His love, his dream, was her fear.
He’d proven to his father’s ghost that Rowan was all that Angelo had hoped he would be.
But it was far from enough.
Looming in the back of her mind was the disquieting shadow of racetrack gambling. She hadn’t seen any evidence of Rafe succumbing to that vice, but there was always the chance that he could. Being around the tracks could be hypnotic and lure even the most resolute people. And if they were together? Her deepest fear was that she would succumb to the betting cages, put her savings on the line and slip into addiction. She was her father’s daughter, after all. She would be no better than the man who betrayed her and broke her mother’s heart. How could she even consider being with someone whose lifestyle could put her on that path?
Olivia looked over at Rafe as he talked with his brothers. Mica had joined the discussion about Rafe taking Rowan to the Illinois Derby in two weeks. Gabe and Nate were urging Rafe to try his wings in a professional setting.
Every bit of the conversation made Olivia nervous. It wasn’t just the racing, though. Their encouragement reminded her of lectures she’d given herself, too many times to count, about her own dreams of a photojournalism career.
Olivia chewed her bottom lip anxiously. Why couldn’t they talk about something else?
“Raphael,” Gina said, leaning forward and pulling her shawl up around her neck. Maybe she would be the voice of reason. “I’m behind you one hundred percent. If you want to enter Rowan in Illinois, I’ll give you any money you need to do it. Your father would want me to.”
Olivia sank back in her chair. Gina was no help.
“Thanks, Mom, but I think I’ve got this.” Rafe smiled. “I’ll have to talk to Curt and see what he thinks. It’s in two weeks, but I think we could get in.”
Mica lowered the beer he’d raised to his lips. “Two weeks?”
“Yeah,” Rafe replied. “Why?”
Mica’s tone was concerned. “You can’t be serious, Rafe.”
“Of course I’m serious.”
“We’re planting corn and soybeans till the end of this month. The first of May I’ve got six guys hired to help us with the machines to plant the tomatoes. You know it takes six of us to run the tomato plants down that conveyor. I’ve only got four guys from last year. Two are new. They’ll need some training. Not a lot, but some. You and I agreed we’re doing three hundred acres in tomato plants this year.”
“I know,” Rafe replied, lowering his gaze.
Olivia heard the disappointment in Rafe’s voice. From the tension in Mica’s voice, it sounded as if this was not a brand-new topic.
“We talked about this last spring,” Mica said with painstaking emphasis on each word. “Our planting season overlaps with your horse-racing season. What’s worse is that the second round of trials for the Derby are in the fall when we’re harvesting. Those are our two busiest times of the year. I need you here, Rafe.”
“Did I say I was taking off? I’m only going over to Chicago!”
Mica stood up, taking his plate and his beer. “You know what? I don’t care. You do what you want. You always have. Dad always let you do what you wanted, when you wanted. I’ll take care of the farm. You go play with your ponies.”
Mica stomped across the terrace and toward the house.
“I didn’t say that!” Rafe bellowed.
Gina whipped off the blanket she’d put over her legs. She squeezed Sam’s hand. “I’ll go.” She rose and followed Mica.
Sam nodded and looked at Gabe and Liz. “How long has Mica felt this way?”
“Forever,” Nate and Gabe said in unison.
Rafe stood up. “Honestly? I never knew.” He stared after his brother and mother as they met at the door and then went inside.
Rafe looked down at Olivia. “Sorry.”
Mrs. Beabots stood up and said, “I believe the Barzonni family needs to be left alone, ladies.” She turned to Isabelle and Cate. “Why don’t you both get your things and take me home? I’ll make us some tea. Olivia? Do you have a ride back to town?”
Mrs. Beabots obviously considered her an outsider to the Barzonnis. But then, the older woman didn’t know about Rafe’s kisses. Or their arguments.
“I drove myself,” she replied. “I should help clean up.”
“It’s okay, Olivia,” Maddie said. “Thanks for offering. Nate and I can handle it.”
