by Willow Rose
“I know! You want food, right? I can never get a moment alone. I’ll be out and feed you birds in a minute, all right?”
“I…I just wanted to tell you we already called for pizza, that’s all. We had a coupon for a free pizza,” she says, then slams the door behind her.
Marcia looks at the closed door, tears welling up in her eyes. She wipes them off, telling herself that she’s an idiot before she bends over and opens the bottom drawer in her dresser. She pulls out an emergency bottle of gin and places it to her lips. She doesn’t remove it until it is empty.
Chapter Thirteen
January 2016
My arms are so sore I can hardly lift my fork to eat dinner. After we had surfed for two hours, Joey went to get Salter at the bus. He then brought him out to us, and we continued for two more hours before we finally had to cave in to the hunger and pain in our bodies. There is nothing like dinner after an afternoon of surfing. I have the biggest appetite in the world and we’re all shoveling in our take-out from Cocoa Beach Thai and Sushi, while discussing who had the greatest ride.
“Did you see my turn off the lip on that last wave, Mom?” Salter asks. “Did you?”
“Of course I saw it,” I lie. I saw most of his waves, but that one I missed.
Salter takes his plate out and takes the dogs for a walk. Bonnie stares disappointed at the door as he leaves with the dogs on their leashes. She is not allowed to be walked in the streets, the police have informed Joey. So, she stays at the house. I pour her some milk in her bowl. She doesn’t even notice. She stands by the door and stares at it, like she is waiting for it to open and the dogs to come back. It’s like she is completely lost.
“That’s cute,” I say with a chuckle.
Joey looks up at me. “What is?”
“The pig. I love how she can’t live without the dogs.”
“Yeah. It used to be only Clyde that she couldn’t do without, but lately it seems that Snowflake has taken an even bigger place in her life. We might even be looking at real love here. Just sayin’.”
I laugh and Joey springs for the refrigerator, where he grabs two beers. He hands me one and takes the other himself. He walks up to me and kisses me. I close my eyes and enjoy it. He pulls his chair up next to mine and we sit close for a little while without saying anything.
“I was thinking I would put up a TV in your dad’s room. Give him something to do when he’s in there all day. I kind of feel bad for him.”
“That would be awesome. Thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you,” I say. “Say, have you seen Marcia lately?”
He drinks from his beer, then shakes his head. “Nope. Not for several weeks I believe. Why?”
“I don’t know. I have a feeling she’s not doing so well. I’m just worried, that’s all.”
“Well she has been hitting the bottle pretty hard the last couple of months.”
“I just wonder if there’s anything we can do for her. I mean, can’t we help her? What about the children? Is she even capable of taking care of them? I really don’t like it.”
Joey nods pensively. “I know. Maybe we should check in on them tomorrow? Maybe stop by in the afternoon when they’re home from school and make sure they’re alright?”
“I think that would be a very good idea.”
My dad calls for me and I walk into his room. He looks at me and asks me to close the window, since it’s getting too cold now. I lift him up and fluff his pillow to make it more comfortable for him. He smells nice, since the nurse was here earlier and gave him a bath. She was worried about some pressure sores he was getting on the lower part of his back. They looked like they might be getting infected, she told me just before she left.
“Are you ready for your dinner?” I ask.
“Not really,” he says with a sniffle. “I’m not…hungry.”
“You’ve got to eat, Dad. You haven’t eaten anything all day. You’ve got to get some energy or you’ll never get better.”
His facial expression tells me I said something wrong. “What’s wrong, Dad?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t you realize…I am never going to get…better? I can’t…feel anything. I am a…vegetable. I hate being such…a burden to you all.”
“Don’t say that, Dad. You know you can get better. The doctor said it’s possible. A lot can happen with physical therapy. You can’t give up hope, Dad. You can’t.”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t want…to be chained to…a bed for the rest of my…life. I don’t want to lie here and watch as my body…deteriorates in front of me and not…be able to do anything about it. I would rather…be dead.”
