Amy watched the steam rise from her coffee cup and tried to absorb Celeste’s words. Eventually, she looked at her and asked openly, “You really believe we should do this, don’t you?”
Holding her gaze, Celeste answered, “Yes.”
Amy exhaled. She was in conflict. She was seeing different sides to Celeste and there was no doubt, as this weekend was proving, that she was a complex and multilayered person.
“Why does someone like you,” Amy asked, “who has experienced so much, and who understands the types of adversities that life throws at people—”
“Amy,” Celeste interrupted. “What I do is a job, that’s all.”
Amy shook her head and said firmly, “Oh, I think it’s much more than that, Doctor Cameron.”
Evidently amused by the use of her formal address, Celeste’s lips twitched. “I have the same weaknesses as the next person.”
Looking at Celeste, Amy went for what she hoped was her Achilles heel. She raised her eyebrows and asked, “What about Josh. Do you care about him?”
Celeste’s eyes narrowed. She leaned in. “Of course I care about him.”
“Then, for his sake, don’t you think we should stop this?”
Leaning back, Celeste answered almost wearily, “Do you think we can?” She held Amy’s gaze. “Do you want to have years of this?” she asked. “Do you want it to be knotted in our stomachs whenever we see each other?” Her eyes sparked. “To be there, in every look we exchange, in every accidental touch—” She stopped when Amy lifted her hand to show her wedding ring.
“Regardless,” Amy replied. Leaning forward, she lowered her voice. “I’m married.”
“Do you think that’s enough?”
“I believe in monogamy.”
Celeste arched an eyebrow. “Your beliefs haven’t stopped you so far.”
Amy’s heart thudded. The lines of the poem flashed through her mind, ‘Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.’
“In most parts of the world, Amy, sexual desire is a fact of life,” Celeste said, lifting her cup. “In some cultures, people aren’t expected to suppress their needs. Desire is an acceptable part of being alive. In societies where power tends to pass through women, women sleep with whomever they want. However, in more developed cultures, especially when it comes to property, the rules become more one-sided.”
Listening, Amy unconsciously fixed a dress strap that had slid down a shoulder.
Celeste paused for several seconds. “Property is generally passed through the male lineage, and because it’s important to know who the father of a child is, from a property perspective, men tend to continue being promiscuous and women tend to be guarded…sexually.”
“Look, Celeste, I understand that you might have a different perspective on things, given your exposure to different cultures, but whatever you say still doesn’t normalize it for me.” Amy frowned. “We’re living in the twenty-first century, and I buy into monogamy.”
Looking closely at Amy, Celeste said, vulnerably, “All I want is for this ache to stop.”
Surprised, Amy blushed.
“I want it to stop. It’s draining me, Amy.” She leaned back. “I can’t think straight. It has to change, because the real truth is, I don’t want years of this.”
They stared at each other.
Amy took a drink. “Given time, it will die.”
Celeste shook her head. “This type of attraction doesn’t die.” She looked at Amy. “Emotions are complex. People can take to their grave feelings for their unrequited first crush.”
“Shucks, I’m your first crush?”
Celeste smiled. “No, but consider it a metaphor for the unrequited.”
Amy held Celeste’s gaze for a long time, then surprised herself by asking, “How can we make it stop?”
Celeste closed her eyes briefly. “Have you heard of the fantasy theory?”
Amy shook her head.
“For a fantasy to exist, desire needs absent objects. Desire can only support itself with fantasies.”
“Meaning what?” Amy asked, intrigued. “That the moment you get something you normally can’t have, you don’t want it anymore?”
Celeste nodded.
Amy thought back to something that she had read somewhere about people only being truly happy when thinking about their future happiness. How bizarre life really is?
“So, what you’re saying is that if we were to do this, we would turn desire into reality and lose interest?”
“Yes,” Celeste responded.
Amy exhaled. She caught her bottom lip. Her common sense screamed indignantly, No way! Her baser instincts yelled out hungrily, yes! Say yes!
Celeste took Amy’s hand. Holding it, she gently stroked the back of it.
