by Olivia Miles
One of the horses whinnied, jarring her from his hold on her, and she shifted in her seat just as they were turning onto Michigan Avenue where lights lit their path. It was snowing again, small flakes swirling and sparkling in the glistening lights that were wrapped around every tree branch, and Hailey glanced at Pete out of the corner of her eye as she pulled her scarf higher to hide her smile.
Maybe this Christmas was just a little bit magical after all.
Chapter Seven
“Hailey. Earth to Hailey.”
Hailey jumped at the sound of a spoon being tapped against ceramic and looked up guiltily at her cousin Claire. She’d been thinking of Pete again, just as she had all night. Snatching her fingers from her lips, she grabbed the handle of her mug and took a heavy swig of hot chocolate—not how she typically started her day, but this morning she’d been inspired.
On Sundays she opened the café a little later, and Mandy was covering the first shift of the day. The commuter rush during the weekdays was her busiest time—or it used to be, at least—and she always looked forward to easing into her Sundays a bit.
Today her cousin Claire had stopped by with fresh croissants and an apologetic grin that almost made up for missing the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party…that never was.
Truth be told, she’d been so busy thinking about that near kiss, that she hadn’t even remembered her annual event had been called off until her cousin clarified her apology.
“Boy, you really are lost in thought today,” Claire observed as she spread fresh raspberry preserves on a croissant.
“Just a lot on my mind,” Hailey replied. And wasn’t that the truth?
“I’ve got time.” Claire smiled and Hailey froze for a beat, wondering if she should confide in her closest friend and family member, or if she should just keep things to herself. It wasn’t like her to hold anything back from her cousin, but then, she rarely had much to share.
Claire would listen. She’d give sound advice. She’d talk Hailey through these muddled thoughts that had kept her awake long into the night, long after Pete had walked her to her door, lingered outside, his hands thrust in his pockets, his eyes unreadable as she finally turned and went inside, each step feeling heavy until she reached her landing, a part of her wanting to run inside and hide under the covers as much as she wanted to run back downstairs and throw herself into his arms.
The radiator began to clank loudly—a sign that the frigid room would quickly, and finally, warm up.
Claire glanced over her shoulder and shivered under the chenille throw blanket she’d tossed over her shoulders within minutes of stepping inside. “It’s about time,” she observed.
“You mean you don’t miss living here?” Hailey bantered.
“About as much as you miss having me,” Claire replied ruefully.
Hailey smiled. It was true that sometimes she missed having Claire around, but the months she’d lived with her from late last winter into midsummer had been challenging from a storage standpoint, and she was quite happy to have her closet space back to herself. Almost as happy as Claire was to be nesting with her former best friend turned boyfriend, no doubt.
She felt her smile dip a bit. “Do you ever second-guess yourself?” she asked, leaning back in the chair.
“All the time,” Claire said matter-of-factly, and Hailey felt a surge of affection for the person who was more like a sister to her than a cousin. “Just last night I wondered why I ever let Ethan talk me into going with those grey walls in the bedroom. I wanted taupe, but I tried to convince myself that grey would work. That I would grow to love it. Well, I haven’t.”
Hailey gave her cousin a long look. “I mean second-guess important things. Not that wall color isn’t important.” She was quite partial to the soft green she’d chosen for her living room walls, after all.
“Well, sure I’ve been there. Like the time I quit my oh so fabulous job to move across the country with a man who dumped me the day the moving truck arrived?” Claire sighed and reached for her mug of hot chocolate. “Talk about regrets. So tell me, what’s yours?” But before Hailey could even reply, Claire set the mug back down, her eyes turning knowing. “Of course. It’s Christmastime. This is about Pete, isn’t it?”
Claire had been the one Hailey had run to after the holiday-timed break-up. She’d been the one who helped pull together that first annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party the following year in an attempt to lift Hailey’s spirits and make the holiday have new memories, not the bad ones associated with a broken heart. Even though Hailey hadn’t talked about Pete in years, her cousin was smart enough to understand the underlying sentiments.
