by K L Finalley
"Trying to impress the car salesmen?"
"I read they take you more seriously if you dress the part."
"You read up on this?" she asked.
Since the announcement at the wedding, Elet had read up on everything. He had researched schools, testing, the benefits of fluoride in the water supply, play time, car safety reports, household toxins, and vitamins that morning. He had overloaded himself with information to make himself the best father he could imagine. He had considered not over-emasculating his son or over-effeminizing his daughter. He had wanted to give his child space to discover his or her own personal identity. None of this was something he was ready to share with Alex who had become moody and weepy during her pregnancy. What had been originally thought to be hormonal was starting to be a borderline depression that her gynecologist was debating treating. Elet had researched that as well.
As they approached the showroom, a salesman exited. Placing his wraparound sunglasses onto his face, he extended his large, sweaty hand and introduced himself to Elet. Sitting on the bumper of a new version of her car, Alex looked on from afar.
Elet returned to her and said, "I told him to get a golf cart, so you could ride instead of walk around."
"Thanks baby," was all she said.
"Is there anything you want to look at?"
"No. Not really. I know we need to do this." Elet worried about her. He had read that it was normal for women to suffer from depression. Their self-image was in crisis. Their body was changing beyond their control. It wasn't just her waistline. She made him measure the width of her nose nightly. They'd looked at old pictures and she insisted that she was growing darker. And, every night, she wondered how she would ever return to the woman she once was. Staring at her, he thought of how beautiful she was, how much he loved her, how excited he was about the life that was in front of them. "Here comes the guy," she said.
"You ride up front," he suggested.
"No, it'll be easier for me to just step off the back."
"Okay. Whatever you want," he said that a lot now as he desperately tried to make her happy.
"Hey, there, little momma. I got us a cart," the salesman chirped. Elet knew from the look on her face that she hated him already. Elet wanted to elbow him and remind him that that woman was his wife, not his girlfriend; and, that this was a delicate time. But, he didn't. He loaded Alex into the back of the cart and the guy zoomed past new sports cars. There were miles and miles of them. There were black ones with fins. There were black ones with dual exhausts. There were sunroofs and spoilers. There were orange ones and there were green ones. Some had racing stripes. They had a giant monkey next to the white one with the spoiler and the black racing stripe. Elet wished they hadn't ridden by it. It was just a reminder. A reminder of a life she was giving up; a car she was giving up - another change she was being forced to make.
In a few minutes, they left No-Responsibility Land and headed to the far end of the car lot. Back where, there were children and parents. Back there, like-minded people schlepped along peering into windows asking about side air bags and folding seats. Elet could hear other men inquiring about gas mileage and cameras. As they stopped in front of a non-minivan minivan, Elet got out of the cart and went to get Alex.
"Can I just sit here?" she begged.
"Don't you want to look inside?" he questioned.
"You look first. If you like it, come back for me. If you don't, then there's no point to me wasting my energy."
Reluctantly, he agreed. He walked around a variety of squares on wheels. Some had three rows. Some had two rows. Some were black with sidesteps. Some had entertainment centers built into the rear seats. Some seats were electric; some were manual. It was an overabundance of meaningless family options to remind parents that although they weren't young anymore, they still had options.
Elet glanced over at his new wife in the back of the golf cart. She'd turned sideways and tried to prop her feet into the seat. Undeniably, she was uncomfortable. She was uncomfortable with how the baby made her feel, both physically and emotionally. Then, he turned back to the non-minivan minivan. It was a very expensive stroller. He motioned to the salesman that he wanted to move on, so the two returned to the cart. Grabbing the top of the cart, he thrusted his lanky body into the seat. Over his shoulder, he said to her, "That's more than we need."
"Okay," she said.
