“What?” I asked.
“It’s good to see you enjoying yourself. You’re really into it.”
“I really am. Thanks for insisting we come inside.” I placed my arm around her shoulder and pulled her in to me for a loose hug. Goosebumps pebbled on her arms from the contact, causing my ego to high-five. I’d always known I affected her as she did me, but she obviously wasn’t ready to let her guard down any more than she had back at her apartment.
Letting her go, we enjoyed the rest of the show before stepping out into the brilliant sunlight.
After my eyes adjusted, I asked, “Where to now?”
“Fancy a coffee and a bite to eat?”
My stomach had informed me numerous times it needed food. And a coffee wouldn’t go astray either. “Lead the way.” I swept my arm in an arc, letting it settle in front of me.
Mac led me into a Chipotle Mexican Grill. It was roomy with a large food selection.
We both ordered chicken tacos and a couple of coffees before settling at a table by the front window.
“Anything from your past surfacing yet?” asked Mac, placing her purse on the table.
“Nah. Nothing yet, but we’ve only been to one place and I’m thinking the circus isn’t somewhere to cause a flood of old memories to burst through.
Shrugging, she said, “You never know. Maybe your parents took you to circuses when you were a kid.”
The word parents had my heart seize for a moment. Who were they? Were they still alive? Where did they live? They’d surely be frantic if they thought I’d come to harm and just vanished off the face of the Earth. It saddened me to think they’d be grieving.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to stir up negativity.”
Taking my coffee from the waitress, I took a sip before answering. “You didn’t. Not really. It’s just…hard not knowing who your mother and father are.”
Giving me a sympathetic look, Mac smiled. “I totally get it. That must be the worst part. But you have to remain positive that this is only temporary for everyone, and soon, we’ll get you reunited with your loved ones.”
She continued to amaze me in every way. Her support offered me strength and hope, two things I needed the most if I wanted to get through this. With her by my side I felt like I would be okay.
“I hope you’re right.”
After receiving our food, we ate in comfortable silence, watching the passersby out the window going about their day. I didn’t feel like I had to indulge in mindless conversation with Mac. I hoped she felt the same way and wasn’t ill at ease.
The tacos were to die for. The best thing I’d eaten so far in my limited bubble of an existence.
We both used the bathroom when we finished and I waited outside while Mac paid the bill.
“Do you feel like walking those tacos off? We can stop anywhere worthwhile on our journey. Maybe go into a menswear store?” Mac surprised me from behind as I stood gazing out at the crowds.
An uneasy feeling swept over me as I nodded and took a step away from the eatery. It became so strong I stopped briskly, leaving Mac to take a few more steps before she realized I wasn’t walking beside her.
“Harley?” Her nervous voice took a backseat as all my senses came alive. Scanning the vicinity, I searched for anyone who looked suspicious. There were way too many people to reveal anything. Were my enemies nearby? Were they watching?
The person or people who attacked me could be lurking anywhere. Hiding. Waiting. I needed to be on guard, ready at any moment should they strike. Maybe it had been way too arrogant to assume I could take them on when I didn’t know them. They’d already almost killed me.
A touch to my arm made me jerk hard.
“What is it? You look like you did right before we found my apartment trashed.”
Seeing the concern light her eyes, I masked my anxiety and grabbed her hand, lacing her fingers through mine to help me ground myself. My intention had been to enjoy a day out with Mac and that’s what I needed to do.
“Nothing. Come on. Let’s walk.” I’d be quietly on guard without causing suspicion.
She stared at me a moment too long before silently facing the front and walking back the way we’d come earlier.
We hadn’t gone far before she asked, “Do you think someone’s following us? Are we in danger?”
I didn’t know. I couldn’t describe the feeling. It wasn’t so much a sensation like the one that had gripped me at her apartment but more like me being under someone’s heavy perusal. She needn’t be frightened, as it may pan out to be nothing more than my overactive imagination.