“I’ve seen him.” Hailey was rewarded by a little circle forming on Claire’s otherwise frozen face. “We, um, sort of went out last night.”
Claire blinked, then closed her eyes as her hands came out in front of her, as if she were trying to shield herself from something, or stop something from happening. And maybe she should. Maybe that’s exactly what Hailey needed from her. To be stopped. To stop this…thing that was happening with Pete. Again.
“Wait. You’re telling me that Pete’s in Chicago.”
Hailey nodded. “That’s right. He came into the café. He was as surprised as I was.” And just as unhappy, she now recalled, feeling a twinge of hurt at the thought of the bad feelings between them.
“But he doesn’t like Chicago. He wouldn’t move here.”
Nope. He wouldn’t. So why would he have a change of heart now? Because she’d taken him to see the lights at the zoo, given him a carriage-guided tour of the Gold Coast? Because he’d missed her?
She took another sip of her hot chocolate. It usually lifted her spirits, but this morning, it wasn’t doing its job.
“One of his tree lots opened up in that empty lot across the street from the Beanery,” she explained.
Claire’s brow pinched. “So he’s been working on the family farm all this time. Huh. Well, when you look at it like that…”
Hailey leaned forward. “Like what?”
Claire curled her legs up under her and shrugged. “Maybe it really was that important to him to be back on the farm. If it wasn’t, he might have left by now. Gone to law school the way he’d always talked about. But he didn’t. And wouldn’t that have been worse? If he’d done all the things he’d said he would…without you?”
Hailey blinked down at the mug she was holding, her chest beginning to ache. Would it have been worse if Pete had eventually followed his dreams? Or was it worse to know that he’d given up on them? That he’d lost them…and her?
“So what’s going to happen between the two of you?” Claire asked, and Hailey just shook her head. Exhaustion was starting to creep in from lack of sleep, and she could feel a headache looming. She needed coffee, good and strong, and she needed to get to the café. She needed to remember what she’d set out to do, focus on her routine, on her present day life, not on a past that couldn’t be changed.
“Nothing,” Hailey said, pushing all thoughts of last night from her mind. “We just caught up. Like old times.”
Yep. Just like old times. And she’d be best to remember how that had ended…
***
At five minutes to noon, Hailey untied her apron strings and collected her hot chocolate ingredients from the counter workspace. Mandy was standing at the opposite end, whipping up cranberry muffins.
“Off to the tree lot?” she asked as she rinsed the berries over the sink. “I love the tree in the window, by the way. I was beginning to think you weren’t going to put one up.”
Hailey gave a self-conscious laugh. “Why wouldn’t I do that?”
“Oh, you know…Christmas not being your thing and all that.”
“Christmas is my thing,” Hailey insisted. “I make hot chocolate every year for it, complete with a candy cane garnish!”
Mandy started distributing her batter in a muffin tin. “If you say so… Tell me, do you have a tree at home?”
“What?” Hailey bristled. “Well, not this year. There’s no point. It’s only me.”
Mandy smiled. “I see.”
“You’re telling me you put up a tree in your apartment?” Hailey pulled the last ingredient from the shelf, eager to get away from this conversation.
“Every year.”
“Well…you have a roommate,” Hailey said impatiently. “There’s no point in decorating a tree all on your own.” When a group of friends joined in, sure, but alone? She shuddered.
“My roommate is Jewish,” Mandy replied. “I put the tree up in my bedroom. All on my own”
Hailey stared blankly at her assistant. There was nothing to argue with there. She didn’t have a tree this year. Really, was it such a big deal?
But it was, she knew. It proved she still hadn’t banished all those memories of decorating a tree with Pete.
All the more reason to keep her feelings in check, she told herself firmly.
“I shouldn’t be gone long.” Hailey carefully arranged everything in her canvas bag, including the secret ingredient that was held in a dark, unmarked container. It might be silly, but her grandmother had sworn her to secrecy with the old family recipe, and Hailey wanted to honor the request. Besides, maybe Pete was right. Maybe there was something special about her hot chocolate.
