I was not going to sleep. But Jenna’s advice was good; rest, at least, would surely help.
We found Akashi and Paloma standing near the corner where we had eaten earlier, watching the last fading bits of flame lick at the cliff bottom below Artistos. “Did anything happen?” I asked.
“Nava called and said they’d meet us halfway two hours after dawn. Otherwise, it’s been quiet. Where are Kayleen and Joseph?”
Liam said, “With Jenna in the New Making. They’re trying to figure out what condition the ship is in, and looking for meteors.”
Paloma blew out a long breath, a worried look on her face. “In the New Making? Does it work?”
Liam shrugged. “There’s a half-alive garden growing in it. Jenna says it can fly.”
Paloma’s eyes widened. “A garden? After all this time?” Her gaze turned out the window, toward the silver ship, and she smiled.
Liam walked up and touched her on the shoulder. “It’s not a good idea. It’s running away. Jenna isn’t a trained pilot. She says so herself. Neither is Joseph, but Jenna thinks he can fly it.”
Paloma turned to look at me, her eyes searching mine, digging for my answers. “Chelo?”
I swallowed, picturing Joseph’s face after he fixed the lake ring, after he flew the skimmer. I looked at each of them in turn, stopping last on Alicia’s hard, violet gaze. “I think he can do it.” I glanced at Liam. “But I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do. Not yet.”
Akashi hadn’t stopped staring at the far-off line of flames. “Right for who? For you, and Liam, maybe not.” He glanced at Paloma. “Or for Kayleen. Hard for me to say.” He turned to Alicia. She watched him closely, her eyes wide, as he said, “It could be a good idea for someone with no happiness here to see if there is happiness somewhere else.”
She smiled up at him, wide-eyed.
He continued. “But sometimes you find you love what you threw away.”
Alicia didn’t flinch. “And sometimes you find your destiny.” She turned away, watching out the window like Paloma had, but instead of looking speculatively at the ship, she looked starved.
Akashi shrugged, looking at me and Liam. “Your skills are useful here. It will be sad for Fremont if you all leave.” He swallowed, his eyes shining and damp, “But the choice is yours to make.”
I smiled wryly, sure he wanted Liam and me to stay, sure he wouldn’t interfere with whatever we chose. His eyes reminded me of how I felt about Joseph’s choice, which I couldn’t make for him. If Joseph stayed, no one went, so he could choose for us all, but I couldn’t choose for him.
But Alicia? I remembered our second night around the lake. “Do you recall your dream, Alicia? About how you left, but you found you had left something behind?”
She stared at me, then nodded. Her voice was soft and firm as she said, “I also remember telling you that I couldn’t imagine what I might have left behind that mattered. Now I can. I couldn’t bear to leave Joseph behind, or Bryan jailed.” Her face brightened. “But Joseph will go. He has to. So now, it’s just Bryan.”
I wondered if that mattered so much to her. She knew Bryan as a rescuer, as the friend who had helped Liam free her when she herself was locked up, but she didn’t know him well, didn’t know how he looked after us, how he loved dogs and loved to climb…I shook my head. Maybe I was underestimating her. “I’ll work on that tomorrow.”
Alicia looked down at the ground, then back at me, her gaze measuring. “I want us all to go. Everyone here, and maybe Sky. Sky would love it. But I’d go with just Joseph and Jenna.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I replied, struggling not to show how much part of me wanted to go, had always wanted to go. “I’ll try and get Bryan free. Then we can make any choice we want.”
“By talking?” Alicia asked. “You’re going to free him by talking?”
I looked around at the others. I suddenly felt exhausted, drained. I didn’t want to defend my choices to anyone, wanted instead to just be alone, to think, to think about Joseph in his shimmering pilot’s coat, to think about Nava and how to make her see us instead of her fears about us…. Every one of the things I needed to think through exhausted me, all by themselves. “I…need to prepare for tomorrow. I’m going to take a walk. Maybe out there.” I gestured toward the dark stubble. “I want to be alone.”
