Chapter Eleven
But I’m not Hannah’s mother, was the first thought that came to Faye. She ran his words through her head several times. Marry Hannah’s mother. Marry … Jenna.
She glared at Simon, puzzled. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
Faye let out a sharp breath, feeling her body begin to tremble. A muddle of emotions swept through her in such a flurry that she wasn’t sure which of them to latch onto. Within the crushing disappointment lay bewilderment and a deep sense of loss, alongside anger at Simon’s thickheaded intention. “That’s absurd. You don’t need to marry Jenna. You’re already working out a custody arrangement.”
“I know,” he said. “But it would be best for Hannah, wouldn’t it, if she lived with both of her parents?”
Faye slouched back against the sofa cushion, lightheaded, her heart thundering and her face scorched. A feeling of profound foolishness joined the other emotions churning inside her. For a few minutes she’d felt utterly blissful, certain she was to become Simon’s wife. But he hadn’t intended to marry her at all.
“That’s ideal, yes,” she said, steering her focus back to his question. “But not if the parents don’t love each other. You’d end up divorced and in a worse situation.”
My God, did he love Jenna? It wasn’t as though Faye hadn’t considered the possibility, but she’d dismissed it. Surely she would have picked up some clue from Jenna had her relationship with Simon blossomed into something more than parental cooperation.
Simon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I understand what you’re saying. But I’ve given it a great deal of consideration and I think we could be a happy family. I’m still a little angry at Jenna, I’ll admit, but that will fade in time.” He held Faye’s gaze, his brilliant blue eyes pleading for understanding. “I don’t want to see my daughter only on weekends. I want to be there to help her with her homework, and tuck her in bed at night. I want to be a full-time father, and if that means making compromises and sacrifices, it’ll be worth it.”
So he didn’t love Jenna. A mingling of relief and fresh anguish swept through Faye. Sacrifices, indeed. Whether or not he loved her friend made no difference to Faye’s prospects; it only made the situation more unfair, and all the more untenable.
Then again, just because he meant to ask Jenna to marry him didn’t mean she’d accept.
“Do you really think Jenna would agree to this?” Faye asked.
Simon’s shoulders lifted. “I don’t know. I can only try.”
She let out a sharp breath of exasperation, grappling for alternative solutions. “Why couldn’t you just live together? I mean, platonically. Then you’d both have Hannah full-time.”
He shook his head. “I considered that. But if we wanted to date other people, it would get too complicated, and it would only confuse Hannah. Married, we’ll be a proper family.”
“When are you planning on asking her?” Faye glanced down at her bare finger, rubbing it absently with her thumb. She couldn’t help picturing Simon sliding the ring onto Jenna’s finger, and the image brought a terrible ache to her chest. Tears threatened behind her eyes, but she blinked them back.
“Probably tomorrow,” he said.
“Go on, then.” Faye looked at him with hardened eyes, her voice cold as sudden anger surged through her. “If it’s what you really want.”
“Please understand, Faye.” Inching closer, Simon grasped her hand. “What’s best for Hannah is more important to me than my own desires. But if you don’t want me to propose to Jenna, tell me now, and I won’t do it.” His free hand rose to stroke her face, the backs of his fingers lightly tracing the curve of her cheek.
Faye closed he eyes briefly, allowing the sweet sensation of his touch to shimmer through her, electrifying her body. Her face burned, both with yearning and with anger. She wanted this man with all her heart, and he had wanted her, too; he’d tried to persuade her to think of her own desires, yet here he was now, ready to forfeit his.
I love you, damn it, and you must know it; but don’t make me responsible for your decisions, she told him silently, unable to bring the words to her lips. It would be wrong to try to stop him; after all, he was doing the very thing her parents hadn’t been willing to do—put his child’s needs ahead of his own.
“Go ahead,” she replied stoically instead. “Ask her to marry you. I won’t stop you.”
