“What does it feel like, Amy, to be madly, crazily in love?” Sandra asked. Face filled with compassion, she approached.
“I don’t know,” Amy whispered.
“Yes, you do,” Sandra replied. “You’re crazy about Celeste.” She gently touched Amy’s arms and whispered, “It’s something that you’ll have to come to terms with, because, the truth is, you will never outrun it.”
Amy breathed in deeply.
“Tell me,” Sandra said gently. “Tell me, Amy. I’m here for you.” She looked at her. “Tell me what it feels like.”
Amy bit her bottom lip. “I know you think this will help if I talk about it. But, I can’t go there, Sandra.”
“You can’t outrun it, Amy.”
Amy looked at her friend for a long time then replied, “Watch me.”
†
Amy woke up. Surprised she looked around. She couldn’t believe it. She was back on the beach. Right where she was before.
“Maggie?” Amy said feeling dazed.
Maggie replied anxiously, “Amy, listen to me, there’s very little time. She needs you.”
Confused, Amy frowned. She looked at her cousin.
Maggie’s fingers dug into her arms. She spoke slowly and deliberately. “It’s real, Amy. Believe me, it’s very real.” Maggie put pressure on Amy’s arm and turned her around. She pointed toward the sand dunes.
Amy was surprised to see Celeste and the children walking toward the dunes. They were quickly gaining distance. She squinted her eyes; Celeste seemed to be fading in and out.
Maggie whispered into her ear, “You have to go to her.”
Confused, Amy turned her head to look at Maggie, but Maggie shoved her.
Amy fell to her knees.
“Sorry,” Maggie said, helping Amy up. “Too much oomph.”
Maggie brushed Amy down then shoved her, gently this time. “Trust me, Amy.” She looked past her and said with some urgency before pushing her again. “Trust your instinct.”
“What’s wrong?”
Maggie pushed Amy forward.
“Maggie, tell me.”
“Go.”
Amy looked up toward Celeste and concern rushed through her. She ran hesitantly forward, but kept glancing over her shoulder to Maggie.
Maggie waved her arms, frantic for her to hurry.
Amy started to jog, and although her cousin was soon a distance away, her voice rang out clearly, “Hurry.”
A wave of panic washed over Amy and not looking back, she broke into a full run and tried to catch up with Celeste and the children. She shouted for them to wait, but they were speeding up. As they sped up, she slowed down. With alarm, Amy realized that with each step she was sinking into the sand, deeper and deeper, and no matter how hard she shouted neither Celeste nor the children turned around. She tried to move faster, but her legs felt like leaden weights. With horror, she looked down and realized she was stuck and sinking fast.
†
Amy woke up. Blind panic shot through her. She bolted out of the bed and ran through her entire apartment. Throwing on every light, she searched. Eventually, she stopped and yelled in bewilderment, “What am I doing? There’s nobody here.”
Standing alone in her living room, Amy tried to catch her breath. Her knees buckling, she dropped to the floor. Leaning forward on all fours, she tried to calm herself, but couldn’t. Instinctively, she got to her feet and reached for the phone. She called Celeste.
“Allo.”
Surprised, Amy said, “Camille? Camille, it’s Amy.”
“Oh, Amy!”
“Camille, where is Celeste?” Amy asked urgently.
Camille sobbed. “Amy, there has been a terrible accident.”
Chapter 54
In the final hour of her flight, in the cramped, confined toilet, Amy wiped her mouth. She had just thrown up. After the call with Camille, to her relief, Alex called within minutes to say he had booked her the first available flight out.
Amy rinsed her mouth then wiped it. She leaned her head heavily against the mirror, and thought about the accident that Celeste was involved in while out swimming. The dream from earlier burned in her mind. It wasn’t a dream, she finally reconciled as she lifted her head from the mirror. Somehow, it had been Maggie telling her to get to Celeste.
