by Alice Wade
“For all of this. You seem to be my savior, and I’m very grateful it was you who found me and not someone else. Your kindness is unquestionable and I find I’m at a loss for words to thank you properly.”
Ryan sighed and hugged her again. His arms pinned her within his embrace while he battled his need to release the raging magic that wanted to be set free. He wanted to burn something and feel the release that brought. Mostly, he desperately wanted to hurt the person who did this to her. “You don’t have to thank me at all.”
“I think I do. You have shown me a tremendous amount of compassion.” Tillian tried to pull away, but his arms held firm so she relented. “Not to mention, my appearance must have raised a few concerns. I’m sure your Captain thinks this some form of trap to lure you into a confrontation with Folkyn. Am I wrong?”
Ryan snorted rudely. He wasn’t amused. “No one should have lashed you, Tillian,” he growled. “I need no confirmation or reason for your appearance. You should not have been treated this way and you should not have had to endure what you did for the past two months. For that, I’m enraged and I don’t care what my Captain cautions against.”
While they talked, he’d forgotten about the healers and jumped a little when Edda cleared her throat. “I beg your pardon, my liege, but I’d like to complete what I started and get her settled for the night. We are almost finished, so if you would go back outside, the faster you can return.”
Ryan laughed softly, giving her one final hug. He allowed Tillian to pull away reluctantly and looked into her eyes. She felt right in his arms and releasing her made him want to rush to reclaim her. With an aggrieved look, he held her frantic gaze and forced a smile but only succeeded in a twitch that moved the corner of his bearded mouth. When he finally spoke it was to Edda, yet his eyes never left Tillian’s face. She showed signs of distress at the request for him to leave again. “Of course, Edda. I apologize for the interruption.”
“Thank you, Sir. I’m sure the Princess would appreciate some privacy while we complete our tasks. I’ll come to find you when we are through.” Edda stood off the side near the table, her arms crossed and she watched the two very closely. The utter devotion the Princess showed was unsettling and her liege’s quick possession of her was an equally uncomfortable circumstance. Either this went along sweetly or ended tragically, but that was up to them to decide.
Ryan’s eyes continued to hold Tillian captive while he searched for any sign her panic was out of control. If he saw that, he’d force the issue and stay, but he didn’t see anything. “Are you all right, Tillian?” he asked passionately before he moved a muscle to depart. Ryan wanted a reassurance she was going to be all right before he left.
She desperately wanted him to stay and almost said so, but she knew the healers were right. Tillian answered him silently instead with a tight lipped nod. She watched the disappointment flash through his warm eyes. That look filled her with a sense of satisfaction that rolled through her soul. Tillian accepted his desire to remain but acknowledged his willingness to give her privacy. She knew that with one word from her he’d not heed the request from Edda, so Tillian remained silent. She pulled instead on some hidden reserve of courage.
He watched her battle, saw her take a deep breath and smile. Ryan touched her cheek softly and caressed her smooth skin, but said nothing. His touch was enough to convey his intent.
“You won’t go far, will you?” Tillian lamely asked. It was a silly question, but she couldn’t stop the words as they left her mouth.
That earned a snort from Edda and a chuckle from Ryan. “No, I vowed before that I wouldn’t go far, so I’ll be right outside if you need me. I grudgingly agree with Edda that privacy is best, so I’ll depart. Remember, you are safe now, Tillian. No one will harm you while you are in my custody. No one.” That last was said with such conviction that Tillian let out a small gasp in surprise.
“Ryan—” she started but he stopped her with look. Ryan easily read that she was going to thank him again and felt the need to quiet her immediately.
“Tillian, I don’t want or need your gratitude. I only want you to relax and know you’re taken care of. You have nothing at all to worry about, not now.”
“I’m sorry I’m being so weak; you must think me very feeble indeed!” she teased, trying to lighten the moment. When she tried to turn her head away, she found her head pinned when his fingers denied her.