Akashi looked at the charred ground outside the concrete he stood on. “Not alone. Take Liam, at least, with you. Paloma and I will keep watching.” He paused, examining the blackened plains in the pale starlight. “Should be okay in boots. Watch for hot spots—they’ll be white ash. The black should be fine to walk on by now. And don’t go so far we can’t see you.”
“Thanks.” What about Alicia? I didn’t want her to go with us, not really. I didn’t even want Liam, not then. Alicia’s restless energy would be a distraction. But she needed something to do. “Alicia, can you check on the hebras? Make sure they can be saddled easily, and fill some packs with enough food and water for a few days, so we’re ready to ride out of here and meet Nava?”
Her eyes narrowed, and I braced for an argument. Instead, she simply nodded and faded away toward the corral.
Liam looked at me tenderly, his gaze full of concern. For me.
I swallowed, unable to tear my eyes away from him.
He said, “Come on, I want to get something first. I owe you a flute lesson.”
“Flutes?” I frowned, unable to quite think about flutes; there was peace on Artistos to think about, and losing my little brother, Alicia and Jenna and the spaceship…
He laughed, probably at the look on my face. “I owe you a lesson. Remember when I gave you the flute? Give yourself a break, a rest. Even Jenna said you needed to rest.”
Akashi clapped his son on the back. “Good idea, Liam—give her something unrelated to think about.” He gazed at me, his eyes as worried as Liam’s. “Sometimes, Chelo, giving the confused part of your brain a chance to work on something else lets your real wisdom bubble up.”
Liam led me back to the packs, and I pulled out the flute he had given me. He dug into his own pack and produced a long thin bundle, wrapped in maroon cloth and tied with a light yellow rope. He undid the rope with one hand and unwrapped a flute made of darkwood and inlaid with small stones. “I didn’t quite know why I packed this, but it…felt right.” He held the flute out to me, turning it a little so the stones reflected light. “See how some of the stones change color in the light? A few are crystals. Akashi and I made this together when I was ten. I found all the stones myself, mostly in streambeds.” He pointed at a milky stone with flashing azure and gold flecks in it. “This one was at the bottom of a waterfall.”
I took the flute and ran my fingers over the little round stones. “It’s pretty.” The wood had been carved so the stones looked like a river or a snake, a sinuous line of color spiraling around the wood, avoiding only the top, where the little line of finger holes marched. I carefully handed him back the flute. “Let’s go.”
He bowed exaggeratedly, his braid nearly touching the cement slab. A gesture meant for the stage on Story Night. He gave a little flourish of his hand. “After you.”
I don’t know why it seemed funny, but it did. I laughed, a genuine belly laugh, and took off at a fast walk, shaking my head. Apparently Liam had learned his father’s sense of theater well. Suddenly I wanted the longest flute lesson I could get; the biggest possible break from worry about the meeting. As we passed from the concrete onto the plains, the ground crunched under our feet and tiny clouds of ash puffed up.
We sat on top of a pile of rocks nearly as tall as we were, with a view in every direction. In front of us, the last of the flame wall toward Artistos was no longer even a complete line, whole sections had guttered out for lack of fuel. Darkness cloaked every other direction. The plains were unusually silent, surely a result of the fire. Only two moons were visible. Summer hung over the sea behind us, a reddish crescent providing only faint light, and Plowman looked
like an oversized star above Artistos. The moonlight was wan enough that the Milky Way spun over our heads, a visible link between us and other inhabited planets, between us and Deerfly and Earth. The spaceport huddled behind us, a dark line punctuated with the big dark box of the hangar and the tall spire of the New Making, which showed no sign of the people I knew were inside.
Liam sat close enough to me for me to feel his warmth, not quite touching. I brought my flute up to my mouth and blew softly, playing “Season’s End,” a children’s song about harvest that I’d managed to pick out most of the notes for. My hands shook, maybe because Liam was so close, maybe because I’d just been inside the New Making, maybe because I might leave my home soon, or be sundered from my brother, my only blood family. I struggled to focus on the notes, to put as much of myself as I had available into the tune.