* * *
She found Jenna in her wheelchair, parked by the window of her hospital room. She turned to look at Faye, her eyes shining, as though holding some delicious secret. It didn’t take long for the words to spill out.
“You won’t believe it.” Jenna’s voice sounded both incredulous and tinged with pleasure. “Simon proposed.”
“What did you tell him?” Faye tried to sound surprised, while her heart sank to the pit of her stomach like a stone.
“I didn’t know what to say.” Jenna shrugged one shoulder. “I was floored. I tried to brush it off, but he was so persistent, talking about how it was the best thing for Hannah. Finally I told him I’d think about it.”
Other than requiring the wheelchair, Jenna looked like her old self, her skin clear and pink, her gray eyes lively. Slim since she was a girl, she looked a bit too thin now, but appeared more robust each time Faye saw her. Even her impish smile was back, on full display now that she was relishing her very first proposal of marriage.
Faye sank onto the bed, feeling a need for support as she posed her next question. “Do you want to marry him?”
Jenna replied with another quick shrug. “It wouldn’t be so bad. He’s gorgeous and rich. A girl could do worse.”
Faye nodded vaguely, both surprised and irritated by her friend’s cavalier attitude toward an offer that Faye would have given her eye teeth to receive. “But you’re not in love.”
“Love comes and goes,” Jenna said, as though love as a necessary element in a marriage were an antiquated notion. “We’re good friends now, and that’s a start.”
Faye replied with an unintended fervour. “Jenna, you don’t have to marry him. You can share custody of Hannah, and he’s giving you financial support now. You and I have been doing all right looking after Hannah together. I’m not going anywhere.”
Jenna shook her head, a soft smile curving her lips as her voice took on a more sober tone. “Faye, you don’t want to be stuck raising my daughter for the next sixteen years. I want you to meet a great guy and have your own life. You can’t meet anyone when you’re at home every night looking after my kid.”
“I don’t mind. I love Hannah.” Faye heard her voice quaver, as panic began to well inside her; she’d been nearly certain Jenna would turn down Simon’s proposal the moment he asked. But she was actually considering it.
“I know you don’t mind,” Jenna said. “But I can’t take advantage of you anymore.” She spread her arms, indicating the wheelchair to which she was confined. “Look at me, I can’t even walk. I can’t do much for myself, let alone look after an active toddler. I’m going to need a lot of help for a while. More than you should have to give. I can’t tie you down looking after me. You’ll wake up one morning and realize what you’ve sacrificed, and you’ll regret it.”
Sacrifice. That damned word again. Sliding off the bed, Faye knelt beside Jenna’s chair, holding her gaze. “I won’t ever have regrets. You were there for me when I needed you all those years when we were kids. You gave up a lot for me. I owe you more than you can imagine.”
Jenna smiled again, squeezing Faye’s hand in appreciation. “You’ve already paid me back many times over. Besides, think of how good it would be for Hannah. Halfmoon Bay is so peaceful. It’s a perfect place to raise a child. And not get hit by a car,” she added wryly.
Faye didn’t reply. She remembered what Simon told her about Jenna being bored in his little town. She stopped short of reminding Jenna of this. Arguing obviously wasn’t going to change anything. Jenna had to make her own dec
ision on what was best for herself and for her daughter.
“Anyway, I’m only thinking over my options. I haven’t decided,” Jenna added. “It’s not every day a girl gets a marriage proposal.” Her grin widened. “And you should see the ring. It had a rock on it the size of my fist.”
“I’m sure it’s beautiful,” Faye said, her heart thudding as she remembered it.
Jenna’s gaze shifted down to Faye’s neck, her brow creasing with curiosity. “What a pretty locket. Where did you get that?”
Faye’s hand went automatically to the necklace. Warmth crept into her face. She hadn’t worn the locket very often, but had decided on impulse to wear it today, not considering the possibility that Jenna would ask about it.