Ryan frowned a little at her words and hissed softly, “You are the farthest thing from weak. I’ve never met a stronger person, so cease this line of thought. I’m not sure I know of any woman who could have withstood what you’ve obviously been through and still remain sane. Be at peace, please. There are guards posted around this cabin and more off in the surrounding terrain. No one will be able to get near us without a small army shooting them down one hundred yards from our door. I promise I won’t go far and will return immediately when Edda says I’m allowed.“ He paused searching one last time for a sign that he should stay. “It’s time I leave, but are you sure you’re all right with that choice?”
His words brought on another wave of gratitude that he watched roll across her features. He even saw it flash in her green eyes. Seeing that calmed Ryan’s frayed emotions slightly. At least she appeared to be calming down, but he remained undecided about leaving.
Tillian knew that and added confidently, “Aye, I’m all right.”
He was unaware that he’d been caressing her cheek this entire time. It wasn’t until she pressed her cheek against his fingers that he realized it. With a sigh he released her and stood, thus breaking contact, and felt the immediate loss.
Again, he fought the need to control the magic that welled up at the intensity of their separation and he moved towards the door. He looked back at her and tried to reason what was it about this woman that had such a violent reaction on his composure? Fighting the urge to remain; to hold her while they finished their examination, he forced himself by putting one foot before the other until he was back outside with Wallace eyeing him cautiously.
Having a conversation on the topic was the last thing he wanted so he released a warning snarl to his friend and turned away while he calmed down. With the distance put between him and Tillian, Ryan felt the magic boil up, sending a tingling pulse to his finger tips. It itched to be released, and Ryan walked a fine line of control until he could temper the desire to unleash it.
“Sir?” Wallace said against all better judgment.
“Not now,” Ryan growled, his broad back turned to his Captain. He stood at the precipice and would dearly regret it if Wallace was the one who felt the brunt if he lost control of his magic.
Sensing his struggle, Wallace backed down. It wasn’t typical for Ryan to be this avoidant, or blunt. Seeing his turned stiff back was disquieting. Giving the woman inside another cursory glance, Wallace inwardly groaned. He went back to looking out at the night, waiting for his friend and liege to regain his composure.
* * * *
When the door closed behind Ryan, Tillian sighed. “Well, that was humiliating,” she said more to herself than anyone else.
“He didn’t seem to find anything in this situation to be humorous or shameful, so why are you humiliated?” Edda asked. She immediately resumed the actions Ryan interrupted by carefully cleaning the cuts crossing her body. Girdie likewise approached with a newly warmed bowl of water to finish Tillian’s bath.
Hearing Edda’s reply only made Tillian feel more ashamed. Ryan’s reaction matched what the healer said, but still, she should have been stronger, more composed. Instead Tillian fell apart at the first sign of compassion and crumbled when his warm eyes bathed her in his affection. “I’m a Princess of Folkyn. I’m supposed to be more reserved.” She turned her face to meet the matron healer while Girdie resumed her gentle washing. Tillian’s eyes narrowed in defiance. “I showed more self-control even when I received these lashings.”
She knew the answer to why she was stronger back then
. At the time, she didn’t carry the heavy weight of feeling tainted, ruined. She was still pure. She wasn’t pure any longer, that was for sure. That was supported by her desire to have Ryan stay so he could touch her like the others had, but that thought immediately revolted her. Such thoughts only further confirmed just how far she slipped into the role of a whore. Instead of facing that truth, Tillian hid behind the story of being weak, which she equally felt so it wasn’t entirely a lie. She was weak, mostly because her family had broken her, and those men ruined her because now she wanted more.
Edda knew there was more to this than Tillian let on but ignored it. “Princess, you’ve been through a tremendous ordeal. We all understand. Those lashings happened before your kidnapping if I judge the timing correctly. I don’t doubt you were braver then than you are now. It’s normal. You’ve been through numerous torments since then which give you a freedom to feel what you feel now.”