Amy pushed away the niggling of her internal voice, telling her she might be too late. She closed her eyes and all she could see was the image of Celeste fading in and out. Unable to hold her fear in any longer, she whispered, “Please don’t let it mean goodbye. If it really was you, Maggie, then I’m begging you, don’t let me be too late.”
Tears flowed freely. Wiping them away, Amy thought how ironic life would be if Celeste were taken from her now. She thought about the what-ifs and wondered if she would have married Josh if Celeste had stayed. For the first time Amy faced the truth. She closed her eyes, accepting that she wouldn’t have married him. If Celeste had stayed, she would have been unable to ignore the truth that she was deeply in love with her. She looked at her reflection and finally accepted that she would never outrun her love for Celeste.
Pressing her head to the mirror, Amy released a deep sob. The thought of losing Celeste unbearable she gulped in some air. She lifted her head when the door rattled. It was the air steward asking her to take a seat. The plane was due to land.
†
Spotting Colin just as he noticed her, Amy hurried toward him. He looked drawn. She stopped in front of him. “How is she?”
Colin hugged her. “She’s still in surgery.”
Amy sank into him, relieved that he was here and that Celeste was still fighting.
Colin hugged her tight. “I’m so glad you’re here, Amy. So glad you’re here.”
“Hurry, Colin,” Amy whispered. “I need to be with her.”
They made their way to his car.
Onboard the plane Amy had been allowed to make a few in-flight calls, but now Colin was giving her more details of Celeste’s injuries. “Ultimately, she’s seriously battered, with several broken bones,” he said, getting into the car.
Feeling increasingly uneasy, Amy bit her bottom lip pensively. “But they’ve been operating for hours?”
Colin glanced at Amy. “She’s back in surgery,” he said quietly. “There’s internal bleeding.”
Amy’s head sank into the headrest. She knew how serious it was to stop internal bleeding. She uttered, her voice croaking, “What happened exactly?”
“I don’t know much more than what I’ve already told you.”
Amy looked at Colin. “Tell me everything again.”
Colin sighed and nodded. “From what I understand, Celeste went out for a swim when she was hit.” He smacked the steering wheel. “Those fucking Jet Skis!” he roared. “They are the curse of the coastline. You can’t move without those fucking, noisy pollutants being forced down your throat. The number of people hit this year alone, is a record high.”
Colin went off on a rant.
Not listening, the color drained from Amy’s face as she visualized Celeste being hit. Closing her eyes, she willed her to fight.
†
When they arrived at the hospital, Camille was the first to spot Amy. She ran toward her and took her in her arms.
“Amy! My darling. Thank God you are here,” Camille said, hugging her hard.
Sophie and Alex followed. Wrapping their arms around her, they hugged and welcomed her.
Breaking free, Amy asked, “How is she?”
Camille looked at Amy then stroked her face. “We do not know yet,” she replied. “They are still operating.” She smiled weakly. “But we know that she is fighting.” Camille whispered, “And now you are here, she will fight even harder.”
Amy smiled reassuringly and whispered, “I hope so, Camille. I hope so.”
Hugging Camille, Amy made eye contact with Josh. He was standing with a small, dark-haired, very attractive woman. After a few moments, Amy moved away from Camille and app
roached him. During her last visit she had intended to see him, but her confrontation with Alex and Celeste meant that it didn’t happen.
“Hello, Josh.”
Josh eyed her cautiously. “Hello, Amy,” he said, putting his arm around the woman next to him.
“Hi Amy, I’m Denise.” The brunette smiled nervously as she held her hand out.
Amy looked at it. She took the hand then pulled a surprised Denise into her for a hug. “Hello, Denise,” she replied. “It’s really nice to meet you.”
Amy heard a din behind her. She broke the embrace and turned to see her mother, followed by Bruce and Fraser carrying trays. Daniel, Naomi, and Amy’s sisters were with Kate because there was no stopping her mother. She was determined to be here. Amy watched Irene commandeer the distribution of the coffee and sandwiches. She couldn’t help a brief smile. Some things, she realized, just never changed. She turned to look at Josh and Denise and excusing herself, joined her mother.
