There was only one thing to do. She had to ignore her yearnings, batten down her emotional hatches and hide her feelings. At any cost. Kade couldn’t know how much his kiss had awakened needs so long buried she’d forgotten they existed. He simply couldn’t be provided with another opportunity for his words or touch to move her again. If ever there was a time she needed her shrink-wrap of professionalism, it was now.
‘Mia?’ His deep voice rumbled far too close.
She jumped. She’d been so deep in thought she hadn’t noticed him stand and walk over to her.
‘Yes?’ She clicked at random files and at the last possible moment looked up. Her fingers locked around the computer mouse as though at any moment it would scamper away.
‘I take it our twelve o’clock discussion isn’t going to happen?’ he said, his gaze searching hers.
’No, sorry. I’ll be working though lunch.’
‘Well then, we’ll have to continue our conversation after dinner.’
She swallowed. She had to keep her secret safe. Any conversation that wasn’t centred around Tilly was out of the question. ‘Why? There isn’t anything else to say.’
Determination etched itself onto his carved features. ‘We both know there’s plenty to say.’
‘No, there isn’t. We’ve already established we both got caught in a moment and acted out of character. End of discussion.’
His large hand covered hers on the computer mouse. Even without looking down she knew her knuckles would have been tell-tale white. He prised her fingers off the mouse and turned her palm over. His thumb settled over her racing pulse. She could barely breathe.
‘Now who’s running away?’ His voice grew husky. ‘Meet me after dinner. Please.’
Like a moth pulled toward a beacon, she was powerless to resist the appeal in his eyes and the gravity in his voice.
Unable to speak, all she could do was nod.
Chapter Twelve
MIA SAT in the tomb-quiet kitchen, a mug of hot chocolate cradled between her palms. Kade was tucking Tilly in and would soon come downstairs. Every time a floorboard creaked, she trembled. Her nerves were as worn as the antique library rug and would unravel if she didn’t focus. It was too late to salvage her heart but she could still leave with her dignity intact. She had two days to keep herself together and finish the job she’d started. She tightened her hold on the cup. A mere two short days. An eternity.
The door swung open. She forced her shoulders to relax.
Kade walked into the kitchen. Just like the first time he strode into her office he still had the power to steal away her breath. She steeled herself against the ache of her heavy heart.
He flicked off some of the down-lights as he passed the light switches. ‘You don’t mind?’
Mia shook her head. The darker the room the less chance Kade could guess her feelings. But as the kitchen plunged into semi-darkness, her stomach lurched. Too many things had happened with Kade in the dim light. She took a quick sip of her chocolate.
Kade moved to the electric kettle and turned it on. Its comforting hum filled the room. Canister lids opened and a spoon clinked as he made a coffee in the mug she’d left out for him. All the while she prepared herself for the moment when he came and sat opposite her at the island bench. He wanted to talk. Fine. He could. She wouldn’t.
He placed his coffee on the granite top and pulled up a stool.
‘Tilly asleep?’ she asked in what sounded, even to her own ears, a strangled tone.
‘Yes, finally. It took another fairytale but her eyes did eventually close.’
‘You’d be a fairytale expert by now?’
No smile moved his lips. ‘Not by a long shot.’ He paused. ‘Mia, I did some thinking this afternoon.’
She took a sip from her already empty mug. The hard line of his jaw told her Kade would continue talking whether she wanted him to or not.
‘Tilly does love being out here at Berrilea. The garden, the birds and the animals all bring her joy. The harbour views of my apartment will be as useful to her as the indoor arboretum. She needs a real garden, space, a kitchen in which she can create a mess.’
Mia nodded slowly. Where was he going with this? Wherever it was, it was a safe topic that didn’t involve either her or their kiss.
‘So…I’ve decided to live the majority of the year here. Mr. Shepherd has done an admirable job managing Berrilea in my absence but he isn’t getting any younger, no matter what he says.’ Embarrassment flittered across Kade’s face. ‘It’s about time I take responsibility for continuing my grandparents’ legacy.’