“No need to rush back. I’ve got things covered. If someone comes in, I’ll hear the jingle of the door.” When Hailey raised an eyebrow, Mandy gave her a reassuring smile. “So things are a little slow. It won’t be like this forever.”
It was the first time they’d ever directly discussed the downturn in their foot traffic, but Hailey didn’t want to give her assistant cause for alarm, not before final exams, or Christmas. “Well, it’s Sunday. There’s bound to be a lot of people shopping for a Christmas tree today. With any lucky, a few of them will like my chocolate and stop in for something else, too.”
“Why don’t you offer a twenty-percent discount to everyone who buys from the tree lot?” Mandy suggested, and Hailey perked up at the suggestion. She had some old coupons in a desk drawer from a former promotion. She’d fish them out before she left.
“What would I do without you?” she asked, shaking her head, but the smile slipped from her face when she considered just how close she was to that exact scenario. She hoisted the heavy bag onto her shoulder. “Well, I’m off. Just wave your arms from the front stoop if you need me.”
“Take your time. And sell that chocolate!”
Hailey grinned. She’d sell this hot chocolate all right, but as for taking her time…that part was questionable.
***
Pete checked his watch for the third time in five minutes, his mouth settling into a thin line again when he realized why. He was waiting for her. For a glimpse of that ash blonde hair that fell in waves at her shoulders, for the light in her grey eyes. For a moment where that old piece of himself was alive again.
Slipping on his gloves, he hoisted a Douglas fir by its trunk and lifted it into the roof of a car, careful to secure it properly so it wouldn’t slip off. He wasn’t used to the task; he was used to running the business from behind a desk, where he was comfortable. Most of their lots were run by locals, or the trees were supplied to other businesses at wholesale. But the good hard work was a distraction right now from the trouble going on behind the scenes. And God knew he needed one…other than Hailey, of course.
“That should do it,” he said to the family sitting patiently in the car. “Have a Merry Christmas!”
He stepped back, waving them off, turned with every intention of going back inside and pouring over the spreadsheets that had kept him awake last night nearly as much as thoughts of Hailey had, when he saw her.
She was coming across the street, clutching the handles of her canvas bag with one hand, holding her hat onto her head with the other.
He thrust his hands in his pockets and rolled back on his heels as he watched her approach. The spreadsheets could wait.
“Hello there,” he said, reaching to take the bag from her hand.
She looked around the lot, where people milled about, stopping every few feet to consider their options. “Busy morning. I wasn’t sure you’d be here today or just Mike.”
“I did get a late start,” he admitted. The apartment Mike’s friend was letting them use while he was out of town was noisy and cramped, but that wasn’t why he hadn’t found sleep until nearly dawn.“I had a nice time last night.” His voice was gruff, and he cleared his throat as he met her eye.
She slipped him a slow smile. “The city’s growing on you, huh?”
“You know I would have been happy here.” For many reasons, he thought.
“Well. Maybe not happy enough.” Her jaw seemed to tighten. “Why did you give up the one thing you ever wanted?”
Regret landed square in his chest. “Not the only thing I ever wanted,” he said quietly. Silence stretched. He could hear the honking of horns at the intersection, a siren in the far distance. “The farm is important. It’s my family business. You have to understand that, Hailey.” He needed her to understand that.
She nodded her head. “It obviously meant a lot to you if you were willing to give up so much for it.” There was hurt in her eyes as he locked her gaze, and she blinked quickly.
“Yeah, well, maybe I should have given up on it a long time ago,” he admitted. His shoulders felt almost as heavy as his chest when he considered the current state of things.
She frowned. “You don’t really mean that.”
But a part of him did. He tipped his head, gesturing toward to the holiday shop, and they walked inside. He watched as Hailey began unpacking her ingredients and adding them to the slow cooker.
