“So Tessa, we’ve decided to have Sharon’s party this Friday night at seven p.m. Did Natasha get a hold of you yet?”
I shake my head and wipe the corner of my mouth with my linen napkin. “No, she hasn’t yet.” I almost forgot about my scheduled dress-up appointment.
“I’ll make sure she calls you tomorrow to set up the appointment. Are you planning on bringing a date?”
Sharon scoffs loudly and I chew my bottom lip almost to the point of pain. “Yes, Tessa, is there someone special you plan on bringing?” She bats her eyelashes at me in an overly saccharine gesture. My spoon noisily falls to my plate, indicating that I’m done.
I need to leave. I can’t be here anymore. My poor psyche is fragile as it is after this past week and Sharon is quickly pushing me over the edge.
“No, I don’t have a date. I’ll probably bring Kara with me, as usual. You both seem to like her.”
My dad nods his head and pushes away his empty plate. “Yes, Ms. Thomas is a good choice. I’ll make note of it. Remember, whatever you find at the boutique just put on my account. I’ll take care of it for you.” He gives me a genuine smile, which in turn causes Sharon to frown. She’s not accustomed to sharing my dad’s attention.
“And just so you know, I’ll be wearing red.”
Gotcha. Wear another color. Point taken.
“Thank you for doing this for me, Dad. I really appreciate it.”
He gives me a curt nod. The corners of his lips turn up even more and warmth crosses over his face. “Of course, Tessa. It’s nothing.”
Except it’s everything to me. Just having my dad acknowledge my existence is something to me. I’d never be reckless enough to ask him to love me. I know better than that. But inviting me to share his time with others, acknowledging me out in the open is good enough for me.
He stands and Sharon and I follow suit. She mutters something about needing to call a consultant for some fashion show so she excuses herself, but not before placing a large, passionate kiss on my father’s lips. Gross. My dessert is threatening to reappear at that image now permanently carved into my brain.
“Thank you for the lovely meal, but I’m still jet-lagged from my trip and I want to catch up on some sleep before work tomorrow.”
“Think nothing of it. I’ll walk you to the door.”
I follow him to the foyer in silence because I really don’t know how to talk to him. I never know if he’s really interested in anything about me or if he’s just faking it for appearances. I’m sure it’d look bad in the public eye if the Assistant Attorney General didn’t have a relationship with his daughter. Appearances are everything after all.
He grabs my jacket out of the closet while I sit on the bench and lace my boots up. Another frown appears on his face as he assists me in getting it over my arms.
“Don’t you have a warmer jacket, Tessa? It’s starting to get cold outside and I don’t want to see you get sick.”
“The zipper on my winter jacket from last year broke so this is all I have.”
“When you go shopping please pick out a good winter coat as well. In fact, pick out a couple of different jackets if you need something different to wear to work other than your casual jacket.”
I repeatedly blink at him. Whoa, where did that come from?
“Thank you. I’ll see what they have and go from there. You know you don’t have to do that.”
His eyes soften and this time he fully smiles at me. “Do you need anything else? Any work clothes, shoes? You know what, when you go, please buy whatever you need and put it on my account. Don’t worry about the cost or how many things you’re getting.”
I want to throw my arms around him to show how much that little gesture means to me. But I can’t because it would be showing affection. Speech is lost to me and I shift from foot to foot.
“I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Dad. That’s very generous. I don’t know how I could repay you.” I choke back some tears that threaten to come forward, but they’re quickly quashed as his indifference mask is put back on at my show of emotion.
“It’s nothing. You are my daughter after all. It’s what I should do for you.”
Obligation. Right. How could I forget? He’s not doing it because he loves me. He’s doing it because he feels he should. It’s when I take in my appearance that I realize he must be ashamed and embarrassed that I’m walking around the city, sharing his last name and looking the way I do. So I push the previous joy back into the recesses of my mind, locking them up and just nod my head.
“Well, I better get home. Thank you again for dinner. Please tell Miriam I said thank you as well.” And speaking of the angel, she comes running down the hall, clutching a small dish of apple crisp for me to take home. She brushes my cheek with a swift kiss and waves goodbye to me. Thank heaven for Miriam.
My dad opens the front door and pats my shoulder as I walk toward my car. I never know if it’s appropriate to give him a hug or a kiss goodbye, but the shoulder pat is at least some sort of connection. Sort of.
I turn back toward him at the top step and force a smile. “Goodnight, Dad. I’ll see you Friday night.”
“Drive safe, Tessa.”
Then he turns and closes the door, leaving me in the glow of the front porch light. He doesn’t look through the window next to the door to make sure I buckle my seatbelt or drive off with my headlights on. I’m effectively dismissed, having completed my task.
With my heart hanging heavy once again, I start my car and head back to my meager apartment, thankful to be away from that house. Merging back onto I94, I crank the radio when a Nickelback song comes on in an attempt to drown out the voice in my head. Just another successful dinner with my dad. Career is wrong, clothes are wrong. Basically, I am wrong. I focus on that thought as I pull up in front of my building and sigh. I’m just too exhausted to deal with any of it.