“No. It’s nothing. Just a reaction to the amount of people around.”
Until I sorted it out in my own head, I didn’t want to worry Mac.
“Hmm. Another snippet. You don’t like crowds,” she said more to herself than to me.
We wove our way through the throng of pedestrians with no destination in mind. As the minutes ticked by, I relaxed more. Mac’s soft hand disappeared in mine. It felt so much smaller and it made me feel like her protector. I gave it a light squeeze and felt her return it.
Shoulders and arms brushed and bumped into us as they passed, so when I felt a hand on my arm and someone say, “Declan? Dec, honey is that you?” I became an ice statue.
Mac spun around at the same time I did, our fingers still entwined. Natural instinct had me shove her behind me in a defensive gesture.
Finding myself face to face with a woman who seemed vaguely familiar and with wide-eyed shock drawn onto her face, I faltered.
“Excuse me? Do I know you?”
At my words, she flinched, confusion taking place of her shock. Blue eyes centered on me and didn’t let go. Eyes that had me shiver as if I were dead and someone had walked over my grave. Déjà vu washed through me and yet, my brain wasn’t making any connection. She looked pretty. Really pretty. Clearly by her body language and the way she stood in my personal space, she thought she knew me. The crowds wove around us as we stood in the middle of the sidewalk.
“It’s me. Trudy. Your wife.”
A gun had gone off in my chest, dead center, causing me to stumble backwards into Mac, who stepped out from my shadow, taking up residence beside me. Her body stiffened, hands gripping her purse way too tightly.
“What?” Perhaps I hadn’t heard her correctly. My wife? Glancing down quickly at my wedding finger, I found it devoid of a ring, but as my sight honed in on her left hand, I gulped back a curse at the small gold band, glittering in the sunlight. Shit. Shit. No. It can’t be.
I didn’t feel married, but how could I? My brain had shut down the vault that held all of my past. My gut twisted as I tried to see reason. She could be lying. My current self, hoped that were the case. But as my brain switched gears, a flash of memory exploded.
Recalling my dream from the night before, the blue eyes challenging me, and the flowing blonde locks blowing gently in the warm breeze were like a puzzle piece locking into place.
Trudy. My wife. Not my girlfriend. My fucking wife, and she stood in front of me waiting on some sort of recognition. I couldn’t give it to her. Even with the familiarity I’d felt while asleep, this woman failed to ignite any sensation in my chest, connecting me to her. I must have had a detached and vacant look on my face, because she furrowed her brow and clutched her shoulder bag strap.
“You don’t recognize me? What’s going on, Dec?”
Dec? Declan? I shuffled the name around in my head, hoping to come up with a lick of awareness, but it fired nothing but blanks. She may as well have called me Bob or Tom, because Dec didn’t register.
Now Trudy focused on Mac. For a moment, I’d forgotten she stood beside me. I looked between the two women, noting them size each other up.
“Who’s this? And what are you doing back in town? I thought you were still on assignment?” Trudy added, motioning beside me. Her voice started to rise.
It annoyed me that I should have to explain myself to a stranger, but t
he suspicious gleam in her eye had me offering a vague response before changing the subject.
“Uh, this is my friend, Mac. Assignment?” I needed to find out more now that the only woman who could piece together my past stood in front of me. What assignment? A military one?
Refocusing on me, she nodded. “Yeah. Assignment. You’ve been out of the country, remember? Why are you acting like this? You’re starting to scare me.”
Mac remained a silent statue beside me, which I mentally thanked her for. I couldn’t begin to imagine what ran through her head when mine throbbed with too much information.
Needing more than anything to speak with Trudy, I offered, “Can we go somewhere to talk? It’s complicated.”
Glaring at Mac again, she replied, “I bet.”
I heard Mac shuffle her feet nervously. Our day out to have fun and forget all about her apartment being broken into had crashed and burned, but knowing I needed to hear Trudy out had everything else take a backseat. I hoped Angel understood.