“I’ll help, too,” Gabe volunteered.
Luke looked at Sarah. “We should get the kids home, as well.”
Sarah nodded. “You’re right. They have to get up early—Annie has voice lessons and Timmy’s got swimming at the YMCA.”
Everyone gathered their plates and placed them on the big trays that Gina had provided.
Olivia walked over to Rafe. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“Sure,” he said. “This isn’t how I expected it to go.”
“Yeah, you’re supposed to have several more hours of limelight to enjoy.”
“Fat chance,” he replied glumly. “But listen, if I can swing it somehow and can register for the Illinois Derby, will you come?”
Olivia stared at him. She hadn’t expected an invitation to another race. In fact, she hadn’t expected anything from Rafe ever again. She’d convinced herself that she shouldn’t see him or even be acquainted with him. They weren’t good for each other. They were completely at odds.
Only, he didn’t know that.
“To be your photographer, you mean?”
“Yeah. For Rowan.”
“For Rowan,” she repeated.
But not as your date.
At least Olivia knew now for certain: they were still at square one.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“DID YOU SEE the lake last night, Olivia?” Maddie asked as she zipped up her black-and-fluorescent-green wet-suit jacket. “The sky was totally pink, and so was the water. Nate and I were standing on our deck and I felt like I was living inside an opalescent bubble of light,” she continued as she took her position behind Olivia and prepared to hoist the sculling boat on her shoulders.
“Okay, everybody,” Sarah shouted. “Heave!”
Olivia groaned as she worked in unison with Sarah, Maddie and Isabelle to lift their sculling boat off the racks while Liz held the doors open.
It was the first row of the spring. These mornings were some of Olivia’s most cherished times with her friends. Skimming over the placid waters, she was always able to forget her worries and concentrate on the rowing and how every muscle in her body had to work in perfect synchronicity with the other women. They were a unit, striving for one end—this blend of nature and human physical exertion. Time stood still for Olivia when they rowed, sometimes moving so fast she was shocked they’d circled the lake so quickly. They were often the only people out on the water. Because they rowed near dawn, there were seldom any swimmers about, and speedboats and skiers were not allowed until ten. Today two fishermen in a rowboat bobbed behind the cattails and reeds along the shore. Those with bigger, fancier fishing boats didn’t fish on Indian Lake.
Olivia knew she’d missed a thousand photographs over the years, but that was the point of sculling. She had to stay focused. Here she was only a cog in the human machinery that gave flight to their vessel.
“Are you sure it’s safe for you and the baby to be rowing, Liz?” Olivia asked. “Should I even ask that? You’re not offended, are you?”
Liz laughed as they made their way from the boathouse down to the shore. “I’m fine. My doctor says I’m the healthiest expectant mother he’s ever seen. Apparently, all the years of physical work in the vineyard have helped.”
“Good,” Sarah said, “because you’ll need a lot of biceps power lifting kids, trikes and monstrously full laundry baskets.”
“Ar
e we grousing, Sarah?” Maddie teased as they put the boat in the water.
“Not really. I wouldn’t give up any of my new life with Annie and Timmy for even a millisecond of my past. What I’m saying is I don’t know how Luke did it alone for two years. How does anybody take care of kids and hold down a full-time job? It takes both of us and Mrs. Milse to keep up with the house, the groceries, Beau, the trips to the vet, the dentist and the doctor for checkups.”
Olivia was the first in the boat and picked up her paddle. “It sounds foreign to me,” she said as they rowed away from shore and swept out to the middle of the still lake.
“Not to me,” Isabelle put in. “I spent my entire childhood taking care of my younger brothers and sisters. My mom had to work, and being the oldest, all the chores and babysitting fell to me. I hated it. While they went out and played, I did the laundry. I don’t want any part of diapers and midnight feedings.” She shivered. “Gives me the willies to think of being chained to one kind of life. One option.” She shook her head. “Not for me.”