“From the Easter bunny,” Faye told her enigmatically.
Jenna looked puzzled, as though she suspected she should understand the reference but didn’t. “Anything inside?”
Nodding her head, Faye pulled the two sides of the locket apart, revealing a tiny picture of Jenna and Hannah, taken at Christmastime.
Jenna gazed at it, smiling. “That’s sweet. But I hope before too long you can chuck us out of there and put in a picture of your own husband and baby.”
Faye shrugged, pinching the silver locket closed. “Maybe someday.”
* * *
There was no preamble to Jenna’s phone call. When Faye picked up the receiver, her friend’s first words were bright and breathless.
“I said yes.”
At first Faye didn’t understand what she was talking about. “What?”
“To Simon,” Jenna explained impatiently. “We’re getting married.”
The words hit Faye like a fist to the stomach. She’d known it might happen, but even so she hadn’t been prepared. She crumpled onto the sofa, needing to draw a few deep breaths before she could reply. “Are you sure about this?”
“It’s time I grew up and did the right thing, Faye. He’ll be a good husband for me. We’re going to be a complete family, and I’m excited about that.”
A complete family. Faye’s mind flashed back to the moment she had stood with Simon beside Hannah’s crib in Halfmoon Bay, picturing them as a family.
My world feels so complete with you here, he had told her later, as he held her in his arms, asking her to stay with him.
But thought Faye loved them both, neither of them belonged to her; how naive it had been to entertain the notion.
Jenna did sound excited. She had been mulling it over for several days, and from the firm tone of her voice, Faye could tell she was having no second thoughts.
“Then I’m happy for you.” Faye tried to bring enthusiasm to her own voice. Her heart was beating at a reasonable pace again, but the agonizing knot in her stomach remained.
“I know you have your doubts about this,” Jenna said, “but please be my maid of honour. I couldn’t have anyone else but you.”
“Of course I will,” Faye replied automatically. Now that the decision had been made, she would not spoil her friend’s happiness by protesting. “Listen, I have to go. Simon took Hannah to the park after supper, and I want to get a few chores done before they get back.”
“Faye, you’re working so hard, I feel so guilty,” Jenna said. “But it’s temporary. Pretty soon you’ll just have yourself to worry about.”
Exactly what I’m dreading, Faye thought, but kept her tone bright. “We’ll talk soon.”
Hanging up the phone, she sat for a moment in the silence, not quite believing the conversation that had just taken place. But it was true—Jenna and Simon were engaged. Faye had been clinging to the hope that her friend would turn down his proposal, though in her heart she’d known what the outcome would be. Perhaps it had been inevitable from the time Simon Blake showed up at the hospital and learned he had a child. And perhaps it was the right thing, after all, for this family to be together, and for Faye to simply step aside.
Logically, maybe she could make sense of it. But logic didn’t ease the ache in her heart, or stop the tears that spilled from her eyes to flow freely down her cheeks. Burying her face in her hands, she fell sideways onto the sofa cushions and sobbed quietly, her chest heaving with each ragged breath.
Chapter Twelve
Faye was grateful for her chores to keep her occupied for the next half hour; the dishes were drying in the rack and the laundry neatly folded by the time Simon arrived at the apartment with Hannah.
“You’re late,” Faye told him crisply, swooping the toddler into her arms as they came inside.
“Sorry. Traffic was bad.” Simon eyed her curiously, noting her stiff posture and the set of her jaw. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” She had composed herself sufficiently that the redness in her eyes and the blotches on her face had thankfully faded, but pretending the news thrilled her would be a challenge. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
He observed her warily. “You spoke to Jenna?”
Faye nodded. “She accepted your proposal.”
“Yes. Finally.”
“Milk!” Hannah said, reaching toward the kitchen, her small fist grabbing at the air.
Welcoming the distraction, Faye took Hannah into the kitchen, depositing her in her high chair. Simon followed, leaning against the door frame as Faye took the milk jug out of the fridge and grabbed a sippy cup from the drying rack.