Be strong, Amy told herself. You came with her this weekend to end it. So end it. Gazing into Celeste’s eyes, Amy couldn’t. Her skin tingled and her stomach fluttered. Why can’t you? Her inner voice answered readily. You want it to happen as much as she does. You want her. Accept it…you want her bad.
Amy immediately thought of her mother. It won’t make you like that, her inner voice appeased. She left her family. If you keep the arrangement simple, it will be over before you know it, and you won’t have years of this. You’ll be able to put it behind you, just like you did last time with her.
Looking down, Amy watched Celeste’s thumb stroke the back of her hand. The complete sensuality of her touch ricocheted through her brain.
“I want no emotional involvement,” Amy said. “I don’t want to discuss my relationship with Josh.” Leaning in, she added protectively, “I want it understood there is no future for us.” She swallowed. “Four months, no more.”
Celeste leaned in, and searched her face intently. “Okay,” she replied. “Let’s go.”
†
The elevator silently slid to a halt. Amy pulled herself away from the wall. When the doors opened, Celeste held out her hand. Aware of the stranger still in the elevator, but unable to resist, Amy took it. She walked with Celeste along the corridor.
Standing behind her, Celeste waited patiently as Amy searched her small purse for her key card.
Placing the card in the door lock, Amy stood hesitantly when the door unlocked.
Sensing that Amy was wrestling with her conscience, Celeste placed her hands on Amy’s hips and pushed her forward gently.
Immediately, Amy’s pulse sped up. Letting go of her doubt, she entered her room.
Still feeling the effects of the wine from dinner, but needing a little courage, Amy decided a nightcap was justified. Turning to Celeste, she asked if she would like a drink.
Celeste nodded. “Tequila,” she replied, removing her shoes.
Pouring their drinks, Amy wondered if Celeste was nervous, and decided no, the cool, calm doctor never got her feathers ruffled. She took a large swig from her glass. Reflexively, she spluttered and gasped for air.
Moving to the minibar quickly, Celeste pulled out a small bottle of mineral water, opened it, and handed it to Amy.
After a few gulps of water, Amy smiled ruefully. “Thanks.” She coughed. “Whisky,” she rasped. “I’d forgotten it has a real kick.”
Celeste raised an eyebrow then drank slowly from her glass.
Sipping water from the bottle, Amy watched Celeste drink and wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to taste her mouth again.
At one point this evening, when they were dining, Amy had found it hard to believe that, given their encounters, they had never kissed since that first night. She remembered noticing her full mouth when they first met. Although Josh had a similar mouth, somehow, Celeste’s seemed much more provocative. Amy suddenly realized that everything she found attractive about Josh, Celeste seemed to amplify, and not the other way around.
Putting her glass down, Celeste approached Amy. Removing the bottle from her hand, she brushed hers lips over Amy’s, before whispering, “I really enj
oyed this evening.” She added throatily, “All night, I have wanted to kiss you.”
Groaning, Amy placed her hands at the nape of Celeste’s neck and kissed her teasing mouth hungrily, then deeply.
Opening her mouth fully, Celeste ran her tongue along Amy’s lips before slipping it into her mouth. She moaned when Amy pressed into her and kissed her intently.
After a few moments, Celeste broke the kiss and leaning her brow against Amy’s whispered, “I don’t think I can wait any longer.”
Impatiently, Amy moved her head, seeking Celeste’s lips. She tangled her fingers in her loose hair and kissed her hard.
Celeste pulled away and murmured, “I need you, Amy.” Taking her hand, she led her to the bed
Chapter 31
Entranced, Amy watched Celeste undress. Yearning raced through her, forcing her to reach out for the bedpost. Her legs weakened at the sight of Celeste naked and unabashed. What if, after this ends, I’m never satisfied again? she thought. What about you, Celeste, who will you want after me?
Surprised by the jealous streak, Amy’s jaw clenched. Looking at Celeste, she gave into her craving and moved to stand in front of her. With her three-inch heels and Celeste barefoot, they were at eye level. Leaning into her, Amy kissed the hollows of her shoulders before finding her mouth.