Tillian groaned. She hung her head, shaking it a few times before she looked back to Edda. She hated crying, hated feeling this weepy. Her head shake forced the tears back behind a wall of numbness. “It’s just embarrassing to fall apart so completely before others and a neighboring king no less!”
“Pah. All that regal nonsense makes me angry. You are a human being, Princess. You feel emotions, and you feel pain. So, feel them in order to accept them. Once you do, you can move on and heal.”
Edda’s words caused a single tear to form in the corner of her eye, and Tillian did her best to hold it back to no avail. There was no healing from this. No amount of time would cure her of her conflicting emotions on the topic. She was ruined. The lone tear broke free and slide down her cheek anyway.
Edda thankfully let it go unnoticed and continued as if it never appeared. She checked Tillian’s pulse and eyes again by standing directly before her and holding her head in both hands. “You’ve been given a large dose of some drug, do you know what it was?”
Tillian shook her head. “I don’t. All I know is they brought it to me daily.”
“What effect did it have on you?” Edda methodically asked, not meaning to be callous, but her questions were lacking the sensitivities of the current situation.
“They clouded my mind and made me…made me—” Tillian whimpered as she struggled to complete this last statement. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words that the drugs caused her to be aroused all the time.
“Hmm. Based on how dilated your pupils are, I would guess it had something to do with arousal,” Edda stated for her. “This is going to come out as insensitive, but dear, how often did they have sex with you?”
Tillian’s shame exploded out in a loud sob. She buried her face behind her hands, not wanting to see Edda’s reaction. Tillian tried to muffle her sounds, knowing that Ryan would come back, and she couldn’t handle that right now. He was absolutely the last person she wanted to hear this confession.
“Often?” Edda pushed, needing to know in order to determine something.
“Yes,” she hissed in disgrace.
Edda patted her arm, understanding her discomfort and wanting to sooth her. “There is no dishonor or humiliation in this, Princess. You were not in control.” Edda placed her hand on Tillian’s womb and concentrated, using her magic to scan for any pregnancies, causing a faint glow to appear that only Edda could see. She smiled reassuringly at the worried look on Tillian’s face. “They probably gave you something to prevent pregnancy or you would be with child now.”
Tillian didn’t have time to respond when Edda suddenly placed her warm hand over her heart and Tillian felt a wave of static pulse into her body. She knew instantly this was magic and bit back a wave terror. When nothing happened, her reservations faded and she watched on with a new fascination.
Edda used her magic to check for internal bleeding and any damage under the skin. The damage was staggering, but fortunately it consisted mostly of bruises that would heal in time. Edda watched her closely while she completed her assessment, but added softly, “They were not kind to you, were they?” It was a rhetorical question, not meant to be answered. Tillian’s tight lipped mouth answered her.
Edda, perceptive as ever, saw this. “What you felt from their attention was in response to the drug, dear. You have no need to be ashamed.” She hoped if she said it enough, Tillian would start to believe it.
“It does not make it any less humiliating,” Tillian whispered. “My body still feels so out of control and I can’t accept that.”
“It will pass in time.” Edda finished her work and stood back, looking at Tillian just as Girdie handed over a soft nightgown. “Whatever they gave you will be gone by the morning, I’m guessing. Nothing a night’s sleep won’t cure.”
“I hope you’re right,” Tillian said after pulling the nightgown over her head. She wrapped her arms around her body and shivered. “I’m tired of feeling this way.”
“Well, you couldn’t be in safer hands than King Ryan’s, dear. You will be able to rest peacefully tonight and start to heal.” Edda patted her cheek before she set about packing up her belongings.
* * * *
Ryan resumed his protective guarding through the window and twitched when he saw Tillian cry again. A blasting wave of heat exploded outward when Ryan’s anger leaked out. Every tear she shed punctured his heart and he felt powerless to stop them.
“Ryan?” Wallace watched him with grave concern. He had not moved from his perch on the railing, but when he felt that blast of heat, he knew that whatever Ryan saw must have been bad.