Liz laughed to herself as Sarah stepped up the speed with her shouts of “Pull! Pull!”
“That’s because you haven’t met the right guy yet, Isabelle,” Liz said. “I never thought much about it before I met Gabe. Then everything in my life changed.”
Olivia stared at the morning sun as it rose behind a band of mottled clouds and sent striations of pink, red and lavender across the glassy water. The sight was magnificent and spellbinding. She wished she had her camera so she could capture the glory of the colors. Then she’d show it to Rafe.
Rafe.
Olivia froze midmotion and had to scramble to get back in sync.
“Olivia. You okay?” Liz asked behind her.
“Fine.” Olivia picked up the pace. “Sorry.”
“I’ve never seen you miss a beat like that,” Liz said. “Weird.”
No, it wasn’t weird. It was Rafe. Olivia hadn’t been able to get him out of her head since last night at the barbecue. In fact, she’d barely slept at all.
Yesterday had been like riding an emotional bullet train straight across uncharted country. She’d gone from trepidation verging on fear about the horse race to insecurity about her ability to photograph the race, to an argument with the judge about the outcome. To say nothing of what had happened with Rafe.
Closing her eyes, she could still feel the gentle pressure of Rafe’s lips against hers. Olivia had been kissed plenty of times, but never like that. Olivia was a practical woman. Even in her craft, she tried to present things as they were. Raw. Truthful. So it was more than a little difficult for her to explain what happened to her when Rafe kissed her. After spending an entire night dissecting yesterday’s events, Olivia knew the only truth was that her life would never be the same.
For years she’d heard patronizing comments from her mother’s friends and even simplistic explanations from her own girlfriends that when the right man came along, things would change. She would change.
But Olivia didn’t want to change. At least, not like that.
She wanted to make some changes. That was certain. She’d told herself she simply hadn’t had the time to do so. Her catering schedule was packed. They’d had a busy month at the deli. She had events to plan, including a wedding.
She stopped herself cold. She was doing it again. Cramming her hours and days with everything that wasn’t the one thing she wanted. Her photography. If she was too busy to try, she couldn’t fail. If she was honest with herself, though, her hectic schedule was an excuse she’d been hiding behind for years. Deep down, she was afraid of taking a chance on herself. Because that was exactly what it was: a chance. A gamble. Was she a risk taker like her father? And if she went the distance, would she become addicted to the hunt like he had? Would she hurt her mother? What if she had to move away? Julia didn’t deserve to be abandoned twice in her life by the people she loved.
“Pull!” Sarah shouted as they rowed over lily pads on the north side of the lake near the lodge.
Sarah’s instructions shook Olivia out of her daydreams.
“You guys with me?”
“Yea, Captain!” they yelled back.
Olivia wiped the sweat from her forehead with the sleeve of her sky-blue-and-black wet suit, pulling with all her might. The pink of dawn had faded into a brilliant blue. Spring trees were only beginning to bud, but the forsythia and rhododendrons that decorated the gardens of the lake houses had burst into color over the weekend. Soon the long branches of the maples and oaks would spread out over the water’s edge and shade the piers and beaches. The sandhill cranes would come back, and the seagulls that dotted the skies over Lake Michigan would nest along Indian Lake, as well.
On clear summer evenings, Olivia would close up the deli and she’d come out to the lake and comb the dense, grassy inlets for muskrats. Maybe this year she’d find the eagle’s nest that one of her deli patrons had reported a week ago.
This summer she would be audacious. She would put herself, her life and her talent to the test. Rafe had told her that she could photograph Rowan whenever she wanted. Although Rafe could be possessive of his prize-winning Thoroughbred, somehow Olivia had the feeling that Rowan was the key to taking the next step in her career. Despite all the complicated emotions between them, the invitation was there.
“Bring her in slow, ladies!” Sarah called as they headed in toward the boathouse.