Celeste slowly pulled her mouth away. Evidently pleased at Amy’s newfound enthusiasm, she murmured, “The way you make me feel is incredible.” Amy slowly placed her hands on Celeste’s breasts. Groaning, she closed her eyes and allowed her senses to focus on the pleasure of touching this woman, this way. She frowned slightly when a strange feeling washed over her of needing this intimacy. “I love touching your breasts,” she whispered, opening her eyes.
Inches apart, Amy watched a gamut of emotions cross Celeste’s face. Something deep inside her had begun to grow when Celeste had returned home and it had shaped into a need that she couldn’t contain. She would combust if she didn’t taste her.
Amy’s lips grazed Celeste’s breast, softly she sucked on a nipple. The rush to every nerve ending in her body was exquisite.
In response, Celeste’s lungs emptied. Her dark eyelashes fluttered closed. She sucked in air then moaned as she gripped Amy’s shoulders tightly.
Celeste made noises of deep pleasure as Amy sucked. Eventually, she whispered. “Touch me…Amy…please.”
Goose bumps formed all over Amy’s body. Breathing shallowly, she straightened and gazed at Celeste. Dizzy with just the notion of it, she swallowed. Slowly she moved her hands over Celeste, rested them on hips then slid one between her thighs and stroked her clit.
Arching, Celeste rapidly moved her hips back and forth. “Yes…Amy.”
Instinctively, Amy followed Celeste’s rhythm. Her throat tightened.
Celeste’s head snapped back. Groaning deeply, she let out a long cry and climaxed.
Hot tears filled Amy’s eyes.
Stilling, Celeste held the blonde tightly, then slowly kissed the tears away.
“I want you so much,” Amy said.
“I know.”
After a moment, Celeste whispered, as she unzipped Amy’s dress, “I want to see you.”
Slipping the thin straps off Amy’s shoulders, Celeste kissed the length of each shoulder before pulling the straps fully down. Letting the dress fall to her waist, she looked openly at her.
Breathing heavily, Amy could see that already the brunette was hungry for more.
“You are so beautiful,” Celeste whispered, as her hands moved to Amy’s breasts.
Amy gasped when her breasts filled Celeste’s palms.
“I’ve wanted to touch you like this all day,” Celeste admitted, planting small kisses on Amy’s face. “I’ve relived that first night in your apartment over and over,” she murmured. “Relived the feel of you. You would have thought it would have faded by now,” she confessed. “But, for the last four years it has driven me crazy.”
A surge of exhilaration shot through Amy. She closed her eyes, and smiled at the idea of Celeste being driven crazy by thoughts of her. Her eyes popped open when Celeste ducked her head, capturing one nipple, then the other, greedily sucking them to hard peaks.
Amy groaned loudly.
Dropping to her knees, Celeste pushed Amy’s dress down further, exposing her stomach and hips.
When the cold air hit the wetness around her nipples, Amy was suddenly and acutely aware of their sensitivity as they stiffened in need of attention.
Hungrily, Celeste trailed kisses along Amy’s stomach then prodded her tongue into her belly button.
Unable to resist any longer, Amy touched her own breasts. “Mmmm,” she uttered, head falling back in deep gratification.
Celeste lowered Amy’s dress over her hips dropping it to the floor. Lacing her fingers along the inside of her black briefs, she moved them down. Once past her hips, eyes half-closed, she leaned in and caught Amy’s scent. A low growl escaped her. Quickly, she pulled Amy’s briefs the rest of the way down.
Realizing what Celeste was about to do, uncertainty swept through Amy. She stiffened.
“I want to taste you,” Celeste said, looking up at Amy.
“Celeste! I…I…don’t know if I want this…I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” Amy stuttered.
“Amy,” Celeste said with a hint of impatience. “Do we have to fight every time?” Resting her forehead between Amy’s thighs, she nuzzled her face into her and whispered seductively, “You smell ready.”
Groaning, Amy’s world ground to a halt. Embarrassed, she covered her face with her hands.
Celeste pressed further into Amy, loving her softness, and kissed around her thighs. She inhaled deeply and tried to fight the animalistic need that filled her.