Whatever she’d been expecting Kade to talk about it wasn’t that he’d so dramatically rearranged his life to include Tilly. She didn’t have to force a smile. ‘That’s lovely news. Tilly will be so happy.’
‘I hope so. I’d already short-listed three candidates to be her nanny but between myself and Martha I’m thinking that Tilly will be well looked after.’ Uncertainty slowed his words. ‘Do you think that’s a crazy idea? It will be a long while until I know what I’m doing. Should Tilly still have someone qualified to raise her?’
’No. All she needs is you. And when you’re busy Martha will take good care of her. She already loves Tilly like she’s one of her own grandchildren. I never met Brad, but I’m sure he’d be very proud of the life you’re making for Tilly.’
Mia’s reassurance failed to ease the strain bracketing Kade’s mouth.
‘Will you survive not being part of the corporate environment?’ she asked quietly.
‘I’ve controlled Matchtec for far too long. I need to let someone else take over the day-to-day running. What this time away from Sydney has proved is that the company won’t collapse in a financial heap without me. I should have returned to Berrilea years ago. My father always told me money was as important as breathing but…now I know it isn’t.’ Kade stared deep into her eyes. ‘Learning that my life has been based on a lie isn’t the only thing you’ve taught me.’
Their conversation was no longer on safe ground. And it didn’t matter in what direction their talk now headed, instinct told her that the emotional fall-out would be one of the hardest things she’d yet had to deal with. Far more numbing than a glass of water spilt over her, far more breath-stealing than a broken-air-conditioner and far more threatening than any snake.
She stood, her hold so tight on her mug if it’d been made of plastic and not china it would have crumpled. ‘And I’m sure many of those things you won’t ever need to know again.’ She attempted a casual laugh. And failed. ‘Just think you’ll never need to know where the sound ‘k’ comes from again.’
Kade came to his feet too. ‘I was hoping with Tilly and I living at Berrilea that you would…still be able to keep teaching us things.’
Even before his quiet words had fully registered she shook her head. ‘You and Martha will do fine with Tilly’s home programme. You and Tilly don’t need me anymore.’
She swung away so he couldn’t see the sheen of unshed tears in her eyes. Her defences had to hold. Kade couldn’t know the pain and effort it took for her to push him away and not give in to her deepest yearnings. She went to place her cup in the sink. It slipped from her hands and clattered on the steel. She’d sensed rather than heard him move behind her.
‘Tilly and I will always need you.’ Kade’s voice was so low, so grave, it vibrated across her heartstrings. His hands closed over her shoulders. ‘You’ve made a sad child smile. You’ve shown a die-hard workaholic that play is just as important as work.’
His breath feathered over her hair. His tender touch warmed her through her blouse.
It would be so easy to lean backward, to allow him to support her, hold her, like he did after the snake. So easy…
So impossible.
She bit back her pain. She couldn’t put her faith in fairytales. No matter how much she was desperate to do so. She’d heeded the lessons life had taught her far too well.
Kade’s thumbs ca
ressed her back. Her bones melted. Resolve weakened. She swayed.
Somehow she summoned up a few words. ‘Please, d–don’t.’
He slowly turned her around. Incapable of flight or fight she froze instead.
‘Why Mia? This—’ his hands moved to cup her face, ‘is the only way I can seem to get through to you.’
‘I can’t do this…’
‘Do what?’
‘Us?’ The word tore itself from her throat.
‘Why? I’m not like Langford. Not like Jack. I’m not going to hurt you.’
She moistened her dry lips. ‘How do I know you won’t? You said yourself life was no fairytale.’
‘That was before I knew anything about fairytales.’
‘Well I know about fairytales, and about life, and I’m telling you there isn’t any such thing as a real happily-ever-after.’ Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. ‘Real life is more…complicated…than fiction.’
His thumbs brushed her cheeks. ‘It doesn’t have to be. Trust me. Even just a little.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. Meet me on that bridge.’
