Reflections of You

by Yumoyori Wilson

  "Do I really look okay?" I asked him. He stared directly into my eyes.

  "I can confidently say I would question my sexuality for you," he declared.

  I bit my lip, a habit that hadn't left me. I didn't know what the weird sensation building up inside me was, but I tried to distract myself from it. His eyes lowered to my lips and I wondered if he'd kiss me.

  "DO YOU GUYS WANT LUBRICANT? BAHAHAHA!"

  We blinked out of our intense gaze and groaned. "Your familiar has literally lost it," Logan pointed out.

  "It happens once in a while." I shook my head, turning and walking to the standing mirror. I stared at the reflection that looked so unfamiliar to me.

  "Feels weird?" Logan asked.

  "Very weird," I agreed.

  "Energy costing?"

  "Not really. I kind of feel like I always have… like when I'm a female. Well… energy-wise, I mean. I should be able to cast magic just fine," I declared, lifting my hand up and snapping my fingers.

  A flame appeared with the friction of my fingers. "Hmm. Actually, I feel I use less mana," I admitted, surprised that my quick spell hadn't created a magic circle above my fingers like it usually did.

  Logan walked up to me, repeating my move. A magic circle appeared above this finger before a flame lit up. "Maybe because your body is already using lots of mana to create your image, it's easier to channel into spells since its already circulating through you?" he suggested.

  "Makes sense. Would be handy. Does that mean Alice has to be a male too?" I inquired. We turned to the door, still hearing her lingering laughter and shook our heads.

  "I think it doesn't matter with familiars. They're rather rare to begin with," Logan admitted.

  "So I'll stand out just with Alice. Cool." I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't feel stressed about it compared to the anxiety I would have felt in my female form. It was as if it wasn't a big matter to focus on. I just had to go along with it and see what happened.

  I yawned, feeling tired and considered taking a quick nap. I sat on the bed, laying down and placed my right arm under my head.

  "Jewel, you okay?" Logan asked.

  "I thought we have to practice calling me Jinn. I still think that name is weird," I muttered, my eyes closed.

  "It's unique. I still like Jewel more though," Logan pointed out. I didn't reply, feeling relaxed and just wanting to sleep for a few minutes. I heard the squeak of the bed.

  "Jewel."

  "Not answering," I whispered, wanting him to call me by my new male name.

  "Hmm. You're rather stubborn as a male,” he grumbled.

  "You're just as stubborn," I retorted.

  "Jewel."

  Logan's voice sounded just above me; I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me. "You aren't gonna call me Jinn are you?" I asked, my voice deeper than before.

  "Not when it's just you and me,” he replied.

  I had a strange sense of confidence and the urge to close the gap between us, but my brain was struggling with the reality I was a male instead of a female and I didn't quite accept it yet.

  "Ya, she was able to do-" Alice opened the door; we turned and saw Logan’s mother and Alice blinking at us. It was silent for a ten full seconds before Alice grinned.

  "Ah! Sorry, you two. I didn't know you wanted alone time. Miss Cross, let's leave them alone!" Alice hummed, tugging a stunned Miss Cross away and using magic to shut the door.

  The room was silent for another ten seconds before Logan freaked out. "Fuck! Ugh, I'm gonna get lectured,” he exclaimed as he scurried off the bed and to the door.

  "You mean lectured as in, she's against you liking boys?" I asked. Logan reached the door, looking over his shoulder.

  "Nope. She's gonna do something like 'I knew my boy was bi from the moment he wore diapers. I'm so proud blah blah blah. Oh no, she'll probably tell Dad. MOM!" he shouted, dashing out the door and down the stairs.

  I grinned and laid back down, my eyes already closed as I relaxed on Logan's sheets.

  Guess I'm prepared for Brighten Magic Academy.

  "Am I doing the right thing?"

  I stood at the top of the tower, watching my brother come closer. In all my many dreams before, he would never stop. He'd keep walking, reaching the stone ledge before turning around, the same fearful eyes that had looked into mine when he left the day he died.

