“I don’t think it is as elusive as you think,” he murmured, interlacing their fingers and fitting his palm against hers. “Difficult to find, perhaps, but not impossible. And I do not think it’s unreasonable for you to want it. You deserve nothing less, CeCe.”
Her throat began to burn from how long it took her to remember how to breathe, her insides erupting into a confusing ripple of unnamed emotion. With a little shake of her head, she reminded herself that Edward was a courtesan. It was his job to seduce her in bed as well as out of it. Perhaps he truly did believe in love, and maybe he thought her a good person worthy of the sort of marriage she would want if the opportunity presented itself. That wasn’t a good enough reason for her heart to pound, her palms to grow damp, and her chest to swell with hope.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice low and strained.
Pulling her hand away, she gave him a small smile. His intense expression melted away and his boyish grin appeared, putting her at ease. She’d revealed more to him in a few days than she ever had to another living soul. Perhaps it was nothing more than a side-effect of the sort of intimacy she’d always avoided. She supposed it was nice to have someone to confide in along with the other obvious pleasures.
As they resumed their meal and the light, easy banter that had begun the night, she told herself that it didn’t have to mean anything, except perhaps that she’d gained a friend of sorts as well as a lover. It certainly did not mean that the hope unfurling from some hidden place deep within her had anything to do with him.
* * *
2 weeks later…
When Helene returned to London, she entered the townhouse to find Clare setting an arrangement of fresh-cut blossoms from the greenhouse. Approaching the round table gracing the center of the entrance hall, she watched as Clare worked to get the placement of lilies, roses, and jasmine just right. She’d spent a pleasant morning with her plants, notating the pleasing progress of her hybrids, which had produced bright green sprouts a few days ago. They continued to grow as she kept the soil damp and ensured they received ample light on sunny days. She anticipated they would begin to bud and blossom in a few more weeks, revealing the results of her experiment.
“Welcome home,” she said, standing back to study her work. “How was your time away?”
“Quiet, and a nice reprieve from this overcrowded city for a time,” her aunt replied, reaching out to caress the petals of a bright red rose. “This is lovely. Such vibrant colors.”
Clare peered at her over the tangle of flowers and pursed her lips, certain that the last thing her aunt wanted to talk about right now was a flower arrangement. An entire fortnight had passed since Helene had left her to enjoy her birthday gift in relative privacy. It wouldn’t be long before she’d begin prodding Clare for details.
“Shall I send for tea?” she offered. “I’m sure you must be famished after your journey.”
Handing her wrap off to a footman, Helene gave Clare a pointed look. “Oh, very well, if it will get us to the matter at hand that much faster. Send for the tea, and cakes while you’re at it. Then, you are going to tell me everything.”
Clare couldn’t hold in a laugh as her aunt sauntered past her into the nearest drawing room, where a fire had just been stoked in anticipation of her arrival. She took her time finishing her arrangement and sending for the tea, finding a perverse sense of satisfaction in making Helene dangle a bit.
When, at last, they sat before the fire with filled teacups and a silver tower of various confections between them, Helene leaned forward and made her demands.
“Out with it,” she prodded. “I did not receive any messages from you bemoaning your decision to enjoy my gift. So, I can only assume things have been going well?”
Unable to remain aloof any longer, Clare let her lips split into a wide smile. “Better than well. Edward and I have been getting on famously. You were right about everything. All I needed was to experiment with the right variables.”
Her aunt’s face transformed into a mask of smugness. “I knew Edward had all the proper…variables. I could tell just by looking at him. I’ve always been good at that, you know.”
Clare did know it. While she’d been widowed for decades, Helene had never wanted for male companionship. She’d always been discreet, but Clare was no fool. There had been a number of affairs over the years, all of which had seemed to make her aunt happy enough. Now, she understood why.
“Tell me more, dear,” Helene prodded, setting the tea aside and bracing her chin on one hand like a young girl indulging in juicy gossip.
So, Clare told her everything without delving too deeply into the intimate details. She’d seen Edward almost every evening for the past fortnight and had even spent a few afternoons with him as well. He’d displayed an interest in her work with lilies, so she’d taken him into her conservatory and explained her hybrid experiments to him. She had even guided him through collecting newly cultivated seeds and planting them in their own pots, taking notes on the process in her journal. He’d laid her over an empty space on one of her tables and lifted her skirts afterward, claiming that her use of scientific names and terminology had worked him into quite a state. It had been exhilarating, surrendering to passion while surrounded by the perfume of flowers, the glass ceiling allowing the sun to shine down on them, and the threat of discovery by a passing servant adding a bit of a thrill to it all.
They’d attended the theater one night, and he had escorted her to a dinner party the following evening, which had been nothing more than an excuse for the host to gather with others sharing an interest in botany. Edward had held his own during the affair, listening intently to the discussions on cross-breeding and classification while asking questions without seeming to worry that it showed just how little he knew on the subject. He seemed open to learning about something she loved, which made her like him as more than just a bedmate.