“So when’s the wedding?” she asked him.
“As soon as Jenna’s out of the hospital, we’ll start planning.” His voice lacked enthusiasm, but perhaps he was only reflecting Faye’s subdued tone. “Shouldn’t be too long. She’s doing so well; she should be able to walk with crutches pretty soon.”
“I’m the maid of honour,” Faye told him. “Have you chosen a best man?” Maybe if she focused on the planning, it would be easier to get through this.
“My brother-in-law, I suppose. He’ll be home in a few weeks.”
Faye nodded curtly. She passed the filled sippy cup to Hannah, who was pounding her palms impatiently on the tray of her high chair. “Do you know where you’ll hold the wedding?”
Simon’s broad shoulders lifted and fell. “We thought it might be nice to do it at my place, on the beach.”
It did sound perfect. “I suppose I’ll need to plan a shower. And we need a gown for Jenna, and one for me, and something pretty for Hannah, of course. Flowers. What about the reception?” If she kept talking about it, maybe she could keep the tears from returning. They were still close to the surface, threatening to spill from her eyes at the slightest provocation. Faye had no idea how she was going to cope—how could she simply lock her feelings away and watch her best friend marry the man she loved?
“Don’t worry about all that now,” Simon said. “There’s plenty of time.”
“Spoken like a man who’s never planned a wedding.” She heard her voice rising in an oddly frantic timbre. “Well, I’d better get this little one to bed.”
“Do you mind if I stick around and help?” he asked.
She hesitated, taken aback by the request. She wanted him to leave so she could let herself fall apart for a while, maybe purge the hurt from her system once and for all. She had plans to spend the evening with a carton of ice cream and a box of tissue. But what excuse could she come up with to refuse?
“Be my guest.”
Faye eased the bedroom door closed, as Hannah gazed out at them through the bars of her crib. She rolled onto her stomach, eyes round as she observed the two heads peering in at her from the hallway.
“Night, night, Hannah,” Simon said behind Faye.
“Night, night, Da Da,” a small, soft voice called back.
Turning to Simon, Faye saw the edges of his mouth twitch upward, his eyes brimming with pride. “That’s the first time she’s said that.”
“Pretty soon you’ll be hearing it every night.” The now-familiar ache settled in Faye’s chest. “I’ll miss it so much, saying goodnight to her.”
His smile faded, a
look of compassion flickering through his features. “You’ll still see her all the time.”
“What if you move up to Halfmoon Bay?” Faye countered. “I won’t see her much at all.”
“You can visit anytime. I know it’ll be hard for you, but you should see this as a positive change. You’ll have the freedom to follow your own dreams. Live your own life.”
“Hannah was my life.” Turning away from him, she headed back to the living room.
Simon followed close behind. “But she’s not yours, Faye.”
“I know.”
“With your evenings free,” he went on, “who knows, you may meet the man of your dreams and fall madly in love.”
She spun to face him, glaring at him in irritation. “That’s just what Jenna said. That’s what everyone seems to want for me. Maybe I don’t care about that.”
He eyed her speculatively, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Faye, have you considered the fact that you might be clinging to Hannah because you’re avoiding having to live your own life?”
“Clinging to Hannah? How dare you? I’ve helped raise her since she was born. How could I not miss her?”
“Of course you’ll miss her,” Simon agreed, his tone maddeningly subdued. “But you should also be happy to have your freedom. Clearly you’re not. I can’t help but think that making yourself so integral to Jenna and Hannah’s lives has given you an excuse to hide from your fears, and now you’re forced to confront them.”
“What fears?” She stared at him, curiosity briefly overriding her rising anger.
“I think you’re afraid to want to fall in love,” he said, “and to have a family of your own. You’re afraid you might not be able to have it, and if you did have it, you might not be able to hold onto it.”
Divided Hearts Page 11