†
Amy looked at her watch for the umpteenth time. She had been here just over twenty minutes already, but it felt like an eternity.
Josh approached her. He cleared his throat and handed her a fresh cup of coffee. She took it and they stood for a while in awkward silence. Amy knew it was difficult for Josh. She had left him with so many questions. After the accident, she had completely shut down on him, on life.
They spoke at the same time.
Amy smiled. “Please,” she said, “what were you going to say?”
Josh cleared his throat again. “Mom told me you were coming,” he said, creasing lines with his thumbnail in the cup he held. “She told me that you have been in contact with Celeste for quite a while. That you’d even come home.” He looked at her intently. “Words seem inadequate right now, Amy, to describe how you showing up like this makes me feel.”
Amy nodded. “I know.”
“You know I kept in contact with Irene?”
Amy nodded.
“She let me know that you were okay. But, I…” Josh trailed off. Sounding deeply wounded and with more than a note of disbelief, he finished, “I can’t believe that you’ve never contacted me.” He shook his head. “Did you care at all, Amy?”
How could she explain? Amy looked at Josh, although he was trying to hide it, she could see anger in the way his face was set. He looked so different. She realized that the fun-loving, jovial man she married was gone.
Waiting for an answer, Josh stared at her.
Amy knew that forming words to explain how he felt, right now was too painful. She also knew he wanted to tell her that he was devastated when she ran out on him. That he was enraged that she could disregard him. Amy watched him struggle and knew that now she was here, and intending to stay, she would see that anger soon. She watched him litter his cup with lines.
“Yes, I cared.”
Sounding confused, Josh asked, “Why are you here?” He frowned and shook his head. “Why?”
Why am I here for Celeste, and not you? Amy sighed inwardly. This was too difficult. They needed to seriously talk but here wasn’t the right time for either of them.
Amy looked at him. “Josh, for now,” she said, “would you accept that I’m sorry? I’m so sorry for running off the way I did. And for not being strong enough to be honest with you about what was happening to me.” Not honest enough to tell you about Celeste.
Amy looked at Josh. He’s moved on. He’s with someone else. He has two kids and, however hard it’s been, he’s gotten on with his life. He hasn’t curled up and shut life out. She realized then that she was exactly like her father. She had done the same as he did when her mother left; locked the world outside and kept grief and resentment on the boil.
Since working in a children’s ward, Amy had been part of the process of helping parents come to terms with and cope with the adversities their child faced. The strength and resolve that many parents showed, and the will to fight regardless of the hardship and sometimes loss, was truly amazing. Amy needed to find that resolve. It was time she shouldered some of the responsibility. It was time for closure.
For the first time in years, Amy felt the guilt lift a little. She looked over Josh’s shoulder and straightened when she saw the physician approach them. Her heart began to pound.
He addressed them all. “The next forty-eight hours are critical.” He held up his hand when Fraser moved forward. “And I can’t give you any guarantees, other than to say we are quietly optimistic.”
Sophie came to Amy and put her arm around her.
Josh frowned deeply.
Something told Amy that Sophie knew. She looked at the smaller woman for a long moment then hugged her tightly, drawing strength from her.
Chapter 55
There was a big, yellow sun in the early evening sky. Amy stood by the window in Celeste’s hospital room, entranced. For a while she watched it before an involuntary shudder passed through her. She realized that its size and color was reminiscent of the sun in her dreams of Maggie. She turned when she heard a slight moan and moved quickly toward the bed.
Looking down at Celeste, Amy waited for a moment to make sure she was asleep before flexing her fingers and laying them gently on her chest. She smiled faintly, reassured by the strong rhythmic beat of Celeste’s heart.