Though, in that regard he proved quite spectacular. After their first few nights together, she had begun to worry that the novelty of it would begin to wear thin. However, he continued to prove her wrong, bringing something new and wonderful to each encounter. She found a freedom in bed with him that she’d never known. He liked her loud laugh, her spectacles, her short hair. He claimed that her bosom wasn’t too small no matter what she said and seemed to think the sight of her naked was the most diverting thing he’d ever seen. That made it easy to come to him without reservation, and with an eagerness to learn all she could about passion and desire.
“So,” Helene said once Clare had finished filling her in. “Does this mean you want to keep him a bit longer than thirty days? The owner of the agency assures me that the contract can be extended for however long you wish.”
Staring down into the murky depths of her teacup, Clare mulled that over. It wasn’t the first time the notion had come to mind, and her aunt had just reminded her that she’d yet to make a decision on that front.
“I like him,” she confessed. “As more than just a lover. I enjoy the time we spend out of bed as much as in it.”
Reaching for a second cake, Helene smiled. “Then you certainly need more time with him. That sort of compatibility does not happen often, as you well know. Why not enjoy it?”
Clare took a few sips of tea before answering. While on one hand she agreed with her aunt that she ought to enjoy this while it lasted, she also understood that more time could cause her to become hopelessly entangled with Edward. That much had already been proved the night of their conversation over Indian cuisine. He’d delved far too deep into her deepest longings, and now they’d been brought to the surface.
Upon her coming out and first Season she’d grown bored with the men she was supposed to consider for marriage. There had been the men who’d treated her as if she had some sort of contagious disease because she’d rather discuss politics and science than the weather. There had been those who’d displayed interest in her, but they were either as boring as doorknobs or their interest had tu
rned out to be purely carnal in nature. Until now, there had been no need to think of such matters, but now she could not help but wonder how things might end if she allowed this arrangement to last much longer. An unexpected surge of yearning shot through her, shocking Clare with its intensity. For the first time in a long while she longed for more—for companionship and intimacy, and the sorts of things that could only last a short time with a man like Edward.
“He’s come into this arrangement expecting it to last for thirty days,” she said, voicing her thoughts while untangling them in her mind. “If I end it as planned, we both walk away having gained what we originally sought with no harm done. But, what if we carry on another month, or three, or six? How much harder will it become to part ways then?”
Arching an eyebrow, Helene perused her with pensive eyes. “I suppose that all depends. Are you worried it will be harder for Edward, or yourself?”
Propping her feet up on a nearby footstool, Clare sighed. “Myself, I suppose. He’s only doing this in order to save his family’s failing business and care for his siblings. One keeper will do as well as another for his purposes, whereas I…”
I will be devastated to become attached to him, only to realize the feeling is not mutual.
Helene’s expression lit up with understanding, then melted into something akin to pity. “You’ve never had both a friend and a lover in the same man before. You worry that you’ll want more from him than he’s willing or able to give.”
Dash it all, she didn’t want to admit it, but her aunt’s words were true. Her pride stung as she was forced to admit that what she feared most was heartbreak. Though they were having the most wonderful time, he did not express tender sentiments or an inkling that he ever desired a more permanent liaison. Edward had the potential to make her want the things she’d convinced herself she could live without. And it would destroy her when it turned out he didn’t want to go on giving them to her forever.
Reaching out to touch her hand, Helene drew Clare’s gaze, her expression one of determination and understanding. “Only you can decide whether it will be worth it in the end. Sometimes, people are meant to enrich our lives for a short time. The trick is, learning when to let them go. Whatever you decide, I am glad you gave this a chance at all. There are some experiences a woman should never miss, and a good, thorough tupping is one of them.”
That little quip got a smile out of her, lifting her mood a bit. Perhaps Aunt Helene was right and she was simply over-thinking the matter. Edward would be a temporary part of her life that she’d enjoy until it was over—like an ice at Gunter’s, or warm summer rain, or the short life of a fresh-cut rose.
“Aunt Helene, however did you come to be so wise?”
“Experience and age,” her aunt replied with a shrug. “When you get to be as old as I am, wisdom comes along with the gray hairs.”
“Oh, rubbish,” Clare snorted. “You’re no more old than I’m a pigeon.”
“You only say that because I’ve never told you my real age.”
“When will you tell me how old you are?” Clare teased. “I’m twenty-one now.”
“And you still aren’t old enough to know the truth. Ask me again when you turn thirty. The revelation of how ancient I truly am will be my gift to you that year. Now, come. We have just enough time to take a walk before dinner.”
Happy for the temporary diversion, Clare left the drawing room with her aunt. They parted ways to go fetch hats, gloves, and coats, with Clare deciding that her misgivings concerning Edward could be forgotten for now. Too much worry would hamper the fun of it, and they still had a fortnight left.
