Her mind ran like a squirrel on speed, unable to make sense of it. She tried to remember when she last bought tampons, and recalled putting a new box in her suitcase before she went off with Wolf because she had just started her period. That was in early April, and she hadn’t bought any since. That meant that the box in front of her was the same one she took on the road. Which meant it sat untouched in her bathroom in the apartment until it was packed up and brought to the new house where Andi unpacked it and stuck it under the sink. Where it sat gathering dust until this moment. Because she hadn’t needed it. Because that son of a bitch had knocked her up again.
“No,” she whispered in her new role as Cleopatra, Queen of Denial. “No, no, no.” How the hell had this happened? She was on fucking birth control pills for God’s sake! What did Derek have, super sperm?
Her bewildered thoughts came to a screeching halt. No, Derek had super sexy moves that kept her naked and in his hotel suite for two solid days without going back to her room to get her pills, that’s what he had. In hindsight, using his toothbrush was the least of her worries. Since that was near the end of April, that meant…
Counting on her fingers, Athena whispered the months under her breath. “May, June…July.” Three months. Three months gone already. Son of a bitch.
Using the wall as support, Athena pushed herself to her feet and stumbled to close the bathroom door. Returning to the mirror she turned sideways, and with shaking hands grasped the hem of her pink tank top and lifted it.
A slight but definite swell rounded her otherwise flat abdomen. Sweat broke out on her forehead, and she yanked the shirt down. Moving like an old woman, she made her way to the toilet and closed the lid before collapsing upon it. Her hands rose to cover her face, and she rocked back and forth in confusion.
How stupid could she have been, anyway? She knew she had to take those pills every single day. She knew that! Yes, she had been in a state of mindless bliss because of the blistering hot sex those two days, but that was no excuse. It was habit to take a pill every morning after she brushed her teeth, so why did she ignore it then?
Her hands dropped and she stared at the wall, mouth open. Did she mean for this to happen?
Did he?
She told him she had to get those pills. Hell, he even told her in no uncertain terms that she was going to need them because of what he intended to do to her. But then he kept her there fucking her brains out until two whole days had passed before he let her go to her room.
And now he was going on dates with other women? Son of a bitch!
Hearing Derek’s voice calling out from the den didn’t improve her temper, and she charged out to meet him, pulling her hair into a ponytail.
As she entered the den, he turned around looking perplexed. “Is that Elizabeth shrieking?” he asked.
Athena pointed toward the stairs. “You go upstairs and do something with your daughter. She’s been impossible since last night, and it’s all your fault!”
He couldn’t have looked more shocked if she’d slapped him. “What are you on about?”
“I hope you had a wonderful time on your fucking little date last night, because you sure left a shitstorm here at home.” She ignored his lowering brows and continued. “It was unfair and unnecessary, and it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t insisted Elizabeth and I live here under your thumb.”
“Oh, Jesus Christ. You’re not going to start in about the house again, are you?”
His disgusted tone pushed her anger higher, and she put the matter of the baby aside to set him straight on a few things first. “As a matter of fact I am. I resent being here with you under my feet every second, and spoiling my child to where I don’t even recognize her any more. And then you go gallivanting off with the first slut you see and leave me to deal with the fall out. I hate this, Derek! If it wasn’t for you, Elizabeth and I would be in our own home, one that I could afford to buy myself.”
“Is that what last weekend was then?” he gritted out with clenched jaw. “Payment for living here? If so, I regret to tell you that it wasn’t nearly enough.”
She felt punched in the chest by his cruel words, and couldn’t catch her breath. All she could do was stand there and gape at him in shock.
“We’ll discuss the living arrangements when I get back from Muscle Shoals.” He curled his lip and shook his head. “But until then I’ll be more than happy to get out from under your precious feet. When you get back from work this afternoon I’ll move back to the Holiday Inn until I leave for Alabama, and Elizabeth can come to me there.” His voice rose steadily throughout this speech until the last few words were almost shouted.
Athena cringed back as he brushed past her on his way to the stairs. Part of her mind registered that Elizabeth had stopped crying, and she was mortified to think her little girl heard her parents fighting. The rest of her mind was trying to make sense of what Derek said. When the full impact hit her, she bit back a scream of rage. He had accused her of having sex with him as some sort of payment for the house! Here she stood pregnant with another of his children, and he was casting vile accusations at her because they both got drunk and had sex. And he was going to leave, which meant she would once again be raising a baby of his alone.
If she saw him again now she’d punch him in the face, and that was definitely something Elizabeth didn’t need to see. Tears of anger and betrayal burning her eyes, she snatched up her purse from the counter and slammed out of the house.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Derek leaned against the acoustic tiles on the wall of the vocal booth with a pair of headphones hanging around his neck, and waited for the producer and engineer to get things set up. This would be the first time he’d sang lead vocals on a track since Wolf’s first album four and a half years ago, but it was something he had to do. He owed it to Athena.
He still cringed when he thought of the things he’d said to her that last morning at the house. Those cruel, hateful things that burst out of him with no forethought, things he didn’t mean. But said them he had, and he could still see the pain on her face.
