by Sharon Sala
“He doesn’t want to hurt you, baby.”
Jade’s stomach was in knots. “How do you know?”
“Just look at his face. There’s nothing there but love.”
Jade took a deep breath and then made herself look.
Sam held his breath, afraid she would bolt, but whatever she saw convinced her to take that first step forward, and then another and another, until she was so near he could hear the short, rapid sounds of her breathing. She was scared, and he knew just how she felt. He was shaking so hard he could barely stand, but she was beautiful—so beautiful. After all these years, it was nothing less than a miracle that they were standing face-to-face.
Sam started to speak and then had to clear his throat to get past the tears. He reached for her, wanting to hold his daughter in his arms.
“Oh Jade…honey…”
She took a nervous step backward.
“Easy, Sam,” Luke said softly. “Let her take the lead.”
Sam nodded, then took a deep breath and started over, making sure that he kept his emotions at bay.
“I guess the proper greeting would be ‘welcome home.”’
“Thank you,” Jade said, and then reached behind her, caught Raphael’s hand and pulled him forward. “This is Raphael.”
Sam’s smile was genuine as he offered his hand.
“Raphael, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Raphael was taken aback by the man’s genuineness. It wasn’t something he was accustomed to from a person of this man’s standing.
“No, sir,” Raphael said. “The pleasure is all mine.” Then he put his arm around Jade, gently urging her toward the man who’d given her life. He spoke softly, so that only she could hear. “Look in his eyes, honey girl. Trust what you see.”
The emotion of this moment was so strong that Luke felt like an intruder, and yet common sense told him that until they were safely inside the house, they weren’t really safe from the eyes and ears of the media.
“I think we need to take this inside,” he said.
Sam swung toward the gate, as if expecting intruders to come barging through. His first instinct was to protect Jade from all that he’d wrought.
“He’s right,” Sam said. “Shall we go before they start crawling over the walls?”
Jade’s eyes widened. “Who’s out there? Why were we trying so hard to get away?”
Sam sighed. “I’m afraid it’s partly my fault. I was in a board meeting when Luke called to tell me that he’d found you. Without thinking, I blurted it out to the people there. I have no idea who told the press, but like it or not, your return is news. It’s not every day that a parent finds a lost child after twenty years.”
Jade eyed the gate again. “You mean all those people were there because of me?”
Sam nodded. “But it will be okay, I swear. We’ll make it okay. You don’t have to say or do anything that you don’t want to. I’ll protect you, I promise.”
Jade looked in Sam’s eyes and saw truth, but there was still a part of her that wished she’d never taken that painting of Ivy to the street fair. If she hadn’t, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Then she felt a muscle jump in Raphael’s arm and remembered her fears about health.
“Don’t worry about us,” she said, and then turned her back to the gates in a gesture of dismissal. “A few people with microphones and cameras aren’t what’s scary in this world…are they, Raphael?”
“No, honey, they’re not, and just look where you are. You won’t ever have to be afraid again.”
“Follow me,” Sam said, and hurried toward the house.
Jade and Raphael did as he asked, leaving Luke to bring up the rear.
Nine
Sam led the way into the house through the library, hustling everyone inside. The phone on his desk was ringing as he shut and locked the doors.
“Let it ring,” he told Luke.
Luke smiled. “Been rough?”
“You have no idea,” Sam muttered, but his concern was for Jade, not himself. “I suppose I was naive about the impact finding Jade would have. I was so concerned with renewing our relationship that it never occurred to me that the rest of the world would find our story remarkable.”
Then Sam noticed Jade staring at the room in disbelief. His father had built the house during the 1920s. He’d lived in it all his life, had brought Margaret here from their honeymoon, and then, a few years later, they’d brought their baby daughter home from the hospital to live here. It was so comfortable—so familiar—that he’d taken the elegance for granted, but seeing the shock on his daughter’s face reminded him that he lived a privileged lifestyle. Sam stifled a surge of anger. If it hadn’t been for Margaret, Jade would not be a stranger in her own home.
Luke could tell Sam was troubled, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He’d found Sam’s daughter. The rest had to be up to them.
“Some of Jade’s paintings and art supplies are still in the car. I’m going to get them, along with the bags, then get out of your hair. You guys have a lot of catching up to do.”
Jade heard what Luke said and turned abruptly. It occurred to her as she watched him walking away that she wasn’t sure she wanted him to go. She told herself that it was certainly not because she was beginning to think of him as someone she could count on. It was simply a case of the devil you know being better than the one you did not—and she did not know Sam Cochrane.
She gave Sam a nervous look, then glanced at Raphael, who’d seated himself in a large overstuffed chair beneath the painting that had caused their world to unravel.
Sam watched her face, searching her expression for clues as to what she was thinking. When she looked up at the painting of Ivy, she frowned. He decided it was time to make the first move.
He walked up beside her, then pointed to the painting.
“Thank you for that.”
Jade looked up at him, uncertain as to what he meant.
“Thank you for what?”
“For giving a little bit of her back to me.”
Jade sighed. So Sam had really loved her. She began to understand what losing her must have meant.