  "You mean in regards to coming here?" Gabriel asked as he took his slow steps. He walked past me and I turned my head to watch him move toward the ledge.

  "Yes. Is this the right decision?" My subconscious told me this was all a dream, but I yearned for Gabriel to answer, something to help me calm my nerves about attending Brighten.

  Would he tell me to not go? Maybe stop me from making a mistake. Or was this the right thing to do? Could this lead to a path of getting stronger and helping people? Would I find my purpose?

  "Do you love me, Jewel?" Gabriel asked as he turned around.

  "I do. You were the best brother I could have ever asked for," I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. He smiled, a serene smile that he only gave to me and the first time I'd seen it in my dreams.

  "Then do this for me. Help stop the cycle,” he whispered.

  "Cycle?" I asked. He nodded as he leaned backward.

  "End the cycle,” he whispered and then his body fell over the edge.

  My eyes snapped open and I sat up, noticing a wet cloth fall from my forehead. Huh?

  "Ah. Did I wake you?"

  I turned my head to see Mother's worried eyes. "Mom?" I felt rather groggy and noticed I was back in my female form. I didn't even recall falling asleep last night, let alone changing into the oversized red t-shirt that now clung to my body. I looked over to see Logan fast asleep next to me and Alice curled up in her fox form on his left leg. What happened?

  "Antoinette did say you'd be confused when you woke up," Mother whispered to herself.

  I tilted my head at her. "Confused? Why?" I asked.

  "You were asleep all day yesterday and ended up getting a fever by the evening. Antoinette said it must have been due to the sudden surge of magic you used and that you didn't undo the spell when you slept,” she explained.

  "Undo..." I trailed off, remembering that Logan's mom did say I should switch back to my female form when I was done.

  "Oh. So wait… what day is it?" I asked, looking at the window. It looked like the moon was out.

  "It's three in the morning, sweetheart,” mother revealed. Three in the morning!

  "That means it’s Monday? Meaning today is entrance day!" I exclaimed as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb Logan and Alice who were still fast asleep.

  "Yes. We didn't want to wake you unless your fever went down. How are you feeling?" Mother inquired.

  "Uh. Still tired to be honest. Maybe I should go back to sleep," I pondered and slowly laid back down. Mother nodded, grabbing the cloth from where it fell on my lap. She dipped it into the bowl of water on my nightstand.

  I watched her quietly, assessing her appearance. Even though her mental health had declined, she looked just as beautiful as she had was when I was a little girl. When you looked at her, you wouldn't expect her to have a problem at all. She laid the cool cloth on my forehead and I gave her an appreciative smile.

  "That feels nice," I admitted. She smiled back, and her hand rubbed my cheek gently. The up and down sensation was rather soothing, and my eyes began to close.

  "I'm sorry for all of this, Jewel. I'm really sorry," Mother whispered. I didn't get why she sounded so sad, as if she'd committed a terrible sin. I couldn't recall what happened that she would feel the need to apologize to me.

  "I don't know why you’re apologizing, Mom, but I forgive you. Don't be sad,” I reassured her, allowing my eyes to close. I felt her hands brush along my face before something soft pressed lightly on my cheek.

  "I love you, Jewel. Please bear with me. Don't abandon me too."

  Why would I abandon you? Oh Mom… I
'll never leave you. I was unsure if I said my words out loud or not, but I hoped she knew I'd always love her and would never abandon her like so many others who she trusted as friends.

  We were family, and I'd never leave her behind.

  "I'll meet you downstairs. Are you sure you’re feeling better? No dizziness or anything?" Logan questioned and I raised an eyebrow at him.

  "No fever, no dizziness. I'm perfectly fine, Logan," I reassured him. I'd been unconscious all of Sunday. I hadn't switched back as instructed and the longer I was in my male form, the more energy it had taken, even though I was asleep. Logan's mom had to cast a spell to shift me back and then I spent the rest of the day resting.