Every so often she looked up at him. He pulled in a breath, knowing from the confusion in her eyes that he couldn’t dodge the topic much longer. “To tell you the truth, the business hasn’t been doing well. Fresh trees are expensive. Some people just prefer to invest in artificial. Our suppliers started cutting back on their orders a few years back, and we had no choice but to raise our prices to balance the books. This year, even less people took the orders.”
“Hence your own lot?”
“Make that lots, plural.” He gave an unhappy laugh. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed that Mike was happily guiding a family around the lot, sharing his knowledge about the selections. “Do me a favor? Don’t say anything to Mike. I wouldn’t want to ruin his holiday, and, well, I haven’t given up yet.”
Hailey nodded. “Of course. You know I can always keep a secret.”
He grinned. “Oh, I do. But I hope that someday you’ll share the one that makes this hot chocolate so damn good. Seeing as it might be the last time we see each other and all.”
Her frown seemed to match his thoughts. “Will it?” she asked, a thread of hope in her tone. “Will it be the last time we see each other?”
He stepped back, not wanting to make a promise he couldn’t keep. “I should get back to the customers.”
Jamming is hands into his pockets, he turned to go back to his duty, each step feeling heavy as it brought him farther away from the place he wanted to be, and the person he wanted to be with.
“Pete?” she called out, giving him a wink when he turned to face her. “Don’t give up just yet. On anything.”
The corner of his mouth crooked. He’d never given up. Not even on her.
Chapter Eight
By Wednesday, Hailey was almost feeling the call of the holiday spirit. She’d arrived at work early, before the sun had even started to peak behind the thick grey winter clouds, and before the lights to the tree lot had been switched on for the day.
She’d sold out of her hot chocolate every day so far, and today she decided to tempt fate by offering some of her peppermint brownies to accompany them.
She was just sprinkling some crushed candy canes onto the pan of batter when Mandy burst in through the kitchen door, her cheeks pink from the cold and her eyes gleaming.
“Morning!” she said, as she quickly unwrapped her wool plaid scarf and hung it with her coat on the hook next to Hailey’s. “Oh, Christmas brownies. Those are sure to go fast.”
“I’m making them for the tree lot,” Hailey explained as she slid the tray into the oven and set the timer.
“Well, you should make an extra batch for the display case, just in case. Sales were up yesterday.”
It was true, they were, but not enough to get Hailey’s hopes too high. Still, Mandy had a point. The ingredients were already out on the counter and it wouldn’t hurt to have some extras on hand in case her first batch went quickly.
Mandy washed her hands and tied on an apron, quickly setting to work on the chocolate muffins that were a customer favorite…and Mandy’s, too. They lapsed into silence as they worked, each focused on the task at hand, and Hailey fell back on the same thought she’d had since her talk with Pete on Sunday. Both of them had chosen their careers over each other, and now both of them were on the brink of losing the things that had once seemed so important to them.
“It isn’t right,” Hailey muttered under her breath.
Mandy looked up in alarm. “Did I add a wrong ingredient?”
Hailey laughed. “No. Sorry, I was just talking to myself.” It was a bad habit, and one she’d been guilty of many times lately. Maybe it really was time to get a cat.
Mandy set down her measuring cup. “What’s going on? Is it about the café?”
“Yes, no. It’s about a …friend.” Pete was a friend, technically. Even if he’d once been oh so much more. “You know the guy across the street at the tree lot? Pete? We knew each other in college.”
“You did?” Mandy’s eyes were wide. “He’s kind of cute.”
Kind of? More like the cutest man she’d ever met, and was still to meet, as luck would have it. Hailey sighed and picked up her wooden spoon. There was no use dwelling on his good looks right now. “Back when I knew him he wanted to be a lawyer. He’d applied to law school, here in Chicago, actually. But then he decided to run his family’s tree farm instead.” She shook her head, still not understanding why he felt so compelled by the choice. Why it was suddenly more important than his dreams. Than her. “It’s struggling and well, I guess you could say it makes me sad. He gave up so much. Was it worth it in the end?”