"Selfish, perhaps, but hardly a child, Allegra."
Allegra looked away from his intent gaze. She suddenly felt very vulnerable, sitting on a blanket with her hair blowing about her face. She realized that she had never been in such a solitary position with a man before, and that the man she was with was her husband. The knowledge did something strange to her, heightening her awareness of him, reminding her of her childish dreams that they might one day be a happily married couple, sharing all the things that a husband and wife did. Her ease was replaced with tension, and her voice became suddenly artificial.
"So you admit to my selfishness, sir. I fear that I am not the perfect wife for you."
Adam looked up from the glass of wine he was gazing into, a slight frown creasing his forehead. He wondered what had happened to change Allegra's mood.
"I had no hand in choosing you, Allegra, but daily I grow less sorry that you are my wife," he said.
"Less sorry?" she repeated. "How complimentary."
Adam shifted on the blanket so he was closer to his wife. He could smell her gentle scent, and the memory of yesterday's kiss sprang to his mind. "I didn't mean to be unkind, Allegra. I only meant to say that I feel we can deal better together than we have."
"And how shall we do that, my lord?" she asked coldly.
"You can start by relaxing," he murmured, placing his hand gently over hers. "What has happened to make you so tense?"
Allegra flinched slightly when his skin touched hers, and she barely managed to stop herself from snatching her hand away. She felt a tingle shoot up her arm, and bit her lip gently. "Nothing," she said, her voice very small.
Adam watched her worry her delicate lower lip with her tiny white teeth, and cursed inwardly as he felt his heart begin to race in reaction to the sight. She was so intensely desirable, and that desirability was heightened by her apparent unawareness of it.
"Don't do that," he rasped.
Allegra looked startled. "Don't do what?"
"Look like that," snapped Adam. His hand tightened on hers, and she winced slightly at the pressure.
"Look like what? What's bothering you, Adam?" Allegra was completely bewildered by his swift change of temper.
Adam cursed softly under his breath. "I can't believe that you don't know what you're doing to me. You are the most desired woman in London, after all."
Allegra gaped at him, her blue eyes astonished. "I'm not doing anything. Why, I'm sitting here in my oldest dress, with my hair in a tangle. You can hardly find me...attractive."
Adam felt a laugh welling up in his chest despite his growing need for her. "Allegra, attractiveness is not simply a matter of clothes and well-coiffed hair," he said gently. "And right now I find myself wanting you very badly indeed."
Allegra's mouth dropped open slightly at her husband's words. She wondered dazedly if she had misunderstood him. Over the four years he had been gone she had imagined him saying something like that to her, but since his return it had seemed to be an impossible dream. "What?" she gasped.
"Let me show you." Adam's hand reached up and laced his fingers around the back of her neck, caressing it gently as he drew her towards him. She yielded willingly, still amazed by his words, and leaned towards him, her lips parted.
"That's right," murmured Adam, and then his lips touched hers, gentle yet firm, showing her how gentle yet sensual a kiss could be. Shyly at first, and then with increasing need her tongue clashed with his, teasing him, urging him forward.
Adam was somewhat bemused by her reaction. His previous amours had been experienced women, and he had always imagined that a virgin would be shy and uncomfortable until coaxed out of the state.
But while Allegra seemed surprised by some of his actions, she responded with alacrity, her senses quickened by his attentions. He was so handsome and skilled, she thought dreamily. Truly a magnificent lover.
The thought triggered memories, and she gave a tiny gasp, this time of horror. Once again the specter of Lady Manning presented itself to Allegra. The older woman appeared as Allegra had last seen her, at the masked ball, her dark head turned up to Adam's bright one as they danced, her hand resting delicately on his shoulder. She had smiled and laughed, and had not appeared to be a woman who seemed concerned that her companion was married.
Allegra knew he had spent the night with her immediately before they had come to Gravesmere; only two nights ago. And here Adam, her husband, Lady Manning's lover, was kissing her with a passion that bespoke something more than friendly interest. Allegra was inexperienced, but she was not ignorant of relations between men and women, and her mind told her that if she continued on this course, Adam would soon be her lover as well as Lady Manning's.
"Adam," she said. She pushed on his shoulders, and turned her head, attempting to pull away.
He tightened his arms around her and attempted to find her lips again with his.
"Adam," Allegra repeated. He paid no attention.
"Adam!" she said again, but more loudly, and accompanied it with a firm pull on his hair.
Adam loosened his hold on her, and looked down with surprised eyes. "What is it? Is something wrong?"
"Is something wrong?" repeated Allegra. "Look at us! I should say something is wrong."
Adam laughed. "Allegra, you are my wife. What could be wrong? Surely you are not unaware of the nature of marriage?"
"I am not unaware at all, my lord. Did I not help a mare to birth her foal only yesterday? But I am not a mare for the taking."
Adam looked astounded, and somewhat angry. He shifted himself so he lay next to her, his arm still across her body. Allegra struggled to a sitting position and raised her hands to her hair.