I bite my lip in frustration. I want so badly to do something to help him, but I can’t. Just like Sandra, I can’t heal him; I can’t make all of this go away, no matter how much I desperately want to.
“I’ll make you some soup,” I say, my voice breaking. “All right, Daddy? Dad?”
“Laura was here earlier,” he suddenly says. “She…stopped by.”
“That’s nice. Weren’t you happy to see her?”
He exhales. It isn’t a good sound. “She’s…leaving.”
My heart stops. Literally.
She is what?
“Excuse me?”
“She’s leaving. Tomorrow…she’ll be driving back to Orlando…where she grew up. She is moving in…with her brother.” My dad pauses and catches his breath. I can tell he is struggling to find the words. “Says she can’t handle…seeing me like this, that she too needs a life and…and…and that it can’t stop here. I…I can’t blame her. I can’t…offer her anything anymore. I don’t…want her to…waste her life here…here with me.”
I stare at my dad, not knowing what to say. I feel all kinds of anger flushing through my body. There is so much I want to say, but I don’t. I can tell my dad is hiding how broken he really is over this.
“I’ll make you that soup,” I say, and walk out the door.
In the kitchen, I cover my face and cry. Joey is watching TV when Salter comes back home with the dogs, much to Bonnie’s joy. The animals reconnect like they haven’t seen each other for years, and soon they’re back to playing with the ball again, the dogs chasing after Bonnie.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” Salter asks, as he hangs the leashes up and takes off his shoes.
I wipe my eyes and force a smile. “Nothing, sweetie. I was just making soup for Grandpa.”
“He’s eating? That’s great.”
“I know. It’s good.”
Salter walks to his dad and sits on the couch with him. The news is talking about how the police still have no clue who killed a fifty-seven year-old woman whose body was pulled out of Indian River two weeks ago, just two days before Christmas Eve. I sit with my family while the microwave is heating the soup that I ordered for my dad from the Thai-place. I am not listening to the TV. I am thinking about Laura. I can’t believe anyone could act like this. How you can pretend you love someone and then just leave them in their biggest hour of need? So what if my dad can’t offer her anything. Maybe it is her turn to offer something. Maybe it is her turn to take care of him; maybe he needs her and not the other way around. Isn’t that what love is all about? Isn’t it all about sacrifice?
I look at Salter and Joey, while thinking how happy I am that I made the decision to stay here and to give Joey a second chance. My dad’s house is supposed to be done in a month, if everything goes according to schedule—which it probably won’t—but I still have to decide at some point what to do next. Should Salter and I move with my dad so we can help him, or should we stay here with Joey and be a family?
I know in my heart what I want the most, but I also know my dad needs me more than ever now. I can’t just think about myself.
Chapter Fourteen
January 2016
“Mom. I heard a loud bang.”
Kelly blinks her eyes in the darkness. She can only see the outline of her daughter as she is standing by the foot of thei
r bed. Kelly sighs, still half a sleep. Next to her, her husband, Andrew grumbles sleepily.
“What’s wrong, honey? What are you doing out of bed?”
“I heard a loud noise. It woke me up and now I’m scared.”
As she is speaking, their Beagle, Max, jumps into their bed. Max usually sleeps with their daughter. He runs to Kelly and starts licking her face. Kelly groans. She is so tired. It’s still pitch dark outside.
“Just go back to bed, Lindsey. It’s probably nothing.”
“It was really loud, Mommy. I’m afraid that someone came into our house. I’m scared.”
Andrew groans. He looks at his phone. “We still have three hours till we have to get up. Please just let us sleep a little longer.”
“Go back to bed, sweetie,” Kelly says. “I’m sure it was just a dream.”
“But there was a loud noise, Mommy,” the girl insists. “And now the light is on in the living room.”
Kelly opens her eyes now. She sits up straight and looks at her daughter. She can barely see her in the darkness. “The light is on in the living room?”
“We probably just forgot to shut it off last night,” Andrew says. “Lights don’t just turn on and off on their own.”