Amy dropped her hands to her side. “Celeste,” she said earnestly. “I mean it…I don’t like it…this.”
Celeste stopped nuzzling, and resting on her knees, she stroked up and down the length of Amy’s thighs. Looking up, her chest constricted at the sight of the blonde standing fully erect, breasts full, nipples hardened, face flushed with excitement. The beauty of this woman overwhelmed her.
Feeling her control break, Celeste groaned. Gripping Amy’s thighs, she said in exasperation, “Amy, do you want me to beg? Tell you that I can’t stop thinking about you? That I can’t eat. I can’t sleep?” Her grip tightened. “Tell you that I can’t think straight since that night in the summerhouse?” She stopped and, bending her head, exhaled heavily before looking up. “Amy,” she added vulnerably, “do you want me to tell you how much I need this? How much I need to…to touch you, to taste you?”
Looking down at Celeste, Amy’s hands fluttered as she tried to find the words. Unable to find them, she shook her head and insisted, “I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m not ready.”
Celeste placed her fingers between Amy’s thighs and touched her. Lifting glistening fingers, she replied softly, “I think you are.”
Amy gasped. “I—”
Celeste touched her again.
Holding her breath, Amy closed her eyes briefly. Then looking at Celeste, nodded her consent.
Celeste gently lifted each of Amy’s feet and slipped her briefs off. Looking up at her, her breath caught again at the glorious sight of this woman, naked. Deeply moved by how exposed she seemed, she watched Amy’s hands protectively cover her breasts.
For a moment, Celeste considered taking Amy to bed, but even that slight delay was too much. With her hands, she put pressure on Amy’s thighs to part.
As her thighs opened, Amy’s body tensed. Celeste looked at her and moaned; her clit was wet, and glistening.
Her need to taste Amy overwhelming, Celeste hungrily leaned in to catch drops of her. Driving her tongue between her lips, she ran it back and forth, down and up the length of her. Repeatedly, letting the taste of Amy drive her wild, until eventually she took her clit fully in her mouth and sucked on it, nibbling and flicking it over and over with her tongue, continually sw
allowing with pleasure as Amy’s hips rocked back and forth.
“OhmyGod…Celeste!” Amy uttered.
Celeste’s excitement went into overdrive. Enthralled by the taste of Amy, the intimacy of her actions and unable to contain her own excitement, she touched herself as she slipped a hand between Amy’s thighs.
Amy almost choked when Celeste’s fingers entered her.
Celeste winced when Amy’s full weight bore down on her and her nails dug into her shoulders. She tried to stay on the edge until Amy climaxed, but the sound of her moaning, and the feel of being inside her drove her frantically.
Amy’s hands moved to Celeste’s head. “Celeste. Oh God. I…I—”
Celeste bit down then suckled on the hard bead against her tongue.
Amy’s words stalled. Leaning in, she rose erect on her toes. Her body arching, she convulsed in orgasm.
Celeste almost withdrew in surprise when her mouth filled with fluid, but the force of Amy’s orgasm pushed her on.
Amy’s head fell back. She rocked her hips and pressed down harder, begging Celeste to keep going, until, finally, she slowed.
Leaning her head into the softness of Amy’s thighs, the unstoppable welling-up of her own deep climax overtook Celeste.
†
Panting, Amy pulled away from Celeste. Trying to catch her breath, her chest heaving, unable to believe the way this woman made her feel, she made her way to the bed. In the beginning, Josh had tried going down on her often, but eventually she discouraged it. She tended to labor to reach orgasm, and it always felt awkward. Never, ever, ever, had it felt anything like that!
Amy looked at Celeste and frowned when she saw her mouth and chin dripping. Confused, she sat. Her frown deepened as she watched small drops glisten as they ran down Celeste’s throat, trail past her breasts and slide down her stomach. Suddenly aware of how wet the insides of her own thighs were, she gave Celeste a worried look.
“Oh God,” Amy uttered, eyes widening. “What have I done?”
“It’s not what you think,” Celeste replied softly, wiping her mouth.
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