“You really loved her?”
Sam sighed. “More than life.”
“Then why did she leave you?”
His smile was sad as he met her gaze. “I was hoping that was something you could tell me.”
Jade frowned. “I barely remember her. All I know is she died and left me in hell.”
Sam hid his surprise as anger exuded from every fiber of his daughter’s being.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t find you,” he said softly. “God knows I looked. I looked so hard and for so long, but there was no sign of you or your mother anywhere.”
Jade shrugged and then turned, facing the man who wanted to call himself her father. But to do that, he had to accept her for what she’d become, not who she’d been.
“You couldn’t find your little girl because she died, too.”
Sam felt the floor shift beneath his feet. “What are you saying? Are you telling me that you’re not Jade?”
“Oh, no, I’m Ivy’s child. That much I remember. But the little girl I was no longer exists. You may not want what’s left of me now.”
Sam flinched; then his shoulders straightened as he stared into Jade’s face.
“There’s something we need to get straight right here and right now. I don’t give a damn about your past. Whatever you did, you did to survive, and for that I will be forever grateful. Whether you like it or not…whether you want to admit it or not…you’re as much a part of me as you were of Margaret, and I want every goddamned bit of what’s left of you. Do you hear me, girl?”
Jade shivered. “I hear you.”
“Good,” Sam muttered. “Now that we’ve settled that bit of history, is it too much to ask that I might hold you? Just for a moment, you understand. Just so I can assure myself that I’m not dreaming?”
Luke reentered the library just as Sam
delivered his request. He stopped, all but holding his breath as he waited to see what Jade would do. He saw her glance at Raphael, then look back at Sam without speaking a word. Slowly, her shoulders straightened, not unlike Sam’s had only moments earlier.
“I don’t think it’s too much to ask,” she said; then, just before Sam’s arms began to enfold her, Luke heard her add in a calm, quiet voice, “Don’t hold me too tight. I don’t like to be touched.”
Sam didn’t want to consider the reasons why that might be so. For now, it was enough that she’d allowed him the familiarity.
“Certainly,” he said, struggling with the urge not to cry; then, banking his fervor, he wrapped his arms around his only child. Like the miracle that it was, he felt the beat of her heart against his chest and remembered there was a God after all.
Luke exhaled slowly. It wasn’t going to be easy, but if he read this right, they just might make it work. Then he looked at Raphael, caught a wry smile on his face and thought he understood the reason why. Everything was starting to work out for Jade, but Raphael’s situation was different. On one hand, Luke guessed that he was relieved. At least now he wouldn’t have to worry about her welfare and safety. But it had to be the biggest irony of all that he would never live to see it happen.
It was Luke’s opinion that the whole situation was one big tragic merry-go-round. Sam had his daughter, but her only memories of the past left her screaming in the night. Jade had Raphael, but not for long. In a way, Raphael was the only one who was close to realizing a goal. He’d been searching for a way out of their lifestyle and a safer place for Jade. Now he had both, but at what cost? Suddenly Luke realized that Jade had been staring at him over Sam’s shoulder.
When their gazes met, Jade immediately pushed herself out of Sam’s embrace and looked away, but it was too late. She’d been caught. What bothered her most was not that he’d caught her in the act but that she’d been doing it at all. He didn’t belong in her world, and she wasn’t so sure that she would ever find a way to belong in this one. Then she looked at Raphael and knew that what she thought or wanted didn’t matter. Something was wrong with him. She could feel it in her bones.
She looked back at Sam.
“Uh…Sir…uh—”
Sam smiled. “For now, why don’t you call me, Sam?”
Jade nodded. “Okay. Sam, it is. Now I have a favor to ask of you.”
Sam’s smile widened. “Anything!”
“Raphael hasn’t been feeling well. I think he needs to see a doctor.”
Raphael was unprepared for the abruptness of Jade’s request.
He stood quickly, afraid that confronting her father with an ailing houseguest would sour his opinion of her, as well as of him, and he couldn’t afford for that to happen.
“There’s no need,” he said quickly. “I’m just—”
“I think it’s a good idea,” Luke said quietly.
Jade turned, her eyes narrowing angrily as she looked from Luke to Raphael and then back again. Suddenly she saw something on Raphael’s face that she’d never seen before. He was keeping something from her, and whatever the secret, Luke knew it, too.
She pivoted sharply.
“Raphael?”
He took her in his arms. “It’s okay, honey. It’s okay.”
Sam could tell something was amiss but was less concerned with what he didn’t know than with granting Jade’s wish.
“Of course we’ll get you medical care. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice you weren’t well,” Sam said. “I’ll show you to your rooms, then call my personal doctor myself. Under the circumstances, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to stop by.”
Raphael sighed. There was no way to get around it, and, truth be told, he knew it was time. The pain in his belly was getting worse, as was the nausea. During the past two months, all he had wanted to do was sleep. Now that Jade was safe, it was as if his spirit had started to fade. He didn’t have to keep it together for her anymore. It wasn’t going to be easy, but the last thing he could do for his sweet baby Jade was teach her how to let him go.