He had been so frustrated and so confused. The night when he and Athena finally made love gave him more hope than he’d had since acting like an ass in L.A. There were a few times when he thought she might have forgiven him, and maybe even wanted him back as badly as he did her, but it was that night when she’d performed that striptease that he finally thought they could get back together.
But the next day she was so distant, watching him with wary eyes, and maintained that distance and a cold formality that crushed him. That’s why he went on that disastrous dinner date; he wanted to show her he wouldn’t push himself on her and would give her the space she needed. The date, though, was the worst idea he ever had. All he wanted was to be back home with Athena and Elizabeth, eating chili dogs in the kitchen and reading the next chapter of Little House in the Big Woods to his daughter at bedtime. Instead, he found himself fending off the advances of a woman he found repellant and having to endure a horrible goodnight kiss before he could escape.
Everything boiled over the morning Athena threw it in his face that he was the one who made his daughter cry, and he snapped, taking it out on the woman he loved. Moving back into the Holiday Inn was awful, but it was nothing compared to the way Athena wouldn’t even look at him the next three mornings when she dropped Elizabeth off at his room. Trying to apologize was out of the question; it was crystal clear she didn’t want him to speak to her, so he’d bitten his tongue.
But those three nights after Andi picked up Elizabeth gave him the time to write it all out. He’d written the song for Athena, and even if she never acknowledged it, it was the least he could do.
He had recorded a perfunctory rendition of the lyrics when they laid down most of the music. They needed something so they could get the background vocals on tape. He would wait until they went to Ardent Studios in Memphis to record the lead guitar track, but he wanted to go ahead and record the
final vocals as soon as he could.
“Derek? Derek!”
With a start, he finally noticed the tinny voice coming from the headphones. He pulled them up over his ears and spoke into the mike.
“Yeah.”
“Thought you fell asleep in there. You ready?”
“Let’s do this.”
“Okay, give us a quick level check.”
After a brief pause, the music came through the headphones, and at the proper place he began to sing. A few lines in, the music shut off and he stepped back from the mike. Moments later the voice of the engineer came through the ‘phones again.
“All right, Derek. We’re rolling.”
He drew in a soundless breath, stepped back to the mike and thought of Athena. The intro to the song poured into his ears and he closed his eyes, picturing her face, her hair, her smile.
“Well, I wasn’t lying when I told you
No one else could ever take your place.
I’ve learned to love with some detachment,
But everywhere I look, I see your face.
You secreted away bits of my heart
And left a few holes gaping here, my friend.
But I often wonder now I’m older
Who I’d be without you way back then.”
The drums pounded in his ears, and he launched into the chorus.
“I haven’t learned to live without you
But my smile has learned never to betray.
Not a day goes by that you don’t cross my mind.
It’s been so long, we’ve both moved on,
But I can’t seem to forget you today.
And I can’t help but find that I’ve lost this time.
The music picked up again, and he heard in his mind the way he’d play the lead guitar line. It was going to come together just the way he’d imagined. If only she could hear it. He lifted his head and sang the second verse.
“Well, I’ve already gone through grieving
But something keeps you here inside my head.
I’ve fought the ghosts you left behind
But they still haunt me every now and then.
I think about the way you spoke,
The way the sunlight danced across your eyes.
I wonder if you think of me, too;
Do you regret the way you said goodbye?”
Derek sang the chorus again, waited through what would eventually be the guitar solo, and finished with one last rendition of the chorus. He poured his whole heart and soul into the vocals. It was all he knew to do.
*****
The Friday after Derek left was one of those days that let Memphians know that summer wouldn’t last forever, and gave them hope to get through the worst of the heat that was yet to come. Though it was still July, the humidity was almost non-existent, and the predicted high was in the low eighties.
The door to the record shop stood chocked open, letting the pleasant breeze in. Athena, Hal and Tammy sat behind the counter during a midday lull, eating their lunch. Business had been brisk during the morning as the beautiful day brought the people out, and they expected another rush in the afternoon.
Athena ate with the ferocity of a starving jackal. Morning sickness had finally reared its ugly head, like it was waiting for her to be aware of the pregnancy before making an appearance, and she was starving each day by lunchtime. She had gone to the doctor so she would have confirmation when she broke the news to Derek, and had been told that morning sickness during the second trimester wasn’t unusual. Well, God forbid she miss out on all the fun.
And speaking of fun, it was sure to be a riot when Derek returned to Memphis the following week to begin post-production at Ardent Studios. Remembering his reaction when he found out about Elizabeth, Athena could only imagine the explosion when he found out Elizabeth would be welcoming a new brother or sister in January. Unless it was more than one. With her family history and her luck, she wouldn’t be surprised if she was carrying quadruplets.
Andi and the kids were all at the Chickasaw Gardens house while the carpets at Andi’s were being cleaned, and after Athena got off work they were going to grill burgers out by the pool. Her sister still hadn’t guessed, and Athena planned to keep it under wraps until Derek was told. After all, he was the last one to know about his daughter. She was going to make damn sure he was the first to know about the new baby.