  Apparently, I had a fever at some point, which from Logan's mom’s explanations, was normal with the extensive magic depletion and my first time doing such an advanced spell. I remembered having a dream again about Gabriel, but it was blurry in my memory. All I could remember was him saying that I had to end a cycle. I didn't understand what cycle he was referring to, but my heart told me that attending Brighten Academy would lead to answers.

  I also remembered Mother sitting next to the bed and apologizing, but I didn't know why. She had done nothing wrong. Was she apologizing for confusing me with Gabriel? I'd gotten over it, but maybe because we hadn't talked, she thought I was still upset. I need to see her before I leave.

  "Okay. I'll be downstairs with my mom. I already packed your stuff,” he reassured me, walking over and sliding his arms around my waist to pull me into an embrace. He pressed his lips tenderly against my forehead.

  "Thank you for packing my stuff. You added Alice's stuff too?" I questioned, tilting my head back to stare at him.

  "Yes. She got her own luggage," Logan revealed. Of course she did.

  He grinned, surely reading my thoughts from the way I rolled my eyes. He leaned forward until our lips were centimeters apart.

  "You’ll have to get your fix of kissing me now before we reach Brighten," I hummed.

  "Why is that?" he questioned before kissing me. This kiss was different than the others before. It was deeper and almost had a sense of urgency to the way our lips fought to claim one another. If it weren’t for our dire need for oxygen, we'd kiss for hours. We broke the kiss but kept our close distance, panting while our eyes locked onto one another.

  "Either we’ll be busy with spell casting or studying magic books instead of getting the luxury to kiss one another. Not to mention, I think it's gonna be hard for you to kiss me as Jinn," I admitted.

  He gave me a pout and his cheeks grew slightly red. "I'll work on it,” he mumbled and I laughed, loving how adorable he now looked. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again.

  "I don't mind. Please don't change on my behalf," I hummed.

  "I meant what I said, Jewel,” he whispered, turning us slowly and pressing my body against his door. The way his eyes glinted with lust made me lick my lips, trying to ignore the tingling sensation building between my legs.

  I thought he was going to kiss me again but instead, his lips lowered to the left side of my neck. His warm lips pressed softly on my skin. I closed my eyes, enjoying the incredibly gentle feel of his lips moving. The next kiss was a little more aggressive, yet still felt really good and I had to remind myself not to moan at the alternating sensations. Then he sucked my skin and his teeth lightly bit into my flesh, not hard enough to make me bleed but I would surely have a mark to show for it.

  I expected it to be painful but it was that move that made the moan I'd been holding back escape my lips. I lifted my head slightly, giving him more access. He smiled against my skin, moving higher up on my neck and gave me another hickey before he gave one final kiss to both spots. He moved back to stare at me, and a proud expression formed on his face. I bet he enjoyed the way his little actions had a huge effect on me, leaving me wanting more of him.

  "If it wasn't for the fact our parents are downstairs and wanting to avoid another laughing fit from your familiar, I would do more then just kiss you,” he declared and I knew he meant every word, which only made me blush as I glanced away.

  "Good point," I mumbled and he chuckled.

  "It's interesting that you're shy in your female form but super confident in your male form,” he admitted.

  "Uh. I don't know, it's kind of confusing to me. I do feel more confident as a male but it's not like I don't feel the same as a female. Hmm. I don't think that made much sense," I confessed, trying to think properly but my brain was still playing catch up after our heated moment.

  "It's going to be interesting. Now get ready. I need to go talk to my dad real quick." Logan gave me one solid kiss before he released me.

  "Did your mom end up telling him about uh… Saturday night?" I asked.

  "Ugh, ya. I had to explain it was you before he lost his shit,” he explained, ruffling his short locks.

  "Your dad is fine with it as long as it's me in my male form and not some random guy?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow at him.

  "Yes. He literally said, 'I only support you with Jewel. That's it. If she's in her male form, that's fine, I guess. BUT no other male on male action, blah blah blah," Logan groaned.

  I smiled. "He's not as open-minded as your mom?" I clarified.

  "Not really. He never liked the fact that Brighten is an all-boy school. He thinks it promotes men to explore their sexuality with the same sex and uses magic as an excuse to cover it up. You know how stubborn this town is about that type of stuff. He actually knelt down and thanked the heavens I was straight."