“Maybe we should check it,” Kelly says.
Andrew groans ostentatiously. He knows where this is going.
“Would it make you feel better if Daddy checked it out, sweetie?” Kelly says.
“Yes,” the girl says with a slight whimper.
“Okay. Come up here on the bed and lie down while Daddy checks it out.”
“Seriously?” Andrew says.
“Just do it for her sake,” Kelly says. “To give her peace of mind.”
Andrew exhales deeply, then sits up. “You do realize I have an important breakfast meeting, right?”
“Yes. I know perfectly well about your meeting, but this is the only way we can get some sleep. So, if you would please…?”
“All right,” he grumbles and pulls off the covers. He plants his feet on the carpet. The bed moves when he lifts himself off it. Andrew is no lightweight. Not like he was when Kelly met him. In a brief second, she misses those years.
Andrew leaves, and Kelly pulls her daughter closer. She kisses her forehead and holds her tight. “Shh. It’s probably nothing, sweetie. You can sleep here. Just close your eyes. Daddy will take care of it.”
Their daughter finally relaxes and closes her eyes. Kelly caresses her hair, while wondering if she will be able to fall asleep again. Their daughter has been known to sleepwalk from time to time, and Kelly now wonders if Lindsey dreamt she heard a bang, then walked into the living room and turned on the lights. Kelly chuckles to herself. That is probably what happened. Lindsey did and said the strangest things when sleepwalking. One morning they had found her in the living room, sitting on the couch, with all the lights turned on, sleeping with her eyes open. It had scared Kelly like crazy, until she realized the girl was just asleep. This was probably just another one of her stunts.
Lindsey is sleeping now and Kelly puts her head on the pillow next to her daughter. She likes to listen to her heavy breathing. Such peace.
Must be nice, she thinks to herself. To be able to just let go of all your worries like that and enter that deep of a sleep.
Kelly can’t remember when she had last had a good and worry-free night of sleep. Not since she had her child probably. She wonders if she will ever stop feeling that anxiety deep in her heart, that deep worry that soon all of her happiness will be ripped out of her embrace, that it was all just a joke life played on her, a vicious game to make her allow herself to be happy, and then in an instant when she is not worrying or being aware it’ll all be ripped from her. After all, she has everything. Finally, after many years of trying and waiting for a child, she has one. She has a beautiful family, a big house, four cars in the garage, money enough to last her a lifetime. Is she really allowed to have all this? Is anyone?
“I’ve checked the entire house. There’s nothing.”
Andrew closes the bedroom door behind him and turns off the flashlight. “Now, maybe we can finally get some sleep?”
Chapter Fifteen
October 2005
Kristin Martin’s office is a mess. The room has high wooden ceilings, and books cover the walls from top to bottom. There are piles of newspapers and magazines. Clipped out articles cover her desk. It is just as Daniel has imagined it. The absent-minded professor in her right element.
“Ah, Daniel, come on in,” she says, looking up from behind her desk. She takes off her glasses and gets up.
Daniel pushes Peter in his wheelchair in front of him. Kristin walks towards him with a big smile on her face. She looks at Peter and bends down.
“And this…I take it, must be…Peter. It’s a pleasure to meet you Peter,” she says, and touches his hand. Peter doesn’t react.
It’s rare that people talk directly to his brother, and it warms Daniel’s heart. Kristin looks directly into his eyes while talking to him.
“I am so glad you are here, Peter.”
Daniel feels a tug at his heart. For so many years, he has dreamt of finding someone like Kristin. His family doesn’t know he has brought him there to see her, since they would only tell him it is a waste of time. He wants to give Kristin a chance; he wants it to work before he presents it to the rest of the family.
“Let’s get started, shall we?” Kristin says, still addressing Peter. It’s like she actually believes he understands what she is saying. Daniel is usually the only one who talks to Peter this way.
“If you will bring him over here. I have prepared a little game for us. Just to get to know each other a little bit, alright?”