Olivia looked up. They were finished? How was that possible? She felt as if they’d just gotten out on the water. “I thought we were going to make three passes,” Olivia said as Sarah gave the command to lift their oars.
“We made four, silly.” Maddie chuckled over her shoulder. “Boy, you really have been in Neverland today, haven’t you?”
“Huh?”
Isabelle scoffed, “Usually, I’m the one who’s off in the clouds. I don’t think you heard a word we said today, Olivia.”
The boat hit the sandy shore and halted. They all hopped out and walked the boat up to the beach.
Sarah led her crew as they hoisted the boat onto their shoulders.
“I’ll take the key up to Captain Redbeard,” Isabelle said when they’d placed it back on the rack.
“I’ll put the oars away,” Maddie offered. “So are we all set for next Sunday? Weather permitting?”
They all agreed, and once everything was put away, they began the walk up the hill to the parking lot. Olivia’s van was closest to the pathway. She unlocked her door, looked up and saw Sarah, Maddie and Liz standing in a semicircle next to her with concerned expressions on their faces.
“Are you okay, Olivia?” Liz asked sweetly.
Maddie put her hand on Olivia’s arm. “Something’s up. What is it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” How could they tell I’m upset? All we did was row—just like always.
Sarah took a step forward with her hands on her hips. “Olivia Melton. We’ve been friends since we were kids. You haven’t been yourself for weeks. I asked you four different questions out there on the lake and you never answered me. I can tell when your mind is someplace else. It happens all the time when you’re taking pictures. But this is different. Are you sick and you don’t want to tell us? Is it your mom?”
Olivia exhaled so deeply her chin sank to her chest. “It’s not my mom and I’m not sick.” She looked up at her girlfriends. She wasn’t going to escape without telling them the truth. But what was the truth?
“Fine,” Sarah said. “Look, we want to help, but if you don’t want our help, we’ll butt out.”
Olivia reached out and took her hand. “It’s not that, Sarah. It’s...well...something is different.” She hesitated. “I just don’t know what it is.”
Maddie leaned in. “When did this start, exactly? Maybe we can nail it down for you.”
No, that just wasn’t her style. “I think it started...when those photographs of Rowan went viral.”
Sarah groaned. “Oh, no! I’m so sorry, Olivia.”
“I know. I forgive you. It’s Rafe who was so angry.”
Sarah nodded. “I should apologize to him, too.”
“It’s not necessary. He actually wound up apologizing to me after he stormed into the deli that night.”
Liz’s jaw dropped. “When was this?”
“Two weeks ago,” Sarah and Olivia said in unison.
Sarah turned back to Olivia. “But he’s okay with it now, right? We’re all Kumbaya and holding hands?”
Olivia lowered her eyes sheepishly. “Yes.” She fiddled with her car keys. Without thinking it through, she blurted, “I kissed him. No. I mean, actually, he kissed me. I didn’t see it coming. I’m pretty messed up over it all.”
Liz clamped her mouth shut, her eyes wide, while Maddie gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. “Rafe? Where?”
“On the lips, of course.” Olivia glared at Maddie.
“I meant, where were you when this happened?”
“In the horse barn at the fairgrounds yesterday before the race.”
Sarah inhaled. “Before the race and not after?”
“Well, then, too. Why?”
Maddie stepped in front of Sarah, put her hands on Olivia’s shoulders and said, “Olivia. Rafe is a Barzonni. You can ask Liz. Barzonni brothers don’t ask. They take, conquer and claim.” She turned to Liz. “Am I right or am I right?”
Liz’s eyebrow shot up and she folded her arms across her belly. “Right as rain.”
Olivia felt the blush spread from her scalp to her toes. “Well, he sure can kiss.”
“They all can.” Maddie chuckled. “And neither Liz nor I would have it any other way. I also know Rafe pretty well. He’s not the kind of guy who goes around dispensing random kisses. He’s always been very serious. If Rafe kissed you two times in one day, I’d say there’s a lot of thought behind it.”
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