She couldn’t speak. But her body had no trouble finding its own words. She trembled.
‘All I ask is that you give us a chance to work,’ he murmured into her hair before pressing a kiss to her forehead.
And then he was gone.
’Mia! Mia!’ Tilly’s excited cries dragged Mia’s attention from the book she was reading in the library. They’d worked hard all morning and were now taking a lunch break. Mia’s speed at eating her feta and spinach quiche had everything to do with the novel she wanted to finish and nothing to do with avoiding Kade. Not that he’d been around to avoid. After breakfast she’d seen him talking to Martha’s husband, Patrick, before Kade had headed out in the ute. Wherever his road trip had taken him, it’d granted her some much needed time and space to think. Could she do what Kade asked? Could she take a risk and trust him? Her heart might say, yes, but her head continued to argue no.
‘Mia?’ Tilly called again.
‘I’m in here, Possum.’ Mia placed her book on the table beside her and came to her feet. ‘What’s wrong?’
But as Tilly burst into the library holding a fluffy, big-eyed bundle, Mia knew nothing was wrong.
‘Look what Uncle Kade d–ot me!’
Her heart swelled. Tilly was holding a small red-heeler puppy that would grow into a loyal companion who would keep her safe from snakes. Kade was making sure his niece wouldn’t have any more reason to have snake nightmares.
‘Oh Tilly, he’s beautiful,’ Mia said and bent to touch the pup’s velvety red-brown ears.
‘It’s a d–irl, silly. Uncle Kade said her name is Callie.’
‘Well, she’s beautiful and you say her name so very well.’
Kade’s broad shoulders filled the doorway. Mia straightened. Dressed in dusty dark denim, an emerald-green farm shirt and boots, Kade barely resembled the designer-suited man who’d first brought Tilly to her office.
He grinned as he approached. ‘What do you think of Tilly’s surprise?’
Mia smiled. Kade continued to surprise her but no longer did being thrown out of her comfort zone threaten her. Some surprises only brought happiness, like the pup Tilly couldn’t take her eyes off.
‘So that’s where you disappeared to this morning?’ she said.
He nodded. ‘Patrick knew of a neighbour who had a litter of red-heeler pups. The mum is a good snaker. Did you miss me?’
Even though his words were teasing, his blue gaze grew serious.
‘Yes, we missed you. There was no-one to make up stories about kooky Play-Doh cats.’
‘I seem to remember my story was about a cool cat.’
She smiled again. ‘No, that cat was definitely a kooky one.’
Callie squirmed in Tilly’s arms.
‘Watch out for your fingers,’ he said with a laugh as he moved to Tilly’s side. ‘Those baby teeth of hers are sharp. I almost lost a thumb on the drive home.’
The pup continued to wriggle and Kade crouched beside Tilly and gently took hold of the restless red-heeler. Tilly leaned in close against Kade and placed her hand on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her waist. Together they smiled down at the puppy as she tried again to latch onto his thumb.
Mia knew she should look away but all she could do was stand frozen in place and stare at the tableaux of man, child and dog. Longings escaped through the cracks in her self-control. She desperately wanted to walk forward, put her hand on Kade’s other strong shoulder and complete the family circle. But fear imprisoned her. Happy endings only existed in the realm of fiction.
Throat tight, she forced herself to turn, pick up her forgotten book and return to her chair.
He had a plan. More importantly, he had hope.
His steps light, Kade walked toward the drawing room. Earlier that day in the library Mia had smiled her special sweet smile at him and said that she’d missed him. And last night in the kitchen she hadn’t run from him. For a fleeting moment she’d even melted against him. While she may not have said the words he’d wanted to hear, she also hadn’t denied there was something between them. Somehow he had to find a way through the minefield separating them.
He’d been a dead man walking from the minute he’d stepped into Mia’s oven-hot office. From the second her auburn hair had fallen around her shoulders and her eyes had clouded with vulnerability, she’d taken hold of his world and shaken it. Her beautiful smile had vaporised his defences. Her laughter had warmed his soul. Now he had to find a way into her world and a way to ensure she stayed to be a part of his and Tilly’s.
