A nursery. Oh, God.
A whitewashed crib, matching changing table and dresser replaced the queen-size canopied bed and armoire that had occupied the room before. A rocking chair was positioned near the window, a big, soft teddy bear with a huge red bow sitting in the seat.
Her chest tightened when she realized the wallpaper was the one she would have chosen-a carousel of plump, whimsical zoo animals shaded in soft pastel colors. Everything matched the design, from the crib set and border running along the top of the room, to the diaper holder and the curtains framing the window. Obviously the room had been professionally decorated, but how had Grey known this was the design she'd envisioned for her own nursery?
Despite herself and the pain slowly invading her body, she moved into the room and toward the crib. She touched one of the stuffed animals hanging from the mobile, and the attached music box tinkled out a strain of "You Are My Sunshine." There was no doubt her baby would be happy here, in this delightfully decorated room.
A sob of despair broke from her. Tears blurred her vision, but she managed to blink them back. Dammit, this just wasn't fair!
"What, you don't like it?" At some point Grey had moved beside her. "Jade swore this was the pattern you said you wanted for the baby's nursery."
"Oh, it is." Damn Jade, anyway. How could her sister betray her this way?
"Well, then?" He clearly wanted an explanation for her emotional outburst.
She forced a smile, which was shaky at best considering she was dying inside. This part-time custody was going to kill her. "I'm sure the baby will love it."
He pushed his hands into his trouser pockets. "I'm hoping so, since he or she will be spending so much time here."
She stared at him in sudden horror. Had he gone through so much trouble with the nursery because he was considering full-time custody? The thought made her blood jell and her defenses rise. "You have every right to see this child as often as you'd like," she said in a voice that belied the fury steaming within her. "But I refuse to allow this baby to be raised by a nanny."
"A nanny?" An infuriatingly gentle smile touched his mouth and entered his eyes. "Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you-"
"Tell me what?" she demanded haughtily.
"That I want you to live here, too."
She tried, but failed to contain the hysterical laughter bubbling in her. "That's quite a convenient arrangement for you."
"Yeah, I guess it is." He shrugged nonchalantly. "But then why wouldn't I want my baby and my wife living in my house?"
White-hot anger swirled within her, hazing his words. "You know how I feel about living with you, and I resent the fact that you'd use this baby to…to…" His comment slowly seeped through her tirade, and her heart nearly stopped. "What did you say?" she breathed, afraid to believe, to hope.
"I said-"
"But do you mean it?" she asked swiftly, as if Grey speaking the words out loud would somehow dilute their meaning.
"Yes, I-"
"You really want to get married?"
He separated the distance between them, wrapped one arm around her back and hauled her to him, using his free hand to cover her mouth. "Yeah, I really want to."
"Mrmph-"
"Hush, Mariah," he said gently. Then, as if knowing what assurances she was searching for, he went on. "I want to get married, not because I think it's the right thing to do, or even because of the baby. It's because I love you, and I'm miserable without you. I want to be that person you grow old with, the person who shares your hopes and dreams."
This time when she looked into his eyes she didn't see any of the doubts or fears that had plagued him for so long. No, he was finally free of past burdens, free to love and be loved. She didn't think it possible to feel so much joy-Pulling his hand from her mouth, she smiled up at him.
"You're pretty darn close to making all my dreams come true." He folded her into his embrace and rubbed his cheek against her hair, speaking near her ear. "I was so afraid of falling in love, but you know what? That fear doesn't compare to the fear of losing you. I know it won't be easy, being a husband and a father, but I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure you don't regret marrying me."
Mariah lifted her head to look up at him, content and secure in his arms. "How could I, when I've waited my whole life for you?"
He sank his fingers into her hair and tilted her face up to his for a tender kiss. He sighed against her lips, then grinned. "Thank God I came to my senses in time."
"Yeah, you were a little slow in coming around." She wound her arms around his neck, pressing herself against the muscular heat of his body. "Are you sure this is what you want? Marriage and a baby?"
His eyes gleamed like gold. "Absolutely, without any doubts."
She toyed with the collar of his shirt, needing a deeper explanation for Grey's change of heart. "What changed your mind?"
He told her about a lost little girl he'd found, and how that one incident had changed his entire outlook on his future, and his ability to be a good, caring father.
"I want to give my son or daughter everything I never had as a child," he continued, his voice deep with conviction, "unconditional love. My undivided attention. A father they can be proud of. I want to make a difference in my son or daughter's life. And your strength and love will help me along the way. I'll probably need as much guidance as our child, but I know I can do this with you at my side."