Liam knew the song, joining me, filling in the few notes I hadn’t quite managed. I watched his fingers carefully, following him as best I could. Near the end of the song, I missed a note entirely, shattering the melody with a small cacophony. We shared a nervous, companionable laugh. “Here,” he said, “follow this one. Listen first, though. Close your eyes.”
Haunting soft notes filled the empty space around us, the pitch and transitions perfect. Liam’s playing transported me, lifted me. I had never heard the song, but it sounded like a journey, and water, and fire, and love. It sounded like the trip we had just taken only without the tension or the hunt or the altercation with Nava. I listened until he finished, and then sat in silence for a moment afterward.
He whispered, as if not wanting to break the song’s spell. “It’s called ‘Two Souls’ Water.’ Are you ready to try?”
We played together, working on the same song for twenty minutes. Liam stopped from time to time to show me a complicated fingering. As we came to the end after the third time through, I set my flute down. Enough self-indulgence. I stared at Artistos, at the sky beginning to lighten just a bit above the town. Only a few hours left.
Liam took my hand in his. “Are you scared?”
I nodded. “Scared I won’t succeed, scared I’ll want to use the weapon, scared they’ll scare me. I don’t know. Maybe I’m most afraid I won’t be able to pull this off and something will happen to Bryan, or Joseph, or to…any of you.”
“Do you love Bryan?” he asked, letting go of my hand and placing his palm on my cheek. His eyes searched mine. My face felt warm.
“Of course I do.” I swallowed. “I love him…he’s like Joseph, like my brother. Like…Kayleen. He’s family.”
“But you haven’t promised him anything else, anything more?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t…” I clamped down on my words. It was too soon for this discussion, our world too perilous. But it mattered, mattered in my final choices. Liam did not want to go, and I did.
He waited for me to respond. I wanted to lean into him and let him hold me. I wanted him to kiss me, and more, but this was not the time. I felt caught, unable to move toward him or away.
His arm fell around my shoulder and I closed my eyes and leaned into him, my head down on his shoulder. His arm tightened around me, gathering me in. “I’m…I’m not ready yet,” I murmured into his shoulder. “I have to finish this.”
He pulled me even closer. “Then just let me hold you a moment. Do you want that?”
I nodded, and let myself drink in his warmth, his smells, his open offer of more. A little part of myself longed to break into that possible future now, to do more than hold him, to at least promise him more. I breathed deeply, in and out, and he matched me breath for breath, and for just a moment it seemed like we were the same: the same heartbeat, the same breath, the same heat.
I opened my eyes and watched light spread farther above Artistos, washing out the stars on the sunward side of the sky. I pushed away, gently, hating the end of this peaceful moment. I wanted to stay here and kiss Liam and play the flute and let him hold me. But there was no time, and today, I had to try to make more time for us. For all of us altered. “Thank you,” I said, softly.
He nodded, smiling, and did the best little half bow possible from a sitting position. “Your wish is my command.”
“Well, I can’t have what I wish right now. We’ve got to go saddle the hebras.”
He cocked his head, still grinning. “Well, that’s a wish.”
We started walking back, our flutes cradled in our outside arms, holding hands. We stopped just before stepping onto the concrete pad, turning to look back across the burned plain now that the sun spilled light generously onto the black and ash-gray plains.
Liam pointed. “What’s that?”
I followed his finger, and saw movement behind the spaceport. A black hebra and black-haired rider. Dark enough to barely pick out against the dark, burned plains. Heading toward the First Road. So far away they were already tiny. My heart fell. “Ink.” I knew what she’d chosen. “Alicia’s gone after Bryan. She’s too smart to try to go up the cliff road, so she’s going around.” We had to stop her.
Liam’s startled tone rang with disbelief. “By herself?”
I squinted. “Apparently. Besides, who would she take? Joseph’s not likely to leave the New Making, or Jenna, right now. Akashi and Paloma wouldn’t condone this.” Rising anger at her erased my sense of peace. “She could ruin everything.”