“Geez, Athena,” Hal remarked. “Don’t eat the wax paper.”
“Ha, ha,” she retorted around a mouthful of ham sandwich. “It was a busy morning, and I missed breakfast.”
Tammy spoke up from her other side. “Elizabeth still not happy her daddy’s gone?”
Athena shook her head and swallowed. “That’s putting it mildly. Every morning’s a battle to get her dressed and to Andi’s for the day. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear someone kidnapped my kid and exchanged her for a look-a-like demon. I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.”
“It’ll get better when he gets back.” Tammy patted her shoulder in sympathy. After her initial fan-worship of Derek had abated, Tammy stopped asking to meet him every five minutes, and had settled down into a surprisingly good employee.
“Maybe,” Athena sighed. “He’s taking her to England in a couple of weeks, so that should make her happy. The real test will be when he goes on tour. He’ll be gone for months.” While she sat at home alone blowing up like a balloon.
Resisting the urge to lick the wax paper her sandwich had been wrapped in to get every last bit of mayonnaise, she bent to grab the phone from under the counter when it rang.
“Stax of Wax.”
“Theenie?”
If Andi hadn’t used her nickname, Athena wasn’t sure she would have recognized her sister’s voice as full of tears and panic as it was.
“Andi? What’s wrong?”
“Theenie, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how it happened. Oh, God, I’m so sorry!”
Fear sent sheets of ice cascading down her back, and she gripped the phone so hard her fingers turned white.
“Andi. Tell me what happened.”
A sob came down the line before Andi answered. “Elizabeth’s gone.”
“What?” Athena whispered.
“We were in the backyard and the kids were playing. I went in to get some Kool-Aid, and Carrie came running in and said Elizabeth went out the gate to the front.” Andi’s breath got faster, and the tears in her voice grew thicker. “I ran out the front door, but she wasn’t there. I looked everywhere and I can’t find her.”
Athena was on her feet with no memory of having gotten there. Her throat closed up, and she had to force her words through a small opening. “Call the police.”
“I did. They said they can’t do anything until she’s been missing twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours! Are they kidding? Theenie, I don’t know what to do.”
The next thing Athena knew, she was in the passenger seat of her car as Tammy drove down Poplar at dangerous speeds, darting in and out of lanes. The girl’s face was set and tight, and she gripped the steering wheel like a drowning woman.
Athena guessed she must have told Hal what happened, and he in turn told Tammy to drive her home. She had no memory of any of it, though. All she could think about was her sweet, precious baby. She could hear herself sobbing, but her eyes were dry. She had to get home and find her little girl.
Tammy took risks that made Memphis driving history, and before Athena knew it they were turning onto Cherokee. The sight of a number of unknown cars parked out front brought her panic surging to the surface, and she was out of the car before it came to a complete halt.
Breath tore through her chest in painful stabs as she ran through the yard and across the porch, and she was only peripherally aware of Tammy running behind her. The front door stood open, and she dashed into the house toward the sound of voices in the kitchen.
Andi saw her first and hurtled toward her, tears streaming down her face. “Oh, my God, Theenie!”
>
Athena automatically patted her sister’s back as her gaze scanned the crowded room. A large number of her parents’ college students were present, and several of her neighbors. Even her mother was present, her no-nonsense gray pantsuit a solemn note amid all the bright summer clothing as she stood in the corner murmuring into the phone.
Yes, the house was full of people. But no Elizabeth. Athena’s eyes kept searching for her wriggling, energetic form, the bright yellow T-shirt with the pink smiley face she dressed her in that morning, the long dark braid and the bright blue eyes. Her ears strained to hear her little girl’s giggles, her sing-song voice asking for a snack, a plea to watch television, anything.
This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be happening. She could not be standing in her kitchen surrounded by people and noise and still have it feel echoing and empty. Without Elizabeth, the familiar room was as cold and stark as an alien landscape.
She ignored the voices aimed at her, asking questions, offering advice and spouting reassurances, and turned in a circle trying to see past them to where Elizabeth had to be standing. Her lips trembled as the reality of the situation washed over her, and her panicked gaze darted around the room in an ever-increasing need to find what she sought.
“Where’s Elizabeth?” she burst out in a near-scream.
The familiar, comforting scent of Jergen’s lotion combined with Estee Lauder Youth Dew perfume enveloped her as soft, strong hands closed over hers.
“Athena, listen to me.”
Trained from childhood to obey that voice, she stilled and looked into her mother’s grey eyes. A sense of calm fell over her at the touch of the hands that had always made things better when she was growing up. Mom would take of things; she always did, even if she was a bitch when she did it.
“Are you with me now? Good.” A flash of irritation blazed in Katherine Hill’s eyes, and she turned her head to speak sharply to a neighbor looming over her right shoulder. “Leave her alone for a minute,” she snapped in the voice that brought thousands of college students to heel over the past twenty years. “You’re confusing her.” She turned back to her daughter, her voice gentled. “We’re doing everything we can to find her. Now, we need to know if she has any little friends in the neighborhood, someone’s house she might have gone to.”
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