"Don't fuss with it," said Adam. "You look adorable. Come Allegra, there's nothing to be worried about."
"Nothing except that two nights ago you lay with Lady Manning, and now, in her absence, you are attempting to lay with me," said Allegra sharply.
Adam now looked distinctly annoyed. "Allegra, this is nonsense. Lady Manning has no bearing on your position as my wife."
"But she has a bearing on my dignity. I will not have you coming from her bed to mine," said Allegra firmly. She turned to look at Adam and almost softened at the troubled look in his green eyes.
"Allegra, you can't mean this. When you kissed me I could tell that you enjoyed it. Surely you want to be truly my wife, to have babes..."
"I want to be able to respect you, and myself as well, Adam, and I cannot believe myself able to do so in this situation."
Adam now moved his arm and sat up next to her. His thigh rested again Allegra's, and she found it disturbing. She stood up hastily.
"Now you are being missish," said Adam. "That is something I hadn't expected of you. Surely you don't mean to deny me your bed simply because I have had other women?"
"Is this other woman then in the past?" asked Allegra. Adam flushed and looked away. "Of course not! I will not be treated so!" Allegra spoke very firmly.
"Allegra, you are behaving foolishly," said Adam. "For you to even discuss Lady Manning with me is reprehensible; for you to make demands on me is even more vulgar."
Allegra could take no more. She had started to think more highly of her husband over the past day or so, and now he was chastising her for being unwilling to share him with his mistress. Her anger rose.
"I will not stay here to discuss this with you. Help me to mount my horse instantly!" she demanded. She marched over to her horse and stood by it.
Adam began to laugh. "Allegra, surely you cannot think that I will let you run from me."
"I am not running, my lord. I am going back to the house. Help me to mount!"
Adam reached her side and stood looking down on her. "To help you mount, I must touch you."
Allegra stamped her foot. "Help me to mount immediately," she said fiercely.
Adam threw her into the saddle, watching her troubled eyes and the soft mouth now set in an extremely firm line. She no longer seeme
d so kissable. Allegra took the reins and turned her horse, heading back to Gravesmere House at a gallop.
Chapter 10
Services No Longer Required
Adam followed her at a distance, pondering the vagaries of his wife. Her preoccupation with his mistress he could only feel was most inappropriate. Surely, as long as he did not publicly embarrass her, it was none of her business. But when he thought of Louisa, he was surprised that the warm rush of emotion he was used to feeling did not appear; instead, there was a strange sense of regret and even discomfort. He shook his head. Louisa was his love; Allegra his wife. He found his wife desirable because she was beautiful and he also needed to beget an heir with her, but surely Louisa was the woman he put above all others?
That evening was strained. Allegra appeared at dinner much subdued. As always, she looked beautiful, but her eyes were puffy, as though she had been crying. Adam, likewise, had little to say. His thoughts apparently ran quite differently than the conversation, and more than once he answered a question from his mother seemingly at random. Emily teased the two for having worn themselves out on their afternoon's ride; this sally brought a blush from Allegra and a worried shake of his head from Adam. The Dowager subsided into silence, and the meal was completed in that state. Immediately afterwards Allegra fled upstairs, pleading a headache.
Emily turned to her son with a worried expression. "What's the matter with Allegra?"
Adam turned a bland face to her. "I believe she said she had a headache."
"Don't be foolish, Adam," said Emily. "You and I are both aware that Allegra never has headaches unless she is unhappy about something. This is very distressing; I had hoped after yesterday that the two of you had come to some sort of an understanding. What did you do to upset her this afternoon?"
"I did nothing to upset her, Mama," said Adam, anger creeping into his voice. "Why do you presume that this is my fault, when you are as aware as I am that Allegra is annoyingly flighty?"
"Allegra is not flighty, Adam. She has high spirits and a great deal of pride, but she does become testy without cause. Now tell me what happened between you."
Adam paced up and down the carpet. It had been trying enough to discuss Louisa with his wife that afternoon; it would be utterly insupportable to have to discuss her with his mother.
"Nothing happened, Mother. She simply became annoyed with me for no reason. I cannot fathom the workings of her mind."
"This is about that woman you brought back from the Continent, isn't it?"
Adam gaped at her. Not only were Allegra and all London privy to his secret, but it seemed his mother was as well. "Mother! I cannot imagine what you are talking about."
"Well really, Adam, did you think me a fool?" said Emily tartly. "I have known about her for ages. Did you think Reverend Fitch was blind or that your father and I were not informed of your doings? Your father found the whole thing quite amusing, and I did not mind while you were on the Continent, but I really had hoped you would have had the sense to leave her there."
"Mother, I cannot discuss this with you," said Adam. "It isn't as though she has anything to do with you."
"I should hope not," said Emily. "As though I would have anything to do with a low-born hussy of that sort. Women of Lady Manning's stamp are precisely the reason we married you to Allegra before you left. I suppose you fancy yourself in love with this woman?"