The salesman drove down a few rows and stopped in front of a green vehicle with brown interior. Remembering Alex's only stipulation had been against brown interior, Elet prevented the salesman from making his spiel and cited, "Brown interior." Then, they drove on. A few more vehicles were passed before the salesman stopped at the red one. Elet thought it might be worthwhile to look. Thinking the color might be a sell, he jumped from the cart. Glaring inside, quickly, he determined it was just another a square on wheels. It had two rows, not three; and there was far less amenities. He stepped out and looked at it from the side. It wasn't as long, but it was high. Of course, everything would be high in comparison to the sports car. Then, he returned to the front of the vehicle. He climbed into the driver's seat and peered out at her.
She was sitting in the back of the cart holding her face. He knew that this is what they needed to do. They needed a vehicle that they could ride in as a family. They needed reliable transportation that would be comfortable.
He knew it wasn't what she wanted to do and feared that it was the change that might force her into darkness. And, he couldn't live with that. There was only one baby. There was only one small person being added to their lives; and, while it would surely be the most important one, he decided that she didn't have to give up everything for their little one. She needed to keep something for herself.
While the salesman was helping another couple, he returned to the cart and said, "I just don't love it." He squinted his eyes searching her face for a clue as to what she wanted.
"Why not?" she said with her hand to her brow.
"Don't know. I don't." He scanned her face seeing her effort to do what was needed. He knew she was committed to the right thing, but she wouldn't bow out of the decision. Then, he tucked his hands into his pockets and walked over to a big, black, SUV. "Now, this is nice." He yelled back to her. "Come sit in this with me."
Begrudgingly, she exited the cart and drudged over to him. As she got closer, the SUV grew. It was as long as his truck. There were three rows and ample cargo room. She stepped onto the sidesteps and hoisted herself inside. "I could never drive this thing. I think it's bigger than the truck is."
"Isn't it nice, though?" he asked. With plush leather seats, a sunroof, seat warmers, and a high end stereo system, it was nice.
"Oh, it's nice. It's like a damn RV," Alex said as she played with the entertainment center's knobs and checked her face in the passenger's mirror. "But honey, I can't park this thing."
"Oh, but, I could," he said as he played with the interior pockets and compartments. "I know, I shouldn't be out here looking for me, but this could work for us. You could keep your car," he dropped that line out of thin air. He didn't say anything after it for a minute allowing her to grasp it as her own. "I can drop the baby off to daycare or school or whatever. We can take this to family events, but I can still use the truck for work stuff and you can still have your car." And, there was his plan. They did need a vehicle. She hadn't wanted to part with her car and he feared forcing her to do so. Both vehicles were paid in full. Insurance costs were reasonable. Since they were prepared to add a car payment, he'd decided to see if she'd be more apt to the vehicle being his than hers. While he didn't need one, he was more than happy to let her think that it was his to make her happy. "Should we think about that?"
"Whatever you think is best," she said as she fixed her eye liner in the passenger's side visor. "It is nice and it would work for us."
She was easier, lighter. He thought he'd make sure. "It would mean you wouldn't get a new car though."
Shaking her head, she
said, "It wasn't about me getting a new car. It was about doin' right for the baby."
"Can you get out of the car with your belly?" He reached over and put his hand on it. The baby kicked. "Hi, there, baby."
"I can right now. If it gets too bad, you could drop me off. Or, I could drive the truck. Then, when the baby is born, I could still drive the car. You know, one day, he or she would be old enough to ride in it."
"True," he said. She was smiling. It was resolved. They'd get a SUV and she'd keep her car. He didn't really want or need this luxury SUV, but he'd get a paired down version of it. That would solve the problem. He couldn't solve all the problems, but the ones he could solve he would.
"Did we find one we want to take for a spin," the salesman reappeared at driver's window.
"We're gonna go get some lunch and think on it," Elet pushed the door open causing the salesman to step back from the vehicle. As usual, he walked around and helped Alex down. As they returned to the golf cart, he explained, "We need to figure out what we want. There's more options than we considered. Let me get your card and I'll call you in a couple of days."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As they entered the restaurant, they found Olive at a table for four in the back.