Daniel nods, but she isn’t looking for his approval. She is looking into Peter’s eyes, waiting to see his reaction.
“Alright,” she says again, after Daniel has placed Peter where she wants him. On the table in front of him, she places a series of pictures and index cards.
“Let’s do this. Are you ready? In what room would you find the refrigerator?” she asks, laying out a card showing a bedroom, a bathroom, and a kitchen. “Please, don’t be offended by this,” she adds. “I am sure these questions are very easy for you.”
Kristin looks at Peter like she is waiting for his response, waiting for him to talk or point at one of the pictures.
“He can’t…” Daniel interrupts, thinking Kristin doesn’t understand how bad Peter’s condition really is. “He can’t do that.”
Kristin pays no attention to Daniel. She puts a hand in the air to stop him from talking. Daniel is afraid that he might have made a mistake. This woman knows nothing about treating patients with Cerebral Palsy. He should have known better. Daniel feels his heart drop as the last hope threatens to leave him.
“Wait,” Kristin says with a slow voice. “Did you see that?”
“See what?” Daniel asks.
“He is trying to communicate.”
Daniel shakes his head. “He’s not doing anything.”
“Yes. Yes, he is. You’re just not seeing it.”
“Those are just spasms,” he says, disappointed. “He has those constantly.”
“In my eyes, it looks like he is trying to move his arm. His eyes are focused on the picture over here, the one of the kitchen, but when he tries to move his arm, it’s like it…it locks, like it shuts up like…like a rabbit trap. It snaps back against his face.”
A rabbit trap? This was a mistake.
“So, you think he’s trying to answer?” Daniel asks skeptically.
“Yes. I’ve read about this. They helped a girl in Australia using this new technique. Here, let me.”
Kristin places her hand beneath Peter’s elbow. “This is to stabilize his arm,” she explains to Daniel. “This is what they did to the girl in Australia and had great success with it. I think this might help. This way, I help to keep his arm balanced. I need to be acting as a responsive item of furniture, not movi
ng his arm, but simply facilitating his own movement. Now, Peter, if you would point to the picture of the kitchen, please.”
Daniel is holding his breath while watching his brother suddenly move his arm towards the picture. Kristin now uses her other hand to tuck Peter’s pinkie, ring and middle finger lightly under hers, spooning their hands, with just his index finger sticking out.
“Great, Peter. Now point to the picture of the ocean, please.”
Slowly, but steadily, the arm moves while Kristin is assisting it towards the photograph of an ocean. Daniel doesn’t know what to say.
“And now for the hard one,” Kristin says, and puts out three pictures. “Please point to the picture of the President of the United States.”
“He doesn’t have any chance of knowing who is…” Daniel starts, but stops himself when Peter’s arm starts to move. It stops and points to the picture of George W. Bush.
Daniel is still speechless when Kristin smiles and looks up at him. Her eyes are sparkling with joy. Daniel thinks it makes her look stunning. He feels such a close connection to her in this instant. So many years he has been alone with this, thinking there was a way for Peter to express himself. Could it be? Could it really be true? Daniel is watching it happen and he is overwhelmed with the belief that it is in fact true. He wants to believe it, he has to.
“See! You did see it, didn’t you?”
Daniel nods while biting his lips. He doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh. Does his baby brother really know who the president is? What else does he know?
Excitedly, Kristin is now pulling out index cards with letters on them, and one after another, Peter identifies the letters.
“He even knows the alphabet!” Kristin exclaims, as they go through all the letters, and seconds later she asks him to put together words, and he does. Daniel holds his breath while Peter spells his first word, by pointing at the letters and Kristin writing them down. Soon an entire sentence emerges.
“I…am…hungry,” Kristin reads out loud. She looks up at Daniel. “He just spelled I am hungry. Daniel, your brother’s first sentence, the first thing he ever told you is that he is hungry. Isn’t that wonderful? He is smart. Peter is smart! He does communicate. We just have to learn how to listen.”