After putting the dessert in my fridge and securing my apartment, I get myself ready for another night of restless sleep. I check my phone one last time before setting the alarm and turning off my bedside light. Nothing. I guess this proves I was right. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. So I close my eyes and pray tomorrow will be different and my heart won’t hurt as much.
THE START OF A BRAND new work week for me is a constant thorn in my side. Every Monday morning it’s the same thing. It never changes and constantly finds me embarrassed about something that I did or didn’t do over the weekend when people attempt to make polite conversation with me. I try to limit my responses to single word answers if possible. The less I engage in conversation, the better. Although Kara is trying her best to break me of this habit. It’s a slow process.
I stare at my phone as I pass through the doors of my building. No new messages. Of course not. Why would he contact me? I mean, I ran off, broke the man’s heart and begged him not to reach out to me. Well, the breaking of his heart thing is subject to debate. I still don’t think he was quite as affected as I was, but then again I ran off without letting him explain anything. On the flip side, there could have been nothing to explain. This whole situation is making my head spin and I do not need this right away for my Monday.
Joining the crowd in front of the elevator, I watch as they all push into the available car, squeezing in like packed sardines. All they need is a little bit of oil to allow some sort of movement between them. I stop in my tracks. I know what will happen the moment I try to cram myself in there. I’ll move to the back, unable to push the button to my floor. And no one else will be getting off there so I’ll have to ride it all the way to the top before I can reach the buttons on the panel.
No. I need to break this endless cycle, stop my Bill Murray habit by changing just one little thing about my day. And this, not wanting to be embarrassed or squeezed to death by strangers looking down at me seems like a good start.
So instead, I wait until the door closes before pressing the up button to call the next elevator. Within minutes, the other d
escends, opening up and allowing a few people to exit. Only a few individuals are waiting now as we enter the car. I easily press the button for my floor without any awkward stares or unnecessary trips.
When I walk through the doors, I’m amazed that I’m not stumbling over my feet as usual. No, I’m on time, in fact. Amazing how one little change can make a world of difference to my routine. It’s not a monumental life-changing event because all I did was wait for the next elevator. Nothing to get too hung up on.
I walk toward my cube with a newfound smile upon my lips, very unlike my typical Monday demeanor. I wave brightly at Kara as I pass her office and she literally stares at me as I walk by.
“Tess!” I hear her call out. I halt and turn back to her office, leaning against the door frame as she’s still staring with her mouth wide open. “Holy shit, you’re … not late.” Her eyes dart from the clock to mine and then back again, in almost amused astonishment. And I can’t help but laugh.
“Weird, huh? I guess waiting for the second elevator made that much of a difference.”
I shrug my shoulders and move further into her office, occupying one of the available chairs in front of her desk. Kara’s still staring at me, eyes bulging and mouth gaping open. I laugh because I don’t know what else to do.
“Trying to rid the building of the fly situation?”
She shakes her head and tilts it slightly. “Huh?”
“You’re staring at me with your mouth hanging open. Trying to catch flies?”
She laughs and leans back in her chair. “I guess you just caught me off guard. So, you waited for the second elevator. Didn’t feel like riding up to the twentieth floor today or what?”
“No, I just wanted to keep my shoulders where they should be instead of scrunched together. I had a crazy image of sardines when I watched everyone pack into the first car. And you know how much I enjoy fish.”
Kara picks her hands up and rests them on her stomach for a second. “And that one little change was enough to improve your day for the better. I see a new trend for you, Chickie. Maybe now you’ll see that good things come to those who wait.”
I roll my eyes at her. “It was an elevator ride, not a life lesson. Besides, I’m still me. I managed to put a small run in my nylons this morning. Luckily, it’s high enough so it will be covered by my skirt.”
She laughs and stands from her chair, rounding her desk as I stand as well. Her arm slings over my shoulders and we exit toward my dull and lifeless cube.
“You know you’re hilarious, right? One little change, one small decision can alter the entire course of your future. All you have to do is step back sometimes and look at the bigger picture. You can’t tell me you didn’t do that this morning by not jumping into the first elevator that arrived.”
I swivel my chair and slowly lower myself onto it, tossing my purse in the bottom drawer. My brows furrow slightly as I think about her words. Did I really subconsciously do that this morning?
“Maybe, I guess. I don’t know. Or my mind has been too preoccupied from … recent events.”
She bypasses the last comment and I’m thankful for it. “That one decision saved probably a few minutes and some awkwardness on your morning, right?” She perches herself on the edge of my desk and my lower lip disappears between my teeth. Man, I hate it when she makes sense.
“Probably.”
Kara’s bright eyes find mine, locking me into place as she continues on. “Sometimes the answer is right in front of you and you just have to stand back to see it. And I’m not just talking about the elevator here, Tess. You have to know that if you just take a second to look at everything you can see what everyone else sees.”
