to her house after Allison finished tutoring, he looked glum. “What’s wrong?” Allison asked him.
“The main house is big and empty and pointless. I live there alone. I hate it. I mean, when was there ever an occasion to even call it the ‘main’ house?”
“Weren’t you always leaving anyway?”
“Yeah, but I always came back.”
“And you expected everyone to sit there, waiting, for your return indefinitely? Keeping things exactly the same? Everything changes, Shane.”
Nodding, he curled up on the couch near her and didn’t leave that night. Or the next. Or the next. He kind of unofficially just remained there. She had no idea what to think about it; but was glad they didn’t argue or feel the need to discuss it. It was just so.
Progress for Erin was frustrating and slow, but not to Allison. She saw Erin advancing in huge leaps and giant steps. She knew the lessons were the building blocks of the entire foundation. Having lacked them previously, Erin could not move forward with her reading with any kind of accuracy, comprehension, or fluency. The process was excruciatingly hard for Erin to grasp. Her dyslexia was pervasive enough to make any kind of learning difficult, even the very system designed to teach her.
For the next several weeks, Allison’s days fell into a pleasant pattern and she discovered a sense of satisfaction she had not felt in four years. She looked forward to her school days and teaching, feeling almost totally engaged with her students. A renewed interest in all of them and how they learned independently stemmed from her work with Erin. She saw the results, day-by-day with Erin, which fueled her ambition and inspired Allison in ways that she never experienced, or even remembered feeling since Gabrielle.
Each day after school, Allison went to the ranch. Erin came in from working the horses and they sat down together and started her program. They worked diligently for forty-five minutes, took a break, and worked another forty-five. The entire household respected what they were doing and how important it was. Charlie even gave them a wide berth and plenty of quiet. Erin had to have complete silence to concentrate. It took her several sessions, but she learned to trust Allison. Now, with a strong bond firmly established between them as tutor and student, they also became friends.
Allison was surprised after the first week when Erin started to open up and talk to her more intimately. It started with little comments and questions about dyslexia, which Erin compared to what she experienced in school. It was a pretty tragic picture as Erin described it. The school’s demands inevitably conflicted with her inability to understand the material. It was like asking someone with a broken arm to catch a ball with it. Physically, it was an impossibility. The way her brain processed language prevented her from ever learning to read without unique and specific instructions designed to overcome her handicap.
The longer they worked together, the more passionate Allison found the entire experience. All teachers should have been taught to spot and screen for dyslexia. And the proper instruction should have been readily available as soon as it was detected. It was a travesty, and so wrong, to Allison. She sighed as she started to realize the ramifications of the issue, and the experience. She felt a passion about enlightening others to the affliction. Her life in general had not been ignited by anything for years. She wasn’t sure where her goal would lead her, but something in her gut told her after she and Erin were finished, she had to search out some other avenue to pursue this negle
cted issue.
After Erin and Allison finished working, Allison often went out to dinner with Shane, or ate dinner at the ranch, and sometimes, he came to her house and she cooked for him. He more often than not spent the night at her house on those dinner nights. He discovered he really liked being with her. There were several very awkward moments where they ran into Celia, or Jett. Jett was still clueless, however, and often stopped to talk to both of them. Allison recognized Shane’s sudden discomfort as he fidgeted nervously and made lame excuses to get away. She felt a little vindicated knowing because of her, he now owned up to his part in the affair. Allison was annoyed, however, and sometimes even jealous knowing Celia had experienced Shane in the same way as she. But without Celia, and Shane’s presence at her house, Allison would have been just a neighbor. There was no way she or Shane would have given each other a chance, or a second look. For she was as much of stretch for him to look twice at as he was to her. They were polar opposites and it was more than just a miracle that either of them ever noticed the other.
One of Allison’s most favorite days ever was when she came home from Erin’s and found Shane already there. He was hard at work, sinking fenceposts.
“What are you doing?” She waved at the stack of lumber she saw along the side of her house.
He was sweating, and his hair was pushed back with a red bandana, hanging loosely over his shoulders. He so rarely wore it down like that, it made him look dark and disreputable. His arm muscles bunched in the hot sun. The sleeves were ripped off his t-shirt and the leather vest he wore over it with his jeans only added to his hotness level in Allison’s mind. How could this man, this sweating, large, dangerous-looking man smile at her as if she were the hottest piece of ass he had ever encountered? That’s how he made her feel. Objectified? Yes, but the way he did it, and his ability to see through her usual, conservative, school marm look was shocking. It did strange things to her insides, making them twist in desire. She was smiling shyly, relishing his attention.
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