  "Well, what can we do? I guess it is what it is," I sighed. My mom certainly didn't mind whether I loved a boy or a girl and made it clear that she'd support my relationship either way. It was just hard when we lived in a town that was very religious and same-sex couples were frowned upon. It made me curious as to if what Logan's dad was saying was somewhat true. Since the all-girl school was across town, except on the weekends, you really couldn't travel down to see your girlfriend.

  Thinking about it just made my head hurt. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

  "Are you sure no one will notice I'm a girl?" I questioned. Logan gave me a good up and down look.

  "Well, with your sexy curves, I think you look pretty feminine right now,” he joked. I grabbed one of his pillows and threw it at him.

  He laughed, catching the pillow with ease. "You'll be fine, Jewel. If I didn't know it was you, I think I'd be more focused on your attractive looks than questioning if you’re really a hot, sexy girl beneath the magic." He tossed the pillow back to me.

  I caught it and sighed. "If you say so. I guess I'll take your word for it."

  "Trust me. When you’re done changing into your new clothes, come downstairs. My parents can give you their honest review,” he winked.

  "Will your dad go on his knees again?" I joked.

  Logan shivered. "Ugh. I hope not. I don't need another lecture. I just want to make it to school in one piece." His exaggerated expression made me laugh.

  "So dramatic," I smiled at him and he smiled back.

  "I'll see you downstairs,” he spoke, opening the door and exiting the room. He closed it gently behind him, giving me privacy.

  I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. "Let's do this."

  I slid out of my clothes and walked to the mirror, taking a final glance at my female form before I took another calming breath. I closed my eyes, creating the image of Jinn in my mind. I decided to add a few extra things I hadn’t in my last attempt, keeping my hair short, but adding some red highlights that I hoped would glow purple when I used magic. My 6'2” height was still the same and I maintained my body image from before. I did add a tattoo that ran from the right side of my neck down to my shoulder. It was in black ink but when I used magic, it would glow in the colors of a dragon, consisting of orange, reds and yellow shades.

  Gabriel always said when he graduated from Brighten he'd get a dragon tattoo; at least I could wear one in this form in his memory.
I felt the last remnants of magic settle in my feet and I opened my eyes to see the image of Jinn before me.

  "Much easier then before," I commented and tried not to freak out at my now deep voice. I began putting my black dress pants on. Logan stated we had to dress more professionally for the entrance test. I preferred sweatpants and crop tops when performing crazy advance spells, but would probably look weird in a crop top as a male. Maybe a tank top?

  I was grateful Logan had gone shopping for me with his mom to get me a bunch of male clothes for this… whatever this was supposed to be called. A mission? Expedition? A "my mom accidentally enrolled me in an all-boy school and I have no choice but to go to make her happy after she pulled strings to get me in" situation?

  There was a knock on the door and I began buttoning up my white dress shirt. "Come in," I announced, doing another check of my appearance. I looked back to see my mother walk in. I blinked in confusion, rather surprised to see her. I thought she had gone home early in the morning.

  She took a slow analyzing gaze of me, going from head to toe and back up again. Her eyes lingered on the dragon tattoo on my shoulder, then shifted to the left side of my neck. She had a small grin on her lips and I didn't get why she was smiling. I looked back at the mirror, now noticing the two love bites on my neck that remained from Logan's kisses, even in this form.

  I blushed, quickly buttoning my shirt up the rest of the way as Mother laughed. "So, you and Logan have moved to that stage?" she asked and I looked away.

  "I guess," I mumbled. When Mom's memory was intact, she knew Logan and I were best friends and often slept in the same bed, but I hadn't disclosed that he'd asked me out a few days ago and had gone past the whole kissing stage, if that's what it was even called.

  I reached out for my red tie, Logan suggesting we look casually professional. Black dress pants, white dress shirt, and a tie was simple enough. Once we got in, we'd be given uniforms and our blazers would signify what section we were placed in.