* * *
Edward glanced up from the ledgers before him as the door to Norton & Rivers swung open. Squinting against the sudden flash of light, he discovered that Hugh and Benedict had come to call. These days, anyone who knew him understood that his mornings and afternoons were mostly spent within the office of the shipping line, where he worked tirelessly to set things right. After the first official day of his and Clare’s arrangement, he’d felt secure in delving into the funds Benedict had given him after taking his percentage.
His first order of business had been to pay the debts owed to the suppliers and craftsman, then ordering the goods needed to repair the damaged ships. He’d been told that at least three of them could be prepared to sail within a fortnight, and sure enough he’d received word just yesterday that those repairs had been complete, the vessels ready for cargo and a crew. While waiting, he had thrown himself into gaining back a few of the sailors who had worked for his father, who in turn had recruited as many of their previous mates as possible. He appointed a captain for each ship and had charged them with assembling full crews as soon as possible.
This afternoon, he would secure warehouses for goods, which would complete the groundwork enabling him to court their lost clientele back to the line. It was his hope to have the first ships at sea within the month, which would be enough to provide the first income the business had seen in half a year.
After paying the business’ debts, he had increased the wages of the woman acting as both his cook and housekeeper, then given both Caroline and Jacob a small stipend to purchase new clothing. He’d even been able to give them both a bit of pin money for the time being. They’d been thrilled with even so small an amount to spend on themselves, but he had assured them there was more to come. He’d begin searching for new lodgings and hiring on more servants once the first shipments were secured and he was certain the flow of income could become a steady trickle.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Hugh said as Benedict closed the door, leaving them with tapers and the open shutters for light. “You must be terribly busy.”
“For once, being terribly busy involves making money as opposed to losing it, so I don’t mind it much,” Edward replied, gesturing toward the set of chairs facing his desk. “Please, sit down.”
While they made themselves comfortable, Edward set his pen aside and stoppered his inkwell. Benedict removed his hat and rested it on his knee, casting a curious glance about the empty office. Edward had dusted and polished the furniture, but had done little in the way of sprucing up the space. That seemed trivial when his ships were only just being repaired, but it stood among the things he wished to accomplish in the near future.
“We don’t want to take up too much of your time,” Benedict said, his gaze coming to rest on Edward once again. “It is customary for me to look in on new courtesans to assure they are settling into their first arrangements well.”
He couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips as Benedict’s words brought Clare to mind. He’d parted ways with her at sunrise this morning, loath to leave her warm bed but needing to return home and freshen up before coming into the office. They had plans to share dinner this evening, which of course would lead them straight back to the bed. Their time together had been brief, but he found himself thinking of her often while working, and looking forward to returning to her when he’d finished for the day.
“Clare and I are getting along just fine,” he replied. “She’s a lovely woman and quite a joy to be with.”
Hugh raised his eyebrows, almost seeming surprised by this news. “Well, that’s certainly a bonus. You never know what you are going to get when introduced to a new keeper. All the better if you find you actually like her.”
“Has she given any indication that she’d like to extend her contract beyond the agreed-upon thirty days?” Benedict asked. “I’d like to know if I need to begin considering a new keeper for you.”
The thought of leaping straight from Clare’s bed into another woman’s left a bitter taste in his mouth. It wasn’t a problem he’d ever had in his past dealings with women, but then most of his previous experience with the fairer sex had never gone beyond the bedchamber. Acting as a courtesan required him to cater to Clare out of bed as well as in it, and he found he actually enjoyed that part of it. There was always some new facet of her personality to unearth, a
nd she never ceased taking him by surprise.
However, as the head of the agency it made sense for Benedict to think of this in terms of pounds and pence. In truth, Edward couldn’t afford not to follow the other man’s lead. Should Clare decide she was finished with him two weeks from now, he’d need to consider the detriment of going without the additional income a new keeper could offer him. It could take months, or even a year, for him to feel comfortable supporting his family with the line as his only source of capital.
“Not yet,” he replied. “We haven’t really had time to discuss it.”
Really, the subject had never come up. If Clare hadn’t expressed interest in continuing on with him, perhaps that was because there was no interest. That proved a clear enough answer to the unspoken question. He didn’t want to dwell on why that made his heart sink and his stomach ache.
“Find out, and inform me of the answer,” Benedict said. “The sooner we know what to expect, the better.”
For lack of anything to say, Edward simply nodded his agreement. How the devil was he to ask Clare such a thing without seeming like an insensitive ass or a desperate beggar? He supposed that was his problem, so he would puzzle it out on his own time.
Retrieving his watch, Benedict flipped it open and frowned. “I’m sorry, but if I don’t leave now I’ll be late for an appointment. Edward, feel free to call on me if you need anything. I’ll be ready to make the proper arrangements when necessary.”
“Of course,” he said as Benedict rose and donned his hat once more. “And thank you for everything. This arrangement has solved a hell of a problem for my family and I am grateful.”
Tipping his hat, Benedict gave him a ghost of a smile. “All in the line of duty. Hugh, will you stay?”
Tempting the Bluestocking: A Gentleman Courtesans Novella Page 8