by Tina Beckett
She wanted to know what had been said during the meeting but she also needed to take care of her patients’ needs. “Are you guys ready to go back to your room?”
Ben frowned down at her untouched tray, while Daniel shook his head. “Can I please stay here for a little while longer? I’m tired of lying in bed, and I want to talk to Cleo.”
There was a sad note in the words, and Tracy had a feeling she knew what he wanted to talk to her about. What were these kids going to do when this was all over? A thought that had plagued her repeatedly over the past couple of days.
She nodded. “We’ll move to another table and give you some time alone, okay? If you need me, just wave, and I’ll see you.”
She and Ben picked up their trays. She noticed he headed for a different table than Pedro’s. Thankfully her assistant was busy talking to one of the military doctors. Maybe he wouldn’t notice.
She realized she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t touched her plate. “Eat. Then I want to hear about what went on at the meeting.”
He lifted his brows. “I’ll eat if you will.”
Her lips curled into a reluctant smile, and she realized how little of that she’d done over the last week. “Deal.”
The next fifteen minutes were spent in relative silence as she enjoyed her first quiet meal since they’d arrived. When she bit into her beiju she couldn’t stop a low groan of pleasure. Ben remembered exactly how much butter she liked on it. And even though the bread was no longer warm, it was still as good as she remembered. “I have to take some cassava flour back with me so I can make this at home.”
Ben didn’t respond, and she only realized how that sounded when she noticed a muscle working in his jaw. Surely he knew she’d have to go back to Sao Paulo soon. Their life together was over, no matter how much she might wish otherwise.
Shaking off her regrets, she forced her back to straighten. “So, how did things go this morning?”
Cutting a chunk of fried banana and popping it into her mouth, she waited for him to fill her in.
“Tell me something,” he said instead.
Her whole body went on alert. Because it was he who was supposed to be telling her something, not the other way around. And if he asked her about her reasons for leaving, she had no idea what she was going to say. Because for all her raging about Ben’s ridiculous actions in sending in the cavalry when she hadn’t been in any real danger, she knew it was only a symptom of an underlying problem.
Yes, he’d betrayed her. Yes, he should have come himself, instead of pretending the military had other reasons for her not being in that village. But her reasons for leaving were way more complex than that. Because in the same way the townsfolk’s coughs were only a symptom of a raging wildfire burning below the surface, so were her issues.
“I thought we were going to talk about your meeting.”
If she thought she could change the subject that easily, she was wrong.
“Why haven’t you filed for divorce? Surely you could meet someone who loves your job just as much as you do.” His glance went to the table where Pedro sat.
“I—I told you. It’s hard to get a divorce from inside Brazil.”
“And you mean to tell me that after four years there’s been no one you’ve wanted to spend your life with?”
“If you’re talking about Pedro, we’re just coworkers.” After Ben, she’d wanted no one. “I just haven’t had the time to file the paperwork. It would mean a trip to New York.”
She tried to turn the conversation back to him. And realized she really did want to know. “What about you?”
“I have no desire to go down that road again.”
A spike of guilt went through her heart. Had she done that to him? Been such an awful wife that he’d never consider marrying again? She’d just assumed he’d be happier once she was out of his life, that he’d find someone who could give him what she didn’t seem able to. “I see. But surely someday…”
“I don’t think so.” He dropped his utensils onto his plate with a clatter.
Surely he couldn’t kiss her like he’d done a few days ago and not want that with someone else.
“You’d have eventually hated me, Ben. We both know that. It was better that I left.” Defective gene or no defective gene, she and Ben had never seen eye to eye on her job.
But would she have traveled as much without that fear prodding her from behind?
He turned to face her. “I never hated you, Tracy. But I deserved better than a letter left on my desk.”
He was right. She’d left him an ugly, anger-filled missive detailing everything about their marriage she found unbearable, ending with the military invasion of the village that had ended in her expulsion. Part of that rage had been due to feelings of helplessness over her test results. Part of it had been caused by grief over the loss of her child. But the biggest part of it had been guilt at having failed him so terribly. She’d been too much of a coward to stick around and tell him to his face that it was over.
“You’re right, Ben. It won’t help, but I was dealing with something more than my pregnancy at that time.”
“Something about your job?”
“No.” It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him when Daniel waved from across the room. She realized this was neither the time nor the place to dredge up issues from the past. Not when there were lives in the balance and patients who needed her. “I have to go. I can’t change the way things played out, Ben. All I can say is I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, so am I.” Before she could even get up from her place, Ben was already on his feet—had already picked up both their trays and was striding towards the front of the tent where the trashcans were located.
As she went over to Daniel’s table, she realized Ben had never told her what the meeting this morning had been about.
And right now she didn’t care.
CHAPTER NINE
THEY’D LOST ANOTHER patient during the night, and now this.
A flash of anger went through Tracy’s eyes. “We have to stay for a week after the last patient recovers? You’ve got to be kidding. I can’t be gone from my job for that long.”