Confusion crosses my face as she lets out an exasperated sigh. She’s frustrated with me and really, I am too. I understand what she’s trying to say. Just stop and look around, take one second to see the world for what it truly is and not what I make it out to be. See it through different eyes, from a different point of view and a new perspective will appear; one that may make even more sense than what was originally thought. But my insecurities and self-doubt will never really let me see things.
But to appease her, I just nod my head and weakly smile back. “Yeah, okay Kara.”
“I have a meeting at ten with the other executives this morning to give them the rundown of last week. Could you do me the hugest of huge favors? Could you get all of our materials together and get enough copies for everyone? I think I’ll need seven copies total.”
I nod my head and shake my mouse, bringing my computer to life. “Sure, no problem. I’ll have them ready for you by then.”
Kara hops off my desk and regards me quietly. “I have a feeling that today is going to be a good day for you, Tess.”
My nose wrinkles as I think about her comment. “Because I chose to ride the second elevator this morning?”
She laughs, jabbing her index finger into my forehead. I wince slightly at the pain as she manages to hit my fresh bruise. That alone is contradictory to her statement.
“No, because you actually thought about something and it had a positive outcome. You assessed the situation and chose the correct path.”
“It was an elevator ride,” I say, slowly annunciating each word to her. “Let’s not make a bigger deal of it than it really is. Now if you don’t get out of my cube, I’ll never have your materials ready for you before your meeting.” I shove at her hip and she stumbles on her heels, laughing.
“Fine, don’t believe me. You’ll see. I think things will start looking up for you.” Kara waves to me over her shoulder, a typical response when she wants to get the last word in and heads back to her office. Truly she needs to cut back on her coffee intake in the morning. It’s going straight to her head, lacing it with ridiculous ideas. Turning my chair around to face my computer, I start clicking through the files, gathering all the information she needs for her meeting.
Time flies by and when I look down at the clock again I’m amazed it’s already noon. I swear I just got here, but it’s been one of those mornings, just a nonstop hustle and bustle type day, which always tends to make time speed up. Of that, I’m thankful because the closer it gets to five the closer it is for me to wallow on my couch and lick my wounds. Wounds that haven’t even begun to scab over yet.
Needing to feed my body with something other than coffee, I call the local deli down the street. I order two salads and half a sandwich, one for me, and one for Kara since she still hasn’t returned from her meeting. I’m sure after two hours of being stuck talking to the other executives she’ll be chomping at the bit for something to eat. At least I know I would be.
As I hang up my desk phone, I have a sudden urge to check my cell phone for any news. Not that I’m expecting anything. I mean it’s been pretty silent for the past three days so why would today be any different? Just because Kara says good things could happen to me today? She’s way too optimistic and I’m, well, the opposite.
To my surprise, I do have a missed text message. I open the app, wondering who it’s from. My breath catches in my throat. Holy shit, it’s from Andrew. He’s finally decided to reach out and ignore my request. Emotions war inside me, unsure if I should be happy or mad about this. I did ask for space, but I’m pretty sure three days and the Atlantic Ocean is taking it a bit far, even if I am the one who instigated it. You can’t get much more space than that.
With shaking hands, I open the message. Instantly my hand flies to my mouth as I read his first words to me in days.
Tessa, it’s been days since I’ve heard your soft voice. Please allow me to explain my actions from Friday. I’m not pleased by how we left things and I’m afraid there may have been a misunderstanding somewhere. I miss your face, your smile, your touch. I’m in agony. Please, love, let me explain. ~A~
My mind processes his words as I read them over and over again. He’s apologizing to me when I was the one who ran away, left him dangling on a rope without explanation? Wait, I’m supposed
to be upset with him and whoever this Evie person is who was garnering his attention that morning. Was it just a weekend thing between them? Had he used her too and now that she’s gone he wants me?
It’s too much. My chest hurts and my breath is coming in short spurts. Pretty sure this is the start of a panic attack. I bolt to the closest bathroom and stand in front of the sink, staring at my pale complexion in the mirror. Why? Why me? Why now?
Can I say that I don’t feel the same about him? That I haven’t missed his voice, his touch, his smile, his … everything? If I wanted to lie to myself, the answer would be no, but I can’t do that. I can’t deny my heart’s feelings toward him when he puts his out there like that. To say I’ve missed him is a gross understatement. Andrew occupies too much of my mind when it’s not focused on whatever task is at hand.
Standing just a bit taller, I smooth my hair back into position and calmly walk back to my desk. I stare at the phone, wondering how to handle his message. Should I ignore it? Should I reply? I rub the spot over my heart and decide to think about it on my way to pick up lunch. It’s been three days. What’s another half hour?
As I step out into the brisk autumn air, my phone beeps again in my purse. No, just ignore it. Don’t torture yourself. How can I ignore him when he’s reaching out? And do I really want to? Every time my eyes close I see his beautifully sculpted lips, remember how he kisses me with the finesse of a gentleman, treating me like the most precious thing on the planet. I remember his hands, his arms, his body pressed hard against mine, driving me wild with desire and yes, even that stupid four-letter word which shall go unsaid again.
Fated to be Mine Page 3