She smiled, realizing that he'd finally come to terms with his past-and wanted to make a better childhood for his own baby. "I'm with you every step of the way."
He brushed the back of his knuckles across her cheek, his gaze reverent. "I want us to be the family I never had, and the family you've always wanted."
"Oh, Grey," she whispered. This time, the tears that filled her eyes were of pure happiness. "I do love you."
"Yeah, I love you, too. And that's a guarantee you can count on," he murmured. He sealed his vow with a breath-stealing kiss that left no doubts in her mind, or her heart, that he was in this for the long haul.
Epilogue
"Okay, Mariah, when the next contraction comes I want you to push real hard, and that should do it," her doctor said from the opposite end of the laboring table.
"Come on, honey," Grey whispered encouragingly as he rubbed the spot low on her back he knew had been bothering her since her contractions had begun nearly ten hours ago. He was amazed what women endured during labor, and how strong and determined Mariah had been throughout the long, drawn-out process.
But now, after all her hard work, his continuous pacing and the application of what they'd learned together at her Lamaze class, they were nearing the end of what was turning out to be the most incredible experience of his life.
He took a deep breath, his insides clenching, not with fear, but anticipation. This baby had changed his life in so many ways, and he or she wasn't even born yet. The thought was staggering, because the rest of their lives lay ahead, with so many lessons to learn along the way, and so much love to give.
Mariah began her breathing, indicating another contraction was on its way. He tensed right along with his wife, and perspiration dotted his brow as well as her own.
"Come here, Dad, quick," the doctor said to Grey. "This is something you don't want to miss."
Grey was torn between obeying the doctors orders and remaining by his wife's side. Mariah made the decision easy. With a reassuring smile, she said in between pants of breath, "Go, I'll be fine."
Grey rounded the table and stood next to the doctor, his eyes widening at the miracle in process. "Oh my God, the head's out!"
Mariah gave a strangled laugh that turned into groan as her belly spasmed. She gave a mighty heave as her body demanded, and Grey watched as their baby slipped into the doctor's capable hands. Wearily Mariah slumped back onto the bed.
The baby wailed. Grey stood stunned, awed, paralyzed by an overwhelming wave of emotions as he watched this tiny baby squirm in the doctor's hands.
"It's a girl," the doctor announced with a broad smile, and the nurses standing nearby issued verbal congratulations. Grabbing a pair of sterile scissors, he handed them to Grey. "The honor's all yours, Dad."
Grey stared at the scissors in horror, until the doctor chuckled and explained, "You get to cut the umbilical cord."
Nervously, Grey severed the connection between the baby and Mariah. Then the nurses quickly whisked the child away to be cleaned and have her vital statistics checked.
Still stunned, he made his way back to Mariah's side. "A daughter," he whispered, because he still didn't trust his voice not to crack. "We have a daughter."
Mariah smiled tiredly. "Yeah, we do."
Grey didn't think it possible, but his love for Mariah had increased over the past four months of their married life, had grown richer with each passing day. After the priceless gift she'd given him today, he was near bursting with emotion. "Thank you."
She grabbed his shirt and pulled him down for a quick kiss. "I think you had a hand in this, too, Nichols."
"A hand?" he murmured, grinning wickedly against her soft mouth. "I thought it was that other part of my anatomy that did the trick."
Mariah rolled her eyes, and he chuckled.
A few minutes later a nurse returned with their squalling daughter. To Grey's chagrin, she unceremoniously plopped her into his arms. Kayla, as he and Mariah had decided to call her, had a healthy pair of lungs and had no problem voicing her displeasure. Her face was beet red, and her little hands curled into angry, flailing fists.
Shaken by Kayla's distress, Grey looked to Mariah for help. He'd been poised and controlled all through the birth. Now he felt nervous and uncertain. His daughter depended on him, and he hadn't a clue as to how to soothe her.
"What do I do?" he asked anxiously.
Mariah gently touched the baby's head, stroking the soft, dark tuft of hair there. "You hold her close and you love her," she said simply.
As he cuddled his daughter securely and gently rocked her, Kayla's cries settled and she stared up at him, listening to his deep voice as he crooned to her. She was beautiful, he thought with pride as tears stung the backs of his eyes. He fitted his finger into her little palm, and his heart gave a funny tug as she latched on, trusting him, counting on him to be there for her. And he would be. Always.
In that instant, the precious bond between father and daughter formed. He lifted his gaze to Mariah and smiled, feeling like the luckiest man in the world.
Hold her close and love her. Grey didn't think that was going to be a problem. Not when she already had him wrapped around her little finger.
Janelle Denison
***
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Private Pleasures Page 19