“It’s nothing,” Ryan snarled.
“You’re a bad liar, Ryan. I won’t press you, though.” Wallace resumed his watch and looked out into the night. The small field before the hunting cabin was a sea of black at this time of night. Wallace knew his men were out there, somewhere, but sighting them was impossible. Off to the right, Wallace could hear the sounds of the men who were quietly talking near a small fire. They had no awareness of what King Ryan was dealing with and he decided that was a good thing. Too many involved would only push Ryan over the edge, which Wallace could see he was currently teetering on.
He’d given Ryan enough time to calm down and looked in his direction to check his state of mind. Ryan still seethed, but at least the heat of his magic no longer wafted in his direction. That was good. He decided to confront him now before Edda finished her task. “Ryan, we need to talk.”
Ryan’s head whipped around angrily in warning. His eyes smoldered, announcing he was in no mood to hold a discussion. After a moment he returned his gaze through the window, his stance possessive. This interruption kept him from mentally keeping track of each tear she shed. It also interrupted his train of thought as he plotted all the wicked things he would do to the person responsible for that sadness. He felt each tear deserved equal punishment, so whoever was responsible was in for a severe retribution.
Wallace wasn’t going to be put off. “I know that look. You have it only when you’re hunting something.”
King Ryan finally tore his gaze away from Tillian and turned his intensity upon his Captain. Fire danced behind his brown eyes and warned Wallace to tread carefully. “What do you want to know?” he asked, annoyed. “You obviously have a point and I wish you’d just get to it.”
Wallace inspected his hands while he gathered his words. When he finally looked up, he held Ryan’s gaze and said firmly, “I want to know your intentions, Sir. I know that look and it concerns me.” When Ryan got this look, there wasn’t anything short of death that would prevent him from winning at whatever hunt he was going after.
“Relax,” Ryan groaned and turned away. “I don’t have any intentions other than making sure Tillian is safe.”
Wallace knew he lied. “Forgive me, Ryan.” He purposefully switched to the informal use of his name to get his attention. “I don’t believe you. Talk to me.”
Ryan loudly exhaled in annoyance and turned around. “What is it you are expecting me to say? That I want to rush back to F
olkyn and start a war because they allowed their beautiful Princess to be kidnapped?” Ryan looked back inside at Tillian and felt his anger rise. “Well, I do.” He grumbled something under his breath then turned back to Wallace. “But I won’t. Not without a solid reason that will stand against all accusations. Does that make you feel better?”
Wallace frowned. “Ryan.” He chose his next words carefully because that dangerous look still burned in Ryan’s eyes. “I’m glad you recognize you need proof of any action before you started a war. Just because you feel some emotional pull towards this Princess-” A warm blast of air followed because he used ‘this Princess’ and he corrected himself. “The pull you feel towards Princess Tillian, but I caution you to keep perspective.”
Ryan’s eyes narrowed as his control escaped him again. The temperature around the porch increased and the flame danced in his eyes. His magic was close to being set free. “Careful.”
Wallace shrugged. “Look at you. Don’t you see how off-kilter she’s made you? I’ve every right to ask questions. It’s my job.”
Ryan didn’t answer and he faced off with his Captain using a silent cold stare instead.
“Oh no,” Wallace said, leaning his head back against the wall. “Ryan, please tell me you are not going to interfere. The message demanded her immediate return and I see it in your eyes, you mean to not return her, don’t you?” Wallace felt a cold fear settle in his stomach. He read Ryan’s answer clearly on his face.
Ryan turned away again without speaking.
“Ryan, I know you hold an attraction towards the Princess, but you must return her to King Irfan. Any delay will be grounds for suspicion and a potential war. You know as well as I, Irfan’s been looking for an opportunity to bring charges against you for years and this would be enough to get the Mage Order involved. If you’re not careful you’ll have a horde of mages investigating you. Is that what you want?”