"Is Drew with you?" Alex asked.
"Nope, just me." Olive answered. "So..." she asked with excitement in her voice, "did you get a new car?"
"Nah, we're gonna wait and see. We may not trade her car. We may just get a SUV as a family vehicle," Elet answered as he was looking at the menu.
"Then, you'd have three cars," Olive pointed out. "That's crazy. You don't need all those cars."
Elet wanted to kick her. Alex had been happy with the promise of that plan. He lowered the menu and looked at her and said, "Well, the truck'll just be a work truck. It'll be okay."
"Is today the day?" Olive changed the subject.
"Yep, we're gonna leave here and go find out the baby's sex," Alex said.
Olive bounced up and down in her chair. "I'm so excited."
"Why?" Alex asked. "Nothing'll change."
"I dunno. It's exciting."
"For a few minutes," Alex said.
"Then, we can talk about names."
"We already have names picked out," Elet informed her from behind his menu. Then, he said to Alex, "Did you know they only have sandwiches here?"
"Yes, baby. You can have meat for dinner," Alex rubbed his leg under the table to comfort him.
"What's the names?" Olive asked.
"No way. We aren't tellin'. I don't want to hear the suggestions and the critiques on the names we picked out." Alex announced. She waved off Olive's look of disappointment. "You know what happens. I say that I'm naming the baby little Elet and people lined up for and against the idea like I asked for their opinion. No thanks."
"Uh so, when will we know the names?" Olive asked.
"We're debating that, now," Elet said before he continued his discussion about his lunch options. "They have a hot dog. That'd be warm," he pointed to it in his menu.
"There's no fries. Just chips," Alex informed him, hoping to prevent an argument later.
"Well fuck!" he exclaimed.
"You two are so weird," Olive said.
"Us and our weird baby," Alex said.
"Onion rings?" Elet asked her, ignoring Olive.
"No, baby. Chips or coleslaw," Alex was also ignoring Olive.
"Shit!" Elet closed the menu, placed it on the table firmly, and extended his long legs.
"What's new with you?" Alex asked Olive. Before she could answer, the waitress dropped off Olive's drink and took Alex and Elet's order.
As Olive sipped her soda, she said, "Drew wants to get married and adopt my kids."
This news stopped Elet's pouting over his uncooked lunch. "Excuse me," Alex said. "Um. I don't see a ring?" she looked on Olive's ring finger.
"I didn't say yes."
"You said no?" Elet frowned as he screamed in the tiny, cafe style restaurant. Quieting some when Alex shook her head, he went on, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Thanks for the support, Elet," Olive replied. Looking at Alex, she explained, "You know me."
"Here comes the bullshit," Elet mumbled. "Flower power shit."
"Shut it, babe," Alex commanded. Elet held his hands up as if to surrender. "Olive, that is bullshit. I know you're Pagan, but Pagans get married."
"Wiccan," Olive said.
"Whatever. He's a good guy. You've been with him longer than anyone. He's met your mom and the kids. Everyone loves him. What are you scared of?"
"I'm not scared of anything. I just don't need some piece of paper dictating my life. I don't need the government or some institution legitimizing who I am and who I love."
"What about the kids? Why can't he adopt the kids?" Alex asked as she pressed her.
"Can't do it. Too embarrassing," she waved it off. "I don't even have names of fathers on those kids' birth certificates," she held her head down. "I mean, I knew the guys, but I thought why bother. They weren't gonna raise them."
"Okay," Alex said.
"Okay? Do you know how that makes me sound?" she said.
"Yeah, I know, but, I think he knows those dumbasses don't come around. He's not expecting to fight anyone in court for 'em. He's trying to give 'em a dad and that's pretty cool, Olive." Alex reminded her.
"Listen, it's just not for me. Marriage's too restrictive. Love is supposed to be free."
"How 'bout you just don't?" Elet chimed in and folded his arms.