Adam frowned at his mother. He was appalled by the turn of the conversation, but her attitude bore in on him the differences between Allegra and Louisa. Clearly, his mother was utterly unwilling to accept someone like Louisa; it now seemed faintly ludicrous to him that he had ever considered her to be suitable as a wife. Somehow he couldn't see her having tea with his mother and her friends. Louisa, despite her obvious charms, had none of the style or cultivated manners of his mother. Or Allegra, he admitted reluctantly.
"Of course you do," continued Emily. "But you are too embarrassed to discuss this with me. People today have no stomach for bluntness. Well, I will be straightforward. Allegra is your wife, and she is beautiful, charming, and well bred. It is far more important to deal well with your wife than with a casual love. I suggest you consider well the value of each woman and make the rational decision. And now, Adam, I too am going to bed."
Emily swept out of the room in a flurry of satin skirts, leaving Adam standing in the middle of the room, feeling rather foolish. He poured himself a brandy and flung himself into a chair. He had a great deal to think about.
An hour later Allegra sat in her room, watching the candles burn down. She had dismissed her maid and undressed herself, but now found herself unable to sleep. She suffered from a combination of annoyance and embarrassment; annoyance that Adam would presume she would come so willingly to him, and embarrassment that she had spoken to him so frankly about a woman of whose very existence she was supposed to remain politely ignorant. He would doubtless consider her very forward now, if he had not done so already. What was it that had made her so contrary that afternoon? After all, it was not her place to worry about Adam's activities, as long as she was treated with respect. But somehow she could not feel she was respected as long as her husband expected her to share him without a murmur or complaint. She sighed. Why did it matter to her what Adam thought of her? Surely she had enough adulation from her many admirers? But somehow, that was not what she wanted. She wanted to be valued for herself, to be cherished by someone she could value in return.
She jumped when there was a gentle knock on her door. She was even further alarmed to realize that the sound came from the door connecting her room to Adam's. She stared at the door in trepidation. She could pretend to be asleep, she realized, but the situation would still have faced eventually. The knock came again.
"Come in," said Allegra, with a quick glance in the mirror to make sure she looked tidy. A fearful face ringed with tumbled curls peered back at her.
The door opened and Adam entered. He wore a dark silk robe that tied at the waist, and the sleek muscles of his chest were clearly visible at the vee of the neck. Allegra tore her eyes from his exposed skin and looked up at his face. She was relieved to see no anger in his green eyes. Instead, he looked almost nervous.
"Adam," she said, her voice unexpectedly high. "What a surprise."
Adam stood awkwardly by the door. He was taken aback by how lovely Allegra looked in her peignoir. Its simple lines showed very clearly her delicate curves, and she shone like a candle flame in the dim light. He found suddenly his thoughts to be less organized than he had originally believed.
"Good evening, Allegra," he said. "I came to see if you were feeling better."
"What? Oh! My headache! Yes, my lord, I'm feeling better. I'm sorry if I worried you." Allegra pulled the bedclothes up to her chin.
"Not at all." Adam shifted his weight uncomfortably. He was accustomed to knowing precisely what to do in a lady's bedroom, and now felt disturbingly uncertain. "I merely wished to be certain that you didn't wish for anything."
"No, I'm quite content. But I thank you for your concern."
The two of them looked at each other for a moment in silence. Adam took a step towards her.
"Allegra, we could deal together much better than this," he said.
"My lord, I am sorry if you think me very forward," said Allegra. "I didn't mean to offend you this afternoon. It is just that I..." her voice trailed off. She didn't know how to properly express her feelings, as she didn't quite know what they were.
"You do not need to concern yourself with Lady Manning," said Adam. "I will take care of that."
Allegra's eyes met his, surprise and a touch of hope dawning at the back of them. "How will you take care of it?
Adam sighed. "Really, Allegra, your interest in this matter is almost unseemly. I will tell Lady Manning that her services are no longer required."
"Oh." Allegra bit her lip and Adam watched her closely, remembering the kisses they had shared that afternoon.
"You won
't cast her off without any money, will you?"
Adam started. While Allegra had been pondering, his mind had long since moved past the current moment and on to one in which he held her in his arms. "What?" he demanded impatiently.
Allegra gave him a curious look. "I only meant that while I cannot like her, she doesn't deserve to be left penniless. Surely you will make certain that she's comfortable?"
Adam laughed reluctantly. Only Allegra would demand that he cast off his mistress and then fret over whether or not she had been properly provided for. "She will want for nothing," he promised.
"Good." Allegra smiled up at him sunnily. "Thank you, Adam. I know you think I'm very silly, but I couldn't be comfortable as long as she was a part of your life. I'll sleep much better now." She slid down under the lacy sheets and nestled into her pillow.
A Most Unusual Situation: A Traditional Version Georgian Romance (The Gravesmeres Book 1) Page 11