Even though Celeste had barely been conscious over the last few days, whenever she had a moment alone, Amy would stand like this, desperately needing to reassure herself through physical contact that she was indeed going to pull through.
When Celeste stirred, Amy removed her hand quickly, registering the loss of warmth.
“Amy,” Celeste rasped in surprise when her eyes fluttered open.
“Hi,” Amy replied. She reached for the jug of water at Celeste’s bedside. “Would you like some?” she asked, trying to sound as normal as possible.
Celeste tried to nod.
Amy poured some water then placed a straw in the glass. She held it to Celeste’s mouth. “Here.”
Celeste managed a few sips. “Thanks,” she replied, her eyes closing.
Aware of how much that small effort took, Amy watched Celeste for a while.
“How long,” Celeste asked weakly, opening her eyes. “How long have you been here?”
Grateful that she hadn’t asked why she had come, Amy leaned in. “I got here as soon as I could,” she replied. “You’ve barely been awake since the operation.”
Amy watched Celeste’s eyelids flutter shut. Over these last few days, Celeste had only been vaguely aware of her surroundings.
Celeste’s eyes opened, and Amy was very grateful that Camille had ensured that no one would be visiting this evening.
The last few days had been extremely difficult, not only because of the seriousness of Celeste’s injuries, but because Josh sought an explanation from Amy as soon as Celeste was out of danger. He wanted to know everything, where she had been all these years, and more importantly, why she had left.
Their meeting was hard. Josh pulled no punches, wanting to meet at the graveside where their sons were buried. Amy closed her eyes, remembering. It was no surprise that he had been difficult. What else could she expect? She had left the man at his lowest point. Did she really deserve anything less?
The visit to the graveside had been upsetting enough, but that day Amy could only describe Josh as hostile. He grilled her, wanting to know exactly why she was here, and why the sudden interest in Celeste.
Before meeting Josh that day, Amy decided that if he insisted she would tell him about Celeste. It was a risk, a dangerous one, but she knew Josh. He would push her until he got the answers he wanted. Instinctively, Amy knew that, in order to give her and Celeste a chance, she needed to put a stake in the ground. There was no room for deceit in their life any more, no matter what the fallout. She decided, if forced, she would say that they had met up recently and that their relationship had progressed into something more.
Josh pushed hard that day, question after question about why
she disappeared. Wanting to know why she was here now. To say he reacted badly when she finally told him why she was here now would be an understatement. Josh wasn’t a violent man, but sitting in the diner, she watched him battle for control.
The look of rage that crossed his face would stay with Amy forever. Every emotion showed as he stared at her for the longest time. Then, without a word, he scraped his chair back, stood and left. They hadn’t spoken since.
Wanting the familiar contact she had a few moments ago, Amy reached out and gently laid a hand on top of Celeste’s. She said with some relief, “I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know that you’re going to be okay.” A tremor ran through her hand. “I’ve been so worried. I—” Amy stopped when Celeste frowned. Remembering that she had agreed with Alex, to Colin’s annoyance, that Celeste might not be strong enough to hear what she had to say, she finished softly. “I’m so glad you’re going to get better.” She tightened her grip slightly before letting go of Celeste’s hand.
Amy smiled and, to stop from saying too much, clasped her hands together.
Celeste watched Amy.
After Amy arrived Colin had blocked all offers from Camille and Irene that she should stay with them, insisting she pitch up at their house with the children. Over the last few days, he and Alex had squabbled incessantly about the situation. For some strange reason Amy drew comfort from their bickering. There was no doubt they loved Celeste deeply, and if anything, their debating brought out the practicalities of the situation.
Colin had decided that it would be best for Amy to move back to the States, back where she belonged. Alex would counter about the level of acceptance. Surely, the Cameron family wouldn’t just roll over and welcome the new situation with open arms? And what about the fallout with Josh? But Colin would allow no obstacle in his way. Generally, after much dialogue and disagreement around the subject, the discussions would eventually settle on Celeste and Amy’s future…together.
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