"Less talkin', babe. Look, they have a bar. Go over there!" Alex tapped his shoulder and pointed across the restaurant. He pushed his chair back and headed in the direction of the bar. Once he was gone, she continued, "I can't tell you what's gonna happen down the road and I know you believe in being polyamorous, but I can tell you this," she said as she pointed at her. "If you don't take a chance on the real love right now, you will regret it." Alex said as she pounded her hand on the table, "He's a chance at something wonderful. Without him, you are guaranteed a lifetime spent with your mother." She was going to say more when she noticed Clementine and another woman seated at a table at the other end of the restaurant. The two were laughing and joking loudly. Their disruption that grabbed her attention.
Eavesdropping Alex heard the Clementine smugly tell the waitress, "the pleasure could be all yours," when she brought the check. The young waitress hung her blushed face and sped away from the table as Clementine and her guest laughed. Alex felt her ears grow hot. She was on fire. She'd stopped listening to the ramblings of Olive. She clutched her stomach as the baby started to kick.
Noticing that Alex wasn't listening, Olive said, "Is that Clementine? That girl'll never learn."
"Never," Alex agreed.
"What's her problem," Olive asked.
"We shoulda met her a few years ago."
"No doubt," Olive agreed.
Alex excused herself and went to the restroom. She overheard the waitress complain about Clementine's behavior to another member of the waitstaff in the kitchen. Convinced she had to do something, Alex left the bathroom with purpose. She had thought of going to the table to address the issue with them, but, on her way to the table, she noticed that they had left. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that she skipped out on the check. She returned to her table. Before she sat down, she asked, "Olive, did she pay the check?"
With food in her mouth, Olive shook her head. "Nope, that bitch and her date just left."
"That's bullshit." Alex got up, walked to her table, and retrieved the check.
When she returned to the table, Olive looked confused. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to pay it and get my money back from her at work." The baby stopped kicking.
CHAPTER TEN
As Jacqueline walked onto Mallory's floor, no one spoke to her. No one had anything to show her. No one wanted a minute of her time. She wasn't used to the anonymity that came with being out of the Sun. And, sh
e wasn't sure she liked it. As she walked past rows of metal desks filled with people busy at work, she placed her hands in her pockets and stayed out of their way. Passing through the gaggle, she overheard questions about the likes and dislikes of upcoming guests. Rather than get involved, she smiled to herself, passed through the chaos, and headed towards the only face she knew.
In a denim skirt and short sleeved orange sweater, Hannah approached, "Hey, Jacqueline. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."
"That's because, you quit," Jacqueline teased.
"Very funny," with outstretched hands, Hannah pulled her in close. "How ya holdin' up?"
"I'm okay," Jacqueline lied as she rocked on her balls of her loafers.
"Good attempt at a lie. The truth is, I don't think anything is gonna happen."
"You don't?" Jacqueline was surprised.
"Nah, not really," Hannah said confidently.
"Why not? I mean, he called Mallory and he called Zoe. He sounded pretty committed to the idea."
"Well, people sound committed to a bunch of things they never do." Hannah made the talking movement with her hand. "Just think about it." Then, she walked away.
Jacqueline hadn't thought about it that way. And, as she stood there, gaining confidence, she felt a hand upon her back. It was rubbing her, soothing her.
"Hello, honey. Whatcha doin' here standin' all by your lonesome."
Wrong woman. Dammit, Jacqueline thought.
"Hi, Misty. I was just waiting on Mallory. How are you?" She hugged her. Front to front. Misty's hugs made her feel ashamed as though she shouldn't feel so much of her boss' wife's anatomy.
"Wonderful. I am wonderful and it's all because of that girl of ours. That's why I knew I just had to help her." Misty released Jacqueline but linked her arm and led her away from the squawking. The two were walking together, arm in arm. Jacqueline was wearing black pants and black loafers with a gray and white shirt on. Misty was at her side in a knee-length white strapless dress. It couldn't look good. It was either a night on the town or a casual afternoon wedding.