He paused at the open door and rolled his shoulders. Before he’d left to pick up little Callie, he’d had a whisper in Tilly’s ear, a meeting at kitchen-headquarters with Mrs. Shepherd and all was in place for his plan. All he needed now was one crucial element. Mia.
He released a slow breath and stepped through the doorway. Tilly’s face beamed with excitement. Mia glanced up from the folder she’d been making notes in. Wariness eclipsed the light in her eyes. ‘Kade?’
He looked at her bright hair that had been restrained to within an inch of its life. His fingers itched to pull out the pins and set her curls free.
‘It’s break time,’ he said.
She frowned over the top of her glasses. ‘Did you just say break time?’
‘Yes.’
‘Impossible.’
He winked at Tilly who leapt from her chair and scampered out of the room heading for the kitchen.
Mia smoothed an invisible curl behind her ear. ‘What’s going on now?’
‘You’ll see.’
‘I don’t have time for this.’
‘Yes. You do.’ He plucked the pen from her grasp and gently pulled her to her feet. Alarm quickened the rise and fall of her chest beneath her sleeveless black dress. He released her hands and her chin tilted as her control slid back into place.
‘Now I just need these.’ He reached for her glasses and folded them before placing them on the table beside the pen. He struggled to keep his expression casual. He’d left the library full of optimism but what if she wouldn’t step onto the bridge he hoped existed between them? If she wouldn’t, then it was even more reason why his plan had to work.
‘Right. Much better,’ he said. ‘Please turn around.’
She stiffened but she did as she was asked. With quick fingers he released the clasp confining her hair and pulled out all the pins. Copper waves rippled around her shoulders. He smiled and breathed in the scent of apples. Much, much better.
‘What are you doing?’
She half turned. He touched her slender back to ensure she faced forward.
’This is ridiculous,’ she said over her shoulder, voice brisk. ‘What’s next? Another part of my wardrobe?’
He chuckled. ‘I’m sorry to say I’m under strict orders and unfortunately there isn’t anything else on my �
�to take off’ list.’
‘Just as well.’ A touch of amusement relaxed her tone. ‘Strict orders? Ah…so you’re just the hired help?’
‘Yes, you’d better believe it. My captain is knee-high to a parrot but can make grown men quake in their boots.’
‘I take it your captain is in on whatever dastardly deed you have in store?’
‘Absolutely.’
He pulled a black scarf from out of his jeans pocket. ‘Now if you don’t mind standing still, my pirate skills aren’t what they used to be. My very scary captain insists you wear a blindfold.’
She nodded and he passed the silk scarf around her head. She lifted a hand and secured the scarf in place over her eyes.
‘Much obliged,’ he said, tying a loose knot. ‘Now if you’d be so kind as to take my hand?’
‘You’re a very polite pirate.’ She offered him her hand. Longing constricted his chest. Would she ever reach out to him without the aid of a blindfold?
He took her hand in his. Her fingers remained still, unresponsive, and then curled around his. Colour painted her cheeks below the black silk of the blindfold. He stared at the beauty of her delicate features, at the curve of her full lips as though it were the last time he’d ever see her face. The quiver in her slim fingers reminded him he’d a plan to implement. He cleared his throat. ‘Ready to go?’
She nodded, allowing him to guide her forward. ‘I’m trusting you. I’m not going to have to walk the plank, am I?’
‘Not this time.’
‘That’s a relief…’ she said and crashed straight into a chair.
‘Sorry. I told you my pirate skills are a little rusty. Hang on.’
He dropped her hand and swept her into his arms. So far his plan wasn’t bringing Mia a sense of belonging, only covering her in bruises.
’You’re not throwing me overboard, are you?’ Her soft hair brushed his chin but her body remained as rigid and unbending as a steel cutlass.
What Love Sounds Like Page 13