“I know,” he said. He squeezed me briefly, and we ran back to the spaceport. There was no way to stop her now, she had too much of a lead. Maybe, just maybe, Akashi and Paloma had sent her on an errand. Maybe she hadn’t gone on her own.
Akashi and Paloma were in the keeper’s cabin, making a breakfast of corn bread and applesauce. Akashi turned as we came in, and his face changed as he saw ours. “What’s wrong?”
“Alicia,” I said. “Alicia took Ink and she’s gone up the First Road. I think she’s taking the back way into Artistos.”
Akashi’s expression hardened. He glanced at Paloma. “Can you watch this?”
She pursed her lips and a quick deep sigh escaped. “Sure.”
Akashi passed Liam and me and headed straight for the hangar. Liam and I followed. We caught up to him staring at the blanket-covered pile of weapons. The microwave gun had been lying out, uncovered. It was gone. “Wasn’t the gun there?” I asked.
He nodded quickly. “It looks like she took it.” He flicked back the blanket Jenna had covered her weapons with and counted. There were nine. One of the silver killing balls was missing. Akashi looked up at us, his face grim, his eyes full of anger and fear. “I’m sure she’s going after Bryan. She wasn’t here when Jenna unpacked this—she was out with Joseph. Does she even know what the hell she has?”
I glanced down at my chrono. “They should be along in a few minutes. They’re already late.” Why? What kept them?
“What about your stunner?” Liam asked Akashi.
Akashi shook his head. “It’s in the cabin. I still have that. All she has are altered weapons.” He stared down at the pile of weapons for a few moments, and it seemed like he grew both angrier and older as he stood there, his eyes sad and his mouth drawn into a grimace. His voice caught as he said, “She made her own choice. There is nothing for us to do now, but wait and see what that choice brings her.”
I ground my teeth. I couldn’t leave to chase her; I had to meet Nava. There was nothing to do until Jenna and Joseph and Kayleen returned. It galled to stay here, talking, but she was beyond catching now. “Will you tell Nava?” I asked him.
He looked me straight in the eye. “Will you?”
I shook my head. “No…well, I don’t think so. I have to think of Bryan first, I just have to.” What if I had to choose between them? I’d choose Bryan, but Alicia, no matter how wrong she was, Alicia was one of us, one of my kind. Ruth had made her what she was, but surely Ruth’s damage could be undone. “She could ruin everything.” I looked up at Akashi, hoping he’d understand my next words. “But telling on her…telling on her ruins something else.
We’ve never betrayed each other. We six are all we have.”
His response was quick. “You have us. Me and Paloma and Mayah and Gianna and dozens more I can name.” His eyes were hard as river stones.
I swallowed. “I’m sorry, Akashi. You’re right.” I stammered. I had hurt him. How to help him understand? “That’s why I don’t want to just jump in New Making and fly away. You are here. People we love are here. It’s just, just that we are the only ones like ourselves. And if I can save Alicia from her own stupidity, I will.”
“Good luck.” He sounded like he saw no chance to save Alicia, or save ourselves from her. Or maybe that was just how I felt, so that became what I saw in his eyes and heard in his voice.
Akashi started walking back toward the keeper’s cabin. His next question clearly wasn’t looking for an answer. Yet. “So, Chelo, has Alicia betrayed herself, or you, or no one?”
I must have looked puzzled, because Liam leaned down and whispered in my ear, “He does that a lot. To make you think. But don’t get caught in his mind knots—some can’t be untied.” He grinned at me, and for a moment, the situation felt just a little lighter, a little more bearable. I grinned back.
He reached toward me, offering a hand, but I didn’t take it. “Not now,” I whispered. I couldn’t. If only I hadn’t been so selfish, hadn’t taken time for myself and been happy to have Liam along and alone. If I had taken Alicia with me, too, this wouldn’t have happened.
24
Reactions and Choices
By the time we got back to the keeper’s cabin, the sun had painted the whole plain with light, illuminating the fire-black rocks and ash, warming me enough to open my coat. Paloma looked up with a wan smile as we came in, her face rigid with ill-concealed tension. “Did she take any weapons with her?”
The Silver Ship and the Sea Page 34