“Fine, let’s head back to Burns Park. We can talk there.”
“Lead the way.” She smiled hopefully.
I turned to Mac and nodded for her to come too. Disappointment cloaked her eyes, but she began walking with us. Finally, I’d get some answers.
Chapter Twenty
Mac
My chest collapsed in on itself. He had a wife. A life. One I wasn’t a part of from this moment forth. I knew it would happen, but I hadn’t planned on it being so soon.
Trudy had a pretty face. Gorgeous even. She’d been crestfallen to discover Harley hadn’t recognized her. She had my sympathy. Put in her situation, I’d be the same. They were a beautiful couple. Watching them walk together across the road had me all kinds of knotted up. I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I did. Harley, or Declan as Trudy knew him, epitomized the perfect male. Attentive. Intense. Warm. Funny. To think Trudy had already laid claim to him filled me with disappointment. I’d crossed professional boundaries and done something I swore I’d never do…become attached to a patient. For whatever reason, I’d grown personally invested in my John Doe, and now it would end in heartache. Silly. Silly me.
I should let them catch up. I should walk away. A part of me wanted to do that, but another part wanted to hear what she had to say. Plus, Harley looked at me as if he needed my support through this. I’d promised him I’d be there to help him, so I had to swallow the ache in my gut and do just that.
It seemed odd to think of him as Declan. Harley fitted him. Watching him walk with Trudy as I tagged along served to remind me that Harley had been created by me. An illusion. He wasn’t real. Made through unforeseen circumstances, and now the bubble had burst. I’d lost him before I ever had him. The notion of him returning to Trudy’s home and beginning a life with her caused all sorts of distress inside me.
I never should have agreed to take him home like a stray dog. I should have just let fate decide his future and stayed the hell away.
Watching his back muscles flex and relax, I turned my head to the side to avoid tormenting myself further. I’d felt those very muscles, hard and plump beneath my fingers. His hands in my hair, fine mouth devouring mine. God. Hands and a mouth that belonged to someone else.
Had I cheated with him? Technically I’d cheated on Nick, even if he had left in a fit of anger, causing irreparable damage to our relationship by never being emotionally available, but had Harley cheated on his wife when technically she didn’t exist in his world?
He would never be Declan to me. I didn’t know that person. I only knew Harley. They may be one and the same physically, but mentally they were separate people with separate lives.
Even if Trudy gave him the answers he needed, it still didn’t mean he would remember anything.
How could he return to a life he had no recollection of? A woman he didn’t know?
My day had gone to shit and it wasn’t over yet.
***
Finding a seat in the shade of a goliath oak tree provided us with a certain amount of privacy away from the circus.
I sat on the end of the bench with Harley in the middle and Trudy on the other side of him. Being the tag-a-long, I resolved to keep quiet and simply listen.
“So here’s the thing,” Harley began. “The last memory I have is of following a guy out of a club and getting shot in an alley. I woke up in University Hospital with amnesia and don’t even know my parents’ names. Up until you showed up only minutes ago, I existed as a John Doe, or as Mac called me, Harley. No identification of any kind, which of course means I don’t recall where I live, with whom, or what sort of car I drive.”
I caught the look of sheer horror on Trudy’s face and felt a little sorry for her. She hadn’t played a part in any of this, and now sat beside her husband, who thought of her as unfamiliar.
If it were me, I’d be devastated.
Dropping her hand from her open mouth, she muttered, “Shit. No wonder you looked at me like I had grown two heads. You truly don’t remember me?”
A tic in Harley’s jaw grabbed my attention, along with the muscles in his neck forming a rigid line. “Pretty much.” Turning to me, he looked lost as he faced her again and confessed, “I had a dream about you. Us. I dismissed it as a random snippet from a past girlfriend.” He took pause and then almost whispered, “It was you.”
Sensing the moment turning all sappy and emotional, I stood. As much as I wanted to be there for Harley, I could feel anxiety rise high in my chest. “Uh, I’m just gonna go grab a coffee and leave you both to it. I’ll be back in ten.”