“Thank you, Mr. Cochrane. I would appreciate it.”
“Please, call me Sam. Now follow me. I’ll show you to your rooms.”
“I’ve got the bags,” Luke said.
Jade wouldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see anything resembling pity on his face and not know the reason why.
Luke followed them up the staircase, aware that Jade was trying not to stare at the elegance of the old Cochrane mansion. It probably hadn’t occurred to her yet that she was heir to all she saw and several million dollars to boot. If only money were all it would take to give her peace, she would be set.
Then, halfway down the hallway, Sam stopped.
“Here we are,” he said, then opened the door and stepped inside. “It’s quite roomy, with its own bath. I think you’ll find everything you need, but just in case, the white phone on the table is a sort of intercom between you and Velma. Just pick it up and dial O. She’ll have the answer to any questions you might have.”
“Who’s Velma?” Jade asked.
Sam smiled. “She calls herself my housekeeper, but she’s more like the captain of the ship. If it wasn’t for her, I would have sunk years ago.” Then he opened another door and pointed inside. “These bedrooms are adjoining. I wasn’t sure about your sleeping arrangements, but I wanted to give you both a little space if you felt the need.”
Jade’s eyes widened perceptibly as she glanced into the second room and saw the large, empty bed.
“We’ll be in here,” she said quickly.
“That’s fine,” Sam said, then turned to Luke. “Just set both bags in here, then, will you?”
“Done,” Luke said. “And now, why don’t I go call Michael Tessler while you finish getting them settled.”
“Who’s he?” Jade asked.
“Your father’s doctor,” Luke said, and walked out of the room.
To his surprise, Jade followed him into the hall.
“Hey!”
Luke wanted to keep walking but knew there was no way to ignore her. He pasted a smile on his face and then turned.
“Yes?”
“What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what you mean.”
Jade moved closer then, her fists doubled, her expression guarded but angry.
“You lie.” Then she took a deep breath. “You’re no different from the others.”
“What others?” Luke asked.
“Men,” she said, spitting out the word as if it were a curse. “They all lie. You’re no different.”
He felt sick to his stomach for reasons he didn’t want to examine, but he wouldn’t let her have the last word. Not about this.
“I will never hurt you,” he said quietly. “And that is no lie.”
Then he turned and walked away, leaving her alone in the hall.
Confused by what she was feeling, Jade strode back into the bedroom. If she couldn’t get the answers she wanted out of Luke Kelly, she knew who to ask. Except Raphael was already stretched out on the bed with his eyes closed. She knew he wasn’t asleep, but she couldn’t bring himself to confront him—not like this.
“Are you hungry, my dear?” Sam asked.
She looked at Raphael and then sighed. “A little. Rafie…do you feel like having something to eat?”
“No, but you go ahead,” he said. “I think I’ll just take a little nap until the doctor gets here.”
Sam touched Jade on the shoulder, then quickly removed his hand when he felt her flinch.
“I’ll leave you to freshen up. When you’re ready, come back downstairs and turn left. At the end of the hallway, turn right. You’ll see the dining room from there.”
“Yes, all right,” Jade said, wanting him to leave so she could talk to Raphael.
Sam made it as far as the doorway before he stopped.
“Jade?”
“Yes?”
“I am
so very glad you’re home.”
She sighed, and for the first time since she’d walked into the house, had to admit her own truth.
“Yes, Sam…so am I.”
Sam waved as he closed the door. The moment he was gone, Jade sat down on the bed beside Raphael, then laid a hand on his forehead. His skin felt cold—almost clammy—and there was a muscle jumping at his temple, as if he was battling pain.
“Rafie?”
He stifled a sigh. “Yeah?”
“You’re sick, aren’t you?”
The fear in her voice made her sound like a child, and he needed her to be strong.
“Yes, baby, I am.”
She lay down behind him, spooning herself against his back, and then laid her arm across his waist.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He grabbed her hand and pulled it against his heart, wishing she could feel the love he had for her through osmosis, because he would never be able to show her the truth of what he felt.
“There was no need,” he said.
She was silent for a moment, then took a slow, shuddering breath. She didn’t want to think of what it might be. Neither she nor Raphael had ever done drugs, but it was impossible to forget what Solomon had done to them—or ignore the fact that some sexually transmitted diseases were not only incurable but fatal.
She slid her hand beneath his shirt, felt the curvature of his rib cage and the shocking lack of flesh that normally covered it, and stifled an urge to scream.
Not Raphael! Please, not my Raphael.
Then she made herself calm. After all the years that he’d taken care of her, returning the favor was the least she could do. She rubbed her hand up and down the middle of his back in a gentle, caressing motion.
“It’s all right, Rafie. The doctor will come, and he’ll make you okay.”
She waited for Raphael to agree. She waited, and she waited, and then she started to cry.
Raphael felt her body shaking and struggled with tears of his own. In that moment, if he’d had the energy, he would have cursed God for giving him this fate. But he didn’t, and it wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. His fate had been sealed from the day he was born.
“You are going to be all right,” he said softly.