Her job. That’s what it always came down to.
Unless it was more than that. She’d talked about dealing with other issues during their marriage that had nothing to do with her job. Or her pregnancy. He’d racked his brains, thinking back over every last detail he could remember.
And had come up blank.
Except for a vivid image of that kiss in the neighboring town a few days ago. He couldn’t seem to get it out of his head.
In fact, the memory haunted him night after night and infected his dreams. The dreams that drove him from his bed and into the narrow hallway just outside the door. His back was killing him, but it was better than the other part of his body that was also killing him.
“The army is worried about keeping the disease contained, so they’re upping the quarantine time.” He frowned. “And because we traveled to that neighboring village, they want to keep tabs on it as well and make sure no one starts exhibiting symptoms.”
She glanced around the sickroom at the dwindling number of patients. “We’ll be sitting here alone, twiddling our thumbs, by that time, and you know it.”
More than half of the surviving patients had gone on to recover, and the ones who’d shown no symptoms at all were still on doses of antibiotics and would be for several more days. She was right, though. Once the remaining cases were under control, there’d be no more risk of person-to-person contamination. And they’d be stuck here for a week with nothing to do.
Tracy walked over to one of the patients and checked the IV bag, making sure it didn’t need changing. “We wore masks while we were at the other village, Ben.”
“Not the whole time.”
He saw from the change in her expression that she knew exactly when they’d gone without wearing their protective masks. Right before—and during—that deadly kiss.
She lowered her voice, even though she was speaking in English and no one would understand her. “No one saw us.”
“Someone did.” He nodded when her eyes widened. “And they reported it to the general.”
“I thought you guys were big buddies.”
“We’re friends. But he’s also a stickler for the rules.”
“I found that out the hard way.” Her eyes narrowed. “Listen, I can’t stay here for ever. I have no cellphone reception, and there’s no way I can get word back to Projeto Vida that I’ll be delayed even longer. They need to at least let Pedro head back to the office.”
He sighed. They hadn’t seen much of Tracy’s assistant since lunch the other day, and he wondered if the other man was actively avoiding them. Then again, why would he? Ben’s lack of sleep was obviously catching up with him.
“They’re not letting anyone out, and I wouldn’t try to press the issue, if I were you.”
“Did you set this up?”
“Get over yourself, Trace. This has nothing to do with you. Or me, for that matter.”
She closed her eyes for a second. “You’re right. Sorry.”
He thought she actually might be. “Maybe I can ask him to get in touch with your office. I’m sure they must have a satellite phone or something they’re using for communication.”
Moving over to stand beside her, he touched her hand. “Listen, I know this hasn’t been easy. Maybe I shouldn’t have let you come in the first place, I don’t know. But I’m really not trying to manipulate the situation or make things more difficult than they have to be. It’s just as inconvenient for me to be stuck here as it is for you. I have my lab—my own responsibilities. Mandy can’t hold down the fort for ever.”
Her gaze softened. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate being able to come, Ben. I do.” She hesitated then wrapped her fingers around his. “It just feels…awkward. And I know this is just as hard for you as it is for me. I really am sorry.”
When she started to withdraw, he tightened his fingers, holding her in place. “Whatever else happens, it’s been good seeing you again.” The words had come out before he could stop them, and he could tell by her sharp intake of breath they’d taken her by surprise.
“You too.”
Then what were those other issues you mentioned?
He somehow succeeded in keeping the question confined inside his skull. Because he already knew he wouldn’t get an answer. Not until she was good and ready to tell him—if she ever was.
The woman was hiding something. But he had no idea what it was.
The last thing he wanted to do, though, was to fall for her all over again, and then stand around cooling his heels, hoping each time she left that when she returned, she’d be back to stay. He might be a glutton for punishment, but he was no fool.
So what did he do?
For a start, he could act like the scientist he was—examine the evidence without her realizing what he was doing. Just like he found various ways to look at the same specimens in his lab—using dyes, centrifuges, and cultures, until they revealed all their secrets.
He was trained to study things from different angles. His fingers continued to grip hers as he glanced down into those deep green eyes. That’s what he had to do. Probe, study, examine—kiss.
Whatever it took.
Until she gave up every last secret. And then he could put his crazy emotions to rest once and for all.
* * *
Pure heaven.
Tracy sank into the fragrant bubbles, finding the water cool and inviting. Anything warmer would have been unbearable with the sizzling temperatures outside today. She remembered they hadn’t even needed a hot-water heater for their showers in Teresina—the water coming from the taps had been plenty warm enough for almost everything.
She sighed and leaned her head back against the rim of the tub. She had no idea how Ben had arranged to have one of the large blue water tanks brought in and set up behind the house, but he had. He’d also had folding screens erected all around it for privacy.
The tanks were normally installed on residential rooftops as a way to increase water pressure. She’d never heard of bathing in one, but as it was the size of a normal hot tub, it was the perfect depth, really. He’d even managed to rustle up some scented shampoo that had probably come from the local market—although the store hadn’t been open since the outbreak had begun.