As I turned to leave, Harley gripped my arm tightly, causing me to pivot around.
“Stay. Please?” His voice had a pleading lilt to it, like the one I had become used to in the hospital. “Stay” bled from his lips whenever I moved to leave him. His fingers bit into my skin and his face took on a panicked expression.
Chancing a look at Trudy, her big blue eyes had widened, her eyes flicking between Harley and his hand on my arm. She must be wondering where I fitted into it all. We hadn’t discussed much yet, and already I needed to distance myself.
The way his gorgeous brown eyes drilled into me and his fingers held firm, I knew the sincerity in his request, so I quietly put my carcass back down to wait out what I knew would be an epic talk.
“Tell me everything,” Harley ordered, turning back to face Trudy.
Crossing her legs, she let out a long sigh and proceeded. “Okay. Where to begin. Well, we met in high school and dated for a while. Nothing serious back then, and it fizzled out after graduation. We both went our separate ways. I went to college and studied business and you followed your dream of joining the military.”
Veins in Harley’s forearm protruded as he flexed his hand. Nodding in confirmation, he remained quiet as she continued.
“We met up again four years ago through a mutual friend. You were on leave and I had just started working as an event manager. After a couple of months of dating, you proposed and I said yes.”
My eyes expanded at that. He’d asked her to marry him after so little time. It all seemed so fast.
“I did? We did?” Harley seemed as stunned as me.
“Mmm hmm. Just like that.” She watched him to gauge his reaction, but I couldn’t see his face.
His body tensed. Every piece of bare skin tightened.
“So…are we still married?”
The million dollar question. One I didn’t want to hear the answer to.
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated how? We’re either still married or we aren’t.” His voice sounded like a drill sergeant now. All business and authority.
“We were separated, but had agreed to try and work things out.” She shifted uncomfortably, her gaze sliding away.
“What happened? Why did we separate? And how long were we married?”
I wanted to know too. The word “separate” spiked my interest threefold. They weren’t together, even if legally t
hey were still married. Maybe the situation wasn’t totally screwed up.
“We were married three years. We had a short engagement. It was hard, though…you were always away on missions. I barely saw you…” Her voice trailed off.
Harley breathed in and out heavily for a minute as if to process everything. I still had questions I wanted to ask, but I didn’t think it my place, so I kept quiet.
The silence proved a bit awkward until Harley spoke again. “My family. Where are they? Who are they?” His edge had sharpened. I could certainly imagine him barking orders to a team of soldiers in battle, swathed in weaponry.
“Your father passed away eight months ago. Your mom lives here in Ann Arbor. Not too far away.” Trudy’s nerves could be felt like a live entity. She obviously knew Harley far better than I. His reactions to things.
Gripping his neck, Harley gritted out, “Fuck! My father’s dead? How?”
I touched his arm lightly, needing to offer support. He had mountains of information to deal with, and he’d need me to help him get through it. Two bombs had been dropped in the space of half an hour. Learning of a dead father when you couldn’t remember what he looked like must be horrible. I squashed my selfishness and focused on providing comfort. Nurses were highly skilled in that area.
Without looking at me, he reached his hand over and placed it on my knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze, settling me only marginally.
“I’m sorry. He was a great man. And so proud of you.” I watched Trudy’s hand come up to his shoulder in her own gesture of consolation, knowing she had every right to as his wife.
Removing my hand, I looked out over the park, wishing I could be swallowed up into a black void. This day had strayed from its course in a huge way. Little did we know of the outcome when we’d pulled away from my apartment.
“His name was Sergeant Andrew Harding.”
Without missing a beat, Harley swung his head from his lap to Trudy. “He was in the military too?”
“Yeah. He’s the one who got you interested in it. He was retired, but still had his finger on the pulse.”
True Identity (The Lost and Found series Book 1) Page 12