She hadn’t dared strip completely naked, but even clad in her black bra and panties the experience still felt unbelievably decadent. Better yet, Ben had stationed himself outside the screened-off area, making sure no one came upon her unexpectedly—not that they could see much through the thick layer of bubbles.
Why had he done it? Yes, they’d both been exhausted and, yes, despite her tepid showers, her muscles ached with fatigue from turning patients and making sure she moved their arms and legs in an effort to keep blood clots from forming.
Where had he even gotten the tank? It looked new, not like it had been drained and taken off someone’s house. Well, once she was done, she’d let him have a turn. Only the bubbles would be gone by then and he’d be getting used water—unless they took the time to refill the thing. And she knew Ben was concerned enough about the environment that he wouldn’t want to double their water usage.
Or… She pushed up out of the water and stared down at her chest. Her bra was solid black, so nothing showed through. In fact, her underwear was less revealing than what you’d find on most Brazilian beaches. So maybe he could just join her.
A faint danger signal went off in her head, its low buzz making her blink as she sank back into the water.
What? She wasn’t naked. Far from it.
Ben had already seen her with a lot fewer clothes. And it wasn’t like anyone was going to venture behind the house. The property itself was walled off with an eight-foot-high concrete fence—which was typical in Brazil. The screens were merely an added layer of protection.
If she’d been hot and sweaty when he’d unveiled his surprise, then he had to be positively baking. Especially as he was now standing guard in the sun just beyond the screens. And the water really did feel amazing.
“Ben?” His name came out a little softer than necessary. She figured if he didn’t hear her, she could just pretend she hadn’t said anything.
“Yep?”
Okay, so she was either going to have to suck it up and ask him if he wanted to join her or just make up some random question.
“Um…I was wondering if you wanted to— I mean the water isn’t going to be as fresh once I get out, so do you want to…?” Her throat squeezed off the last of the words.
Ben’s face appeared around the side of one of the screens. “Excuse me?”
“As long as we both have some clothes on, we can share the water.” She couldn’t stop a sigh as she curled a hand around the rim of the tank and peered over the top. “I know you won’t pour a new bath for yourself.”
“I’m okay.” There was definite tension in his jaw, which should serve as an additional warning, but now he was making her feel guilty on top of everything else. Especially when she spied a rivulet of sweat running down the side of his neck, and he lifted a hand to dash it away.
“Come on. Stop being a martyr. You’ve earned a break. Besides, it’ll help cool you off.”
“That, I doubt.” The words were so low she wasn’t sure she’d heard them correctly but, still, he moved into the space, hands low on his hips.
He was soaked, his face red from the heat.
“Look at your shirt, Ben. You’re practically steaming.” She wouldn’t mention the fact that seeing her husband layered in sweat had always been a huge turn-on. Maybe this was a mistake. But there was no way she was going to call back her words now. He’d think she was chicken.
So…should you stand up and cluck now…or wait until later?
He mumbled something under his breath that sounded weirdly like, “You’re a scientist. Examine,
probe…”
The rest of the sentence faded away to nothing.
* * *
“Come on, Ben. You’re making me feel guilty.”
His lips turned up at the edges. “And are you going to make me feel guilty if I refuse?”
“Yes.” She realized once she’d answered him that his last phrase could have been taken more than one way. But then again she was hearing all kinds of strange stuff today.
When his hands went to the bottom of his shirt and hauled the thing up and over his head, her breath caught in her throat as glistening pecs and tight abs came into view—accompanied by a familiar narrow trail of hair that was every bit as bewitching as she remembered.
Okay, she had definitely not thought this through. For some reason, in her mind she’d pictured him clothed one second and in the tub the next. But then again, stripping outside the fenced area wouldn’t help any, because he would still return sans most of his clothes.
His hands went to the button of his khaki cargo pants. “You sure about this?”
She gulped. “As long as you have something underneath that.”
His smile widened. “It depends whether you’re talking about clothing or something else.”
Oh, man. She did remember he’d gone commando from time to time, just to drive her crazy. She’d never known when he’d peeled his jeans off at night what she’d find.
When his zip went down this time, however, she breathed a sigh of relief, followed by a glimmer of disappointment, when dark boxers came into view.
As if reading her thoughts, he said, “No reason to any more.”
That little ache in her chest grew larger. He no longer had anyone to play those games with.
As he shoved his slacks the rest of the way down his hips and stepped out of them, she tried to avoid looking at him as she thought about how unfair life was. This was a man who should be in a monogamous, loving relationship. He’d been a great husband. A fantastic lover. And he would have made a terrific father.
“You do have clothes on under those bubbles, right?”
“A little late to be asking that now, don’t you think?” She wrinkled her nose and snapped the black strap on her shoulder as evidence. “Of course I do. That invitation wouldn’t have gone out otherwise.”